Written By Esme
Nov. 12, 2020, 10:06 a.m.(5/15/1014 AR)
My dearest readers,
There are so many words that could be used and for a moment; I had none. My heart breaks as do many others over the deaths that have happened and the destruction that is left in it's wake. I can feel the city mourning for all of this and it pains me to know this feeling it out there. I also can feel the deep breath of the city growing in rage. The shift is upon the air as each speaks and moves and plots.
I caution you, dearest ones, be careful in feeding your dark concepts. Be careful in being rage-minded. We will be victorious. We have the Gods on our side and who can stand against us in that, but caution. For as our honor and duty bleed strength to Limerance, Then does our rage and hatred bleed strength into other things. Move as you should. Mourn as you should. I ask that you clear your head before you touch your blade.
You are loved. You are love. You are peace in a world that that so needs the light to shine upon it right now. Your light reflects outwards, but also allow it to reflect inwards. Allow yourself to bask in the calm of Limerance. I know we will win this war. I know your rage and anger is justified. I know your sorrow is devastating. The Gods feel your heart. They know as well. They weep with us as the rain fell.
We will rebuild the structures lost. We will rejoice the lives that were lost for the lives they lived. We will show that our unity cannot be broken and that our oaths and our bonds of honor still stand. My heart goes out to all of you. My peace is offered to each of you. Do not take these as words of a pacifist. For we will fight. We will rise up.
It is not weak to feel. Just do not let that feel become your weakness that may allow Darkness to settle in.
There are so many words that could be used and for a moment; I had none. My heart breaks as do many others over the deaths that have happened and the destruction that is left in it's wake. I can feel the city mourning for all of this and it pains me to know this feeling it out there. I also can feel the deep breath of the city growing in rage. The shift is upon the air as each speaks and moves and plots.
I caution you, dearest ones, be careful in feeding your dark concepts. Be careful in being rage-minded. We will be victorious. We have the Gods on our side and who can stand against us in that, but caution. For as our honor and duty bleed strength to Limerance, Then does our rage and hatred bleed strength into other things. Move as you should. Mourn as you should. I ask that you clear your head before you touch your blade.
You are loved. You are love. You are peace in a world that that so needs the light to shine upon it right now. Your light reflects outwards, but also allow it to reflect inwards. Allow yourself to bask in the calm of Limerance. I know we will win this war. I know your rage and anger is justified. I know your sorrow is devastating. The Gods feel your heart. They know as well. They weep with us as the rain fell.
We will rebuild the structures lost. We will rejoice the lives that were lost for the lives they lived. We will show that our unity cannot be broken and that our oaths and our bonds of honor still stand. My heart goes out to all of you. My peace is offered to each of you. Do not take these as words of a pacifist. For we will fight. We will rise up.
It is not weak to feel. Just do not let that feel become your weakness that may allow Darkness to settle in.
Written By Esme
Nov. 12, 2020, 9:31 a.m.(5/15/1014 AR)
I have cancelled the event of Swords of Valor for Devotional praise and understanding of oaths and strength.
We have just witnessed all the swords of valor and I would think it not right to do so in the aftermath.
We have just witnessed all the swords of valor and I would think it not right to do so in the aftermath.
Written By Esme
Nov. 4, 2020, 12:54 a.m.(4/27/1014 AR)
I went to the Saik Dinner.
I have learned two things:
1. I cannot dance (unless it's with Talwyn)
2. I land on my feet when thrown in the air.
I have learned two things:
1. I cannot dance (unless it's with Talwyn)
2. I land on my feet when thrown in the air.
Written By Esme
Nov. 3, 2020, 6:04 p.m.(4/26/1014 AR)
Dearest Reader,
We walk a path of uncertainty. It is around us now. We see the banners fly and we hear the call of war on the horizon. There is bound to be fear and that is right of us. For the mortal heart knows the sins of man and fears that lie there. Mortal minds relive our lives and play them out in all outcomes that we cannot know. It is an uncertain path when the control is not our own.
But beautiful children of the faith, I bring a reminder of hope. For the control is ours. We may never dictate what another does, but we command how we respond. If one has hurt you, forgive them. Why you might say, for they are not worthy? But are we worthy of the love and attention of Gods? Have we become so vain that we have lost our humility? Is that something of duty or honor? I ask in these times that we reach out and forgive. When you hold your grudge, you allow the grudge-doer to hold a piece of your heart. They may not even know how they have harmed you or slighted you. They may know and not care. That, my darling, is not yours to control. You cannot control a mortal heart. We cannot command it to beat or to break. You can command your own. Release your feelings of regret, release your feelings of anger, of unworthiness - these will not serve you; but will blind you to what on the path of what must be.
I ask that no matter how the tides turn, we meet them with open hearts and clear minds. Do not allow our angers and aggressions, our hurts and trangressions, or our regrets and misinterpretations live with us after the suns have set. Take these not with you, for they are seeds of unrest. They are power to that which should not have power.
We walk a path of uncertainty. It is around us now. We see the banners fly and we hear the call of war on the horizon. There is bound to be fear and that is right of us. For the mortal heart knows the sins of man and fears that lie there. Mortal minds relive our lives and play them out in all outcomes that we cannot know. It is an uncertain path when the control is not our own.
But beautiful children of the faith, I bring a reminder of hope. For the control is ours. We may never dictate what another does, but we command how we respond. If one has hurt you, forgive them. Why you might say, for they are not worthy? But are we worthy of the love and attention of Gods? Have we become so vain that we have lost our humility? Is that something of duty or honor? I ask in these times that we reach out and forgive. When you hold your grudge, you allow the grudge-doer to hold a piece of your heart. They may not even know how they have harmed you or slighted you. They may know and not care. That, my darling, is not yours to control. You cannot control a mortal heart. We cannot command it to beat or to break. You can command your own. Release your feelings of regret, release your feelings of anger, of unworthiness - these will not serve you; but will blind you to what on the path of what must be.
I ask that no matter how the tides turn, we meet them with open hearts and clear minds. Do not allow our angers and aggressions, our hurts and trangressions, or our regrets and misinterpretations live with us after the suns have set. Take these not with you, for they are seeds of unrest. They are power to that which should not have power.
Written By Esme
Nov. 1, 2020, 1:53 a.m.(4/21/1014 AR)
I have always loved the Mirror Ball of the season. I am excited I got to attend.
Written By Esme
Oct. 27, 2020, 12:23 p.m.(4/12/1014 AR)
There is a feel on the air of uncertainty. Please, my dearest ones, let me remind you that there is nothing that can separate us from our Gods. We act in accordance to our faith and to our oaths. We move as one and there is not one that can take us from Limerance's love. We shall remain victorious as we free those that are bound. We shall raise up our voices, our swords, our hearts to that which we are called by the those holy. We shall never be truly divided from the Gods that we follow. When we are chosen by the Gods, who can defeat us? Who is stronger than Limerance in his promises of duty and honor? Who can give hope but the master that creates the concept of it? We are united. We are one. That is how we shall turn the tides that roll against us.
Oh and my darling Wanderers.
Have you not grown weary of being on your own? Have you not missed the embrace of the Compact and the Gods? You are our blood. You are our hearts. You are the very essence of our beating hearts. We miss you. You are so loved. I know you have wandered and I know that you tire. Come home. I ask only that you come to the arms that await you. Limerance, in his compassion, mourns for your turned back upon those that love you. He awaits for you to come home. To return to the flock. For you are still our lamb, brave as you may be. We are still aching if we are not all together. I bid you, should you read this, turn back to us. Come home. Take your rightful place with the people that love you and shall rejoice in your return. Allow us to create new songs of warmth and return.
You are all so very loved. You are all so very wanted. I am in awe every choice that is made on your path and I will pray the path brings you success and in the end the path brings you home.
I ask all of this in Limerance's Devotion.
Oh and my darling Wanderers.
Have you not grown weary of being on your own? Have you not missed the embrace of the Compact and the Gods? You are our blood. You are our hearts. You are the very essence of our beating hearts. We miss you. You are so loved. I know you have wandered and I know that you tire. Come home. I ask only that you come to the arms that await you. Limerance, in his compassion, mourns for your turned back upon those that love you. He awaits for you to come home. To return to the flock. For you are still our lamb, brave as you may be. We are still aching if we are not all together. I bid you, should you read this, turn back to us. Come home. Take your rightful place with the people that love you and shall rejoice in your return. Allow us to create new songs of warmth and return.
You are all so very loved. You are all so very wanted. I am in awe every choice that is made on your path and I will pray the path brings you success and in the end the path brings you home.
I ask all of this in Limerance's Devotion.
Written By Esme
Oct. 26, 2020, 10:07 p.m.(4/10/1014 AR)
I have been done wrong!
We all have. I have had my heart broken. I have been rejected. I have been lied to. I have been deceived. I have been led on. The list goes on and on. I was thinking about this today, my darlings that might read this. I was thinking of the people that have done this to me and how I think about them. In truth, and in the moment, I was angry. Now... I am not.
So to you that have hurt me or done any of these things. I do not wish you karma. I do not wish you ill will. For if I wished you bad, what separates my wish from your wish? I wish for you love. I hope, sincerely, that you find the one you love. I hope that you find what will make you whole. I hope that you have nothing but happiness. If I ever loved you, I do not hate you now. I cannot. For love does not die, it merely alters. I hope that one day you feel that love of conviction no matter where it might be. I hope that one day, you look back on me fondly. But please, do not look back at me with regret or shame. Just fondness.
Through the pain, I have become strengthened and found wisdom. Though my heart was shattered, I learned how to put the pieces back together. It might not be as it once was, but I am still willing to offer it. Through the lies, I have come to value the truth. Through the rejection, I have come to adore the embrace and acceptance around me. You never broke me because it is me that allows it.
I am not sure who needs to hear this, but you are loved. You are not broken, you are battle born. You have a strength now you did not have. You have the luxury of knowing that hope exists in the darkness. You are more than you think you are. You are transforming. You will one day evolve to something more. You are worthy. You are more than enough.
We all have. I have had my heart broken. I have been rejected. I have been lied to. I have been deceived. I have been led on. The list goes on and on. I was thinking about this today, my darlings that might read this. I was thinking of the people that have done this to me and how I think about them. In truth, and in the moment, I was angry. Now... I am not.
So to you that have hurt me or done any of these things. I do not wish you karma. I do not wish you ill will. For if I wished you bad, what separates my wish from your wish? I wish for you love. I hope, sincerely, that you find the one you love. I hope that you find what will make you whole. I hope that you have nothing but happiness. If I ever loved you, I do not hate you now. I cannot. For love does not die, it merely alters. I hope that one day you feel that love of conviction no matter where it might be. I hope that one day, you look back on me fondly. But please, do not look back at me with regret or shame. Just fondness.
Through the pain, I have become strengthened and found wisdom. Though my heart was shattered, I learned how to put the pieces back together. It might not be as it once was, but I am still willing to offer it. Through the lies, I have come to value the truth. Through the rejection, I have come to adore the embrace and acceptance around me. You never broke me because it is me that allows it.
I am not sure who needs to hear this, but you are loved. You are not broken, you are battle born. You have a strength now you did not have. You have the luxury of knowing that hope exists in the darkness. You are more than you think you are. You are transforming. You will one day evolve to something more. You are worthy. You are more than enough.
Written By Esme
Oct. 23, 2020, 9:31 p.m.(4/4/1014 AR)
<scribbles>
<dots>
<crossed out words>
Thoughts and prayers
<dots>
<crossed out words>
Thoughts and prayers
Written By Esme
Oct. 20, 2020, 10:25 p.m.(3/26/1014 AR)
The goodbye to spring event was fun.
Even if I can't skate
And it was cold
And I had to be carried home
But it was fun.
Even if I can't skate
And it was cold
And I had to be carried home
But it was fun.
Written By Esme
Oct. 19, 2020, 9:55 p.m.(3/24/1014 AR)
How does one get a best friend? I had one... for a bit.
I don't know how to make another one. Does anyone need a best friend? I don't have references, but just send me a message.
I don't know how to make another one. Does anyone need a best friend? I don't have references, but just send me a message.
Written By Esme
Oct. 8, 2020, 3:05 p.m.(3/2/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Thea
In those moments, I always look for the middle path. You are the navigator of your destiny and your truth. You can put your footfalls where you desire for what you desire.
Written By Esme
Oct. 7, 2020, 6:02 p.m.(2/28/1014 AR)
I stepped out of the city for a bit of time and have returned. I feel the call though that it is soon I will be finding myself back in Tor. I am sorry that I have missed people and events.
Written By Esme
Sept. 27, 2020, 11:37 p.m.(2/8/1014 AR)
Sometimes in life, if people do things for you; a thank you is appreciated.
Written By Esme
Sept. 27, 2020, 12:36 a.m.(2/7/1014 AR)
My most darling readers,
I am not sure if you have found my white, but I wish you to know in these times; you are loved. You are far more than you think you are. You are the heroes of your own path and your own stories. You are the most unique creature that has ever lived. For even if your soul once belonged to another, YOU are the driving force of it now. In all the realms there is only one you (well this could branch off for Mirrormasks, but you know what I mean).
You are a glorious creation. You are loved by your Gods. You are loved by your family and friends, but even if mortals have failed your heart; your God will not. If you are lost and seeking something, find it upon in prayer to the Gods. Limerance loves you. He is the concept of love and fidelity, and that love and fidelity extends to you. He cares about your path. He wants you only to be all that you are meant to be; to understand the power that resides in your heart and soul.
Oh, my tired wanderer. I know the trials lately have been enough to break the strongest of hearts, but I ask that you be well. I ask that you know that your Faith is not lost. That you are not a burden but the children of Gods. You are protected by them. They see you. We see you. You are not just one in the sea of many, you are branded as beautiful. Only you can shape your own path and own story, such a thing as that makes you so strong. It makes you stronger than you think. For your mind may lie to you, but let me tell each of you; you are enough. You are loved.
For dark nights may come and you should greet them with open arms. Throw your arms wide and know that after the darkest of nights, the dawn always shines the brightest. You will be that bright light in the darkest hour of the storms around you. I call you not to fight against your brother, not to fight against your father, but to stand true in the beliefs that you have. To find that one small light of hope. For while in you, it might be but a small, smoldering spark - when you put it with another spark and another; we can craft an inferno when we stand together; unshackled. Free. For we are free. We are loved.
To those that have walked away from the Faith, please I bid to you to come back. Feel the warmth of the welcoming embrace. Perhaps the Faith has angered you, hurt you, done bad by you - sadly we are all human in that which we act. Even the most perfect make mistakes, but my darlings, we only long for you to come home. Whatever name you might call yourselves, whatever names you might be given, come home. Our embrace is open, we are awaiting our wayward children to come back to the fold. We do not wish to diminish what you are or what you have been through, we only want to offer our love and our protection.
For anyone that reads this.
You are loved.
You are love.
You are hope.
You do not stand alone.
I am not sure if you have found my white, but I wish you to know in these times; you are loved. You are far more than you think you are. You are the heroes of your own path and your own stories. You are the most unique creature that has ever lived. For even if your soul once belonged to another, YOU are the driving force of it now. In all the realms there is only one you (well this could branch off for Mirrormasks, but you know what I mean).
You are a glorious creation. You are loved by your Gods. You are loved by your family and friends, but even if mortals have failed your heart; your God will not. If you are lost and seeking something, find it upon in prayer to the Gods. Limerance loves you. He is the concept of love and fidelity, and that love and fidelity extends to you. He cares about your path. He wants you only to be all that you are meant to be; to understand the power that resides in your heart and soul.
Oh, my tired wanderer. I know the trials lately have been enough to break the strongest of hearts, but I ask that you be well. I ask that you know that your Faith is not lost. That you are not a burden but the children of Gods. You are protected by them. They see you. We see you. You are not just one in the sea of many, you are branded as beautiful. Only you can shape your own path and own story, such a thing as that makes you so strong. It makes you stronger than you think. For your mind may lie to you, but let me tell each of you; you are enough. You are loved.
For dark nights may come and you should greet them with open arms. Throw your arms wide and know that after the darkest of nights, the dawn always shines the brightest. You will be that bright light in the darkest hour of the storms around you. I call you not to fight against your brother, not to fight against your father, but to stand true in the beliefs that you have. To find that one small light of hope. For while in you, it might be but a small, smoldering spark - when you put it with another spark and another; we can craft an inferno when we stand together; unshackled. Free. For we are free. We are loved.
To those that have walked away from the Faith, please I bid to you to come back. Feel the warmth of the welcoming embrace. Perhaps the Faith has angered you, hurt you, done bad by you - sadly we are all human in that which we act. Even the most perfect make mistakes, but my darlings, we only long for you to come home. Whatever name you might call yourselves, whatever names you might be given, come home. Our embrace is open, we are awaiting our wayward children to come back to the fold. We do not wish to diminish what you are or what you have been through, we only want to offer our love and our protection.
For anyone that reads this.
You are loved.
You are love.
You are hope.
You do not stand alone.
Written By Esme
Sept. 24, 2020, 12:21 a.m.(2/1/1014 AR)
I think everyone knows that I am horrid at the arts. I cannot sing, barely can dance, and definitely cannot poetry. However, here is mine because I love Limerance enough. Please forgive me.
Limerance is love and duty
But each is equally measured
A proper match is living beauty
To be honored and treasured
Limerance is love and duty
But each is equally measured
A proper match is living beauty
To be honored and treasured
Written By Esme
Sept. 21, 2020, 3:59 p.m.(1/24/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Talwyn
Thank you so much for the gift. You are perhaps the first to give one to me. It was a wonderful choice.
Written By Esme
Sept. 15, 2020, 8:01 p.m.(1/12/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Piccola
My Dearest General
I know that you did not ask, but I feel that I would like to give my thoughts on marriage as well. I cannot speak to the rightness or the wrongness of these feelings and thoughts. For I would not wish to shackle you to a path that was not meant to be yours. Instead, I would rather praise that you know where to put your steps and your footfalls.
Marriage is the greatest act of fidelity that a person can offer. I do not speak of fidelity as in the marriage bed, but in the honor and the oaths of the realms and our lives. So then, do we raise up these choices of honor in reverence. Limerance is a God of Concepts. This means it is hard to touch the cornerstones of what makes up those that follow him and some lack a physical context. For how do you hug a concept?
I have said that marriage is a sacrifice. It is not that I think that sacrifice is one that shackles or that you must lose yourself or your identity. I believe it is a courageous sacrifice. To know that you are willing to put the future before the present. That you are willing to take what comes with the oaths and honor of a hero facing what it must. That you do so with your head high and you know what you are placing to the side to do this.
Love is not marriage. I believe deeply in love and it has touched my life. I have been rendered to the highest wings that one could fly and dropped to the depths so low that my heart felt like it would no longer beat. Still, the sun came up. On both times. Still the moment faded. It was not the same as it was when in that moment we felt the heady embrace of it's siren call. Love is but a moment. That moment could be a few seconds, a few days, a few months, or years, but it is always fading. It is always momentary. It does not mean that it is not as real a concept as any concept that exists. We adore it and praise it for the rarity of it. For the rare moments that can create it, and the easy ability that it can be shattered.
Marriage is the morning rising. It is the sun that comes up no matter what the night before brought to you. It is the constant. It is embracing that you are to stand to your ideals, your oaths, your fidelity of honor. It is to take your oaths not to faith but to future. To honor the lands you are part of. To craft a legacy that is to be remembered. It is steady. It is the life breath that is needed to continue. It is a way to mend a wrong. It is a way to create a new. It is an honor. It is to stand true when all other things and people have faded. It is to be written upon the shrine scrolls of what was and what is. It is a concept come to life. It is where we can point to the concepts we try to explain. We can see concepts in mortal form as they unite and form something lasting.
For all my words, I have a summary. Love is fleeting and emotional. It inspires. It surrenders. Marriage is constant. It is strength. It is will. It is fidelity. It is oath. It is honor.
I know that you did not ask, but I feel that I would like to give my thoughts on marriage as well. I cannot speak to the rightness or the wrongness of these feelings and thoughts. For I would not wish to shackle you to a path that was not meant to be yours. Instead, I would rather praise that you know where to put your steps and your footfalls.
Marriage is the greatest act of fidelity that a person can offer. I do not speak of fidelity as in the marriage bed, but in the honor and the oaths of the realms and our lives. So then, do we raise up these choices of honor in reverence. Limerance is a God of Concepts. This means it is hard to touch the cornerstones of what makes up those that follow him and some lack a physical context. For how do you hug a concept?
I have said that marriage is a sacrifice. It is not that I think that sacrifice is one that shackles or that you must lose yourself or your identity. I believe it is a courageous sacrifice. To know that you are willing to put the future before the present. That you are willing to take what comes with the oaths and honor of a hero facing what it must. That you do so with your head high and you know what you are placing to the side to do this.
Love is not marriage. I believe deeply in love and it has touched my life. I have been rendered to the highest wings that one could fly and dropped to the depths so low that my heart felt like it would no longer beat. Still, the sun came up. On both times. Still the moment faded. It was not the same as it was when in that moment we felt the heady embrace of it's siren call. Love is but a moment. That moment could be a few seconds, a few days, a few months, or years, but it is always fading. It is always momentary. It does not mean that it is not as real a concept as any concept that exists. We adore it and praise it for the rarity of it. For the rare moments that can create it, and the easy ability that it can be shattered.
Marriage is the morning rising. It is the sun that comes up no matter what the night before brought to you. It is the constant. It is embracing that you are to stand to your ideals, your oaths, your fidelity of honor. It is to take your oaths not to faith but to future. To honor the lands you are part of. To craft a legacy that is to be remembered. It is steady. It is the life breath that is needed to continue. It is a way to mend a wrong. It is a way to create a new. It is an honor. It is to stand true when all other things and people have faded. It is to be written upon the shrine scrolls of what was and what is. It is a concept come to life. It is where we can point to the concepts we try to explain. We can see concepts in mortal form as they unite and form something lasting.
For all my words, I have a summary. Love is fleeting and emotional. It inspires. It surrenders. Marriage is constant. It is strength. It is will. It is fidelity. It is oath. It is honor.
Written By Esme
Sept. 14, 2020, 10:33 a.m.(1/9/1014 AR)
I have never enjoyed being cold. I like the warmth. I like the chill on the air, but never truly the deep cold that comes in winter. I have already started bundling myself to the yearly waddling mess I make of myself. I'm sure I've doubled my weight in warmth. However, even I cannot deny the sheer beauty of the snow around me. The silence that it offers. I have found myself when I arise in my own suites that I open the windows and just feel the cold silence. Birds are quiet. Life is quiet. I find these my moments of quiet thoughts and sometimes forget that I am wrapping myself in cold until Joy comes to speak to me; telling me that my lips are blue.
Lately, I have allowed myself to travel down paths I should not. I have allowed myself the what if game. What if I had married the person of the North when asked? It was years ago now and I adore him as my friend, but what would we have been at this season. Would I have come to embrace the cold? Would I be a colder person for what our relationship would end up becoming? It is not that I hoped to follow this path, but the cold brings reflection. Maybe because I know it is an ending of a year and in someways a chapter.
I have found myself stepping away from people and events. It is not that I adore people less it is that I have been losing myself in books and studying. Things it is not 'proper' to discuss sometimes. However, I have spent so much time that I have conquered as far as my learning can go in the occult. I remember opening my first book with fear. Terrified that I would somehow be pulled into a place of dark things and dark souls. That I would lose everything I knew for this knowledge. I remember learning my first things and finding the awe behind it. Then delving deeper and deeper to the understanding around us and how my individual mind crafted it and took it to be; not to say it was right. Where I found a voice in matters that I had been silenced on in the past. It was enlightening. Strange to say that one has found light in things of the dark.
I have found myself evaluating the people around me. There are people that I called friends. Great friends. The best of friends. Some have passed. Some never write. Some never reach back out and I find that I miss them. I miss the sounds of laughter, the whispers that would be said around others, our private jokes, and the knowledge I could say anything to them. Also, the honor of knowing things about them that others did not. I miss seeing so much amazing delights that they had, they did not even realize. To tell people. I miss these things. I am not bitter that our paths no longer intertwine and that messengers have fallen silent, for I'm happy for all their happiness. I know it is not just one sided. I have dropped my own missives as more and more came to my plate or in my quest for understanding.
I think that is one of the real reasons that I have turned from the cold and prefer the warmth. In the warmth, your body might be stripped down in clothing for that blissful heat - but it seems more can be pushed aside. In the cold, your physical body is covered away, but your mind becomes sharper with each slice of wind. In the silence that snow crafts a blanket, it allows you deep moments with your thoughts and reflections of your life.
Perhaps I am just at the brink of change and decision. A winter before the spring of evolution. I have decisions to make after the snows have thawed. Paths I have to decide to walk. People that will come. People that will go. I'm most curious though who I'm going to emerge to be. I had thought I was so convinced on who I was as a person, as a path, and the contentment in it. Now, I am not so sure of anything besides the step I take in the moment. Do I leave behind the images of my footfalls or does it fill in so quickly that there is no trace of where I walked before this moment?
Lately, I have allowed myself to travel down paths I should not. I have allowed myself the what if game. What if I had married the person of the North when asked? It was years ago now and I adore him as my friend, but what would we have been at this season. Would I have come to embrace the cold? Would I be a colder person for what our relationship would end up becoming? It is not that I hoped to follow this path, but the cold brings reflection. Maybe because I know it is an ending of a year and in someways a chapter.
I have found myself stepping away from people and events. It is not that I adore people less it is that I have been losing myself in books and studying. Things it is not 'proper' to discuss sometimes. However, I have spent so much time that I have conquered as far as my learning can go in the occult. I remember opening my first book with fear. Terrified that I would somehow be pulled into a place of dark things and dark souls. That I would lose everything I knew for this knowledge. I remember learning my first things and finding the awe behind it. Then delving deeper and deeper to the understanding around us and how my individual mind crafted it and took it to be; not to say it was right. Where I found a voice in matters that I had been silenced on in the past. It was enlightening. Strange to say that one has found light in things of the dark.
I have found myself evaluating the people around me. There are people that I called friends. Great friends. The best of friends. Some have passed. Some never write. Some never reach back out and I find that I miss them. I miss the sounds of laughter, the whispers that would be said around others, our private jokes, and the knowledge I could say anything to them. Also, the honor of knowing things about them that others did not. I miss seeing so much amazing delights that they had, they did not even realize. To tell people. I miss these things. I am not bitter that our paths no longer intertwine and that messengers have fallen silent, for I'm happy for all their happiness. I know it is not just one sided. I have dropped my own missives as more and more came to my plate or in my quest for understanding.
I think that is one of the real reasons that I have turned from the cold and prefer the warmth. In the warmth, your body might be stripped down in clothing for that blissful heat - but it seems more can be pushed aside. In the cold, your physical body is covered away, but your mind becomes sharper with each slice of wind. In the silence that snow crafts a blanket, it allows you deep moments with your thoughts and reflections of your life.
Perhaps I am just at the brink of change and decision. A winter before the spring of evolution. I have decisions to make after the snows have thawed. Paths I have to decide to walk. People that will come. People that will go. I'm most curious though who I'm going to emerge to be. I had thought I was so convinced on who I was as a person, as a path, and the contentment in it. Now, I am not so sure of anything besides the step I take in the moment. Do I leave behind the images of my footfalls or does it fill in so quickly that there is no trace of where I walked before this moment?
Written By Esme
Aug. 31, 2020, 12:28 a.m.(12/9/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Erik
He has come home.
There are many words. Many questions. Many feelings. However, it is summed up with - Erik has come home.
There are many words. Many questions. Many feelings. However, it is summed up with - Erik has come home.
Written By Esme
Aug. 16, 2020, 10:16 p.m.(11/8/1013 AR)
Paths.
We all walk them. We choose them with each footfall and those choices are to be honored, even if they are not agreed with. We are free of shackles that bind us to doing things mindlessly. Yet, there are others that we willingly take. I am always in awe when I see or hear of one taking the deepest commitment of faith, oath and fealty by becoming Godsworn. It is a deep choice. It is one that asks steep sacrifices to one's path. It is an honor to see those that take it.
I am also always struck by how and why people choose the paths they take. Where they stand at a crossroads and veer to the right instead of the left, or the left instead of the right. I enjoy watching the mortal life unfold as a series of these choices and actions.
We all walk them. We choose them with each footfall and those choices are to be honored, even if they are not agreed with. We are free of shackles that bind us to doing things mindlessly. Yet, there are others that we willingly take. I am always in awe when I see or hear of one taking the deepest commitment of faith, oath and fealty by becoming Godsworn. It is a deep choice. It is one that asks steep sacrifices to one's path. It is an honor to see those that take it.
I am also always struck by how and why people choose the paths they take. Where they stand at a crossroads and veer to the right instead of the left, or the left instead of the right. I enjoy watching the mortal life unfold as a series of these choices and actions.
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