Written By Jeffeth
Sept. 9, 2018, 10:45 p.m.(7/24/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Juniper
Those were very nice words, thank you.
Written By Jeffeth
Sept. 6, 2018, 3:28 p.m.(7/18/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Juniper
Everyone should call on Juniper Whisper for their 'let's stop fighting' needs. She and the Whisper House can help you keep things from escalating so you don't need to hire a Champion! She charges far less than I do for Champion fights. It would be a wise investment!
Written By Jeffeth
Sept. 6, 2018, 1:24 a.m.(7/17/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Derovai
What
Written By Jeffeth
Aug. 26, 2018, 9:50 p.m.(6/20/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Thena
She is.
Written By Jeffeth
Aug. 26, 2018, 7:41 p.m.(6/20/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Sabella
CONGRATULATIONS PRINCESS SABELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(The exclamation mark continue until it's clear either he got bored or his hand got tired, they start to resemble just two dots)
Written By Jeffeth
Aug. 16, 2018, 9:21 p.m.(5/28/1009 AR)
Morning Mist Hill stands once more. I am so very thankful to all those who made this possible. This was to honor Sandrine in a way that she would have approved of, not a gaudy memorial but a place that took care of children and praised the Gods. The addition of the library is to honor Brother Martin. In a way he would have approved of. To inspire and enrich the lives of the young that will grow up there. If you ever find yourself on pilgrimage I encourage you to travel to Morning Mist Hill. Sandrine is a hero of the faith and I hope everyone gets to hear her story.
I have already mentioned so many people that this could not have happened without. I would like to thank again Korka Glynn, Bliss Whisper, Prince Niklas Grayson, and Princess Caith Thrax for helping me scout the location and rediscover Morning Mist Hill. Then to all those who donated, we received more than enough and the site is beautiful. Thank you all so much. Your generosity and your kindness will not be forgotten.
I have already mentioned so many people that this could not have happened without. I would like to thank again Korka Glynn, Bliss Whisper, Prince Niklas Grayson, and Princess Caith Thrax for helping me scout the location and rediscover Morning Mist Hill. Then to all those who donated, we received more than enough and the site is beautiful. Thank you all so much. Your generosity and your kindness will not be forgotten.
Written By Jeffeth
July 25, 2018, 10:15 p.m.(4/7/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Jordan
Thank you Sir Jordan. I accept your apology and look forward to putting this entire incident behind us. I apologize for my own inability to control my temper. I should not have gone out that night knowing the state I was in. I hope you can accept my apology as well. Walk in the Light and be well.
Written By Jeffeth
July 25, 2018, 1:26 p.m.(4/6/1009 AR)
I want to be clear. I did not challenge Sir Jordan Ober for 'not protecting Brother Martin'. Nor did I challenge him for not being able to bring him back. Though I do appreciate the words. It took a challenge, many peoples in the whites outrage, and apparently one of the most powerful people in the compact for Sir Jordan to give me his sincere condolences, but all the same, it came. But Sir Jordan was not challenged for what he apologized for.
Sir Jordan was challenged for trying to bait me into a fight. Pushing and prodding me while I am admittedly out of my mind. When I showed up, the first thing he said to me was 'You're not here to kill us all are you?' with a smirk. I just stared at him, because I had no words. He stared back, letting me know he wasn't afraid of me. I didn't want him to be afraid of me. I don't want him to be afraid of me. Throughout the night he sent a few barbs my way, trying to pick a fight. I resisted until I was about to leave. I should've kept resisting. I'm sorry, Martin. That's why I challenged him. He was trying his best to barb his way into provoking me while claiming he was being polite and that I was the insane savage beast. It's an easy thing to do right now. But a knight shouldn't do it.
My challenge wasn't about Martin, it was about me. Once I realized that it made me think a lot about it. I read Archlector Aureth's post and I thought more about it. I have done and said things since Martin died, things I know Martin wouldn't like. I threw a man on the ground, then punched him, I screamed at a Scholar, I broke a shovel so no one could help me with my task, I've been rude, I've been sullen, I've been a handful. I know that. I'm sorry about that. I'm going to try not to do that anymore, but I'm not sure how good I am going to be at it just yet. All of this would be a disappointment to Brother Martin. Not a huge disappointment, because even in this time he would be understanding, he would know how much I hurt and he would be empathetic. He would know how hard losing him is. But he would encourage me to be better. I know that.
In the past days I will say that there are some people who are good at dealing with someone who is out of there mind with grief, I didn't really realize while it was happening. But I thank you.
Then there are those that are not so good with it. People who have tried to lecture me, or tell me that my mind is closed, or that I'm self-righteous, or that I need to get over it, or people that won't fucking leave me alone when I try so hard to ask nicely. When you all are ravaged with pain, I hope you don't have to experience these things. Sir Jordan falls in the second category, clearly.
It is hard what I am trying to say. I am admitting to fault, I know I have done wrong in the past few days. But that isn't to say Sir Jordan is blameless. He's not, he acted completely in contradiction to how a knight should act. It was dishonorable and his apology had nothing to do with his behavior. If I had done something like that, or one of my Brothers or Sisters in arms had done something like that they would not be let off the hook. But, I'm rescinding the challenge. I know that the intent of Sir Jordan's retraction was to not fight the duel, even if he didn't actually apologize for what he was challenged for, but so there's no confusion, I am dropping the challenge. Sir Jordan can do whatever he likes and his behavior is between him and one of the most important people in the Compact I suppose. I apologize for the challenge, I should have just let it go.
I also want to make clear that I never said if I was there I could have done better. But if I was there, and those losses were sustained, I would have considered it a failure. In the future I would /need/ to do better. I'm not trying to say that those who fought there did not do so honorably, and did not do their very best. I thank them for their fight, I thank them (including Sir Ober) for risking their lives for Martin and for the Compact. That doesn't mean I'm not angry with them. And I imagine, in time, that anger will fade, once I accept it. I appreciate Princess Astraea's comments on it in the Whites. When I wrote my journal before, I was so angry, but that's all I wanted. Really. But I realize now that I shouldn't have pressed for that, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to find the other things Sir Jordan accused me of in his challenge acceptance so I can address them, but apparently it has been taken down. If Sir Jordan would like me to address them, I am willing to.
I apologize for my behavior. For my harsh words. I will do my best to be better, to be able to rise above. For all those who have sent very supportive messages to me, I thank you. I hear you and appreciate you, even if I'm not very good at expressing it right now.
Sir Jordan was challenged for trying to bait me into a fight. Pushing and prodding me while I am admittedly out of my mind. When I showed up, the first thing he said to me was 'You're not here to kill us all are you?' with a smirk. I just stared at him, because I had no words. He stared back, letting me know he wasn't afraid of me. I didn't want him to be afraid of me. I don't want him to be afraid of me. Throughout the night he sent a few barbs my way, trying to pick a fight. I resisted until I was about to leave. I should've kept resisting. I'm sorry, Martin. That's why I challenged him. He was trying his best to barb his way into provoking me while claiming he was being polite and that I was the insane savage beast. It's an easy thing to do right now. But a knight shouldn't do it.
My challenge wasn't about Martin, it was about me. Once I realized that it made me think a lot about it. I read Archlector Aureth's post and I thought more about it. I have done and said things since Martin died, things I know Martin wouldn't like. I threw a man on the ground, then punched him, I screamed at a Scholar, I broke a shovel so no one could help me with my task, I've been rude, I've been sullen, I've been a handful. I know that. I'm sorry about that. I'm going to try not to do that anymore, but I'm not sure how good I am going to be at it just yet. All of this would be a disappointment to Brother Martin. Not a huge disappointment, because even in this time he would be understanding, he would know how much I hurt and he would be empathetic. He would know how hard losing him is. But he would encourage me to be better. I know that.
In the past days I will say that there are some people who are good at dealing with someone who is out of there mind with grief, I didn't really realize while it was happening. But I thank you.
Then there are those that are not so good with it. People who have tried to lecture me, or tell me that my mind is closed, or that I'm self-righteous, or that I need to get over it, or people that won't fucking leave me alone when I try so hard to ask nicely. When you all are ravaged with pain, I hope you don't have to experience these things. Sir Jordan falls in the second category, clearly.
It is hard what I am trying to say. I am admitting to fault, I know I have done wrong in the past few days. But that isn't to say Sir Jordan is blameless. He's not, he acted completely in contradiction to how a knight should act. It was dishonorable and his apology had nothing to do with his behavior. If I had done something like that, or one of my Brothers or Sisters in arms had done something like that they would not be let off the hook. But, I'm rescinding the challenge. I know that the intent of Sir Jordan's retraction was to not fight the duel, even if he didn't actually apologize for what he was challenged for, but so there's no confusion, I am dropping the challenge. Sir Jordan can do whatever he likes and his behavior is between him and one of the most important people in the Compact I suppose. I apologize for the challenge, I should have just let it go.
I also want to make clear that I never said if I was there I could have done better. But if I was there, and those losses were sustained, I would have considered it a failure. In the future I would /need/ to do better. I'm not trying to say that those who fought there did not do so honorably, and did not do their very best. I thank them for their fight, I thank them (including Sir Ober) for risking their lives for Martin and for the Compact. That doesn't mean I'm not angry with them. And I imagine, in time, that anger will fade, once I accept it. I appreciate Princess Astraea's comments on it in the Whites. When I wrote my journal before, I was so angry, but that's all I wanted. Really. But I realize now that I shouldn't have pressed for that, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to find the other things Sir Jordan accused me of in his challenge acceptance so I can address them, but apparently it has been taken down. If Sir Jordan would like me to address them, I am willing to.
I apologize for my behavior. For my harsh words. I will do my best to be better, to be able to rise above. For all those who have sent very supportive messages to me, I thank you. I hear you and appreciate you, even if I'm not very good at expressing it right now.
Written By Jeffeth
July 23, 2018, 1:59 p.m.(4/2/1009 AR)
Prince Ectorion Valardin
Princess Astraea Valardin
Commandant Violet Sandreef-Marjawn
Sir Jordan Ober
Sparte
Prince Luca Grayson
Putting this list here so I have it forever, so I can remember. Unless it is about where his body is, I don't recommend any of the people on this list try to contact me any time soon. Even you, Luca.
Princess Astraea Valardin
Commandant Violet Sandreef-Marjawn
Sir Jordan Ober
Sparte
Prince Luca Grayson
Putting this list here so I have it forever, so I can remember. Unless it is about where his body is, I don't recommend any of the people on this list try to contact me any time soon. Even you, Luca.
Written By Jeffeth
July 23, 2018, 12:53 p.m.(4/2/1009 AR)
There's not many trees in the Lowers. As an orphan in the Lowers, I didn't see them very often. Trees. I remember as a little boy telling Brother Martin about how I didn't know what a tree looked like. Not really. He pretended we were going to go on a forbidden journey to see one of the biggest and most beautiful trees there were. As an adult I'm not sure if he was really breaking any rules, but he acted like it was our secret. He took me on a ride outside of Arx. I'm sure I saw trees before that in passing, but I remember thinking this was the first time I really got to look at them. I got to see animals past hungry dogs and filthy cats.
He took me to a tree that was huge. I know it's not the biggest tree in the world now, but I thought it had to be at the time. So old, roots so deep. No one could cut down that tree. Not even the gods could cut down a tree with roots that deep.
He was old even when we were little. That is to say there was never a time in my life when he didn't seem very, very old. I often thought that he must know everything there is to know about the world. As I grew up I learned that he didn't but I also learned from him what wisdom looked like, what wisdom sounded like. I know I don't always make the wise choices, but I know what it sounds like, what it looks like. I feel like I know it when I hear it. A lot of people in this city think they're wise, or they want to be wise so bad they pretend they are. I know when it's real and I know when it's fake because of him. He was wise, real wisdom, not like some of the idiots in this city who just want to sound smart. He knew how to make the people around him better, and he would act in that way, to support people, even if it meant him giving up something he wanted.
I would always get upset that I didn't have a family. A lot of kids from the orphanage never get one. He told me that family is what I made it to be. Andry and I were just as much brothers as any two kids that happened to have the same mom and the same dad and knew who they were because of the love and care we had for each other. Andry and I thought we made ourselves family back then, that it was our choice. But it was Martin that did it, that gave us the kind of love no one else had ever given us. We called him Grandpa, but really, he was our father. He is the only father I have ever known, he raised me and everything I am is in thanks to him. He didn't have any children of his own blood but he was a better father to two orphan children than many fathers of blood I've seen in my years. He was a kind man, a gentle man, a good man.
He wrote me a letter before this happened. A letter that made me very sad, because it sounded like he thought he was going to die soon. I eventually wrote it off because I feel like he's been saying he's going to die soon my whole life, because he has always been just so old. But then this happened. He had to have done it on purpose. And that's why he said goodbye to me. And I never wrote back.
Not many people I know in this city knew Martin. But all the children did. All the children, all the priests. He was not just a man, he was a force. Any place Martin went was better off for it. Him simply being there solved problems. He had deep roots. So old, roots so deep. No one could cut down that tree. Not even the gods could cut down that tree.
That's what I thought.
To the 'heroes' that were present when Martin fell, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive you. I'll probably try, later, when I'm not so angry, when I can stop crying every time I think about him. But I don't know. You should have done better. You should have saved him. You should have made it so he didn't feel like he had to do what he did. I'm sure other people will say you did good, that you're heroes. To me, you failed.
I'm not going to be around for a while.
He took me to a tree that was huge. I know it's not the biggest tree in the world now, but I thought it had to be at the time. So old, roots so deep. No one could cut down that tree. Not even the gods could cut down a tree with roots that deep.
He was old even when we were little. That is to say there was never a time in my life when he didn't seem very, very old. I often thought that he must know everything there is to know about the world. As I grew up I learned that he didn't but I also learned from him what wisdom looked like, what wisdom sounded like. I know I don't always make the wise choices, but I know what it sounds like, what it looks like. I feel like I know it when I hear it. A lot of people in this city think they're wise, or they want to be wise so bad they pretend they are. I know when it's real and I know when it's fake because of him. He was wise, real wisdom, not like some of the idiots in this city who just want to sound smart. He knew how to make the people around him better, and he would act in that way, to support people, even if it meant him giving up something he wanted.
I would always get upset that I didn't have a family. A lot of kids from the orphanage never get one. He told me that family is what I made it to be. Andry and I were just as much brothers as any two kids that happened to have the same mom and the same dad and knew who they were because of the love and care we had for each other. Andry and I thought we made ourselves family back then, that it was our choice. But it was Martin that did it, that gave us the kind of love no one else had ever given us. We called him Grandpa, but really, he was our father. He is the only father I have ever known, he raised me and everything I am is in thanks to him. He didn't have any children of his own blood but he was a better father to two orphan children than many fathers of blood I've seen in my years. He was a kind man, a gentle man, a good man.
He wrote me a letter before this happened. A letter that made me very sad, because it sounded like he thought he was going to die soon. I eventually wrote it off because I feel like he's been saying he's going to die soon my whole life, because he has always been just so old. But then this happened. He had to have done it on purpose. And that's why he said goodbye to me. And I never wrote back.
Not many people I know in this city knew Martin. But all the children did. All the children, all the priests. He was not just a man, he was a force. Any place Martin went was better off for it. Him simply being there solved problems. He had deep roots. So old, roots so deep. No one could cut down that tree. Not even the gods could cut down that tree.
That's what I thought.
To the 'heroes' that were present when Martin fell, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive you. I'll probably try, later, when I'm not so angry, when I can stop crying every time I think about him. But I don't know. You should have done better. You should have saved him. You should have made it so he didn't feel like he had to do what he did. I'm sure other people will say you did good, that you're heroes. To me, you failed.
I'm not going to be around for a while.
Written By Jeffeth
July 8, 2018, 5:29 p.m.(2/26/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Jasper
Welcome back to the city, my Lord!
Written By Jeffeth
July 1, 2018, 2:55 a.m.(2/11/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Sameera
Our deal is finally complete, I'm sorry you aren't here to see it.
Written By Jeffeth
June 30, 2018, 6:43 p.m.(2/10/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassius
You set out on a task, My Lord. Consider it finished. Be at peace, My Lord.
Written By Jeffeth
June 24, 2018, 2:09 p.m.(1/26/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Fredrik
Does anyone know who wrote this last journal addressed to me or what it is about? It's not signed and doesn't have a subject.
Written By Jeffeth
June 24, 2018, 1:37 p.m.(1/26/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Fredrik
I didn't even read your answer but I am very confident I still really don't like it!
Written By Jeffeth
June 24, 2018, 12:56 p.m.(1/26/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Fredrik
Once more we are speaking of the decision made by the Dominus, when there are far more controversial issues we could be discussing. For example, has anyone else noticed that Lord Fredrik puts the subject and who it's from on the actual journal entry he submits rather than on the missive that is sent to the Archives???
We know who it's from Lord RedTyde! I can't believe more people aren't up in arms about this hot button issue.
We know who it's from Lord RedTyde! I can't believe more people aren't up in arms about this hot button issue.
Written By Jeffeth
June 22, 2018, 5:06 p.m.(1/22/1009 AR)
I thank all those who accompanied me on my little trip. Korka Glynn has eyes on her that could pick a shadow out of the night. She saw what none else of us did, and I thank her very much for her sharp eyes! Bliss Whisper was Bliss Whisper. And, if anyone has any doubt about the Nox'alfar liking her /that/ much. I assure you. It's super real. Lord Niklas spoke fluidly and was charming in spite of some not so charming folks. With the help of Princess Caith they were able to combine into a bright star of searing hot charm.
No one died, so that's just great. The job isn't done of course, I imagine that's a ways off, but it was a strong first step. And I thank you all for supporting me in it.
No one died, so that's just great. The job isn't done of course, I imagine that's a ways off, but it was a strong first step. And I thank you all for supporting me in it.
Written By Jeffeth
June 21, 2018, 6:25 p.m.(1/20/1009 AR)
With all this excitement I nearly forgot today is my birthday, thank you all for the well wishes and may this next year be better than the last.
Written By Jeffeth
June 17, 2018, 2:28 a.m.(1/11/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Ylva
I will miss working with you Ylva, please be sure to come around and visit me! If you need anything, anything at all, do let me know!
Written By Jeffeth
June 17, 2018, 2:21 a.m.(1/11/1009 AR)
I've been hammering nails and working all day, when the messengers finally found me and I caught up on all the news of the day. My goodness! What a day it has been!
The Dominus is of course right, and he is closest to the Gods, so it must be the right decision. But I guess doing the right thing can hurt sometimes, because I'm very upset. I'm upset that my friends that I've worked with, Mercies and Knights, some that I didn't even know they practiced shamanism no longer work with me. It's going to be sad not to see their faces in the House of Solace every day. It hurts my heart just thinking about it.
To all my friends who worked with me who no longer will, I thank you for your service to the Gods you have put in already. I will miss you, and I will worry about you, and I hope some day you make the decision to come back to us.
The Dominus is of course right, and he is closest to the Gods, so it must be the right decision. But I guess doing the right thing can hurt sometimes, because I'm very upset. I'm upset that my friends that I've worked with, Mercies and Knights, some that I didn't even know they practiced shamanism no longer work with me. It's going to be sad not to see their faces in the House of Solace every day. It hurts my heart just thinking about it.
To all my friends who worked with me who no longer will, I thank you for your service to the Gods you have put in already. I will miss you, and I will worry about you, and I hope some day you make the decision to come back to us.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.