Written By Jeffeth
March 22, 2020, 10:42 p.m.(12/22/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Arianna
I hope when any Templars and Knights of Solace who fight and fall defending Pravosi lands, they do not earn the same disrespect you chose to level at our fallen Sister.
Written By Jeffeth
March 22, 2020, 3:17 a.m.(12/21/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Juniper
My Fawn,
You have always been more thoughtful than me. I don't think of doing something for you until you've already done it for me. So why should it be any different when it comes to a parting letter. You write something lovely to me and I don't think to write anything for you until you've already went and done it. I write this letter to you in the whites, letting it out among everyone with the hope that someday it may in some way find its way to you. Even if you may not know it. For everyone of you that is not Juniper brought back from the Wheel that comes upon this, I apologize, if you keep reading.
Yes, you were right, it did take me a very long time to read the letter. I'm not sure how long exactly, that first night was a hazy blur. I remember panicking because my tears were dropping on the letter and I was so scared I would ruin it. I had to stop a few times but it kept happening, but eventually I think my body became so dehydrated I was able to read it right through. At that point it likely had been hours and I let out probably a horrible sounding laugh when I saw you saying you knew it would take me all night to read it. It is strange to talk to you this way, you writing to me while you listen to me making whistling sounds while I sleep and me writing to you while I sit in the very same place you were, just a few days ago. But there is no snoring and no whistling through your nose, you're not in the bed. It's empty and very sad looking. I've been sleeping on the floor. On the bed any time I start to maybe fall asleep I start to reach out to throw my arm over you and there's a lurch when my arm drops through nothing where I thought there would be your side. Like when you walk up the stairs at night, thinking there's an extra step and there isn't. It hurts my chest and I don't like it.
Thank you, for writing this, for giving me something to read again and again. To fold up and keep over my chest as I try to sleep. I love you too. Never past tense. I love you and that will always be true.
I remember when you told me about what Lagoma showed you, the two paths. I remember feeling selfish but I tried not to say anything. I know you knew exactly how I felt even if I did my very best not to say anything. The vision of you in the Faith or you in with the wedding band on your finger, with children. I tried not to think about it too much, but I've always worn the ring you gave me. Until now, it's the first time I have taken it off for more than a few minutes time. My finger feels naked and lighter than it should be. I don't like it. I took it off because... I don't know. When I found yours in the box you left me, I just thought they should be together. Maybe I should have them forged into a necklace or something, I don't know. You would know what to do, and I just wish you were here to give me the idea that I would need. Sorry, I'm getting distracted.
I will always be your Bull. I would not trade a minute of it either. You know I had one secret I managed to keep from you? When this plan was set, I spoke to the queen (she really is lovely, by the way) and when we spoke I just knew. I knew that doing this, you would be going back to the Wheel. I thought that perhaps coming to terms with it before it happened would make it easier for me when it actually did. It didn't. I cried hard the day I realized what was going to happen and it effected me that night. I think you noticed a little but I was able to hide most of it, probably the only thing I've ever been able to hide from you. I'm crying harder now that it has actually happened. Our memories of course will be a light. I'll tell your stories, loudly and often, and perhaps at some point I'll even be able to tell them without crying.
You have only ever been light. You have always been a constant. Even were we separated for years, I knew your love for me would not diminish a single ounce. It does feel darker, this world, now that you are not in it. It feels a little darker, a little colder. But I know that will not last. More lights will ignite because of yours, sparks will fan to flame and soon a sea of twinkling lights will rise up because of your sacrifice, because of your love. But right now, I feel cold.
I am going to miss you, Pebble. I am going to miss telling you about whatever quest or mission or dangerous thing I was going to be doing and you doing your best not to dissuade me, to let me be who I need to be, and coming home to the most vigorous inspection for wounds, every single time. You never did anything but support me, there is no one like you. I hope in these last days I was a Juniper to you. That would feel awfully nice, if I was able to support you once like you always did for me. I will hold on to my light, even if it will never compare to how brightly you would shine like the sun.
Now I am looking at where you used to sleep and thinking about what dreams and nightmares may come that you've gone away. I'm thinking about the lives to come after this and perhaps one day, many years from now, a young woman with a fawn mask will dance with a young man in the mask of a bull.
I love you, Juniper. Goodbye.
Always,
Your Bull
You have always been more thoughtful than me. I don't think of doing something for you until you've already done it for me. So why should it be any different when it comes to a parting letter. You write something lovely to me and I don't think to write anything for you until you've already went and done it. I write this letter to you in the whites, letting it out among everyone with the hope that someday it may in some way find its way to you. Even if you may not know it. For everyone of you that is not Juniper brought back from the Wheel that comes upon this, I apologize, if you keep reading.
Yes, you were right, it did take me a very long time to read the letter. I'm not sure how long exactly, that first night was a hazy blur. I remember panicking because my tears were dropping on the letter and I was so scared I would ruin it. I had to stop a few times but it kept happening, but eventually I think my body became so dehydrated I was able to read it right through. At that point it likely had been hours and I let out probably a horrible sounding laugh when I saw you saying you knew it would take me all night to read it. It is strange to talk to you this way, you writing to me while you listen to me making whistling sounds while I sleep and me writing to you while I sit in the very same place you were, just a few days ago. But there is no snoring and no whistling through your nose, you're not in the bed. It's empty and very sad looking. I've been sleeping on the floor. On the bed any time I start to maybe fall asleep I start to reach out to throw my arm over you and there's a lurch when my arm drops through nothing where I thought there would be your side. Like when you walk up the stairs at night, thinking there's an extra step and there isn't. It hurts my chest and I don't like it.
Thank you, for writing this, for giving me something to read again and again. To fold up and keep over my chest as I try to sleep. I love you too. Never past tense. I love you and that will always be true.
I remember when you told me about what Lagoma showed you, the two paths. I remember feeling selfish but I tried not to say anything. I know you knew exactly how I felt even if I did my very best not to say anything. The vision of you in the Faith or you in with the wedding band on your finger, with children. I tried not to think about it too much, but I've always worn the ring you gave me. Until now, it's the first time I have taken it off for more than a few minutes time. My finger feels naked and lighter than it should be. I don't like it. I took it off because... I don't know. When I found yours in the box you left me, I just thought they should be together. Maybe I should have them forged into a necklace or something, I don't know. You would know what to do, and I just wish you were here to give me the idea that I would need. Sorry, I'm getting distracted.
I will always be your Bull. I would not trade a minute of it either. You know I had one secret I managed to keep from you? When this plan was set, I spoke to the queen (she really is lovely, by the way) and when we spoke I just knew. I knew that doing this, you would be going back to the Wheel. I thought that perhaps coming to terms with it before it happened would make it easier for me when it actually did. It didn't. I cried hard the day I realized what was going to happen and it effected me that night. I think you noticed a little but I was able to hide most of it, probably the only thing I've ever been able to hide from you. I'm crying harder now that it has actually happened. Our memories of course will be a light. I'll tell your stories, loudly and often, and perhaps at some point I'll even be able to tell them without crying.
You have only ever been light. You have always been a constant. Even were we separated for years, I knew your love for me would not diminish a single ounce. It does feel darker, this world, now that you are not in it. It feels a little darker, a little colder. But I know that will not last. More lights will ignite because of yours, sparks will fan to flame and soon a sea of twinkling lights will rise up because of your sacrifice, because of your love. But right now, I feel cold.
I am going to miss you, Pebble. I am going to miss telling you about whatever quest or mission or dangerous thing I was going to be doing and you doing your best not to dissuade me, to let me be who I need to be, and coming home to the most vigorous inspection for wounds, every single time. You never did anything but support me, there is no one like you. I hope in these last days I was a Juniper to you. That would feel awfully nice, if I was able to support you once like you always did for me. I will hold on to my light, even if it will never compare to how brightly you would shine like the sun.
Now I am looking at where you used to sleep and thinking about what dreams and nightmares may come that you've gone away. I'm thinking about the lives to come after this and perhaps one day, many years from now, a young woman with a fawn mask will dance with a young man in the mask of a bull.
I love you, Juniper. Goodbye.
Always,
Your Bull
Written By Jeffeth
Feb. 2, 2020, 5:28 p.m.(9.161337218915344/10.03488425925926/1012.6801114349096 AR)
Relationship Note on Baelor
There is a difference in an attack and a genuine sincere warning.
Lady Miranda's white no matter whether writing the correct name or incorrect, was severely flawed. This type of thinking must not be allowed to take root. It must be corrected. It is not a kindness to empower these kinds of sentiments, it is a dangerous act.
If either of you would like me to explain in more detail why this is so, I would be more than happy to address it in private. Though I feel it important to state this publicly as to not allow this to be interpreted as just another case of bickering in the Whites. While on many things discussed, it is good to hear a variety of viewpoints, on certain matters there is simply correct and incorrect.
Lady Miranda's white no matter whether writing the correct name or incorrect, was severely flawed. This type of thinking must not be allowed to take root. It must be corrected. It is not a kindness to empower these kinds of sentiments, it is a dangerous act.
If either of you would like me to explain in more detail why this is so, I would be more than happy to address it in private. Though I feel it important to state this publicly as to not allow this to be interpreted as just another case of bickering in the Whites. While on many things discussed, it is good to hear a variety of viewpoints, on certain matters there is simply correct and incorrect.
Written By Jeffeth
Jan. 30, 2020, 10:32 p.m.(8.962189153439153/33.882592592592594/1012.6635157627866 AR)
Relationship Note on Miranda
Such hopeful thinking may be a good balm for one's soul when looking at a bleak situation, but spreading that as if there were truth to it is a dangerous disservice to the people around you.
Written By Jeffeth
Jan. 7, 2020, 7:36 p.m.(7/9/1012 AR)
On this day, the Lowers breathes just a little easier.
Written By Jeffeth
Jan. 4, 2020, 12:19 a.m.(7/2/1012 AR)
Seems a lot of people have been hearing strange sorts of things involving crows. I'd like to help, if I can. If you're one such person, please write to me, let's speak soon.
Written By Jeffeth
Dec. 8, 2019, 1:39 p.m.(5/4/1012 AR)
Once, I was told a secret. It was a somewhat important secret, at least to a particular person. It comes to pass that this person started telling other people this secret as well. Pretty freely.
I grew concerned. This secret could endanger them if the information goes to the wrong ears. They are not exercising caution in their telling. As I had direct authority over this person I made a decision. 'Before you tell this secret to more people, you will first come to me. Before you act on any of your ideas regarding this secret, you will first come to me.'
I see these whites trying to oversimplify the actions of a recent exile. Orathy Culler coming forward to capitalize on another's loss, as he usually does when he thinks he can sway people to believing he has anyone's interests in mind besides his own.
The person I told this to was making choices. I tried to take their choices away from them. I said, your choice is not good, and I will not allow you to make it any longer. I will make it for you.
Elisha was not exiled suddenly without warning. Elisha was clearly told what would happen, multiple times, in many different ways what would happen should he continue doing what he was doing. The Faith was clear throughout what the consequence to his choice would be. I don't remember many people then trying to decry the Faith for their restrictions or their clearly laid out warnings. Perhaps people thought, surely Elisha wouldn't make that choice.
He did. The person I told not to make that choice will likely make bad choices in their life, regarding this secret, and they will likely die. But it was not my place, ever, to tell them they could not make it. I made a mistake, one I do not want to make again. It hurts us, when the people we love make choices that will hurt themselves. It hurts, so much. But to place blame elsewhere other than the individual that made the choice is to disrespect the person, and the choice they made.
While seeing clearly the roads before us, we make our choices, and we live with the consequences. You can hate that they made the choice, but it was theirs all the same, all along. Respect that.
I grew concerned. This secret could endanger them if the information goes to the wrong ears. They are not exercising caution in their telling. As I had direct authority over this person I made a decision. 'Before you tell this secret to more people, you will first come to me. Before you act on any of your ideas regarding this secret, you will first come to me.'
I see these whites trying to oversimplify the actions of a recent exile. Orathy Culler coming forward to capitalize on another's loss, as he usually does when he thinks he can sway people to believing he has anyone's interests in mind besides his own.
The person I told this to was making choices. I tried to take their choices away from them. I said, your choice is not good, and I will not allow you to make it any longer. I will make it for you.
Elisha was not exiled suddenly without warning. Elisha was clearly told what would happen, multiple times, in many different ways what would happen should he continue doing what he was doing. The Faith was clear throughout what the consequence to his choice would be. I don't remember many people then trying to decry the Faith for their restrictions or their clearly laid out warnings. Perhaps people thought, surely Elisha wouldn't make that choice.
He did. The person I told not to make that choice will likely make bad choices in their life, regarding this secret, and they will likely die. But it was not my place, ever, to tell them they could not make it. I made a mistake, one I do not want to make again. It hurts us, when the people we love make choices that will hurt themselves. It hurts, so much. But to place blame elsewhere other than the individual that made the choice is to disrespect the person, and the choice they made.
While seeing clearly the roads before us, we make our choices, and we live with the consequences. You can hate that they made the choice, but it was theirs all the same, all along. Respect that.
Written By Jeffeth
Oct. 20, 2019, 10:54 p.m.(1/19/1012 AR)
I found myself wondering when Thena was going to plan our next meeting the other day. I didn't cry when I realized she wouldn't be ever planning a meeting for Solace ever again. I think that in and of itself is an improvement.
A few minutes later I realized that I was the one that plans the meetings now. I know that sounds rather elementary but...
Well, it is.
A few minutes later I realized that I was the one that plans the meetings now. I know that sounds rather elementary but...
Well, it is.
Written By Jeffeth
Oct. 6, 2019, 10:30 p.m.(12/19/1011 AR)
Grandmaster Thena led the Knights of Solace remarkably well. I hope I can live up to her years of service with just a fraction of how she led so well.
I make no promises concerning having a fraction of her ability when it comes to journal skirmishes however. Perhaps there is some young squire in our ranks who will grow up to be just as feisty as she is. Until then. Have a lovely week everyone.
I make no promises concerning having a fraction of her ability when it comes to journal skirmishes however. Perhaps there is some young squire in our ranks who will grow up to be just as feisty as she is. Until then. Have a lovely week everyone.
Written By Jeffeth
Aug. 22, 2019, 9:25 p.m.(9/13/1011 AR)
The Knights of Solace are currently playing a grand game of tag. It's fun. If you'd like to participate, please contact Dame Bree and I and we will get you inducted and make sure you know the rules.
Written By Jeffeth
Aug. 2, 2019, 3:09 p.m.(7/28/1011 AR)
I feel I should reiterate in a more brief fashion: In the situation regarding Ras. He was never denied a Champion. This growing discussion on whether a commoner should be allowed to take on a Champion, while I have no problem with a discussion on it in general, has nothing to do with the current situation.
Written By Jeffeth
Aug. 1, 2019, 11:39 a.m.(7/26/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Stygia
I think there has been a misunderstanding.
When Ras was arrested, he immediately wrote me to ask me to fight for him for trial by combat. Before I answered I wanted to find out what was going on. It was difficult to get much information out of Ras at the moment so I wrote to friends in the Iron Guard. I was told that while Ras was locked up, that he was let out and everything should just move on at that point. No trial by combat, no nothing.
When I saw Ras, I gave him a lecture. I've known Ras since he couldn't even walk on his own. I told him that the Iron Guard told me it was dropped. Moving on. Believing that there would be no trial by combat I laid into Ras for losing his temper. I told him that asking a man to bleed for him in a trial by combat was serious. Ras is well aware of my martial prowess, and no one should feel as if they can act however they wish because they know they have a giant with a hammer in their corner. I told him I would take another scar for him, another twenty. But that he should keep in mind that throwing a fist because he's angry may mean another bears a scar for the rest of their lives. He shouldn't be reckless.
Champions can be very reckless. We choose to bleed for a great many causes, some serious, some very much not so. That is the job and one that I am obviously alright with. But I wanted Ras to learn from this, that perhaps it would cause him to reflect when he feels that rage the next time. His actions have consequences.
Apparently after this, Lord Alban insisted upon Ras being punished and so the trial by combat was scheduled. Wherein Ras elected to fight for himself. I demanded he let me fight for him, but he felt after the lecture I gave him, that he needed to fend for himself. It was never the lesson I was trying to teach him, but it's the one he took. I will admit that I tried to push on Lord Alessandro that I would fight for Ras even though I knew Ras at that point did not want me to. I feel badly for that, but I did not want Ras to fight, desperately. Lord Alessandro told me Ras did not want me to fight for him and that would be that and unfortunately nothing could be done unless I convinced Ras otherwise.
I would more than gladly bleed for little Ras. Ten times over. I was glad when Lady Brianna extended her help to him and was able to convince him through what I understand was a complicated negotiation that she would fight for him. However I would more importantly see that my young friend never lose his temper and get himself in a situation like this again.
All of it is a rather unfortunate situation and I do hope we are all able to move on promptly.
When Ras was arrested, he immediately wrote me to ask me to fight for him for trial by combat. Before I answered I wanted to find out what was going on. It was difficult to get much information out of Ras at the moment so I wrote to friends in the Iron Guard. I was told that while Ras was locked up, that he was let out and everything should just move on at that point. No trial by combat, no nothing.
When I saw Ras, I gave him a lecture. I've known Ras since he couldn't even walk on his own. I told him that the Iron Guard told me it was dropped. Moving on. Believing that there would be no trial by combat I laid into Ras for losing his temper. I told him that asking a man to bleed for him in a trial by combat was serious. Ras is well aware of my martial prowess, and no one should feel as if they can act however they wish because they know they have a giant with a hammer in their corner. I told him I would take another scar for him, another twenty. But that he should keep in mind that throwing a fist because he's angry may mean another bears a scar for the rest of their lives. He shouldn't be reckless.
Champions can be very reckless. We choose to bleed for a great many causes, some serious, some very much not so. That is the job and one that I am obviously alright with. But I wanted Ras to learn from this, that perhaps it would cause him to reflect when he feels that rage the next time. His actions have consequences.
Apparently after this, Lord Alban insisted upon Ras being punished and so the trial by combat was scheduled. Wherein Ras elected to fight for himself. I demanded he let me fight for him, but he felt after the lecture I gave him, that he needed to fend for himself. It was never the lesson I was trying to teach him, but it's the one he took. I will admit that I tried to push on Lord Alessandro that I would fight for Ras even though I knew Ras at that point did not want me to. I feel badly for that, but I did not want Ras to fight, desperately. Lord Alessandro told me Ras did not want me to fight for him and that would be that and unfortunately nothing could be done unless I convinced Ras otherwise.
I would more than gladly bleed for little Ras. Ten times over. I was glad when Lady Brianna extended her help to him and was able to convince him through what I understand was a complicated negotiation that she would fight for him. However I would more importantly see that my young friend never lose his temper and get himself in a situation like this again.
All of it is a rather unfortunate situation and I do hope we are all able to move on promptly.
Written By Jeffeth
July 21, 2019, 9:27 p.m.(7/5/1011 AR)
It can be hard to know what is an appropriate question to ask and what is not. I would like to reiterate my stance that I am open at any time to receive questions on anything I have learned during my time in Arx. I cannot reveal what is not mine to share, but I will educate as best I can with what I know.
Written By Jeffeth
July 21, 2019, 6:48 p.m.(7/4/1011 AR)
I am not one for these types of arguments, generally. But even I had a bit of a laugh here. If every time a former thrall does a great deed we are in debt to thralldom? That is quite the argument.
If every time an orphan succeeds are we in debt to the deaths or disappearance of parents? If every time a widow or widower succeeds are we in debt to murder or disease?
I have succeeded in many areas, I wonder who we are in debt to for my successes.
Often times people succeed in spite of their circumstances not because of them. You bring up a handful of examples of thralls who have done well. How many thralls have been stomped into nothing, their lineage completely forgotten, everything about them gone. Thralldom is not something that empowered individuals to do well.
Babies can deal with some unpleasantness yes. But I am surprised that this was used as a comparison. Being these children are extremely vulnerable a child that feels unpleasant may soon be sick. And in the very young, unpleasantness can turn into fatality rather swiftly.
I realize Mirrormasks are to consider what most of us would not. But are these unfair and exaggerated arguments truly the best way to go about it? Just a little mirrormask type thought for you there. Have a lovely evening. If you read this. I suppose. Bye now.
If every time an orphan succeeds are we in debt to the deaths or disappearance of parents? If every time a widow or widower succeeds are we in debt to murder or disease?
I have succeeded in many areas, I wonder who we are in debt to for my successes.
Often times people succeed in spite of their circumstances not because of them. You bring up a handful of examples of thralls who have done well. How many thralls have been stomped into nothing, their lineage completely forgotten, everything about them gone. Thralldom is not something that empowered individuals to do well.
Babies can deal with some unpleasantness yes. But I am surprised that this was used as a comparison. Being these children are extremely vulnerable a child that feels unpleasant may soon be sick. And in the very young, unpleasantness can turn into fatality rather swiftly.
I realize Mirrormasks are to consider what most of us would not. But are these unfair and exaggerated arguments truly the best way to go about it? Just a little mirrormask type thought for you there. Have a lovely evening. If you read this. I suppose. Bye now.
Written By Jeffeth
July 14, 2019, 11:01 p.m.(6/18/1011 AR)
I need a bird trainer. Please.
Written By Jeffeth
July 14, 2019, 10:46 p.m.(6/18/1011 AR)
It is so lovely to have so many close Brothers and Sisters back in the city. Sir Brannen, Dame Bree, I am so glad you are here and I am looking forward to what we will do together.
Written By Jeffeth
July 7, 2019, 11:28 p.m.(6/4/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Malcolm
Skald likes wolves.
I think.
I think.
Written By Jeffeth
July 7, 2019, 7:34 p.m.(6/4/1011 AR)
Some people enjoy the art of the argument. I don't really. It goes over my head a lot of the time. But I can see when one is having a discussion to try and convince someone of a new idea, of something important in order to help and enrich.
I can also see when someone is engaging in an argument just to try and make their opponent look foolish. They never had any intention of having an open mind or educating themselves. They will do anything they can in the discussion to point out contradictions or anything that may make their opponent look false or inept. Such a person is only here to fight. To quarrel. To contest.
Even if they said they just came here on behalf of worried people. It seems to me a person like that seems rather false. No matter how many pretty words they can make I don't understand.
I can also see when someone is engaging in an argument just to try and make their opponent look foolish. They never had any intention of having an open mind or educating themselves. They will do anything they can in the discussion to point out contradictions or anything that may make their opponent look false or inept. Such a person is only here to fight. To quarrel. To contest.
Even if they said they just came here on behalf of worried people. It seems to me a person like that seems rather false. No matter how many pretty words they can make I don't understand.
Written By Jeffeth
June 27, 2019, 12:42 a.m.(5/10/1011 AR)
Crows aren't evil or good. They're just crows. Like people. If a person has a job that is them doing bad things, maybe that makes them a little bad. Maybe it's the same.
Written By Jeffeth
June 23, 2019, 11:22 p.m.(5/4/1011 AR)
I accept the task put before me.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.