Written By Aislin
March 27, 2017, 11:08 p.m.(3/2/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Valkieri
When the history of this fight against the Silence is someday written, Gemecitta's name should damned well be /celebrated/; Rubino and Zaffria have carried more than their fair portion of the burden, and now... now one more.
I didn't know Duke Valkieri Rubino that well; we tended to orbit the same people, but interacted ourselves only rarely. A sparring match, a dinner or two, occasional messengers. I kept telling myself that, sometime soon, I'd have more time and would sit down with him.
There isn't enough time in the world for everything we'd do, I suppose.
In the end, I knew him best through the opinions of those we both cared about: Cara, Vincere, Pietro. And all of them thought well of him. Even when they were at odds with him, even when they were cross with him, they loved him. Even though by all accounts he wasn't an easy man to get along with.
And he loved them in turn.
Whatever else I might say about Duke Valkieri, in the end, he loved and was loved by so many of those I care about.
I can't help but feel the world is poorer for his loss.
I didn't know Duke Valkieri Rubino that well; we tended to orbit the same people, but interacted ourselves only rarely. A sparring match, a dinner or two, occasional messengers. I kept telling myself that, sometime soon, I'd have more time and would sit down with him.
There isn't enough time in the world for everything we'd do, I suppose.
In the end, I knew him best through the opinions of those we both cared about: Cara, Vincere, Pietro. And all of them thought well of him. Even when they were at odds with him, even when they were cross with him, they loved him. Even though by all accounts he wasn't an easy man to get along with.
And he loved them in turn.
Whatever else I might say about Duke Valkieri, in the end, he loved and was loved by so many of those I care about.
I can't help but feel the world is poorer for his loss.
Written By Aislin
March 26, 2017, 11:48 p.m.(3/1/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Deva
Holy SHIT, my friend, that was a shot that will live on in /legend/. A thousand years from now, that's one that'll be in songs and stories.
You shot the Herald of Silence in the /eye/, through the helm of his armor
You shot the Herald of Silence in the /eye/, through the helm of his armor
Written By Aislin
March 26, 2017, 11:43 p.m.(3/1/1006 AR)
In previous fights, I've been the scout in the trees, the one reading the land and finding the paths to take. I've been the lone explorer fighting off direwolves. I've never been a soldier standing rank-and-file in the lines. I've never been the one who goes toe-to-toe with an invading army in the thick of things.
Tonight, I had a painful reminder of my shortcomings.
Perhaps it's time to put aside the studies of forgotten history and esoteric knowledge for a while, and focus on improving my combat skills.
Tonight, I had a painful reminder of my shortcomings.
Perhaps it's time to put aside the studies of forgotten history and esoteric knowledge for a while, and focus on improving my combat skills.
Written By Aislin
March 26, 2017, 10:22 p.m.(2/28/1006 AR)
I wonder, sometimes, if I let myself by lead in too many directions in my studies. If I have tried too hard to follow up on /everything/ that comes across my path, and maybe overlooked the things I should be looking into. Topics closer to home in many ways, things that are otherwise wholly ignored.
And yet... I can't bring myself to look into family histories or anything similar, not right now. Or into any of the things that my own curiosity draws me towards. I certainly can't bring myself to head out on expeditions again. Not while there are so many threats facing Arvum. (And I do mean Arvum; this is not a problem solely for the Compact, but a problem for all of humanity on this continent. Perhaps beyond.)
And so I stay here, in the walls, chasing whatever the latest epiphany, hint, or even vague theory is that seems likely to give us just one more edge in this fight.
Vellichor grant that it's enough...
And yet... I can't bring myself to look into family histories or anything similar, not right now. Or into any of the things that my own curiosity draws me towards. I certainly can't bring myself to head out on expeditions again. Not while there are so many threats facing Arvum. (And I do mean Arvum; this is not a problem solely for the Compact, but a problem for all of humanity on this continent. Perhaps beyond.)
And so I stay here, in the walls, chasing whatever the latest epiphany, hint, or even vague theory is that seems likely to give us just one more edge in this fight.
Vellichor grant that it's enough...
Written By Aislin
March 11, 2017, 1:58 a.m.(1/25/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Clover
So Sprout's in the city now! It's good to see her again.
Of course, I worry she'll trip and fall right into trouble -- she has a knack for that -- but then again, she seems to always spring back up again. Always comes through, still with a smile.
And frankly, that seemingly inexhaustible optimism and enthusiasm is something the city could sorely use these days. I only hope she can brighten the city, rather than it dimming her light.
Of course, I worry she'll trip and fall right into trouble -- she has a knack for that -- but then again, she seems to always spring back up again. Always comes through, still with a smile.
And frankly, that seemingly inexhaustible optimism and enthusiasm is something the city could sorely use these days. I only hope she can brighten the city, rather than it dimming her light.
Written By Aislin
March 6, 2017, 10:57 p.m.(1/17/1006 AR)
It's odd, really. Months of work on a research project: tracking down bits and pieces to get an idea. Collating reports from the field to put together a full image. And finally -- /finally/ -- turning up what I'd been looking for.
And now?
I almost find myself at loose ends. After so long, I'm genuinely not certain what I work on next.
And now?
I almost find myself at loose ends. After so long, I'm genuinely not certain what I work on next.
Written By Aislin
March 4, 2017, 12:59 p.m.(1/12/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Niamh
I find myself actually at something of a loss for words, for once.
I'm hardly the easiest person to get close to. I know I'm not all that keen on physical contact sometimes. I'm someone who takes time to warm to the idea of a relationship, and when I do, I want more than companionship. I want /partnership/. Someone who'll be at my side on expeditions, someone to share a campfire with, someone to /explore/ with. Whether that exploration is out in the world or the Stacks of the Archive.
Usually by the time I start to think I /could/ find that partnership with someone, they've already gone and found their own partner somewhere else.
Somehow I never expected to be the one who'd get asked. I certainly never expected to be wooed by someone setting up an entire adventure in a treehouse, just to give me a chance to travel again -- to show how a partnership could work.
I'm still mapping this path; it's unfamiliar territory. And honestly, I'm a little more terrified than anything I've ever done as an adventurer. Crumbling ruins, ancient catacombs, forgotten tombs... the truth is, that's /easy/ in comparison. If something goes wrong out there, I'm the only one at risk. But here? A misstep, a mistake, could hurt someone else. Someone who I care about.
But the truth is, I'm enjoying it, too. It gives me something to fight for... something new. I've had ideals, before, but they were abstract. Fighting for humanity in the abstract is all well and good, but especially in times of darkness, it's nice to have someone there at your side. Someone to travel with you, to support you when you need it -- and who you support in turn. Someone to help lead you back out of the darkness when you end up there.
Someone radiant, who'll try to get you to shed the armor for a little while. Both literally and metaphorically.
I'm hardly the easiest person to get close to. I know I'm not all that keen on physical contact sometimes. I'm someone who takes time to warm to the idea of a relationship, and when I do, I want more than companionship. I want /partnership/. Someone who'll be at my side on expeditions, someone to share a campfire with, someone to /explore/ with. Whether that exploration is out in the world or the Stacks of the Archive.
Usually by the time I start to think I /could/ find that partnership with someone, they've already gone and found their own partner somewhere else.
Somehow I never expected to be the one who'd get asked. I certainly never expected to be wooed by someone setting up an entire adventure in a treehouse, just to give me a chance to travel again -- to show how a partnership could work.
I'm still mapping this path; it's unfamiliar territory. And honestly, I'm a little more terrified than anything I've ever done as an adventurer. Crumbling ruins, ancient catacombs, forgotten tombs... the truth is, that's /easy/ in comparison. If something goes wrong out there, I'm the only one at risk. But here? A misstep, a mistake, could hurt someone else. Someone who I care about.
But the truth is, I'm enjoying it, too. It gives me something to fight for... something new. I've had ideals, before, but they were abstract. Fighting for humanity in the abstract is all well and good, but especially in times of darkness, it's nice to have someone there at your side. Someone to travel with you, to support you when you need it -- and who you support in turn. Someone to help lead you back out of the darkness when you end up there.
Someone radiant, who'll try to get you to shed the armor for a little while. Both literally and metaphorically.
Written By Aislin
March 2, 2017, 3:18 a.m.(1/7/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Cara
She came to Ashford through marriage to a cousin that I frankly despised, and yet became as close to me as a sister. One of the sharpest minds I know, a skilled researcher, an excellent diplomat, and an able administrator. She's been a Voice of Grayson -- and no doubt will be again -- as well as one of the head diplomats of the Crown, a Scholar, and so many other roles.
The Graysons could not ask for a better princess than Cara, and the Crownlands as a whole benefit by this match.
So I can't be unhappy, even if the solarium of Ashford House will seem a little emptier now.
The Graysons could not ask for a better princess than Cara, and the Crownlands as a whole benefit by this match.
So I can't be unhappy, even if the solarium of Ashford House will seem a little emptier now.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 28, 2017, 11:02 p.m.(1/5/1006 AR)
For all that everything seems dire lately -- for all that things seem so difficult -- sometimes you can find moments of surprising peace.
A grand adventure on a small scale, just like when I was little. And a heartfelt request.
I have no idea where this will go, or how it will turn out. But it's nice to think I might not walk entirely alone, either.
A grand adventure on a small scale, just like when I was little. And a heartfelt request.
I have no idea where this will go, or how it will turn out. But it's nice to think I might not walk entirely alone, either.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 26, 2017, 11:49 p.m.(1/1/1006 AR)
It seems like I've been worrying a great many of my friends and family lately, with my rather single-minded focus
I feel like people ought to be /more/ concerned with what's facing the city. How is this not nearly _everyone's_ focus? If we fail, all other problems cease to be, because the world may quite literally end. And yet people seem so focused on... well, /everything/ else.
But still, I suppose obsession isn't entirely healthy either; it may be the most important thing, but perhaps not the only thing. And so I'll try to find a little more balance once again. Hopefully that can appease the worries of my friends.
I feel like people ought to be /more/ concerned with what's facing the city. How is this not nearly _everyone's_ focus? If we fail, all other problems cease to be, because the world may quite literally end. And yet people seem so focused on... well, /everything/ else.
But still, I suppose obsession isn't entirely healthy either; it may be the most important thing, but perhaps not the only thing. And so I'll try to find a little more balance once again. Hopefully that can appease the worries of my friends.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 16, 2017, 2:59 a.m.(12/7/1005 AR)
I question whether "if you don't get some actual sleep, I'm going to charge you with treason" is something one can reasonably be threatened with. Though I know it came from a well-meaning place,
The thing is, every time I sleep, I'm afraid I'll see their faces. The ones I've lost in the past few months: my father, my dearest friends, my cousin.
And I /can't/ let myself grieve, or cry. Not yet. Because I know when I let myself actually feel the loss, it's going to take time to recover. Time I don't /have/. So I don't dare stop, I don't dare let the feelings catch up to me; I have to keep moving, to squash down the grief and embrace the anger, and use it to fuel me.
To keep finding what can be done to win this fight. /Nothing/ else matters, not until Brand has fallen.
Time enough for everything else afterwards.
The thing is, every time I sleep, I'm afraid I'll see their faces. The ones I've lost in the past few months: my father, my dearest friends, my cousin.
And I /can't/ let myself grieve, or cry. Not yet. Because I know when I let myself actually feel the loss, it's going to take time to recover. Time I don't /have/. So I don't dare stop, I don't dare let the feelings catch up to me; I have to keep moving, to squash down the grief and embrace the anger, and use it to fuel me.
To keep finding what can be done to win this fight. /Nothing/ else matters, not until Brand has fallen.
Time enough for everything else afterwards.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 14, 2017, 1:08 a.m.(12/3/1005 AR)
Word comes from the battlefield, and suddenly the world is darker than it has been, even in these times. And perhaps it's selfish of me to feel like I've lost a part of myself; there are many with even more reason to grieve than I have.
Still.
When I first found myself back in Arx a year and a half ago, I thought I would be here only for a few weeks before another expedition. But instead I found myself getting caught up in a study of runic markings, something that kept me within the city walls those first early weeks as I collected samples and studied them. It was Marquis Vincere Igniseri who joined me in that first study, and he became one of my dearest friends in the city. We often collaborated on things. Shared notes, tested theories... some of my favorite memories since coming And gods, he made Cara so /happy/.
And his brother, Pietro, was this constant ball of cheerful energy. I knew that if I needed someone at my side, he'd be there in a flash. I knew that if the world got dark, he'd try to brighten it. Another of my fonder memories is of Vincere, Dawn, and I having some theoretical discussion about lost bits of history and lore, back before everything seemed so dire... and of Pietro, nearby, rolling around in a giant /pile/ of puppies. Three of my dearest friends in one space. And even if some of what we talked about was dark, it seemed... remote, somehow, when surrounded by those I cared about.
I never actually saw him with Ainsley, but I can only imagine the sort of smile he'd inspire.
The Adventure Twins, I always called them. Half-jokingly, but half seriously. It's how I've always pictured them -- two halves of a whole. It's how I always will.
And now when the final tally was taken, my cousin Nadia as well. I won't lie: while I love my northern kin, Nadia and I haven't always seen eye to eye on everything. But the last time we spoke, as hard a conversation as that was to have in some ways, we also agreed that the Compact was stronger with everyone working together. We agreed to...
Gods, I don't even know what I'm writing anymore.
For a long time, I've been tired. Exhausted. But now? Now I'm just angry.
There's no room for anything else anymore, I think. Not right now.
And maybe that's good.
Still.
When I first found myself back in Arx a year and a half ago, I thought I would be here only for a few weeks before another expedition. But instead I found myself getting caught up in a study of runic markings, something that kept me within the city walls those first early weeks as I collected samples and studied them. It was Marquis Vincere Igniseri who joined me in that first study, and he became one of my dearest friends in the city. We often collaborated on things. Shared notes, tested theories... some of my favorite memories since coming And gods, he made Cara so /happy/.
And his brother, Pietro, was this constant ball of cheerful energy. I knew that if I needed someone at my side, he'd be there in a flash. I knew that if the world got dark, he'd try to brighten it. Another of my fonder memories is of Vincere, Dawn, and I having some theoretical discussion about lost bits of history and lore, back before everything seemed so dire... and of Pietro, nearby, rolling around in a giant /pile/ of puppies. Three of my dearest friends in one space. And even if some of what we talked about was dark, it seemed... remote, somehow, when surrounded by those I cared about.
I never actually saw him with Ainsley, but I can only imagine the sort of smile he'd inspire.
The Adventure Twins, I always called them. Half-jokingly, but half seriously. It's how I've always pictured them -- two halves of a whole. It's how I always will.
And now when the final tally was taken, my cousin Nadia as well. I won't lie: while I love my northern kin, Nadia and I haven't always seen eye to eye on everything. But the last time we spoke, as hard a conversation as that was to have in some ways, we also agreed that the Compact was stronger with everyone working together. We agreed to...
Gods, I don't even know what I'm writing anymore.
For a long time, I've been tired. Exhausted. But now? Now I'm just angry.
There's no room for anything else anymore, I think. Not right now.
And maybe that's good.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 12, 2017, 11:40 a.m.(11/28/1005 AR)
Lately I feel like I've been wrapped in a cloth, holding myself at a distance from most. Things that have happened, after all, have forced some rethinking.
But I shouldn't be doing so from those I care the most deeply about. Doing that -- assuming they would always be there -- is why I never really had a chance to say goodbye to Dawn. I figured sooner or later we'd have more time again... and then she was gone. We only saw each other the once, after the Teind.
Of my remaining handful, I've been bad about doing more than just sending messengers to three for some time, and I've barely even done that with the Adventure Twins. It's been too long since sitting on the floor of the Igniseri library with Vincere, or watching Pietro roll around on the floor with a puppy, or dragging them up into the treehouse to drink.
They were some of the first I befriended when I returned to the city to stay, in the wake of the King's Rest. I shouldn't let the darkness surrounding us keep me from enjoying what time we do have.
But I shouldn't be doing so from those I care the most deeply about. Doing that -- assuming they would always be there -- is why I never really had a chance to say goodbye to Dawn. I figured sooner or later we'd have more time again... and then she was gone. We only saw each other the once, after the Teind.
Of my remaining handful, I've been bad about doing more than just sending messengers to three for some time, and I've barely even done that with the Adventure Twins. It's been too long since sitting on the floor of the Igniseri library with Vincere, or watching Pietro roll around on the floor with a puppy, or dragging them up into the treehouse to drink.
They were some of the first I befriended when I returned to the city to stay, in the wake of the King's Rest. I shouldn't let the darkness surrounding us keep me from enjoying what time we do have.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 8, 2017, 5:04 p.m.(11/19/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Rowan
Lord Rowan is an interesting man; the more we interact, the more I realize we have in common. I wouldn't have thought that, at first glance: a tattooed elk-riding shaman, and someone who is all but a field Scholar who simply refuses to actually /join/ the Vellichorian temple.
But the truth is, we share a similar curiosity, a similar desire to /understand/ the world. A similar willingness to push the boundaries in hopes of reclaiming the things we've forgotten. (And also a similar fondness for perching in trees.)
He's one of those handful I could see myself adventuring with quite successfully. I don't have a lot of close friends like that. So the ones who have that potential to become such... well, they're worth remembering.
But the truth is, we share a similar curiosity, a similar desire to /understand/ the world. A similar willingness to push the boundaries in hopes of reclaiming the things we've forgotten. (And also a similar fondness for perching in trees.)
He's one of those handful I could see myself adventuring with quite successfully. I don't have a lot of close friends like that. So the ones who have that potential to become such... well, they're worth remembering.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 6, 2017, 12:13 p.m.(11/12/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Aldwin
The Archscholar -- now Dominus -- has been a valued friend and teacher to me for some time. He's one of the handful outside of family who are all but family. The handful I'd defend with my life as readily as I would my own brother or sister, my cousins and kin. He's been one of the handful of voices I'll always stop and at least listen to, both in the troubles we're facing and in my own philosophical questions.
I trust he'll be an excellent Dominus.
I'm not certain if I should offer him my congratulations or my condolences, however.
I trust he'll be an excellent Dominus.
I'm not certain if I should offer him my congratulations or my condolences, however.
Written By Aislin
Feb. 6, 2017, 12:02 p.m.(11/12/1005 AR)
With everything else going on, it's so easy to forget little unimportant dates. The only reason I remembered my own birthday was that my cousin Killian and Prince Ainsley sent me a gift... a tiny fox kit, ears bigger than its own head, left sleeping on my bed.
Perhaps I need to pay a little more attention to the mundane world than I have felt I've had time to, lately.
Perhaps I need to pay a little more attention to the mundane world than I have felt I've had time to, lately.
Written By Aislin
Jan. 31, 2017, 10:44 a.m.(10/22/1005 AR)
I have made mistakes.
The first time, someone else paid the price.
The second time, I may have endangered far more than myself; while the final fault may not be mine, I likely started no few down a road they won't thank me for.
The third time, any risk should be mine alone, at least if I have anything to say about it. Or at the least, shared only with the handful who now truly comprehend the risk.
Maybe I should hand the Society over to Pietro or Lou and focus more intensely on specific things independently, as I once did? I refuse to be stopped, but perhaps information really is too dangerous to be shared widely, for now.
I swear my path seemed more clear, once. Through the dark, yes, and without a map, but at least the direction was obvious.
Now... I just no longer know.
Maybe some time to think will give greater clarity.
The first time, someone else paid the price.
The second time, I may have endangered far more than myself; while the final fault may not be mine, I likely started no few down a road they won't thank me for.
The third time, any risk should be mine alone, at least if I have anything to say about it. Or at the least, shared only with the handful who now truly comprehend the risk.
Maybe I should hand the Society over to Pietro or Lou and focus more intensely on specific things independently, as I once did? I refuse to be stopped, but perhaps information really is too dangerous to be shared widely, for now.
I swear my path seemed more clear, once. Through the dark, yes, and without a map, but at least the direction was obvious.
Now... I just no longer know.
Maybe some time to think will give greater clarity.
Written By Aislin
Jan. 30, 2017, 12:50 a.m.(10/18/1005 AR)
You had better be all right, somewhere out there. I've mourned you once, and I damned well refuse to do it again.
I said it before; I do not have so many good friends that I will give one up easily. Come home safe.
Or I'll...
I'll...
I said it before; I do not have so many good friends that I will give one up easily. Come home safe.
Or I'll...
I'll...
Written By Aislin
Jan. 29, 2017, 1:26 p.m.(10/16/1005 AR)
I've seen many things in the world. Some of them beautiful, some of them terrible, some of them that I'll treasure and some that I'd prefer to forget.
But nothing quite compares to seeing one of the "Old Gods", the great spirits who guard the wilderness.
I'm a southerner, a follower of Vellichor -- even if I fear I'm not always a good one. But my mother is a northerner, and I remember her tales of the spirits of the northlands. How I used to be captivated by them, and imagined them as half-seen things, only glimpsed from the corner of the eye.
The truth was, however, so much stranger and more glorious.
It stood six or seven times the height of a man, more tree than animal, with a voice like the wind through leaves and the creaking of ancient branches. I stood there while the shamans spoke to it, and... somewhere inside, there was that little girl, six or seven, sitting on her mother's lap and listening wide-eyed to the stories.
And in spite of everything I've learned, in spirt of all the troubles facing not just the Compact but humanity as a whole, some part of my heart is a little lighter today. Some of the weight is lifted. Because for the first time in a while I truly remember that for all the dark and terrible things out there... there are beautiful, wonderful things as well.
Things worth fighting for.
It's good to remember that.
But nothing quite compares to seeing one of the "Old Gods", the great spirits who guard the wilderness.
I'm a southerner, a follower of Vellichor -- even if I fear I'm not always a good one. But my mother is a northerner, and I remember her tales of the spirits of the northlands. How I used to be captivated by them, and imagined them as half-seen things, only glimpsed from the corner of the eye.
The truth was, however, so much stranger and more glorious.
It stood six or seven times the height of a man, more tree than animal, with a voice like the wind through leaves and the creaking of ancient branches. I stood there while the shamans spoke to it, and... somewhere inside, there was that little girl, six or seven, sitting on her mother's lap and listening wide-eyed to the stories.
And in spite of everything I've learned, in spirt of all the troubles facing not just the Compact but humanity as a whole, some part of my heart is a little lighter today. Some of the weight is lifted. Because for the first time in a while I truly remember that for all the dark and terrible things out there... there are beautiful, wonderful things as well.
Things worth fighting for.
It's good to remember that.
Written By Aislin
Jan. 27, 2017, 2:06 a.m.(10/9/1005 AR)
Today has been a very strange day.
A disaster, a disappearance, a discovery, a confession.
All of them unconnected, so far as I can tell, but none of them weigh light on the mind. I can't even organize my thoughts enough for a journal on any of them, not yet.
A disaster, a disappearance, a discovery, a confession.
All of them unconnected, so far as I can tell, but none of them weigh light on the mind. I can't even organize my thoughts enough for a journal on any of them, not yet.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.