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Written By Joscelin

Nov. 12, 2017, 2:32 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Alaric

Nothing makes a woman panic like a meeting with the King.

Written By Mae

Nov. 12, 2017, 1:51 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Aislin

Could anyone recommend a good vase that shatters easily against a husband's head without causing serious damage? I love my Magpie with all my heart. But sometimes I would like to throw things at him...

Not lately. He's been a very good Magpie.

Written By Aislin

Nov. 12, 2017, 1:37 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

There seems to be a lot of vase-throwing threats going around in white journals right now. I cannot help but wonder how long this particular tradition has been around; I've found records from five hundred years past of Queen Alarice trying to find the perfect vase to throw at her husband's head, and I suspect vases were used as weapons in marital warfare even earlier. Does this go all the way back to the Reckoning? Could make an interesting Scholarly study for someone.

Either way, it's nice to see that ancient historical traditions are still kept alive.

Written By Talen

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:57 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Eleyna

Do you want me to go to to Lenosia? I could stay there away from your side.

Written By Kael

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:43 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

It has been far too long since I have come to my white journal (or black journal for that matter) and found my pen. A great deal has occurred and a great deal is worth mentioning. First and foremost amongst them however is the birth of my son, Lord Aeryn Squall Keaton, the heir to Oakhaven. The child came out as I teased he might, with a loud set of lungs. Thus, of course, Squall the Squaller. Was he purple? I remember glancing as he was lifting, but most of my attention was on my wife. She gave me... to say that it was a fright, that is an understatement. I have never felt as this before in my life and I hope never to feel like this again. All is well, however, and Reigna assures me she is healing swiftly. She certainly appears to be in fine spirits. As to the matter of Aeryn, however, those lungs of his have not diminished in capacity at all. In fact, he may have gotten louder with time. When the boy is hungry (and that is constantly), he makes it known. At all hours, of course. However, his lungs seem to be particularly strong at night. Frequently, at night. Yet I find I would not change him for all of the world.

Written By Khanne

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:37 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

It is not often that I receive a simple note that stops me in the tracks of my day and erases every smile that I had from the time of waking until that point.

And now, I wish that it were less often.

Written By Mia

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:29 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

It seems I've once again managed to get myself into a situation that I'm in no way prepared for by asking too many questions that have no easy answers.

My fellow citizens of the Compact, be forewarned: Any time you ask that sort of thing, there's a high probability that the reply you receive will be "We've no idea, but now that you've mentioned it, we'll send you to find it."

Written By Eleyna

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:23 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Talen

Why do you do this?

Written By Marian

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:23 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Talen

Since when have you been looking at Princess Alarissa's and my stockings?

Written By Talen

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:22 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Marian

She looks better in stockings. Wait, no. That'll be another vase. Fuck.

Written By Marian

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:21 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Eleyna

Why is Prince Talen inviting Princess Consort Alarissa to dinner and not me. I am deeply hurt. Throw a vase at him for me.

Written By Marian

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:19 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Katarina

She sails in beauty and gives grace to all that meet her in their path. I love you sister of my heart. I do hope the wind is at your back when we sail. Till then, love your dear husband and dance at as many parties as you can.

Written By Talen

Nov. 12, 2017, 12:18 p.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Alarissa

It's just constant disappointment with you, isn't it?

None greater than Grayson gone too far.

Just come for dinner, I promise you our wine is better.

Written By Marian

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:57 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Reigna

You do not have to give birth to a child to be their parent. They don't need to share your blood to be family. I think nature is by far the smallest part in the equation that makes a parent. It is the nurture. The love one gives. The moments in their lives where you are there to see they take their first steps, hold their first sword and dance at their wedding. None of these moments are given less weigh simply because you don't share the same blood. So, if you wish to be a guardian, not a mother, there is nothing wrong with that. But don't allow a simple day, the day she was born, take away from anything. Raise her, love her and if you want her to share your name, adopt her within your family. Then no one will stand and say that she is not your daughter.

Written By Marian

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:46 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

I think people pray for many reasons. Every single one of us has a unique relationship to the Gods. Mine started when I bended knee to the Compact and found myself a stranger in a strange land, lost amongst the customs of those who found my manners, my dress, my speech to be lacking. I struggled to fit in. I found myself at a loss most days. So I talked. In those days, I wouldn't call exactly what I did was prayer. I talked to the Gods because they were there to listen. I didn't need any validation or great miracle to find faith. I just needed a friend.

Of course, my life has changed greatly since those early days and my circle has grown greatly. I have forged deep bonds that still carry me in my darker days. Regardless of those ties, I still find comfort sometimes in the quiet support of a chapel and the open ear of a priest who can listen. Sometimes one just needs an outlet to go to. So, my advise is don't look for answers, look for understanding. And listen. I fear that many of us do more talking than listening these days. We need to be better about that.

Written By Reigna

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:45 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Edain

I wanted to express how grateful I am to be within this man's fealty. His Grace, Prince Edain regularly inspires me. He is kind hearted and tireless in his service to his people. He has several times reached out to me to make sure that I am well and happy and untroubled, though I am a Countess and he a Prince and High Lord. He is not alone in that -- I count among my dearest friends a Duke, several Princesses and a Prince or three and I think... how is it that a child of an impoverished Lord and Lady from the backwaters of Wyrmguard has found herself in this position? It is because Prince Edain fosters a spirit of family within the fealty. His grace and kindness, his inclusiveness is something that begins at the top and shines down to others. I am so grateful to call him liege and I feel blessed to know him and his family.

Written By Reigna

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:39 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Bianca

Cousin, your pen brought a knot to my throat and mist to my eyes. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that story. It is so clear why you were chosen as Archscholar as you exemplify the wisdom of Vellichor. Knowledge shared, especially the hard truths that are carved into us by pain... it is a blessed thing to share. And I for one am grateful to have read it.

Written By Reigna

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:33 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

I have to say I genuinely prefer this whole having the baby in the world rather than within me. Not to say there was no magic in the carrying, but I am having many moments that remind me just how difficult those last few months were. The body and mind are remarkable in so many ways, not the least of which is in how quickly the not-normal can become normal. For instance, in the last month of carrying Squall those familiar with me might recall that my belly was rather large. I have caught myself attempting to hug someone as if it still were, with a pivot and lean in. And then I realize how silly I look. Or the distance from which I stand when filling my plate from the buffet. For all of the oddities and the habits I must relearn... everything, everything is worth it. Our little Lord of Storms is, to this mother's eyes, perfect from head to toe.

It is... *the word difficult has been crossed out and replaced with* challenging, some times. There are three infants in my house right now. Squall, of course, at less than two weeks, Kata who Eliza -- our nurse -- and I estimate to be eight months old and Eliza's son, Orrin who is eleven months old. It is, in a way, like looking into Squall's future. Seeing the milestones ahead. But the challenge is in managing my heart. How do I watch these precious children, Kata, especially, and not form a familial bond with them? When we found Kata she was so thin and ill I worried we might lose her. Before Princess Alis sent her nurse over until we could find Eliza I had to feed Kata myself. And there was a connection born in that act that I cannot shake. Kael and I have discussed things and while, logically I know his vision is right, that it is in no way appropriate for me to cling to a mother's role in Kata's life -- in truth the thought of her calling me mother is unsettling in a way. I feel it dishonors her actual mother who died -- I cannot help but have these occasional flickers of that sentiment. How can I not? She is a charming, sweet soul and I am responsible for her.

I think often of the difficulties that she faces. To be raised in a home and to be family, but not. To have these invisible divisions that keep her other. I fear deeply that I will harm her somehow. Will she resent us for the fact that when she is older she will not be ennobled? That she will be in all senses, a sister to Squall and yet he will be Lord and she not Lady? I struggle with this often, and I do not know what is best. Would it be kinder to send her to Oakhaven to grow away from Arx? But if I do that, how can I be certain she grows knowing that she is loved? A stupid question logically. There are ways, but the heart, I find is not often a logical organ.

If any eyes reading this has the desire to offer their opinion I shall ask my fellow scholars to point me to their whites.

Written By Alarissa

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:30 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Talen

I am disappointed. I have yet to be poisoned by you, in a fun way.

Written By Bianca

Nov. 12, 2017, 11:18 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Damon

7/25/1007 AR:

I am not often an affectionate woman nor easily turned to an emotional state. Even in my younger days I was this way (to which Mother Mercy Sophie can ruefully attest and I continue to be grateful for her grace and patience), but it wasn't until the passed few years that I found myself adverse to actual physical contact. I have attempted to dissect this alteration in my being and have come to the realization that there was an exact date in which my natural inclination toward the reserved became all the more severe.

9/10/1005 AR, the day of the memorial service for Lord Damon Wyrmguard.

I have not spoken of Damon since that day beyond "thank you" in regards to the numerous condolences granted. It was not as if I wasn't given the opportunity. In specific, I wish to thank Lady Khanne Halfshav, Marquessa Lianne Pravus, Princess Valencia Redrain and of course Princess Sophie Valardin for actively offering an open heart and attentive ear (to which I foolishly rejected at the time). Now, in the hopes of adhereing to my own request to the Compact for documentation, I think it might be time I finally come to terms with his loss.

My parents passed when I was very young and being an only child it was lonely and difficult growing up. That is not to say that Marquis Denis didn't do what he could to ensure I was provided for and felt embraced by my family, but even though Dominique, Damon and Desiree often invited me to come play with them I never quite felt like I belonged. To be honest, I was not an active child in general and I am prone to sunburns so it should be no great surprise I was drawn to books rather than wooden swords.

I would sit beneath the apple tree in the inner courtyard at the Blancbier estate every day and read. That was my form of play time. I remember the first day Damon began joining me.

Uncle Danton had come to visit. If I remember right, it was so that Beaumont could meet some of the more prominent Knights of Blancbier. In any case, Isabeau and Sophie had come along and all of the cousins were running about the halls playing. I remember them running by me through the courtyard a few times in a rumbling cacophony of giggles and stomps. Sophie, no older than four at the time, of course implored me to come play... but even then I rejected my sweetest cousin's invitation.

It was after a few more passes back and forth that to my angsty surprise Damon broke free from the pack and came to confront me. I remember it clear as day.

"Why won't you come play?" He asked, pointing his makeshift stick/sword at me with all the accusation and demand a six year old could muster.

"I want to read." I replied frankly.

"What are you reading?" His tone was agitated, sword tip falling to touch the cobbled ground to be dragged as he moved to sit beside me.

And that is how our friendship began. Every day, Damon would sit with me beneath that tree and read a new story no matter how off-putting I was and eventually my resistance ended and in my acceptance of his diligent company I finally felt a connection to someone. I felt as if I had a brother. Granted, Damon sometimes brought out the worst in me. He was mischevious and sly... and fearless. I can't count the amount of times we were reprimanded for some silly or stupidly dangerous thing we did. He always knew how to convince me. Even when I argued against whatever clever prank he had planned his reply was always the same: "... but won't it make a wonderful story?"

It always did.

I could go on for pages and pages about my surrogate brother/cousin. I love him and I will always love him.

With that, the most prominant emotion I felt the day of his memorial service and long after it was anger. It overwhelmed me. How could he leave me alone? How /dare/ he?

It was the anger that prevented me from speaking to others. I was ashamed of it and that day the part of me that was Damon went into hiding. I had to be strong for my family and for the ventures that Damon had supported. I had to get to work. In locking away that piece of myself I lost the will for social interaction and replaced it with a duty to a greater cause. I do not regret that decision, but I do regret not understanding that the part of me that was born from my friendship with him didn't need to vanish. It was easier that way, yes... but it's not what he would have wanted.

I am still angry about his loss, but moreso my helplessness to prevent it. Looking back I think that was truly what caused my rage, but I was blinded by my pain and indignance to see it. In time that will fade even if the pain of it never truly will.

Today, I choose to release myself from the chains of his loss. I release Damon and his memory... but I know any time a risk arises and I need to choose how to move forward I will hear that white haired little boy ask, "... but won't it make a wonderful story?"

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