Written By Revell
April 11, 2020, 4:31 a.m.(2/5/1013 AR)
But -Abyss-, hospital food, am I right?
Fortunately, I got wonderful friends happy to send me snacks.
Still, this is making me strongly consider learning the fine art of "Running Away." I'm pretty good at "Talk My Way Out Of Problems" and "Stay Unnoticed", but neither of those really help when a roof comes crashing down over you.
Written By Revell
April 5, 2020, 5:21 p.m.(1/22/1013 AR)
I'm sure the answer is yes, for many of the more hedonistic individuals among us. But if we ignore the grand pleasures that wealth can afford you - is it still possible to be attached? Attached to eating dry, stale bread in the morning from the same shop every day? Attached to a rattling window when a nasty wind passes it by? Attached to dirt and grime and everything.. not-so-nice?
Hm. I've been very introspective lately. My father would be so proud - I must remember to write.
Written By Revell
April 1, 2020, 8:02 a.m.(1/13/1013 AR)
I never thought I'd have someone summarize - and agree with - my world view.
I am often warned to be cautious, I'm often told that I am naive and daft. People seem to think that I expect something to come of my kind gestures and attempts to shower others in affection, but that's not it at all.. I just like being nice.
It's a warm, wholesome feeling and a great shield against feelings of regret, anger and bitterness.
Written By Revell
April 1, 2020, 7:52 a.m.(1/13/1013 AR)
Dycard,
It sounds like you've never felt it, Lord-Captain. I was so sure you had.
Iseulet,
From asking people face to face, and from reading the responses in the Whites - I think you are on to something, my Lady. It may very well be a type of madness, and a kind that most wish for and would happily embrace if it came their way.
Lucene,
Asking questions is my way of finding answers, or is that not what you mean?
Corrigan,
There is a reason I didn't ask /you/, -my darling-. Ugh.
Vitalis,
Is it a different kind of resonance, a different kind of sacrifice from the kind friendship requires?
Rymarr,
I think I agree with you. It's no different to my view on friendships - I always strive to be understanding, loyalty is incredibly important to me, and I try to always be boldly honest about my feelings but never to the point of disregarding someone elses. And if you are correct, that love takes time to build, it is no wonder I have not experienced it yet.
Miranda,
Your answer is a very poetic one, and I adore poetry so in that sense, I was wow'd by your response. However, my question still remains.. 'how is that different from friendship?' This is not a question out of malice or anything, I think it's just pure ignorance on my part. From the other answers I've received, I am sure that's the case. I hope you don't mind if I make a transcript of your journal to look back on once I've had the pleasure of feeling.. love?
Mirari,
Thank you for sharing that tidbit - truly - it is nice knowing that there was once someone as ignorant as me out there in the world, and that this somebody has grown. Maybe there's still hope for me?
Written By Revell
March 27, 2020, 7:26 a.m.(1/3/1013 AR)
It is not something I've thought a lot about, well, ever.
I've read the stories and I find myself drawn to the idea of romance - grand gestures of affection and beautiful prose. I adore the concept of 'The One'.
But what is romance, aside from a means to an end? A way to get your chosen partner to reproduce with you? To create offspring?
What /is/ love, and what makes romantic love so different to platonic love? I certainly have the latter in spades, but I can't say I've ever felt the former.
I've crushes, for sure, but I'd say that those are more of a perfect blend between platonic affection and physical attraction than 'love'.
The love that people speak of make them do irrational, stupid things. Is that what love is? Stupidity?
Written By Revell
March 25, 2020, 7:57 a.m.(12/27/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Iseulet
I like you.
A lot.
Written By Revell
March 19, 2020, 9:22 p.m.(12/16/1012 AR)
Friends, allies.. we need them.
We might not like each other very much, but if our goals align then we should learn to work together regardless.
This is bigger than personal slights.
Grow up.
Written By Revell
March 19, 2020, 11:35 a.m.(12/15/1012 AR)
Not that I'd change it for the world. I think I'm happy. No, I know that I'm happy here, despite all the flaws I see everywhere. Or maybe it's because of them?
Either way, it's nice taking a moment to sit back and relax and do things I'm good at.
Guildmaster Felix has taught me the basics of working the markets within Arx - I'm going to have to start small, and it'll be a long while before I can truly consider myself an adept. But who knows? Maybe in a few weeks I'll have enough silver to get my dress fixed - it's starting to tear at the seams, and I could use a pair of gloves for the winter.
As an aside - I'm sorry to those that had to experience me utterly wasted in the Ebb and Flow. I said some highly inappropriate and embarrassing stuff - I promise, I don't often drink, and certainly not to that extent. And I most /certainly/ do not swear like that when I'm sober.
Written By Revell
March 18, 2020, 7:35 a.m.(12/13/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Corrigan
In my previous journal on the Confessor, I spoke of staying away. Well, I never listen to my own advice, go figure.
I realize I'm drawn to a very certain kind of person, and I desperately want to shove my friendship down their throats. Sad, angry, bitter and certainly dangerous. He is one of those people.
He spouts a lot of inappropriate nonsense, and I am pretty sure he intends to single-handedly ruin my entire reputation for a laugh, but he still does good sometimes. I'm going to tell everyone about it so that maybe I can beat him to the punch and mess with /his/ reputation first!
For starters. I asked him to bring us drinks a few days back in the Black Axe Pub (highly recommend the place), and he returned with cheap ale (ew) and informed me that he'd told the barkeep that I was paying. Well, I didn't have any coin on me at the time, so I chose to pay with my footwear. I was going to come back when I had the coin, but apparently the Confessor felt bad enough to pay for the drink and get the boots back for me. Sure, it came with a lot of teasing, but it was still /super sweet/, wasn't it?
Oh! And then I caught him playing with Wonder (my kitten). He claims that he was just holding her because he didn't want her to get stepped on as I'd probably cry, and Rinel would start shouting at him again (long story). But, if that was all he wanted to do, all he had to do was pick her up but nope, he played with her.
Whether the friendship will stick remains to be seen, but I plan on making good use of him for as long as I can.
I know he's probably going to read this, and that's fine. So far, I like to think that we've both been brutally honest with one another, so none of this likely came as a surprise to him.
Written By Revell
March 14, 2020, 6:30 a.m.(12/5/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Korka
If it's because you're into Corrigan, then please, you can have him.
Written By Revell
March 13, 2020, 3:26 p.m.(12/4/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Dycard
It is my choice to speak from the heart and let my feelings flourish. So long as my decisions are my own, then I will have no regrets even if I get hurt in the end.
I know you mean well, but I would rather you stop caring than continue to tell me what to do and how to act. If you are displeased with me, then walk away.
Liberator.
Written By Revell
March 13, 2020, 7:23 a.m.(12/3/1012 AR)
That's how I've always kept my friends. Carefully, cautiously, with a safe distance between us both physically and emotionally. The moment the distance closes between you, then you open yourself up for hurt and disappointment.
I had no realized I had begun growing close to someone until it was too late, and now I pay the price. My chest hurts, it's difficult to breathe, and I have so much regret.
Silk or not, I thought they were better than that.
Written By Revell
March 9, 2020, 8:10 a.m.(11/23/1012 AR)
I've been called a lot of contradictory things. A brave coward. A clever, daft Northlander. An honest liar. A friend, an enemy.
I don't really care either way, but I'd lie if I said I wasn't incredibly curious.
Written By Revell
March 4, 2020, 8:26 p.m.(11/14/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Corrigan
I really should have known better than to mention doors, shouldn't I? As soon as the words left my mouth and I realized what a quick-witted man Confessor Corrigan is - I knew that I'd made a mistake. The word plays were utterly relentless and I can never, ever look at a door the same ever again.
He's slippery, he's quick, he's funny, and he's insufferably clever. When I think inquisition, he is not what I imagine at all, but at the same time I can certainly see why he's a part of them.
I may have to change my name and hope he doesn't recognize my face when it isn't all covered in blood though, as I really, truly do not wish to see him again.
He sets off all of my alarm bells, and normally, I don't listen to those, but this time.. I definitely should.
Does this journal make you laugh as well, Corrigan?
Written By Revell
March 4, 2020, 6:28 a.m.(11/13/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Ras
I knew Ras was right. He is always right, and so far, nothing he has told me has lead me astray. He is an excellent judge of character, whereas I am.. not.
He warned me that when things got truly tough and I needed someone to stand by me, certain people would do nothing but disappoint me. That has come to pass, and I am so grateful that I knew to expect it or it may have rattled me a lot more than it did.
At the same time, several people who I barely know or expected to care stood by my side.
Conflict is interesting. You truly learn who your friends and enemies are when everything comes crashing down around you. Perhaps that's why I don't actually mind a little conflict.
It's funny how much I enjoy the moments I get to have with Ras. I always walk away in a foul mood or with the knowledge that I'm likely going to have nightmares that night.
I think I trust him?
Written By Revell
March 2, 2020, 10:49 a.m.(11/9/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Cornelius
Where do I even begin with this one.
My Lord, you are not as important as you want to believe. Ignore me all you want but I am here to stay, and your threats don't scare me.
That is all.
Written By Revell
March 2, 2020, 5:21 a.m.(11/9/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Sydney
I can't believe someone like her even exists.
I wouldn't go as far as to say she is everything I wish to be - because she decidedly is not.. I can enjoy watching a spar, or a brawl, but I'll never enjoy throwing a punch or sporting a bruise. And never, ever do I want to be able to make such.. implications to a stranger, even if it /was/ for a 'good cause'.
But I do admire her.
There is something very.. calming about her. About the way she carries herself, about the way she speaks and about the way she reacts to certain things. Of course, it doesn't hurt that peoples whose opinions I value greatly speak highly of her.
I do wonder how much of the confidence is just an act, though.
Maybe I am reading too much into things. Not everyone is putting on an act or carrying secrets around, Revell.
Written By Revell
March 2, 2020, 5:11 a.m.(11/9/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Felix
He must be pretty important. I keep hearing his name crop up and I've had friends encourage me to go visit him whenever I have the time.
The first time I did, there were too many people around to get a good gauge on his character, but the second time.. You'know, I really needed a friend to listen to me moan and complain, and he was happy to be that person in that paticular moment.
He seems kind, even though he can be an insufferable tease (nobody likes smug grins, okay?) and he's certainly patient. But he also seems a bit lonely, but maybe I'm reading into something he said a little too much.
Either way, I plan to visit again soon.
And Brother, if you're reading this..
I'm sorry I left a half-eaten pastry behind.
Written By Revell
Feb. 29, 2020, 2:47 p.m.(11/6/1012 AR)
I went to the Shrine of Lagoma and prayed my heart out for the first time since I came to Arx.
It felt weird, but I think it helped?
I was kissed for the first time,
It was awful.
I punched someone for the first time,
He deserved it.
I witnessed a spar for the first time,
I can see why people enjoy watching others beat each other up.
I got angry, like, proper angry for the first time,
My face still hurts. How do people frown that often?
I got adopted by a cat for the first time,
It is an awful judge of character.
I wrote a vague journal for the first time,
Hint, you're reading it!
Written By Revell
Feb. 27, 2020, 4:48 a.m.(11/1/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Dycard
Dycard,
I will always take Dianna's side. Fiercely and without question. Your journal was hilariously inappropriate, but as a writer of the dangerously inappropriate, I don't think any less of you for it.
I'll bully you and tease you because I know that you can take it, but I really liked the honesty you poured into it. I'm sure you'll learn how to be a friend sooner rather than later.
I'm rooting for you.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.