Written By Sparte
Jan. 10, 2019, 10:02 p.m.(5/3/1010 AR)
As has been pointed out, unity without purpose serves no good. It can even be something terrible. I find myself agreeing with the wisdom in those words.
It also reminds me of how very easily words can have many meanings. How context can be unclear. We find it in the archives regularly, accounts from distant eras that seem to mean one thing to some but something wildly different when properly understood.
But I can not pretend my words are taken out of context because they come from some dusty tome, or that the word had a different meaning when I wrote it. I must acknowledge the truth that others see things clearly that I don't, and that I have been guilty of choosing my words poorly. I strive to change for the better, but it has been shown that the intent of change is not always what is achieved. I will continue to try, while realizing stubborness is not a virtue but a trait I share with goats and donkeys.
When I wrote those words, it was while I looked at the current events. Two foreign powers have sought us out to speak, a third has come to spectate. With the snow so recently passed, and a clocktower broken. As if all of that was not enough, a grand road with grand vision for the compact's impact was felt suddenly and unexpectedly, good news that quickly soured. I felt anger and rage at the news of dead children and godsworn. That anger did not last, being replaced with sorrow. Then in turn, I felt numbness. Crawling away from that I found hope. Hope that we would face the challenges ahead of us together, because we are stronger together, and the challenges will be great.
But that hope has since chipped, and I see behind it the fear for more lives lost and injustices done. It was a fragile, blinding dream. I sought the positive because I hid from the truth of how bad things became so quickly. I should learn to stay away from the whites while I am still processing tragedy.
It also reminds me of how very easily words can have many meanings. How context can be unclear. We find it in the archives regularly, accounts from distant eras that seem to mean one thing to some but something wildly different when properly understood.
But I can not pretend my words are taken out of context because they come from some dusty tome, or that the word had a different meaning when I wrote it. I must acknowledge the truth that others see things clearly that I don't, and that I have been guilty of choosing my words poorly. I strive to change for the better, but it has been shown that the intent of change is not always what is achieved. I will continue to try, while realizing stubborness is not a virtue but a trait I share with goats and donkeys.
When I wrote those words, it was while I looked at the current events. Two foreign powers have sought us out to speak, a third has come to spectate. With the snow so recently passed, and a clocktower broken. As if all of that was not enough, a grand road with grand vision for the compact's impact was felt suddenly and unexpectedly, good news that quickly soured. I felt anger and rage at the news of dead children and godsworn. That anger did not last, being replaced with sorrow. Then in turn, I felt numbness. Crawling away from that I found hope. Hope that we would face the challenges ahead of us together, because we are stronger together, and the challenges will be great.
But that hope has since chipped, and I see behind it the fear for more lives lost and injustices done. It was a fragile, blinding dream. I sought the positive because I hid from the truth of how bad things became so quickly. I should learn to stay away from the whites while I am still processing tragedy.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 9, 2019, 3:57 p.m.(5/1/1010 AR)
To those who are offering their services to broker peace, thank you.
To those who are calling for unity, thank you.
To those who are rallying to face those who have brought death and injustice to the compact in these difficult times, thank you.
I hope peace will come through unity, and unity will come through justice.
Yet to those who have brought down insult and injury to those who attempted to realize a beautiful dream because of their failure, all I can say is that sometimes we come short of our goals. Sometimes the cost for that is terrible. Yet they tried, and now we have the opportunity to help them. All of us can impact what happens next, what the ultimate legacy of this becomes.
I had no hand in this grand road, but I am willing to help those who did against these new challenges. I don't yet know how I can, but that is the message I choose to send.
We do not need to let such a grand vision end in tragedy. We can come together and right this. I pray we will.
To those who are calling for unity, thank you.
To those who are rallying to face those who have brought death and injustice to the compact in these difficult times, thank you.
I hope peace will come through unity, and unity will come through justice.
Yet to those who have brought down insult and injury to those who attempted to realize a beautiful dream because of their failure, all I can say is that sometimes we come short of our goals. Sometimes the cost for that is terrible. Yet they tried, and now we have the opportunity to help them. All of us can impact what happens next, what the ultimate legacy of this becomes.
I had no hand in this grand road, but I am willing to help those who did against these new challenges. I don't yet know how I can, but that is the message I choose to send.
We do not need to let such a grand vision end in tragedy. We can come together and right this. I pray we will.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 8, 2019, 7:33 p.m.(4/27/1010 AR)
The news coming in is more horrifying by the hour. So many lives lost. I have no words for this pain. Was our peace always so fragile?
Written By Sparte
Jan. 7, 2019, 2:27 p.m.(4/25/1010 AR)
Arx is filled with so many creative and caring people. I am frequently touched by the kindness and generosity that people are willing to show towards their fellows, and the ways they find to show their hearts and emotions. Every time I hear about a person showing kindness, especially to those who need it the most, it brightens my heart. I could direct this at so many people. I'd rather thank everyone for the good in your hearts and your will to help others. May I do honor to your examples.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 7, 2019, 8:19 a.m.(4/24/1010 AR)
I've been speaking with my friend so recently returned from where I grew up, and the talk has turned towards stories from when I was a child. It is a funny thing, many of the characters in those stories seem so very different when I go back to look at them again with more years behind me. I can understand their motives and their passions in ways I didn't before, and the morals of the stories are changed by that.
When I think of the people I've met here in Arx and the interactions I've had with them over the years, I sometimes find a similar story. Something where a person's actions can be seen in so many different lights depending on what you know of the other's motives. Or what you think you know. It is an unfortunate truth that unless someone says something we're always just guessing at what is behind their choices and actions, and even then they may not be fully honest with us or themselves.
That uncertainty challenges us. It even leads some of us to lash out at others, over an inability to understand. Or worse, a choice never to understand.
A moment of self-reflection, then, can change more than how you see your own story.
When I think of the people I've met here in Arx and the interactions I've had with them over the years, I sometimes find a similar story. Something where a person's actions can be seen in so many different lights depending on what you know of the other's motives. Or what you think you know. It is an unfortunate truth that unless someone says something we're always just guessing at what is behind their choices and actions, and even then they may not be fully honest with us or themselves.
That uncertainty challenges us. It even leads some of us to lash out at others, over an inability to understand. Or worse, a choice never to understand.
A moment of self-reflection, then, can change more than how you see your own story.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 5, 2019, 12:13 a.m.(4/19/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Gilroy
It isn't a misunderstanding I see a benefit to anyone in dwelling upon, but I appreciate your offer of advice.
I have given my apology and retraction and will be leaving it at that unless asked to do differently by the offended party.
I have given my apology and retraction and will be leaving it at that unless asked to do differently by the offended party.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 3, 2019, 11:42 p.m.(4/17/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Cambria
There is wisdom in what you've written. I hope I have it within me to not just hear them, but measure myself against them the next time my actions may impact another.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 3, 2019, 3:56 p.m.(4/17/1010 AR)
If you have at any point received a copy of the speculations gathered at a session of The Arvum Philosophical Society, aka The Salon, regarding the Nature of Twins, I must ask you now to dismiss that information and cease to spread it.
I have been informed by Legate Aureth that information has been reviewed by him, and he has declared it heretical to the faith.
While I do not fault any who participated in that session for their roles in asking questions, nor begrudge those who gave answers in an attempt to satisfy them, when the Faith takes a stance that information is heretical it is a thing to be respected.
I will no longer be sharing my copies of the records from that meeting, and I apologize to any who were inconvenienced by this. I assure that the information was shared with the best of intent. Yet a mistake, once revealed, must be corrected.
I have been informed by Legate Aureth that information has been reviewed by him, and he has declared it heretical to the faith.
While I do not fault any who participated in that session for their roles in asking questions, nor begrudge those who gave answers in an attempt to satisfy them, when the Faith takes a stance that information is heretical it is a thing to be respected.
I will no longer be sharing my copies of the records from that meeting, and I apologize to any who were inconvenienced by this. I assure that the information was shared with the best of intent. Yet a mistake, once revealed, must be corrected.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 2, 2019, 9:19 a.m.(4/14/1010 AR)
Old Grimminy is back from the countryside. He complained that farm life was too hard and asked me to get him taken care of like I did during the silent war.
He said I owed him money for publishing his autobiography.
He said he wants to meet a nice young lady and start a family.
He got beat up by Dame Tom for trying to steal her pillow.
I'm not sure which of these I should feel good or bad about yet, but I have a feeling I'll know within the week.
He said I owed him money for publishing his autobiography.
He said he wants to meet a nice young lady and start a family.
He got beat up by Dame Tom for trying to steal her pillow.
I'm not sure which of these I should feel good or bad about yet, but I have a feeling I'll know within the week.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 2, 2019, 8:31 a.m.(4/14/1010 AR)
What is hope?
I was asked that recently, and I had to think about it. People hope for different things, which to some degree makes hope different for each of us. Yet on inspection there is a common thread. Hope is about a positive change, or a positive lack of change. We hope for something to be different in a way that we see as better, or we hope for something we see as better to last longer. To some degree that makes hope an aspect of Lagoma, the Lady of Change.
I asked myself a different question afterwards. What do /I/ hope for?
It is so much easier to write in abstracts than to find the words for how I feel. I wonder if it is like that for others.
I was asked that recently, and I had to think about it. People hope for different things, which to some degree makes hope different for each of us. Yet on inspection there is a common thread. Hope is about a positive change, or a positive lack of change. We hope for something to be different in a way that we see as better, or we hope for something we see as better to last longer. To some degree that makes hope an aspect of Lagoma, the Lady of Change.
I asked myself a different question afterwards. What do /I/ hope for?
It is so much easier to write in abstracts than to find the words for how I feel. I wonder if it is like that for others.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 29, 2018, 10:50 a.m.(4/6/1010 AR)
An addendum to Officer Kenna's missive:
Please do not throw ANYTHING at ANY ship.
Please do not throw ANYTHING at ANY ship.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 29, 2018, 10:49 a.m.(4/6/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Ysabel
I have seen your journal describing a sense of connection between things. You're in an exciting and frightening place, the cusp of putting something new together. I don't know what you're learning, or where it will bring you, but I wish you only courage and success.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 24, 2018, 10 p.m.(3/25/1010 AR)
So many divorces in so little time.
I see people defiantly reaffirming their love, others insisting on the sanctity of vows.
Yet what is a marriage to begin with, if not a partnership? A vow to work together as the people you were when the marriage was made.
So what then becomes of a partnership, if two people are no longer as they once were? What is an agreement to support one another when paths diverge?
The answer is not hard to see.
There is change in the air.
While I am sad to see so many people discover they are not in love I am relieved to see people not trapping themselves despite it. I hope that this time of separation is followed by a tide of new unions. Better unions, as people with a clearer vision of who they are and what they want in life join hand in hand. Perhaps not forever, as change may come again, but long enough to do something beautiful together.
I say this as someone who himself has never been married, who perhaps never will be married, but who sees beauty in the vow of marriage. Sometimes beautiful things are broken for the sake of building something better.
I see people defiantly reaffirming their love, others insisting on the sanctity of vows.
Yet what is a marriage to begin with, if not a partnership? A vow to work together as the people you were when the marriage was made.
So what then becomes of a partnership, if two people are no longer as they once were? What is an agreement to support one another when paths diverge?
The answer is not hard to see.
There is change in the air.
While I am sad to see so many people discover they are not in love I am relieved to see people not trapping themselves despite it. I hope that this time of separation is followed by a tide of new unions. Better unions, as people with a clearer vision of who they are and what they want in life join hand in hand. Perhaps not forever, as change may come again, but long enough to do something beautiful together.
I say this as someone who himself has never been married, who perhaps never will be married, but who sees beauty in the vow of marriage. Sometimes beautiful things are broken for the sake of building something better.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 24, 2018, 4:40 p.m.(3/25/1010 AR)
I have flaws. I don't know all of them, nor have they always been the same. I expect I'll develop new ones as I age.
I accept this about myself, but I try to improve myself. To understand why I am flawed, to accept the choices and actions which made me this way. To start from a position of acceptance of myself as I try to forge myself into something better.
At times, trying to fix a flaw has made it worse or left me with new ones. At times my attempts to improve myself have hurt others, something contrary to why I strive to be better. I don't know what the cost of failure will be when I set my feet on the path to change. I don't know what the cost would have been if I hadn't. Yet in moving, I learn my measure more and more each day.
I can think back to times when I asked others to change me. When I tried to help others change. I understand why there are hesitations to offering guidance, why so many feel real change comes from within. There is a truth there, but there is complexity too. Sometimes what a person needs to change doesn't come from within. It is something that comes from friends, family, bonds.
I write this as I take time to reflect on my path and my choices. One of my choices means that I no longer have a goal, there is no stationary destination. No point at which I will sit back and rest and say I have accomplished enough for myself or enough for others. I wonder at what flaws lie in my reflection that my eyes are still blind to and what it will take to overcome them. I do not fear those flaws, I do not hate them, I do not reject them. They are still a part of me as I am now.
Yet I will change.
I accept this about myself, but I try to improve myself. To understand why I am flawed, to accept the choices and actions which made me this way. To start from a position of acceptance of myself as I try to forge myself into something better.
At times, trying to fix a flaw has made it worse or left me with new ones. At times my attempts to improve myself have hurt others, something contrary to why I strive to be better. I don't know what the cost of failure will be when I set my feet on the path to change. I don't know what the cost would have been if I hadn't. Yet in moving, I learn my measure more and more each day.
I can think back to times when I asked others to change me. When I tried to help others change. I understand why there are hesitations to offering guidance, why so many feel real change comes from within. There is a truth there, but there is complexity too. Sometimes what a person needs to change doesn't come from within. It is something that comes from friends, family, bonds.
I write this as I take time to reflect on my path and my choices. One of my choices means that I no longer have a goal, there is no stationary destination. No point at which I will sit back and rest and say I have accomplished enough for myself or enough for others. I wonder at what flaws lie in my reflection that my eyes are still blind to and what it will take to overcome them. I do not fear those flaws, I do not hate them, I do not reject them. They are still a part of me as I am now.
Yet I will change.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 24, 2018, 4:25 p.m.(3/25/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Sorrel
Your increase in fame is deserved. I hear new mentions of the metallics every day, and I know you are to praise for it. I hope people with a new found curiosity for the metallics don't crowd you as your pregnancy grows near.
Thank you for everything you did to revive the memory of the metallics. May we see more people rise to their examples.
Thank you for everything you did to revive the memory of the metallics. May we see more people rise to their examples.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 21, 2018, 12:39 a.m.(3/17/1010 AR)
I still struggle to understand.
I feel at times as though I am walking blind, as if my feet are expected to know a path I have never seen. I have tried to find help, but it is my path alone. That used to trouble me. I move forward.
Now and then, I fall.
I know there are rules. I try to understand them. I thought that which broke the rules might be rejected in some way, might no longer have a place. When I learned of the betrayal and the terrible damage it wrought, I thought the sorrow it left behind was something awful.
I learned as I often learn, through speaking my mistake. As the condemnation of my folly struck, I recognized the truth of it in the falling rain so full of sorrow and purity. I felt the shame of speaking my ignorance and the humility of needing to be shown what it was.
Another failure. I get up. As I rise, I look to those that have gotten further along theirs path than I have mine. I see power. Influence. Flaws. They are every bit as human as I am, yet the distance seems so great. I struggle to understand.
I turn to the choices I have made. The path I chose to walk. I give myself excuses. Perhaps it is because I am still young. Perhaps it is because my path is not the same as theirs. Perhaps they had help. Perhaps I am so lost I have gone to a path that brings only hardship.
The thoughts of why wash over me, and I realize I had fallen again. I get up, and this time I look at the sky above. I recognize that the why does not matter. The rain has since stopped, the stars are beautiful now. They've always been beautiful, but now they seem different. I am reminded of the stars when I made my oath. There was a shooting star that night, and there was a shooting star tonight as well.
I feel the hope in my heart, and I resume my path. It no longer feels as alone.
I feel at times as though I am walking blind, as if my feet are expected to know a path I have never seen. I have tried to find help, but it is my path alone. That used to trouble me. I move forward.
Now and then, I fall.
I know there are rules. I try to understand them. I thought that which broke the rules might be rejected in some way, might no longer have a place. When I learned of the betrayal and the terrible damage it wrought, I thought the sorrow it left behind was something awful.
I learned as I often learn, through speaking my mistake. As the condemnation of my folly struck, I recognized the truth of it in the falling rain so full of sorrow and purity. I felt the shame of speaking my ignorance and the humility of needing to be shown what it was.
Another failure. I get up. As I rise, I look to those that have gotten further along theirs path than I have mine. I see power. Influence. Flaws. They are every bit as human as I am, yet the distance seems so great. I struggle to understand.
I turn to the choices I have made. The path I chose to walk. I give myself excuses. Perhaps it is because I am still young. Perhaps it is because my path is not the same as theirs. Perhaps they had help. Perhaps I am so lost I have gone to a path that brings only hardship.
The thoughts of why wash over me, and I realize I had fallen again. I get up, and this time I look at the sky above. I recognize that the why does not matter. The rain has since stopped, the stars are beautiful now. They've always been beautiful, but now they seem different. I am reminded of the stars when I made my oath. There was a shooting star that night, and there was a shooting star tonight as well.
I feel the hope in my heart, and I resume my path. It no longer feels as alone.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 18, 2018, 7:46 p.m.(3/12/1010 AR)
Sometimes I forget just how much room there is for things in the dream that I don't understand. I find myself thinking I understand, only to realize how little I still do. I am not sure if the way I am so often humbled these days is a sign of growth. I tell myself it is, but what do I know?
Written By Sparte
Dec. 18, 2018, 7:14 p.m.(3/12/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Dominique
In response to the public posting by Marquessa Dominique Wyrmguard.
Such matters are better handled through a direct missive to the leadership of an organization. I will refer to you to my superiors.
Respectfully,
Sparte Fatchforth
Such matters are better handled through a direct missive to the leadership of an organization. I will refer to you to my superiors.
Respectfully,
Sparte Fatchforth
Written By Sparte
Dec. 17, 2018, 11:37 a.m.(3/10/1010 AR)
The snow does not agree with Wilhelm, or Wilhelm does not agree with the snow. However you wish to interpret it, he will be working in the Barracks exclusively until it has passed. I want to thank him for the care he gave to ensuring my care while I was in the House of Solace ill, as well as the mercies who saw me revived so expertly, and Master Scholar Rinel who visited me regularly with news of the things I missed while confined to bedrest.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 15, 2018, 1:35 p.m.(3/6/1010 AR)
My thoughts of late have gone to the line between punishment and penance. What is it for, and why ask it?
Punishment is meant to right something. It could be for sake of justice or honor. It could be for sake of revenge and anger. We need not be the ones demanding a punishment to exact it, nor is it quite the same as acting out of fear.
What punishment is not meant to do is make a person change. Sometimes we tell ourselves it is, that they'll know better because they're scared of being punished again. That isn't changing a person, who they are. That isn't making them better. That is making them scared.
Penance is something else. It is having a person go through the process of understanding something they have done wrong, of more than correcting the wrong, learning empathy for those who they have wronged. Penance is about helping a person, however painful the lesson may be. Often I have seen things called a penance that helps no one. That is a penalty to be paid like silver upon the magistrate's hand for a fine.
I did my share of penance, mostly but not always given by myself, before I realized that distinction. I did not always learn from it.
I know there are those who will disagree with my reasoning here. Perhaps they feel the way I have defined the words is inaccurate, or that I should have used different words to say the same thing. Perhaps they think these are the musings of a fool, which I couldn't deny.
Or perhaps, just perhaps, more people should consider what they want from the actions they take. Whether they seek punishment, or penance. What that means for them.
Punishment is meant to right something. It could be for sake of justice or honor. It could be for sake of revenge and anger. We need not be the ones demanding a punishment to exact it, nor is it quite the same as acting out of fear.
What punishment is not meant to do is make a person change. Sometimes we tell ourselves it is, that they'll know better because they're scared of being punished again. That isn't changing a person, who they are. That isn't making them better. That is making them scared.
Penance is something else. It is having a person go through the process of understanding something they have done wrong, of more than correcting the wrong, learning empathy for those who they have wronged. Penance is about helping a person, however painful the lesson may be. Often I have seen things called a penance that helps no one. That is a penalty to be paid like silver upon the magistrate's hand for a fine.
I did my share of penance, mostly but not always given by myself, before I realized that distinction. I did not always learn from it.
I know there are those who will disagree with my reasoning here. Perhaps they feel the way I have defined the words is inaccurate, or that I should have used different words to say the same thing. Perhaps they think these are the musings of a fool, which I couldn't deny.
Or perhaps, just perhaps, more people should consider what they want from the actions they take. Whether they seek punishment, or penance. What that means for them.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.