Written By Lianne
Jan. 10, 2024, 11:02 p.m.(7/13/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Transcribed from my Blacks by my own hand:
(7/6/1008 AR)
He was crying when he told me he loves me, that he has never felt so comfortable with anyone in his entire life, that he didn't want to return to a life without me. I cried, too. With relief, with joy, with ache and worry for the burden he must carry in being close to me.
I love him, too. I sometimes find myself thinking of ways I might bend my world to better fit him in it.
I don't think anyone would imagine he's where I would put my heart, my time, all my attention. I would argue that they don't know either of us very well. He is honest, always. He is made of light and laughter and bravery. He is not without fear, but I have yet to see him shy away from either responsibility or challenge, no matter how he might say he avoids the former. He loves deeply. He answers all my questions, even when they make him uncomfortable. He lets me see him. And I think he, too, sees me, even if he doesn't always understand.
I woke beside him this morning after a night of crying and confessions. I woke with his skin beneath my fingers, and I can't remember the last time I felt such peace.
This will not be easy, but I have no doubt that it will be worth it, if only for moments like those.
(7/6/1008 AR)
He was crying when he told me he loves me, that he has never felt so comfortable with anyone in his entire life, that he didn't want to return to a life without me. I cried, too. With relief, with joy, with ache and worry for the burden he must carry in being close to me.
I love him, too. I sometimes find myself thinking of ways I might bend my world to better fit him in it.
I don't think anyone would imagine he's where I would put my heart, my time, all my attention. I would argue that they don't know either of us very well. He is honest, always. He is made of light and laughter and bravery. He is not without fear, but I have yet to see him shy away from either responsibility or challenge, no matter how he might say he avoids the former. He loves deeply. He answers all my questions, even when they make him uncomfortable. He lets me see him. And I think he, too, sees me, even if he doesn't always understand.
I woke beside him this morning after a night of crying and confessions. I woke with his skin beneath my fingers, and I can't remember the last time I felt such peace.
This will not be easy, but I have no doubt that it will be worth it, if only for moments like those.
Written By Jaenelle
Dec. 17, 2020, 7:16 p.m.(8/3/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
I am not quite ready yet. Perhaps one day, in the distant future, but not today. The words are not right. The moment is not right. I am not sure if they ever will be.
Written By Lianne
Dec. 17, 2020, 8:08 a.m.(8/2/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Joy arrived with fear, in word if not deed,
a nicety providing entry into other ideas:
what does it mean to drown? Breathlessness
came later, two years of captive attention
before any boundary was breached.
How long had I watched the waves
without worrying about their gravity,
without noticing how I'd been pulled
in, under?
Captive to
your tides
for years,
six more,
blissful,
sinking &
suddenly:
darkness,
emptiness
down here
where you
left me--
so cold without your sunlight.
a nicety providing entry into other ideas:
what does it mean to drown? Breathlessness
came later, two years of captive attention
before any boundary was breached.
How long had I watched the waves
without worrying about their gravity,
without noticing how I'd been pulled
in, under?
Captive to
your tides
for years,
six more,
blissful,
sinking &
suddenly:
darkness,
emptiness
down here
where you
left me--
so cold without your sunlight.
Written By Aiden
Dec. 16, 2020, 2:54 a.m.(7/27/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
It has been such a long time, such a very long time, since I've allowed myself a friendship as deep as the one Estaban and I had. Years, someone said 6... has it truly been that long? Six years then, without letting anyone close enough, truly close enough that my laugh wasn't a total malarkey. There are those, like my protege, Lady Monique, that I have rekindled a relationship with recently, but again, it was recent, after... Valerius... I came to realize the deep ties that I had before Estaban's death, I had let slip, let go, and sail away, as Estaban sailed away.
There are some things that are too hard to do over. I didn't want to care that deeply for more people than I could possibly bear. My beloved Knight and my dearest wife and my children, are my inner circle allowed to see the deepest. And to the outsider of my heart, I let them see what they needed to see. A man who is flighty, one that is eccentric, one that is here and there like a bird. I wouldn't give myself, all that I could, for a friendship, when I know, I would inevitably be unable to be there for them when they needed me the most. Life is funny that way.
That glass shark stole something from me. Not only did it steal away my friend, it stole away my hope for being able to save my friend, the way he had saved me once. It left a hole inside of me. I accepted it, I did. I do, I got to say goodbye in a way many can never do. Yet, the loss lingered. I pulled away.
Six years...
This year, Emberly came into my life. Emberly, a woman I highly doubt would ever do as they claim she did. It was she who responded to a desperate plea for help, as I had a terrible realization of loneliness. I needed to try and connect again, with people. I had returned to the city of Arx after a year away in Gemecitta. I recognized the pain was an ache for friendship, TRUE friendship, one that didn't just take from you, but filled your cup as much as you filled their own. Emberly, bless her heart, helped me find the way toward such a friendship. It was at her event, hosted as a charity fundraiser at the Golden Hart, where poetry was read and the audience had to vote with silver on the best poem of the night, that I rediscovered the possibility for a long lived friendship.
That's the first night I saw Valerius. He stood upon the stage and read out loud a very bold poem. It was not long after, that he sat with me and we shared drinks, and I questioned him on who the poem was written for. He had written it on the whim, in that moment, spinning the needed words from his lips to get a few hearts to flutter. From there, we had drinks. Valerius got annoyed, perhaps by the many messengers I was getting that night, or that he was, and one of the messengers got wine tossed upon them by him. I scolded Valerius for it, and decided to call it a night.
He didn't let me go, not on that sour note. He followed me outside and made amends. It was enough, but I challenged him to "do better."
I would like to think, he took that to heart. That he wanted to 'do better' after we met. I would like to think that, but from the missives and journals, I have read of others touched by Valerius, I think he gave me the opportunity to do better, not the other way around.
He was in constant communication with me, encouraging as it was, I enjoyed the notes and finding my idle afternoons brightened by just a slip of a letter from him. A lot of the times, they were silly musings. Even from afar, he would make me laugh, and remind me, to do better. Do better with my day, go outside, go meet people, stop being scared. Stop being guarded.
I admit, we grew close. I was beginning to believe in being able to have a friend to be merry with. To drink and gamble with, to sit in quiet places with, to play music and song with. It was a comforting thing, but I knew we were both always busy in our own ways. Still, it wouldn't be too long before a missive came by, to say hi, to check in, to be a friend. It wouldn't be too long before we met for some weekly bantering.
Then lo and behold, the blood moon masquerade came. I felt in good spirits, to actually attend. I dressed as a Raven. And guess who showed up as the only other Raven that night? It was so ironic and yet, a tell tale story of the way we connected. I never told him I was going and he never told me. We certainly didn't coordinate our costumes, yet, that is what they were. What a party. Dancing. So much dancing. And laughing. Oh there was laughing.
It was sometime later, that Valerius confided in me, and I him. I admit, I was always a little hesitant, but when he threw down his cards, I bravely accepted he wasn't going to turn me into a pile of bugs or something horrific - wars with magical creatures does cause one to have trust issues - so I'm told. Valerius, though, he was truly, a friend. He wanted me to believe in him too, but he wanted me to believe in myself again as well. I remember the days of my youth where I was happy and had close friends. He made me believe in that feeling again.
He would be such a refreshing presence. He knew I needed something before I knew it myself. Like the gift he sent me, a corset vest, made for me. Did I give him something back? The man I was before, I would've, but I don't know if I did. And it's regrets like that, which anger me so for he was taken far far far too early. But those sweet moments, he knew I needed, before I did. That's the kind of friend, Valerius was.
I remember him telling me, when I questioned him hard about certain ways he expressed himself to the peerage, that all he wanted was to bring happiness into the lives of anyone who needed it. He wanted to bring sunshine into those lives who had seen far far too much rain. While, I will question the way he died later, and why no one heard his desperate fight, this journal is not for that. This is for him. This is for the man who saw that I had seen too much rain and needed the skies to clear up and the sun to pour through.
This is for another Great and True friend who was supposed to be a life long friend but whose life was ended far too soon.
Valerius. I see you again.
But not yet.
Here's one for you.
"The Gambler" a poem by
Aiden Rubino nee Grayson
His words spun vibrance like the burst of the sun through long held clouds,
windlessly casting aside dark with the cadence of the verse on song,
laughing his furious passion of a Gambler on a thunders drum,
knowing that today, was the only day, that his heart had not been wrong.
For he lived and though he did not live long, his words, would go on.
Believe in yourself, open your heart, be awake this day, be not afraid.
Write that song, sing it, live it, be a part of the days held long.
Speak of love, live love, fly with it, give it, and be not dismayed.
Remember him, of young and noble heart, of true smiles and earnest love,
The courage of heart that gave without fearing, told without tearing
For none so evil, will erase the good that he released upon the wings of doves,
and to live better, it is easy to see, all we have to do, is be as caring as he.
Good bye my dear friend.
There are some things that are too hard to do over. I didn't want to care that deeply for more people than I could possibly bear. My beloved Knight and my dearest wife and my children, are my inner circle allowed to see the deepest. And to the outsider of my heart, I let them see what they needed to see. A man who is flighty, one that is eccentric, one that is here and there like a bird. I wouldn't give myself, all that I could, for a friendship, when I know, I would inevitably be unable to be there for them when they needed me the most. Life is funny that way.
That glass shark stole something from me. Not only did it steal away my friend, it stole away my hope for being able to save my friend, the way he had saved me once. It left a hole inside of me. I accepted it, I did. I do, I got to say goodbye in a way many can never do. Yet, the loss lingered. I pulled away.
Six years...
This year, Emberly came into my life. Emberly, a woman I highly doubt would ever do as they claim she did. It was she who responded to a desperate plea for help, as I had a terrible realization of loneliness. I needed to try and connect again, with people. I had returned to the city of Arx after a year away in Gemecitta. I recognized the pain was an ache for friendship, TRUE friendship, one that didn't just take from you, but filled your cup as much as you filled their own. Emberly, bless her heart, helped me find the way toward such a friendship. It was at her event, hosted as a charity fundraiser at the Golden Hart, where poetry was read and the audience had to vote with silver on the best poem of the night, that I rediscovered the possibility for a long lived friendship.
That's the first night I saw Valerius. He stood upon the stage and read out loud a very bold poem. It was not long after, that he sat with me and we shared drinks, and I questioned him on who the poem was written for. He had written it on the whim, in that moment, spinning the needed words from his lips to get a few hearts to flutter. From there, we had drinks. Valerius got annoyed, perhaps by the many messengers I was getting that night, or that he was, and one of the messengers got wine tossed upon them by him. I scolded Valerius for it, and decided to call it a night.
He didn't let me go, not on that sour note. He followed me outside and made amends. It was enough, but I challenged him to "do better."
I would like to think, he took that to heart. That he wanted to 'do better' after we met. I would like to think that, but from the missives and journals, I have read of others touched by Valerius, I think he gave me the opportunity to do better, not the other way around.
He was in constant communication with me, encouraging as it was, I enjoyed the notes and finding my idle afternoons brightened by just a slip of a letter from him. A lot of the times, they were silly musings. Even from afar, he would make me laugh, and remind me, to do better. Do better with my day, go outside, go meet people, stop being scared. Stop being guarded.
I admit, we grew close. I was beginning to believe in being able to have a friend to be merry with. To drink and gamble with, to sit in quiet places with, to play music and song with. It was a comforting thing, but I knew we were both always busy in our own ways. Still, it wouldn't be too long before a missive came by, to say hi, to check in, to be a friend. It wouldn't be too long before we met for some weekly bantering.
Then lo and behold, the blood moon masquerade came. I felt in good spirits, to actually attend. I dressed as a Raven. And guess who showed up as the only other Raven that night? It was so ironic and yet, a tell tale story of the way we connected. I never told him I was going and he never told me. We certainly didn't coordinate our costumes, yet, that is what they were. What a party. Dancing. So much dancing. And laughing. Oh there was laughing.
It was sometime later, that Valerius confided in me, and I him. I admit, I was always a little hesitant, but when he threw down his cards, I bravely accepted he wasn't going to turn me into a pile of bugs or something horrific - wars with magical creatures does cause one to have trust issues - so I'm told. Valerius, though, he was truly, a friend. He wanted me to believe in him too, but he wanted me to believe in myself again as well. I remember the days of my youth where I was happy and had close friends. He made me believe in that feeling again.
He would be such a refreshing presence. He knew I needed something before I knew it myself. Like the gift he sent me, a corset vest, made for me. Did I give him something back? The man I was before, I would've, but I don't know if I did. And it's regrets like that, which anger me so for he was taken far far far too early. But those sweet moments, he knew I needed, before I did. That's the kind of friend, Valerius was.
I remember him telling me, when I questioned him hard about certain ways he expressed himself to the peerage, that all he wanted was to bring happiness into the lives of anyone who needed it. He wanted to bring sunshine into those lives who had seen far far too much rain. While, I will question the way he died later, and why no one heard his desperate fight, this journal is not for that. This is for him. This is for the man who saw that I had seen too much rain and needed the skies to clear up and the sun to pour through.
This is for another Great and True friend who was supposed to be a life long friend but whose life was ended far too soon.
Valerius. I see you again.
But not yet.
Here's one for you.
"The Gambler" a poem by
Aiden Rubino nee Grayson
His words spun vibrance like the burst of the sun through long held clouds,
windlessly casting aside dark with the cadence of the verse on song,
laughing his furious passion of a Gambler on a thunders drum,
knowing that today, was the only day, that his heart had not been wrong.
For he lived and though he did not live long, his words, would go on.
Believe in yourself, open your heart, be awake this day, be not afraid.
Write that song, sing it, live it, be a part of the days held long.
Speak of love, live love, fly with it, give it, and be not dismayed.
Remember him, of young and noble heart, of true smiles and earnest love,
The courage of heart that gave without fearing, told without tearing
For none so evil, will erase the good that he released upon the wings of doves,
and to live better, it is easy to see, all we have to do, is be as caring as he.
Good bye my dear friend.
Written By Tyrus
Dec. 14, 2020, 8:44 a.m.(7/24/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Another of my family dead. Another more than a decade younger than I. I remember the boy, as I grew to know the man he became, though less so.
I will not offer threats. I will not imagine elaborate punishments for those responsible.
The Inquisition is to investigate. I look forward to see how they might have changed from the ways of their previous Master of Questions.
I will not offer threats. I will not imagine elaborate punishments for those responsible.
The Inquisition is to investigate. I look forward to see how they might have changed from the ways of their previous Master of Questions.
Written By Mabelle
Dec. 14, 2020, 4:39 a.m.(7/23/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
It has begun. The names.
The ones you know.
He was far too young and was only beginning to discover his place in the world after a struggle of coming to terms with it.
What a tragedy.
The ones you know.
He was far too young and was only beginning to discover his place in the world after a struggle of coming to terms with it.
What a tragedy.
Written By Svana
Dec. 13, 2020, 9:17 p.m.(7/23/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Unrest continues; Marquis Valerius has been taken from his friends and family. I only got to meet him briefly a few times, but I enjoyed what I got to know of him. It is a tragic day, especially given the circumstances. I know justice will be served.
Written By Kiera
Dec. 13, 2020, 7:29 p.m.(7/23/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
The world is darker now for the loss of your beautiful light my friend. You always appeared to dance in the light and to shine it for others despite the burdens you carried within. Thank you for what you shared with me. Thank you for listening as I share with you. So brief is the time we knew each other, but I will never forget you. I am sorry we did not know each other better. That I could not aid you as I wished. I pray that I have courage to open my heart to others, though I long just noe to crawl into the shadow. For that is how the darkness wins. When we bear our burdens alone and it pick us off one by one. We must come together to find the truth, to stand in the light. The truth must come to light. We must be light for one another to banish the darkness away. May your darkness be gone from you. May you dance on your return to the wheel and may your light live on in those who knew you. I will dance for you, my friend in memory of your light
Written By Aiden
Dec. 12, 2020, 11:48 p.m.(7/21/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
One day you were here.... the next day you were gone...
Gone without.. any word..
This breaks my heart.
There's no more I can say but that. My heart breaks yet again.
The losses, keep stacking up.
Gone without.. any word..
This breaks my heart.
There's no more I can say but that. My heart breaks yet again.
The losses, keep stacking up.
Written By Kiera
Nov. 22, 2020, 12:23 p.m.(6/8/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
The man lights up a room room but also intrigues me. Do I dare explore. It is sure to be interesting.
Written By Rosalind
Nov. 15, 2020, 6:27 p.m.(5/22/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Valerius sent me new clothes. A tunic and trousers. I don't know why. But I'm not complaining! I can run around and not worry about being bare ass!
Written By Rosalind
Nov. 1, 2020, 9:08 a.m.(4/21/1014 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Hi! I dont get to say this much, but thank you!
Written By Lianne
June 17, 2019, 10:53 a.m.(4/19/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
I had nearly forgotten how it feels to bask in sunlight, to have an unburdened heart.
This spring feels more like spring than all those which preceded it simply because my husband has returned to me just as the snows melted, just as the world turned green and bright again.
This spring feels more like spring than all those which preceded it simply because my husband has returned to me just as the snows melted, just as the world turned green and bright again.
Written By Jaenelle
Nov. 25, 2018, 8:51 p.m.(1/22/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
So my baby brother has finally gotten betrothed. I look forward to having him closer to me, in the same ward once more. I can not really express how much I have missed him, how much I have missed all my siblings with everything going on. While I can never again be my brother's protector as Leona and I once were I am still very much willing to make lives miserable on his behalf should they mistreat him.
Written By Galen
May 27, 2018, 11:20 p.m.(11/11/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Book,
For those that read these things and know my brother, he is beloved by me and is a great man. Anyone who sees him should buy him a round and toast the protege of my charming ways, what will Arx do when we are both retired from the game?
For those that read these things and know my brother, he is beloved by me and is a great man. Anyone who sees him should buy him a round and toast the protege of my charming ways, what will Arx do when we are both retired from the game?
Written By Barric
March 19, 2017, 10:25 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
My soon to be brother in law. I don't know much about him but he seems a decent man and Lark seems to like him well enough. All in all, good enough, right? We'll see how he fits in but I'm sure it'll be fine.
Written By Sylvie
March 11, 2017, 7:02 p.m.(1/26/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
Princess Lark's future husband is certainly a man of great charm. I've never made any secret of the fact that compliments get you everywhere with me. I look forward to helping him plan his wedding and bring his vision to life. It isn't often that I am a Whisper rather than a Duchess.
Written By Victus
March 5, 2017, 12:49 p.m.(1/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
It was the pick I suspected. Most people seem to like him. Lark meanwhile gets things done, but she isn't exactly the most charming of women. I don't say that with fucking derision, mind, the Gods know that I'm hardly the easiest man to get along with either.
Can't say I ever expected him to amount to anything. Used to be he didn't even try to prove me wrong. Of late, though, I'm coming around to the idea that he isn't a complete waste of Thrax blood. That there might just be something to Valerius I can come to respect.
Shows you the world's full of fucking surprise and wonder, eh? Heh.
Can't say I ever expected him to amount to anything. Used to be he didn't even try to prove me wrong. Of late, though, I'm coming around to the idea that he isn't a complete waste of Thrax blood. That there might just be something to Valerius I can come to respect.
Shows you the world's full of fucking surprise and wonder, eh? Heh.
Written By Castiel
March 1, 2017, 3:52 p.m.(1/6/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
My favorite. Fools will look at him and fail to see the Thrax blood burning in his veins but he has already conquered adversity that would have broken smaller men. I expect a lot from him, more than he knows can be expected. He will surprise many when he assumes his proper place at the table.
Written By Ainsley
Feb. 28, 2017, 6:52 a.m.(1/3/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Valerius
As my liege has said: Tolerable.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.