Written By Donella
Nov. 19, 2016, 12:46 a.m.(2/27/1005 AR)
Did you think me your enemy all along, when I only ever adored you? You alone, who could understand me? You had everything I wanted... And now I will never be able to show you what was in my heart, nor to tell you that I would have taken nothing away from you. You've ruined everything! I do not know how to purge this ache in my heart, but I cannot even shed tears.
Written By Donella
Nov. 11, 2016, 10:06 p.m.(2/5/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Gareth
We knew one another, distantly, when we were younger. Before his torments at the hands of the Shavs, but after the Tyde war. That boy is gone. He retains his agile mind, but he is very altered in spirit. He became an inquisitor.
Written By Donella
Nov. 11, 2016, 1:02 p.m.(2/4/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Abbas
My cousin, the son of Princess Marjory and her foreign traitor prince. I don't know that he is different since returning from his ill-fated voyage to Eurus, but it has made him quieter. It has not made him a less revolting dining partner.
He is as fond of me as he ever was, which, I think, is not very much. Battle tactics and political theory must not have very many similarities. He does not like that I call him "Sea Lion."
He is as fond of me as he ever was, which, I think, is not very much. Battle tactics and political theory must not have very many similarities. He does not like that I call him "Sea Lion."
Written By Donella
Nov. 11, 2016, 12:48 p.m.(2/4/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Nadia
I am not sure how I managed to convince the Duchess Nightgold that I would make a good addition to her social circle, but apparently I did something. And I have decided that I like her. She is attentive, and engaging, and walking with her opens doors that might otherwise be slammed in my face. Maybe they are afraid of her "dog"?
Written By Donella
Nov. 11, 2016, 12:27 p.m.(2/4/1005 AR)
The capital is a stressful place, so one expects a certain level of anxiety from people who have not lived here their whole lives, or not spent significant time between the walls. I expect excitement to trouble the slumber of the young, and the chill from the wind to trouble the old.
But people speak of their nightmares over meals. Or do not speak of them, yet still sit hollow-eyed. I see heads nodding in chapel. I see yawns from the men on the docks, who have risen early all their lives. The groom was pinching himself, to stay awake.
It is not that they cannot sleep, or that they do not have time. I think it is that they do not want to close their eyes, to greet what they will see.
I may be the only person I know who is sleeping with no particular difficulty, and having only the ordinary sort of dreams. What does that mean?
But people speak of their nightmares over meals. Or do not speak of them, yet still sit hollow-eyed. I see heads nodding in chapel. I see yawns from the men on the docks, who have risen early all their lives. The groom was pinching himself, to stay awake.
It is not that they cannot sleep, or that they do not have time. I think it is that they do not want to close their eyes, to greet what they will see.
I may be the only person I know who is sleeping with no particular difficulty, and having only the ordinary sort of dreams. What does that mean?
Written By Donella
Nov. 8, 2016, 1:44 p.m.(1/23/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Kima
Lady Kima Saik is often in the company of Lord Victus. The truth is, being so martially unskilled, I didn't think she thought much of me. Different circles, and so on. But she has made such a beautiful gesture of friendship, I shall never forget it. And I am determined to prove worthy of it, and to know her better.
Written By Donella
Nov. 6, 2016, 5:06 a.m.(1/16/1005 AR)
I have concerns. Look. Right here between my eyebrows. Can you see them? These concerns came upon me with her highness Isolde Velenosa's visit, and now I cannot get rid of them.
Subdued all evening, I go back to my dead mama's knee for the first lesson: when you do not know what to do, don't speak; listen. I hope that I will be forgiven, when others hear and read what I have heard and read tonight, for not feeling up to a gala.
When I think of all that is in the Archive, all that could be in the archive, all that was burnt shut up in vaults and closed into folios... maintained, but untouched. What good does it do, to make records of things that must not be forgotten, and then not read them, and teach them to our children? Men die, but they also speak what they know while they live.
Long before there was reading and writing, there were was a palace of words built in the mind. There be treasure.
Subdued all evening, I go back to my dead mama's knee for the first lesson: when you do not know what to do, don't speak; listen. I hope that I will be forgiven, when others hear and read what I have heard and read tonight, for not feeling up to a gala.
When I think of all that is in the Archive, all that could be in the archive, all that was burnt shut up in vaults and closed into folios... maintained, but untouched. What good does it do, to make records of things that must not be forgotten, and then not read them, and teach them to our children? Men die, but they also speak what they know while they live.
Long before there was reading and writing, there were was a palace of words built in the mind. There be treasure.
Written By Donella
Nov. 3, 2016, 6:41 p.m.(1/9/1005 AR)
I am trying to get out there, more. To make contact with people, and know their thoughts. To that end, I am hosting a dinner at the Estate. Just a casual affair, with some cathartic ranting. Hopefully we will have guests. I hate leftover turbot.
This will be after my memorial for Genevieve. She would have wanted her people, the people of all the Compact, taken care of. It would have been like her to remind others that they have duties that do not include endless parties, and gallons of spirits. To be honest, all that is beginning to grate. Genny had a good heart, that was stopped too soon. I need to do something of substance.
This will be after my memorial for Genevieve. She would have wanted her people, the people of all the Compact, taken care of. It would have been like her to remind others that they have duties that do not include endless parties, and gallons of spirits. To be honest, all that is beginning to grate. Genny had a good heart, that was stopped too soon. I need to do something of substance.
Written By Donella
Nov. 3, 2016, 5:59 p.m.(1/9/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Victus
Being who we are, by all rights we should have a more contentious relationship than we do. Victus is as traditional a Thrax captain as they come, while I am possibly the most nontraditional Voice we have ever had. But I regard him in many ways as a bellwether. Our Leviathan is as clever, ruthless, and able a commander of men as we have ever produced. If my work did not nauseate him, I know my life would look very different right now. I admire him, because he toughens me. He treats me only with the respect that I earn from him, which means more than what merely falls at my feet as an accident of birth. He reminds me of what it means to be Thrax.
Written By Donella
Oct. 25, 2016, 10:56 p.m.(12/10/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Donrai
My grandfather, the Prince of Maelstrom, for whom I was named to honor, and who I would have succeeded, had I been a prince instead of a princess. I have long known (for so I was taught) that my future, my fortunes, my very life was dependent on his good will. Even confined to a litter, there is no stronger leader, and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. I tell you, the man still lives because Death is afraid to claim him. And I am his Voice and his student.
Written By Donella
Oct. 25, 2016, 10:25 p.m.(12/10/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Dagon
My younger brother, heir to the Thrax line. He is everything a prince and heir should be, and much admired both for his social grace and his fencing skill. I think he is even starting to appreciate the advantages of the Thrax identity, though he hasn't let go of his lander ideals. That's alright. That is what I am for. I would pull down the sky to protect him. Was there ever a brother and sister whose fates are so bound up together as are ours?
Written By Donella
Oct. 22, 2016, 8:41 p.m.(12/1/1004 AR)
May all thirteen take pity on me, I can't tell if I am paying penance for Why do people insist on making me drink? Even the wine is unadulterated with water in Arx; Do they have a death wish? Perhaps they are trying to pickle me in my own brine?
I stole a ferry. Actually, I forcibly borrowed it, along with Duchess Nightgold's assistance and rum after the to-do in the Redrain district. Sailors like rum. Sailors like silver even better, and that is why sailors are, in spite of their coarse reputation, the steadiest people in all the Compact. My people.
But they don't much care for it when you shove coins and drink in their arms, and push them off the pier. Ah well. Live and learn. I don't actually remember much of what I did, so I suspect I did little but sleep after that spicy stuff from the hip-flask, and the dried fruit.
Maybe more fruit next time, and less spicy stuff.
I stole a ferry. Actually, I forcibly borrowed it, along with Duchess Nightgold's assistance and rum after the to-do in the Redrain district. Sailors like rum. Sailors like silver even better, and that is why sailors are, in spite of their coarse reputation, the steadiest people in all the Compact. My people.
But they don't much care for it when you shove coins and drink in their arms, and push them off the pier. Ah well. Live and learn. I don't actually remember much of what I did, so I suspect I did little but sleep after that spicy stuff from the hip-flask, and the dried fruit.
Maybe more fruit next time, and less spicy stuff.
Written By Donella
Sept. 23, 2016, 3:04 p.m.(8/25/1004 AR)
It is easy to make decisions in an administrative capacity; for one's personal life, it is ever so much harder. Yes, No, Maybe. I don't know. Is it because from the family, I can step back and be objective? I can ask, what would Himself do? And at least then, I can navigate and be confident in how I turn the wheel. But I can never step back from myself. It will always be Donella in here, and whoever she is, whatever she is to anyone else, she... no, I, have to carry the uncertainty, and after, any recriminations by myself. Only feeble-minded weaklings crave someone else to decide for them, for the tide to pull them this way or that. I am Thrax. I chart my own way, and turn into the wind.
Written By Donella
Aug. 27, 2016, 10:49 p.m.(6/2/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Margot
It's been hard to put the nature our relationship into words; probably it should be when your families have killed each other, and you are raised together. I was encouraged always to keep her in 'her place' and to never turn my back on her, so we're not sisterly, and we're not friends. But these days, we share some of the same goals; at least outwardly. We can work together effectively. And that may well be as good as it gets, until there are larger changes-- I can live with detente for now.
Written By Donella
Aug. 23, 2016, 1:30 p.m.(5/17/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Dagon
My younger brother. He's everything a prince and heir should be-- if that prince were not born to the Thrax. He was indulged with fantastic tales of knights and quests, honor and chivalry, his head stuffed with fluff while I was learning everything that would have actually been USEFUL for him to know. Only I can't inherit. What were my parents thinking of? I have to help him, and protect him, until he can be the man we need him to be.
Written By Donella
Aug. 16, 2016, 11:21 p.m.(4/25/1004 AR)
I have the opportunity to meet all manner of interesting people in Arx, as I navigate the planning stages for our Genevieve's wake. Such is the case with the artisan, Master Denon Whisper, who is crafting an exquisite piece of sculpture for the banqueting table. We spent an evening going over plans in great detail-- who knew so much forethought went into *art?* I've also never had a man insist on my palpating his bicep before. I wonder if the gentleman is quite sure he isn't THAT kind of Whisper. Anyway, he mentioned that I might pay a visit to the studio to view the work in progress. Would that be scandalous, I wonder? To go where Whispers whisper about things? Either way, I am satisfied that my wishes are understood.
Written By Donella
Aug. 10, 2016, 2:43 p.m.(4/6/1004 AR)
I have determined that it is past time when I should have had a chat with my younger brother about the future. We have much to accomplish, he and I, and not much time to accomplish it in. The stakes are very high. Until recently, I did not realize quite how much so. It cannot be helped; now, if ever, is the time to test our mettle. Careful and swift, like minnows we must be.
Written By Donella
Aug. 3, 2016, 4:36 p.m.(3/13/1004 AR)
I have been tasked by his Grace with spending lavishly, to provide a fit remembrance for Genevieve's wake. I would like a procession of largesse bearers to the lower borroughs for a feast in the streets. Likely I will have to dispatch thralls just to make the streets fit for it. I have arranged for some sort of statuary centerpiece, provided the artisan, Master Denon Whisper, meets my requirements. I want people remember their late queen with fondness.
Written By Donella
July 15, 2016, 3:16 p.m.(1/12/1004 AR)
I visited the Valardin district, and met Prince Aurelian Valardin again, this time out by their cairn. At least they think it is a cairn to bury the follen from a millennium ago; who can say without looking? An interesting mystery, though for me to wool-gather about. It has a dragon sigil scratched into the slab, but it is so crudely rendered, I wonder if it is meant to signify something else? Apparently, I am "not the worst princess" that he has ever seen. I do not know whether I ought be offended or flattered. I think he meant it neutrally.
Written By Donella
July 12, 2016, 10:27 p.m.(1/4/1004 AR)
I have come to enjoy Victus's company. I know well he doesn't approve of me; and that's alright, because I don't need his approval. But I do appreciate the way he thinks. We talked for a time about Darkwater, the bejeweled war axe made of "elf-steel" that he took from battle with the Tyde. At least we both agree that such a thing must be a "she," we two hounds of the same master's kennel.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.