Written By Zhayla
Dec. 9, 2017, 7:32 p.m.(9/26/1007 AR)
I don't know if that makes me a good Sword or a terrible one, but that's how I feel.
Written By Zhayla
Dec. 9, 2017, 7:13 p.m.(9/26/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Morrighan
Written By Zhayla
July 11, 2017, 4:09 p.m.(10/25/1006 AR)
But, try. Or don't try.
That's also a choice.
Written By Zhayla
July 6, 2017, 8:13 p.m.(10/15/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Alexis
We both agreed that /everyone/ is deserving of a level of dignity and respect no matter who they are. Alexis pointed it out, and I thought that it was common sense.
Why isn't it common sense?
Written By Zhayla
June 18, 2017, 9:09 p.m.(9/5/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Niamh
Niamh helped me find words to put to the feelings inside of me, to understand what honor could really mean outside of stories and empty words. She took me seriously, and she gave me something to aspire to, and she was also just ... a lot of fun. She made me better. She made me feel like I could be better. And I'll always honor her memory.
Written By Zhayla
June 4, 2017, 9:31 p.m.(8/4/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Juliet
She was one of the bravest people I know, and I admired her bravery from the very start. She felt with her whole heart, with a fullness and a ferocity that daunted and inspired me. Every day, I will remember that bravery. Every day, I will strive to meet it.
Written By Zhayla
May 20, 2017, 12:08 p.m.(7/1/1006 AR)
But it's easy to be loyal when one serves House Deepwood.
I washed ashore in Deepwood lands and came to Arx to swear fealty to the Marquessa Samantha. She took me in as a member of her guard, knowing very little of me but trusting me with her safety. She gave me a room of my own, offered funds for equipment, and has -- at every step -- supported me. She surrounds herself with the best people, too. Do you know that happinesss you get, seeing people you care about happy, too? Watching the Marquessa and the Marquis come together and marry has made me happy for them even in the worst of the siege.
I've been learning about the Pantheon, about the gods of the Compact, and while I'm still learning, there's one prayer that I've prayed more than any other: thank you. Thank you, for letting me be part of Deepwood.
Yesterday, I was knighted by the Marquessa of Deepwood. And I accepted the position of Sword of Deepwood. I don't know. Maybe my Arvani isn't good enough, but I don't think I actually have the words to say how much that means to me, or how much it meant to me to see so many of my friends there. If it's easy to be loyal when you serve Deepwood, maybe it will easier for me to strive to be good and wise and honorable and just, because so many of my friends are all of those things, even if some of them would laugh at being called that. Thank you, for letting me surround myself with the best people, too.
Written By Zhayla
May 14, 2017, 7:36 p.m.(6/18/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Gisele
She invited me for tea -- tea! real tea! I brought biscuits! Or scones. I can't tell the difference. -- with just the two of us and we sat and talked about ... I don't know, everything. She gave me a book! A book of my own! I should show Percephon. He'd be so pleased I own a book now. It's bound in leather and it has silver on it and it looks so expensive that I almost wanted to ask how much she'd usually have sold it for, but I didn't want to drop it out of shock. I cleared away a whole section of shells on my shelf to make room for it.
She has a kindness to her that makes me think of the Marquessa, but Gisele gets just as flustered as I do -- which is honestly kind of reassuring when it feels like no one else in the city is ever fazed by anything. I'm glad I can count her as a friend.
Written By Zhayla
May 7, 2017, 10:37 a.m.(6/2/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Reese
When I was called to help reinforce the Redrain ward before it fell, I didn't hesitate, because I felt confident under her command. (Maybe I should've hesitated, and gotten permission from the Deepwood commanders, but next time I'll remember that!!) She led from the front, always, never afraid to take on the same risks that the rest of us ran.
Lucky or blessed or just very, very good, we came through every engagement. I've fought giants. I turned defeat into victory. I've saved her, and she's saved me, and I can't even keep score any more except to acknowledge that there's a debt there, a debt that goes both ways, and it's not even a burden -- it's a bond.
It's funny how chance took me to Deepwood, to the Marquessa, to Bisland and to Grayson above, and how I could have just as easily landed anywhere else. But I'm always grateful that I am where I am. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Written By Zhayla
April 30, 2017, 8:34 p.m.(5/16/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Aureth
Written By Zhayla
April 16, 2017, 6:15 p.m.(4/14/1006 AR)
It was hard for me to really grieve for what I'd lost at the time, because in a way, I didn't lose anything. It still hurt. There was an ache. I might not have known her for long, but she filled a moment like it was a year. But I lost a potential more than I lost anything real. It hurt because there was an emptiness that I knew could have been filled. But it wasn't like I'd had something and had it torn away, not like it hurt the people around me. The people who were her real friends, her real family.
And so many of them have reached out to me, to take me in. Every one surprises me again, in a different way. All kinds of people, commoner and noble, but it's easy to see in each of them something that made her reach out to them, too. Something that made them special.
So maybe it's not that strange when I say I miss my sister, even if I barely knew her, and that I'm forever grateful to her.
Written By Zhayla
April 9, 2017, 9:29 a.m.(3/27/1006 AR)
So maybe that's all true, and the ... person, I guess ... fights on the same side as us, but he still makes me really, really, really uncomfortable.
Then again, death's never been very comfortable. It might be natural, sometimes it might be expected, and sometimes it could even be a relief in the face of suffering -- but it's never comfortable. Even knowing that there might be a beginning again.... So much ends with death, and there's such an awful stillness to the bodies left when the souls have moved on. I've never been comfortable looking back at the bodies of those I killed, even knowing I've done it for the best of reasons to defend the Compact.
The way he forms, too: out of dust, coming together in the air, just makes me think of the way those people Brand attacked just ... shattered into ashes and were gone. Ugh. Sorry, Queen, but your servant is Reall Creepy.
I wonder how Aureth feels about death. Death, capital D? From the looks of the rest of the journals I glanced at, he had quite an adventure the other day. Can he find it comfortable? Is it supposed to be? I should ask what he thinks, maybe, but I don't think death I ever want to get too comfortable with death. Not when I too often end up delivering it. I'd rather feel the weight of it. I dread the day I don't.
Written By Zhayla
March 24, 2017, 6:32 p.m.(2/24/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Samantha
I'm so grateful, either way, and I don't give thanks as often as I should. I'm just glad. I'm glad and I'm grateful and I'm happy that it _was_ Deepwood where I landed. From the first moment I took on the mantle of Prodigal, she has been nothing but kind to me, giving me opportunity -- giving me a home -- when she didn't need to give me anything. She trusted me when she didn't have to, when wiser people might've said 'let's not let the strange Prodigal with the giant sword wander around through our house and also give her a ROOM of her OWN'. But she did. She trusted me. And every day I try to live up to that trust.
I wasn't surprised when I heard of the huge numbers of other Abandoned that looked to her and saw someone worth following. I've never been more proud to serve Deepwood. I've never been more grateful to serve Deepwood.
Written By Zhayla
March 22, 2017, 10:44 p.m.(2/20/1006 AR)
This one wasn't like the other one we met: this one was animated by dark magic, and anyway, it only had one head. But I found myself thinking of the other. Was he -- were they? -- Formorian, too? I've never heard of Formorians!! What are they? Are they like us? Where are they from? Was he, like the shav'arvani, made to fight against his own will, or did he give himself to the Silence?
Of course, none of those questions matter. I fought with the Grayson forces, right by Prince Barric and Princess Reese, even!! I was one of the many that lifted our blades to bring the Formorian down. It didn't matter where he came from or why he was here as he led the forces against us. All that mattered is that we stopped him, that we stopped them. When we killed him -- Serafine knocking him right off his feet, it was amazing!! -- the will of the shav'arvani following him dissolved like smoke, just like his body.
It makes me so uneasy, the way something real can just fade away like that. It's not right.
When the shav'arvani column collapsed, I braced for the slaughter that woud follow. But -- it didn't come. Dagon was first and clearest to lift his voice and order a halt, and it was echoed down the line. I'm ashamed that I was so surprised. I should have had more faith in them. Sometimes it's hard, when even people I respect a lot talk of the Abandoned like an infection, and I see the way some treat Prodigals every day.
But still -- still. It's not everyone, and when it mattered, they remembered.
Written By Zhayla
March 19, 2017, 4:10 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Tristan
Written By Zhayla
March 19, 2017, 4:08 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Roland
Written By Zhayla
March 19, 2017, 4 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Holden
He told some really good stories about Aleksei, too. I'm waiting until the next dinner at the Murder and for Aleksei to take a nice big drink of something so I can ask him about them.
Written By Zhayla
March 19, 2017, 3:58 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Ferrando
I hope he keeps Octo safe.
Written By Zhayla
March 19, 2017, 3:53 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
I met Roland at the training center months ago, and he seemed like a good man, then. Now I've seen how good and how true his heart is, as when given a compass that could take him to anything he wanted -- anything at all! in the entire world! -- his only thought was to find something to defend the Compact and save the city. And that thought was so strong that it never wavered even though we sailed for days and days across unknown seas before arriving at a mysterious island.
To be honest I was a little nervous at first when I left the city. It wasn't that we were on a boat -- I mean, I like being at sea. Usually. Some of the others -- Roland, Holden, Tristan -- seemed like they would have been happier on a horse. Ferrando did okay on the ship, though! But now I know a little more about the monsters that are out there in the depths, and I know just how much I could risk facing them.
But our voyage was uneventful -- delightful, amazing, incredible -- but uneventful. Our destination, though, that was something special. The island was beautiful, although strangely silent, and we found out why before long at all. We saw these giant footprints, bigger than all of ours put together ... and then the giant that they belonged to.
I fought a Bringer at Pridehall. I'll face them again, soon. But this -- this man, these men -- seemed even bigger. And although there was just one set of footprints, just one body, and two arms, the arms were controlled by two different heads atop his shoulders. One of the heads was one of the saddest men I've ever seen, while the other, his mad brother, was thankfully dozing when we arrived. He'd gone mad -- something about a bet with a dragon (A REAL DRAGON???) and they were trapped there on the island with the dragon's horde. The mad one killed every other living thing on the island, even their pet cat, and it was funny how sorry I felt for such a strange person in that moment, even as we were taking up arms against the mad half. All I could think was that I wanted to know more of their story, and what it waste it was that something so strange and so unique should die so soon after we met it. Even if the sad one seemed almost thankful, in the end.
After that, we dug. And we dug and we dug and we dug. (And thank the gods for Ferrando, bringing rope and shovels and canteens and all of the things you need for an adventure that you never remember because you're too excited to just grab your sword and run out the door.) And Roland found an old, old box, with an old, old weapon that's been blessed to fight against the Bringers and the Silence. There was a queen's wealth in the box, which must have been the dragon's hoard, and while none of the rest of us came away with something quite that wonderful, we do still have a token: something for memory, I guess, although I don't think I could ever forget.
Ferrando has maybe the most marvelous thing of all: a rainbow-colored spider. It's so big! I didn't even know spiders could get that big! He's calling her Octo and she seems pretty friendly and very smart. She was smart enough to stay out of trouble in the fight, and come out when it was clear. It was definitely pretty weird at first, and I'm glad she wasn't hiding in my armor, but she's still really neat.
I still wonder about the dragon.
Written By Zhayla
March 14, 2017, 10:06 p.m.(2/4/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Fortunato
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