Arx, After the Reckoning

First and foremost, the Knights of Solace have the gratitude of myself and House Deepwood. For their service to the gods and the people whom they guide and serve, we intend to make a donation to both the Knights of Solace and the Faith of the Pantheon. The work they do is of vital importance, shepherding the devout along the paths of pilgrimage. The Compact and the people of it are truly blessed to have these dedicated protectors.

Eight months ago I left Arx to seek the gods, to walk among those others who wished to offer prayer and oblation to them, and to show my eldest child the path one must walk to honor the gods. It is among the Knights of Solace and other travelers that we traveled, along with our own small retinue. We set our sights west and began the long journey from Arx to Sanctum. It was made longer still by our desire to deviate from the direct path to visit places that were out of the way; which thankfully we were able to shift ourselves from one group of Knights of Solace to another some of those times. In others, it was simply our small retinue venturing away from the greater whole and setting off.

On the road one can encounter any number of people. Sometimes you encounter an old friend traveling in the opposite direction. Sometimes that individual is someone whom you’ve often turned to in the past for faithful pursues and guidance. When one leaves Arx to go on a pilgrimage traveling west, only to encounter the Legate of Concepts traveling east on her return to Arx during her own massive pilgrimage? It’s a sign. When that person is someone whom you once joined with in morning prayer, every morning? It’s a sign. When your path crosses with that person and you’re given the opportunity to once again give praise to the Pantheon alongside them? It’s a sign. That is exactly what happened with myself and our encountering Legate Ailith in her pilgrimage. It was a welcome surprise and one that I think ultimately blessed our journey westward. Our journey to Sanctum had only just begun and already it had been bolstered by an encounter with one so tried and true as the Legate Ailith.

With our intention being to honor the gods, it was also to show the heir created of my wife and I what the Compact looked like beyond Old Oak, Arx, and everything in between. Early on in the marriage of myself and Samantha, we had agreed that any children that we had would be well acquainted with their father’s origins. It would not be a Crownlands upbringing alone that they would experience and enjoy, but one also flavored by the Oathlands. Since before my daughter arrived, there has been the understanding that she would see Lyon’s Redoubt as early as possible. To know where I, her father, was born and raised. We can now say that resolution has been concluded. Thanks to my sister, Marquessa Demura Lyonesse, that aspiration has been realized. My sister saw fit to not only accept my request to visit our old home and stay awhile, but to also keep me busy with a few responsibilities and duties for the duration of my time spent visiting. She knows me so well and it very nearly brings a tear to my eye, because she knew that I couldn’t sit idle for too long. I needed some sort of duty, some sort of responsibility, some manner of task to put myself toward that was more than a leisurely visit to my old home. For that, my sister and House Lyonesse has my gratitude.

We also saw Sir Jak Whitemane. I can’t write what he had to say to me in a white journal in good conscience. It was quite rude and vulgar. I’m pretty sure he’s taken a strong dislike of me since I’ve been away. Or he’s just old and hoping someone will kill him out of annoyance. Then probably turn his old skin into the latest armor for the Compact. Stronger than steelsilk. Jakhide? Someone should pitch the idea to him. Regardless of his disposition, Sir Jak Whitemane, as my knight, will always have a special place in my heart. No matter how old and crotchety he’s become or will be. How old is he now? 72? 80? 106? He must be part-something or another. I can safely report though that he took wonderfully to Nara. He treated her with all the courtesy and respect her station demands and he behaved as the knight that I always know he can and will be. He’s just a bit more free with his thoughts and words toward those he’s had the ability to call his squire at some point in life.

For every aspect that the Pantheon represents, I am grateful. I am grateful for this life that I’ve been given. With every hardship that it carries with it, for every dangerous encounter experienced, for every thing that seeks to shake my faith in humanity; it endures. We endure. In ourselves we find our resolve, but it is the Pantheon that hones it and shows it a proper direction. We give prayer and thanks.

It was to Duskshire that we traveled soon after, paying a visit before the final leg of the trip to Sanctum. There I encountered a peculiar sort of mule. A Duskshire mule, I’m told. Quite temperamental, feisty even, and it was possessed of a seemingly insatiable need to eat my clothing. At one point it even gave me a bit of a nibble, so I gave it a bit of a knuckle to the head. So it tried to bite me again, so I punched it in the head again. That went back and forth for a time until finally the mule got a sleeve and wandered off to enjoy the spoils of war. Maybe it was a test put toward me by Petrichor. Maybe it is a test that I failed miserably. Nature always triumphs, I suppose. Next time I venture to Duskshire, I believe I will do so in full kit. That way it can bite my steel clad butt. If I had been thinking clearly at the time, I’d have asked to purchase my newfound nemesis. Then donated him to the Iron Guard in Arx, given him his own guard crest, and put him on a patrol. Crime may well have plummeted with his presence. Or that beast of burden would have been running the whole of criminal operations within the first six months. Who knows. We must take care that the solutions we seek to create, do not become tomorrow’s monsters.

It was time for the main event after Duskshire. The moment that my daughter and I were awaiting. The moment that anticipation had building and building toward. I would like to say that first glimpse of Sanctum stole my daughter’s breath away. That would be a lie. The truth of the matter is that while it did steal my daughter’s breath away, it stole my own away, too. Sanctum always has and always will be that for me. If only I could visit more often. If only life had gone just a little differently, perhaps I’d have the opportunity to visit more often. To visit the chapels and be immersed in worship of the Pantheon. It is my only hope that she will remember that moment, wandering the streets and avenues of Sanctum and being immersed in what the Oathlands has to offer. She will have opportunities in the future of course; His Grace, Prince Edain Valardin agreed long ago to take her on as his squire when she is prepared for it. She will not lack in opportunities to embrace a part of her heritage.

We spent a good deal of time in Sanctum, keeping a low profile and simply staying focused on the important matters. Our faith, our love, our adoration, our commitment to the Pantheon. I am proud to say that Lady Nara took to it all with aplomb. She may have the down to earth outlook of her mother at times, but I can say with pride that she’s just as ready to embrace the pageantry of our lives when the time arises. What was truly beautiful of our visit to the Oathlands is that while I sought for it to teach my daughter things? I think it taught my daughter things about me. Those many variable habits, personality quirks, minor or seemingly inconsequential beliefs, and everything else that makes up a person. I think it revealed some, even child’s understanding, of what has ushered her father down the paths that I have taken in my own life.

After Sanctum, we began our journey east. I feel that all should venture west to refresh themselves from the well of the Faith, from time to time. It will sharpen resolve, bolster the spirit, guide the path, and more. It is like seeing sunlight for the first time in a long time. Every color seems just a little more vivid, every breath seems a little more crisp than the last. Every aspect of life simply seems more vibrant and alive. I have been witness to many things in this lifetime. Things that I can’t yet write about. I have seen marvels that make you question every aspect of the world that you know. I have seen things that truly boggle the mind and can make one question whether the choice to abstain from alcohol is worth it. For me personally, it all pales in comparison to Sanctum. Even the magnificence of Arx, the historical importance of it which I respect and appreciate, still pales in comparison to Sanctum.

There are still troubles that lurk over me, but I will accept them and do what I am able to resolve them. Whether it is through a life given in pursuit of a valorous end or some alternative, we will find a way and the Pantheon will show the way. My return to Arx is one that I have not realized I longed for. I have been happy to once again see the high walls, hear the clamor of the peoples in the streets, to return to walking my patrols with the Iron Guard, to look south and wonder what could have been, to stare south and think that my life would still be given with or without an oath. I have missed my goats and wish to publicly state in writing here and now that I appreciate the staff of Deepwood Manor for seeing to the care of them in my absence. Some day there will be a competition for the best lawn in Arx and they will help usher that lawn to victory.

My return did bring with it some news that brought a measure of sadness to me. A fair few of my friends and acquaintances have departed. My best friend is gone and she took with her a fair few other knights that I was particularly fond. My best friend leaving hurts the most, but just as she asked me about our bracelets long ago; I don’t need it to know our friendship endures. I don’t need her constant attention or even proximity to know that I am still her friend and she is mine. Then Dame Esoka has left too! I’m not sure whom to turn when I need someone to stand unwavering at my side or back; she and I fought together during the Siege of Arx a few years back. I’ve told her time and again since then that there are few that I would be so pleased to fight alongside. Sir Calaudrin - you know how serious this is, since I spelled his name right - likewise departed and the Iron Guard surely feels duty taking him elsewhere. It’s all quite unfortunate that I didn’t have an opportunity to tell them goodbye, but I’m sure that I’ll have an opportunity some day. Whether that’s in this life or another, I’m sure I’ll have that opportunity to give each of them a firm handshake and let them see a smile.

The past eight months have been good for me. When one begins to feel like life is taking its toll and every day seems a little worse than the last. When even the Way of the Pie can’t seem to bolster your spirits? We must take the reins of our life, give them a jerk, and direct the horse down another path. Sanctum has been that path to me, the road to it, and those I encountered along the way. Even something as simple as encountering a family of commoners, out trading and dealing, making use of a group of Knights of Solace and a noble’s entourage for their own needs. Only to discover one evening around a campfire that those same commons hold relations to another that you know and have known for years. A people so friendly that they’re prepared to regale you with story after story of a person you know simply because you mentioned where you journey from and some of your duties there. You mention the Iron Guard to the Fatchforths out seeing the world? You’d better be prepared for the barrage of questions and then the blanket of tales which will soon follow. Some of them quite hilarious, some of them surely embarrassing. For the dangers of the space between the Compact’s holdings though, it is those sort of people that help to calm the nerves. They are a vital people to life.

I return to Arx renewed and ready.

Family dinner happened. No one can say that it wasn't interesting. It was also nice to see everyone and our vassals. Also---my aim has perfected itself. Right in the eye!

Remind me to drink more water with my wine... It seems I am not as young as I used to be.

Upon marrying Kedehern, it seems I find myself the Aunt to many, as well as being a Great Aunt. I have to say it is a bit awkward when the Duke calls you Aunt Shae.

Our small ceremony was perfect and intimate, just as I had wanted it to be. I wish mother could have been there for it, but other then that it really was wonderful. And now we are taking a nice trip to Artshall, with a stopover in in Duskshire to see my mother. Hopefully I will be able to convince Kedehern to make a few side trips to look at some breeds of dogs I am interested in getting. In hopes to cross breed them with my own, to create some new breeds.

Truth be told, I would have loved for Kedehern to have married into Keaton. Perhaps in an effort of compromise I could name our children with K names, such as; Karina, Kirlys, Kiana, Karly, Karis, Katya, Kat, Kathryn, Kara?

Seems I am hoping for all girls.

Things seem to be moving again. Preparations for our trip to the Shadowood are nearly complete, though it's a shame that Lady Amari can no longer join our party at this time. Still, she'll be good company for Shae and myself on our other trip, to the north.

I swear to all the gods, if i wasn't already a drunk, I would be now.

In other news, I'm proud of my family for standing by our honor and what is right by our people.
Now if you'll excuse me, scholar, I have a bender to continue.

Congratulations to Lady Zoey and Lord Ian on their new baby girl. i got to gush over her today - she's adorable!

Yes

Beloved Mangata

We thank you for your grace and inspiration, for the wind through our hair, the water that swirls through and over falls, with the sound soothing us to serenity. We thank you for the blessing of summer, and the drink that we have, the lives that we live.

We offer you these tokens of our thanks and admiration, small though they may be. The sparkle and gleam of the water and light as it hits them brings joy and lightness to all, much as your grace does.

I have recovered an ancient lay, but more importantly, I wish to report that a cow's nose is heavenly in its softness.

Apollo asked some good, deep questions this evening that have made me pause to take an uncomfortable look into myself and my priorities. I would really rather have them answered sooner than later.

Based on the responses of others I will have to concede that you are correct:

That love is defined by the one who feels it. However, I still find myself in a contemplatives quandary. When we are born we know nothing. It is our parents or caregivers responsibility to teach us. We are blank slates upon which they pass on their knowledge. Did you know what a cookie was until your mother held one out and said, "Here, little one, have a cookie."

Did you know the color orange until you were taught your colors? We do not know how to read until we are taught our letters and how to put them together. I do not remember being taught the concept of anger, but I am certain that as a toddler when I was throwing a tantrum over having to go to bed I did not know what I was feeling. I am certain that my mother taught me that I was behaving badly because I was angry.

As creatures we know nothing until we are taught.

So if we know nothing until we are taught, but Love is something we define for ourselves...

Who teaches us love?

And are we being taught the right kind of love?

It was a much needed refreshment to take time to pray at the Mangata shrine today. No matter how many cares and frustrations one faces, there is always hope while alive for a better day on the morrow.

Congratulations, though I fear Uncle Baron Norwood will be a nervous wreck from now on, with his waking hours all fully committed to making sure young Lady Nora Woode is kept safe from bears.

Many are those who discount the value of someone who can notice when something is about to go awry - I am not one of them. It's not a gift I'm particularly attuned to, and the number of times I've near-blundered only to have someone more attentive save my hide is rather high.

All the same... Do be careful, Lenne Crovane.

As I have set off on my journey to understand that path which I have set before myself and the commitment that I intend to embark on, I have begun a city-wide pilgrimage to the holy sites of the city. I've decided that I wish to start my journey by visiting the Shrine of the Lost, which is all that we currently have of The Dreamer, Aion. Recently rediscovered, there is so little known about this mysterious creator of everything in our world. There are some that claim that all of creation is but the dream of a God and while that may well wind up being true, I find I am not fond of this theory, choosing instead to believe that the dreamer makes real that what he dreams. Well, not quite. I imagine that what the truth of reality is, it's far more complex than anything that can be so easily described, and regardless of anything else I might say, his dream is our reality.

The Shrine itself was quite empty during my visit. When I arrived, I was the single soul that decided to make the visit this morning, though evidence of the Priests that come and visit and keep the place tidied up. There is something so strangely tragic about a god that has yet to do anything in our lifetimes that we can see, just a silent dreamer with so few truly aware of everything he has done. I can't help but wonder if this is how things are supposed to be, or if we must do more to raise awareness. The lost have been found, and yet I still feel as though something is missing. I hope we figure out what that is sooner rather than later.

I waited for some time, and prayed in silence for much of my visit, when I wasn't just trying to look around and learn what I can of this place. Though nobody arrived that I could speak with, I feel I at least made a connection to something that is so rarely tapped into. I hope to learn more as I continue my path, and tomorrow I intend on finding my way into the Shrine of the Queen of Endings, another of the lost. I will write my thoughts the same as I did today.

Several EXCITING projects going on.

Josephine Arcuri will do the finishing touches on Death's Crown soon, which means it will be displayed at the Shrine of the Queen for all to see. A ceremony of some kind will take place for this, of course. An artifact of the Queen, created by human hands.

Bard's College is buzzing with activity as we practice for an upcoming concert of LEGENDARY proportion. The song I will sing is mostly finished, I'm working on some details. Others are finished or working on theirs. The concert will be in about a month. PLenty of time! Backgrounds and decor is being built. There will be a quite amazing surprise!

When I became a countess I was told of the noble burden. That as a leader of a house I must make sure I endure, and end as many hardships as I could for my people. Is it fair to be dressed in fine fabrics and waste money on frivolous things while my people starve? Is it not better to dress in linen and provide bags of grain for those who need it? Since becoming a Stahlben, I have tried my hardest to live by that. Is my choice making someone else's life harder? Have I helped someone today?

Tonight I was told something new. Part of being a noble is to protect those who need it. To speak up against injustice and cruelty. I would of thought that would be part of being human. That when we look into the mirror, when we examine our true selves, are we happy with what we see? Are you content with your actions? Your words? Have you made life better for those considered below your station?

So I ask, are you happy with your choices?