Oct. 17, 2021, 2:26 a.m.(5/24/1016 AR)
I find my dreams plagued of late and so I pray more, I pray with fervor because that is where I find my solace. Under the watchful gaze of the Gods, after I have exhausted myself with prayer, do I find what little uninterrupted rest I may claim. And I am grateful for it.
Oct. 17, 2021, 2:04 a.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
I love the unexpected. I love the little details that re-write a story.
Tonight as I plunged feet first into the Bay of Thrax, I realized another year for me has past!
And what a year it's been. (smudge)
I danced. I laughed. I cried. I raged. I ran. I climbed. I fought. I fell. I was me.
I learnt that there's always someone. Someone to smile on a sad day. A ray of sun in a storm. That calm. That thing worth fighting for.
But sometimes the storms are the best part. Wind in my hair. That's art.
It's not all sunshine and roses. It's the hard times that draw those beautiful lines across our faces. It's the hurt that forces us to grow. To walk through the fire and see who we are. To live is truth.
So, another year coming. No sense in asking for anything more or less than what I deserve.
Oct. 17, 2021, 1:03 a.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
Raven's caw severs anchoring stone,
Eyes weep sanguine rivulet.
Gray flesh turns ivory to atone,
Her verse seals it in tourniquet.
Oct. 16, 2021, 10:34 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
The rain. I've had a great many experiences in the rain. Some good, some bad. But the one thing that remains is the feeling. Is it wet? Sure. But the feeling of starting over, the newness it brings? It feels amazing on the skin. And the smell? The smell is something that reminds you too that the earth too is fresh. I don't know, I've always enjoyed the rain. Such an enjoyable feeling.
Oct. 16, 2021, 10:14 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
I'm feeling a family dinner soon. I hope Aella is lis--I mean reading this!
Oct. 16, 2021, 10:03 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
I've been doing a lot of camping and things, now that I've been feeling better. I've missed the feeling of the sun on my face. Who am I kidding, I miss a lot of things!
Oct. 16, 2021, 9:48 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
Another birthday of ours came and went. And I know you were likely drinking at the tavern or whatever. But I just want to tell you I love you and I miss you! And happy birthday! Because you know, you'll have to come to the city someday!
Oct. 16, 2021, 8:33 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
Wedding invitations are always a good reason to shake out a dress. When there's drink and cake to be had after? Oof, don't have to tell me twice. And it's a cake I made too, well received, I'm happy to note. Even with business stealing my husband away, it was a very, very good day.
Oct. 16, 2021, 8:25 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
I spent time today in the Great Cathedral looking up at those thirteen windows made of Saikland Greens Glass and thinking of all my friends who are now in the care of the Queen of Endings. So many have died that took a goodly bit of time, but they deserve remembering and being honored in that memory.
Oct. 16, 2021, 7:32 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
It's a shame that I couldn't make it to the wedding. I... hope no one asks. If they do, how I explain artfully that I missed it because I was up too late doing work?
Oct. 16, 2021, 7:23 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
An oath is your word, your promise given to another and overseen by the Gods. A vow is given to the Gods, sworn by you to them. Both though are solemn, they should never be given without thought - but sometimes that comes easily. Sometimes an oath comes naturally, sometimes a vow comes in such a way too. But none the less, still a bond that ties you. Vows can only ever be released by the Faith, as the voice of the Gods here on Arvum, and often do not come easily. To give trivial vows, ones that are impossible to keep or prove, shows disrespect to the Gods and risks you - without meaning - to find yourself breaking your word, especially if the vow binds you tightly, given over a small matter. There is no nuance in a vow, no chance to argue necessity. It is kept or broken.
It is why I have long pondered the responsibility of breaking solemn oaths given to one who turns out to be evil. Where your upholding the oath of loyalty forces betrayal of the Gods. And how one is placed in the position of breaking your oath to strike down your master, and hoping in turn you do not survive the event so that you need not face your own dishonour, no matter how necessary.
Oct. 16, 2021, 7:18 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
Relationship Note on
I had the opportunity to see the most delightful statue during a chat with Princess Lou. It is a reminder, as she said, that there are good things in this world. Good things worth fighting for, and to remember when the grief and darkness might otherwise overwhelm us. My walk back to the villa was filled with wonder and hope, for which I'm immeasurably grateful.
Oct. 16, 2021, 7 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
When I die let what’s left of me be given to children and old men that wait to die.
Give them my arms so they may bear them against those who oppress them. Give them my knowledge so they may pursue their ends without fail or faltering. And give them my heart so they may know no fear.
When I die let no one mourn my passing.
For those who are sad cry for your brother walking next to you. For those who need me let them find comfort in those around them. And for those who love me know that I love you as well and it is because of that love that I must leave.
The truest warrior accepts her fate; the wisest general knows her duty.
For I have found you. I know your name; I know where you are; and I know what I must do. You know what you have done, but you will come to know more. You will know fear; you will know pain; and when you beg for what is coming to end you will know torment. May you make your peace with your enemies, your farewells to your loved ones, and your amends for your trespasses.
I am coming for you.
Oct. 16, 2021, 4:02 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
One year. It's been since I found myself in a new House, a new fealty. It's been a very welcome change for me. I've learned what I can, what I can accomplish. I've learned what it's like to be needed. Not--needed in the sense that your bleeding out and need to be stitched back together. No. I mean to be needed with your well being. To be taken care of. To be responsible of people. It sounds like the same, but I assure you, it is not. Because I thought the same. I'm anxious to see what the other years bring me.
Oct. 16, 2021, 3:20 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
The moment where you can just take a large breath. Because spring....Spring. It feels so good on the skin. I had an enjoyable time at the Springtime Faire as well. Duchess Isabeau and Lady Tesha did a great time....
PS. My husband did take first at something. First once. Our house is livable again. Congratulations to Prince Patrizio!
Oct. 16, 2021, 2:57 p.m.(5/23/1016 AR)
Such a wonderful day yesterday! Although I admit I am only just recovering. The Spring Faire was well-attended, and Softest Cesare was kind enough to save me from myself when I set to worrying too much about Duchess Telmar. Of the dancing afterward I shall say that I lost track of the time and was late reading my daughter her bedtime story, and I'm still finding sand in odd places.
Oct. 16, 2021, 6 a.m.(5/22/1016 AR)
Recently the excuse I had been looking for came about and I had the joy of an excuse that would allow me to return to the island where I was born or raised.
That joy was tempered by the nature of the request. It was difficult to see the old town devastated by that landslide but I saw enough to know that my brother, The Baron Engolo, has the situation well under control. I will help if he wants it of course, but I dont think he will.
The reason I had been looking to return was that I have wished, for some time now, to speak to Arrigo and make some sort of peace. It is hard to forget that he turned me out but nobody can cling to old hurts like that forever without it damaging them greatly. It was time to move on and hopefully, now that a sort of peace has been made, we can both do that.
As the Malespero motto goes: From Tragedy; Strength.
Oct. 15, 2021, 10:10 a.m.(5/20/1016 AR)
While being sort of convalecent - when did I start using that word so much?! - I have delved further into the adventure of discovery of old lore, myth and legend. To believe I used to think reading was a waste of time, even boring! Now I make excited noises finding new parts of history - well, new to me, that is. I spend half the night with my nose buried in books, I forget to eat sometimes. I do not even really go to social events - I find that it is hard to maintain social graces with my condition. I might smash some furniture again, and that would be so very awkward - I hate to ruin the mood when I normally spread cheer. But! Fear not, I shall soon be fine again and no doubt back on the social scene. Mean while, small gatherings with good friends is very fullfilling, even more so if we talk history.
Oct. 14, 2021, 9:14 p.m.(5/19/1016 AR)
The other day was just ridiculous. On my way to meet up with Phani, (Theophania) for lunch I ran into Lord Titus. We exchanged some words and still felt the effects from our last battle. Lady Thea and Lady Kiera came and helped us feel much better. Once we had gone to the market in Central. It was soooo busy! Another prodigal Lord Mattheu, joined us with his friendly jingling approach. Titus made a hilarious joke about fasting in response to him saying something about him being hungry. Titus took his leave and then talked a little while with Lady Kiera and Lord Mattheu. I found out she breeds Masstifs and shall be getting one when I mentioned how I had been wanting a dog of my own. So exited. After they departed and hours had passed, I took Phani to traders tavern and paid for our meal. I grew much closer to her and I look forward to our friendship. Was a good day after a really bad fight, man that was really brutal. I must not fight carelessly next time.Eswynd blood gets pumping and we don't know how to stop.
Oct. 14, 2021, 11:03 a.m.(5/18/1016 AR)
Had a quiet few weeks, but taken the time to train and craft, and even went to some social events. I now feel fully at home in Telmar tower, enjoying my own room there. I train with the Telmar Guards daily when in the city, and I take trips for a few days out in the forest near Arx whenever I can.