Written By Ravna
June 9, 2020, 7:56 p.m.(6/12/1013 AR)
Y-you need to watch both hands, man. Now, now. Watch again. Ready?
Haaa! Man, you're so fucking slow. Right, now, watch the blade- got'cha! You weren't watching both hands!
Whatddyameanthat'simpossible?!
Do it. C'mon. You just gotta do it, no mind, no thoughts, just do. Ready?
Ahhhh hahahahaha! See? See!? That, that's what it's like being in the thick of shit. Just, bullshit, coming from all over. You fucks write poetry about it and shitch'yeah? It's not poetic. It's disgusting. It's insanity. You'd need to be...well, a lil' mad to leap in like that! Ha!
..cheating? Maaaaaaan, ain't no rules in war. Don't let dummies fill your head with that bullshit. Yeah, my arms got extra hands, and you payed attention to the WRONG ONES! HA! You dead.
So, watch the knives...and know you're not seeing the knives. Look right here - RIGHT HERE, SCHOLAR! Right at my chest. Just watch...yeeeeaaaaah boy! You're SEEING now!
Hahahahaaaa. I mean, I never said I wouldn't knee your groin. I said I'd show you what I was talkin' about when I said the battlefield is nuts. Hahaha. Lookit your friend writing! Gonna piss himself. Mhm.
Haaa! Man, you're so fucking slow. Right, now, watch the blade- got'cha! You weren't watching both hands!
Whatddyameanthat'simpossible?!
Do it. C'mon. You just gotta do it, no mind, no thoughts, just do. Ready?
Ahhhh hahahahaha! See? See!? That, that's what it's like being in the thick of shit. Just, bullshit, coming from all over. You fucks write poetry about it and shitch'yeah? It's not poetic. It's disgusting. It's insanity. You'd need to be...well, a lil' mad to leap in like that! Ha!
..cheating? Maaaaaaan, ain't no rules in war. Don't let dummies fill your head with that bullshit. Yeah, my arms got extra hands, and you payed attention to the WRONG ONES! HA! You dead.
So, watch the knives...and know you're not seeing the knives. Look right here - RIGHT HERE, SCHOLAR! Right at my chest. Just watch...yeeeeaaaaah boy! You're SEEING now!
Hahahahaaaa. I mean, I never said I wouldn't knee your groin. I said I'd show you what I was talkin' about when I said the battlefield is nuts. Hahaha. Lookit your friend writing! Gonna piss himself. Mhm.
Written By Ravna
June 8, 2020, 8:10 p.m.(6/10/1013 AR)
Oh man, Preston. That journal. That declaration of violation! Love it. Big fan. Huge fan.
Oooo...I like you. You got some Culler in you, huh? I like the part where you described the blade.
Do it again!
Oooo...I like you. You got some Culler in you, huh? I like the part where you described the blade.
Do it again!
Written By Ravna
June 5, 2020, 10:08 p.m.(6/4/1013 AR)
Y-you ever wonder about them big bads of the past, yeah? Like legends and shit? You ever wonder, w-what it was that made them all bad? I bet they was the kinda sorts to get real, real close to their mounts, you know, on the road. Alone. Hahahaha. Fuckin' losers.
No, no, proper point, yeah. 'Everybody has reasons.' Hahaha. But everyone in Arvum can read, everyone can write! Hahahaaa...that means all them motherfuckers can do basic math, man.
So like, think about it: You get a choice, right? Light, or Dark. Choice seems pretty even, yeah?
Except both are wrong, you know? You ain't no thing of extremes, dig? I-I can prove it, yeah? Ohhhhh, lookit'chu! All curious and shit, rightrightright. Watch this:
Can you breathe water? No? Then your home ain't the sea. Hahaha, you a man, not a thing of extremes. Right on down that center, not light or dark. Anyone tries to sell you better? I promise, it's farce.
Naaahhh, man, you can't pretend any side is better than the other. Nah, nah, that's like saying you'd be here without your father, without your mother. You need two sides to make a line, motherfucker, and you just a man, so enjoy your short time.
I've seen eeeeevery shade of Good, each dorky ass face of Bad, and even if I haven't? Ain't none of them worth more than the other, and THAT is why, my friend, I encourage you to laugh.
No, no, proper point, yeah. 'Everybody has reasons.' Hahaha. But everyone in Arvum can read, everyone can write! Hahahaaa...that means all them motherfuckers can do basic math, man.
So like, think about it: You get a choice, right? Light, or Dark. Choice seems pretty even, yeah?
Except both are wrong, you know? You ain't no thing of extremes, dig? I-I can prove it, yeah? Ohhhhh, lookit'chu! All curious and shit, rightrightright. Watch this:
Can you breathe water? No? Then your home ain't the sea. Hahaha, you a man, not a thing of extremes. Right on down that center, not light or dark. Anyone tries to sell you better? I promise, it's farce.
Naaahhh, man, you can't pretend any side is better than the other. Nah, nah, that's like saying you'd be here without your father, without your mother. You need two sides to make a line, motherfucker, and you just a man, so enjoy your short time.
I've seen eeeeevery shade of Good, each dorky ass face of Bad, and even if I haven't? Ain't none of them worth more than the other, and THAT is why, my friend, I encourage you to laugh.
Written By Ravna
June 5, 2020, 11:03 a.m.(6/4/1013 AR)
You ever have siblings, Scholar?
Eight? Damn, man. Hahaha. I, I have thirty-two siblings. S-see, Cullers don't get born, normally. You know? We're all unwanted misfits, young little snots and dipshits that get caught doin' a thing, given a second chance. Raja? She got picked by Orathy. Me? I, I got nabbed by Ajus. Ajas. Whichever.
You know what that man told me? Says it like this, you know? He goes: "Ain't no one gonna take care of you like Family, boy. No one. Not friends, not Crown, not Faith, not the woman you tricked into bed. Family is what you got in this life, just Family."
He'd made a point, once, to show us all what that meant, yeah? Yeah. He'd tied this guy by his neck to a post, you know? Somewhere. Not here, nah, that'd be illegal. But, somewhere. So this guy tried to hurt one of the lads in a fight or something. So he ties him to a post, by the neck, and sticks him out on some beach facing the sun and says, "See, boy, if you had a family instead of fucking with mine - you'd not be strapped to a post, about to die."
I watched that man drown. Ajas did sure of that, mhm, and when we were all sure he was dead? Sends this lady over, you know, medic or something and she somehow gets him breathing again - slaps the FUCK out of him, right? Says, "You are gonna remember the importance of Family for the rest of your life, and the moment you forget, the SECOND you think something is better than Family? You remember the sea."
That man? That man, they say, was Orathy. My big sibling. Like a daddy to me, he was.
That was a lesson to us about Family. Imagine what we would do to protect it.
Eight? Damn, man. Hahaha. I, I have thirty-two siblings. S-see, Cullers don't get born, normally. You know? We're all unwanted misfits, young little snots and dipshits that get caught doin' a thing, given a second chance. Raja? She got picked by Orathy. Me? I, I got nabbed by Ajus. Ajas. Whichever.
You know what that man told me? Says it like this, you know? He goes: "Ain't no one gonna take care of you like Family, boy. No one. Not friends, not Crown, not Faith, not the woman you tricked into bed. Family is what you got in this life, just Family."
He'd made a point, once, to show us all what that meant, yeah? Yeah. He'd tied this guy by his neck to a post, you know? Somewhere. Not here, nah, that'd be illegal. But, somewhere. So this guy tried to hurt one of the lads in a fight or something. So he ties him to a post, by the neck, and sticks him out on some beach facing the sun and says, "See, boy, if you had a family instead of fucking with mine - you'd not be strapped to a post, about to die."
I watched that man drown. Ajas did sure of that, mhm, and when we were all sure he was dead? Sends this lady over, you know, medic or something and she somehow gets him breathing again - slaps the FUCK out of him, right? Says, "You are gonna remember the importance of Family for the rest of your life, and the moment you forget, the SECOND you think something is better than Family? You remember the sea."
That man? That man, they say, was Orathy. My big sibling. Like a daddy to me, he was.
That was a lesson to us about Family. Imagine what we would do to protect it.
Written By Ravna
June 4, 2020, 8:05 p.m.(6/2/1013 AR)
In my sadness I sing, I howl even, yes, I let my laughter ring! For there is nothing to do when you see your friends die, no. There is nothing to do, but laugh, and laugh, and laugh even as you cry.
It isn't the man-eating wolf, that survives this sad song.
Not bear, no matter how strong.
Not ox, not bull, not bison nor the great serpents we remember flying!
No! None of THEM can laugh, even as their insides are dying!
Not the gods, not the spirits, nor any of the monsters you've been told about. It's not THEY who can carry this sorrow, not THEY who can cry, and laugh, loud, loud, LOUD! THEY would crumple, they would break, with this misery locked in their necks! No, no, THEY would give in! Give that last sigh.
It isn't they, who can can watch their friends die, and then keep on keeping on, one step after the other, pretending to be alive. No matter the lie.
It is Us. We. Me. I.
It isn't the man-eating wolf, that survives this sad song.
Not bear, no matter how strong.
Not ox, not bull, not bison nor the great serpents we remember flying!
No! None of THEM can laugh, even as their insides are dying!
Not the gods, not the spirits, nor any of the monsters you've been told about. It's not THEY who can carry this sorrow, not THEY who can cry, and laugh, loud, loud, LOUD! THEY would crumple, they would break, with this misery locked in their necks! No, no, THEY would give in! Give that last sigh.
It isn't they, who can can watch their friends die, and then keep on keeping on, one step after the other, pretending to be alive. No matter the lie.
It is Us. We. Me. I.
Written By Ravna
June 4, 2020, 6:21 p.m.(6/2/1013 AR)
He said, she said that he said, that she said - and when she said what she said, he said what she said, and then? She said what she said but only because he said what he said, in response to what she said.
Hahahahaha. Like children, Bookman. Like children! Hahahaaa...now, s'your turn to drink! Yeeeeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
So, once, I got into a belching contest with a frog, yeah? Big fat bastard, he was. Mhm. Size of a cow. Huge. So, I'm sittin' there and I'm drinkin' by this pond, before me is this great fat frog, and we drinking, drinking good, and I burp.
Well.
This motherfucker takes it as a challenge, yeah? You know? I know. Sos he belches back, and soooo great s'this belch, scares my Beautiful Ass right on down the road and, you know, this ain't proper, you know? Scaring beautiful Asses like that!
So I, yes, me, Ravna, I burp - back. Then THIS motherfucker, rips such a huge burp as to cast my HAT to the ground! MY HAT!
Well, you know what? Fuck that. I got a torch, I took a drink, and I belched flames all over this cow sized freak of nature, you know, and thaaaat motherfucker DIED.
I ate great for a week, though. My Beautiful Ass, and I.
...What? Morals? Mor-als? O-oh! Moral to the story? Uh... I dunno man: Don't have belching contests or one of you will vomit flames.
Now, gimme.
Hahahahaha. Like children, Bookman. Like children! Hahahaaa...now, s'your turn to drink! Yeeeeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
So, once, I got into a belching contest with a frog, yeah? Big fat bastard, he was. Mhm. Size of a cow. Huge. So, I'm sittin' there and I'm drinkin' by this pond, before me is this great fat frog, and we drinking, drinking good, and I burp.
Well.
This motherfucker takes it as a challenge, yeah? You know? I know. Sos he belches back, and soooo great s'this belch, scares my Beautiful Ass right on down the road and, you know, this ain't proper, you know? Scaring beautiful Asses like that!
So I, yes, me, Ravna, I burp - back. Then THIS motherfucker, rips such a huge burp as to cast my HAT to the ground! MY HAT!
Well, you know what? Fuck that. I got a torch, I took a drink, and I belched flames all over this cow sized freak of nature, you know, and thaaaat motherfucker DIED.
I ate great for a week, though. My Beautiful Ass, and I.
...What? Morals? Mor-als? O-oh! Moral to the story? Uh... I dunno man: Don't have belching contests or one of you will vomit flames.
Now, gimme.
Written By Ravna
June 4, 2020, 8:33 a.m.(6/1/1013 AR)
Swing from the tree, fifty feet high and you'll know what it's like to be me, yes, I.
Climb the rope, up to the best you'll see who is who, and who is the rest.
They play with knives, swords, axes, daggers, spears - but you can always tell who's seen a friend split ear-to-ear.
I-I bet, you know, they would almost know, if their minds weren't so webby, so chained, so slow.
Gutter, butter, s-s-stutter, cutter. None know the Lowers like a Culler. For the Law of the Land is not the Law of the City, Law of Man will make great things itty-bitty.
So, walk in the mud, and down the brick too. Don't mind the rats who look at you, like you'd do good in a stew. We all have a heart and only a few ever use it, so listen, jackass, when you're warned you could lose it.
Slow, bow, no, show, ain't none of you matter, no matter how you glow. The only law we hear is: The Goods Must Flow. So come on down, we got all the things, don't mind the way the hanging corpses sing for dead men tell no tales and live ones ain't much better but every Culler you see is a legendary Go-Getter.
So pray to your gods, or sing to your devils, we don't care about the good or the evil. It ain't our job, nah, that ain't our show, no, the only thing a Culler cares for is: The Goods Must Flow.
Climb the rope, up to the best you'll see who is who, and who is the rest.
They play with knives, swords, axes, daggers, spears - but you can always tell who's seen a friend split ear-to-ear.
I-I bet, you know, they would almost know, if their minds weren't so webby, so chained, so slow.
Gutter, butter, s-s-stutter, cutter. None know the Lowers like a Culler. For the Law of the Land is not the Law of the City, Law of Man will make great things itty-bitty.
So, walk in the mud, and down the brick too. Don't mind the rats who look at you, like you'd do good in a stew. We all have a heart and only a few ever use it, so listen, jackass, when you're warned you could lose it.
Slow, bow, no, show, ain't none of you matter, no matter how you glow. The only law we hear is: The Goods Must Flow. So come on down, we got all the things, don't mind the way the hanging corpses sing for dead men tell no tales and live ones ain't much better but every Culler you see is a legendary Go-Getter.
So pray to your gods, or sing to your devils, we don't care about the good or the evil. It ain't our job, nah, that ain't our show, no, the only thing a Culler cares for is: The Goods Must Flow.
Written By Ravna
June 1, 2020, 1:16 a.m.(5/23/1013 AR)
I was gone, you know. A long time. Did a lot, you know? I do, yeah. I've seen...a lot, you know? Been to a lot of places...yeah, seen a lot of faces. Mhm. Still do, sometimes. At night, mostly.
Hahahaaaa. So, get this, yeah? A month before my pretty face returns, my like, big brother slash daddy figure goes bamf, yeah? Yeah.
No, no, no. I'm good, I'm good. Just...thinkin' and, you know, someone real close to me, real, real close, he told me once: 'Ravna. I know you can hear me, boy, so listen, and listen like I am one of the Gods - you can go to Eurus. You could wander to Cardia. You could go to Everwinter. But family? Is family. We don't take kind to someone when they look at family, our family, like a victim. We sure as fuck don't forgive. We ain't called 'The Huggers', boy, we're The Cullers.'
Mhmm...been thinkin' on him. You know. What he said. Didju know he tried to get Ajus to stop whipping me that time? Yeeeaaah, yeah.
Well, babycakes. You got that all written down? Good, 'cuz the goods must flow.
Hahahaaaa. So, get this, yeah? A month before my pretty face returns, my like, big brother slash daddy figure goes bamf, yeah? Yeah.
No, no, no. I'm good, I'm good. Just...thinkin' and, you know, someone real close to me, real, real close, he told me once: 'Ravna. I know you can hear me, boy, so listen, and listen like I am one of the Gods - you can go to Eurus. You could wander to Cardia. You could go to Everwinter. But family? Is family. We don't take kind to someone when they look at family, our family, like a victim. We sure as fuck don't forgive. We ain't called 'The Huggers', boy, we're The Cullers.'
Mhmm...been thinkin' on him. You know. What he said. Didju know he tried to get Ajus to stop whipping me that time? Yeeeaaah, yeah.
Well, babycakes. You got that all written down? Good, 'cuz the goods must flow.
Written By Ravna
May 29, 2020, 2:49 p.m.(5/18/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Eirene
People don't know, no, the true glory of battle isn't the dicks like myself that fuck the enemy with our big sticks, and big dicks, and spears, and knives, it's not the murder, or how many lives - we take.
But how many, you know, people like you, that set bone and sew skin, that really bring the glory home. You, who bring corpses back to men. Corpsemen? But you know, with life. Hearts. Real hearts, not false hearts.
Also...you know...for having the balls, man or woman, to chase those lost in the frenzy from your tents, to put shaky hands to work, and take the piss out of those big dicks around you when real work needs'a get done.
So, to you, Miss BigDickPissTakerSkinSewerBoneSetterShavSlicer, I drink to-tonight, this night, right now even, because you brought those back to me who are me. To me.
Besides, y-you can't drink on the job, I can. Hahahaha.
** SCHOLAR NOTE: This was apparently meant for Eirene, not Etienne. However we have left both posts for...memory, and only add that it is often Mister Ravna Culler is very, very...very, very, very, drunk, while having Us write for him. So for posterity not posts will remain so. **
But how many, you know, people like you, that set bone and sew skin, that really bring the glory home. You, who bring corpses back to men. Corpsemen? But you know, with life. Hearts. Real hearts, not false hearts.
Also...you know...for having the balls, man or woman, to chase those lost in the frenzy from your tents, to put shaky hands to work, and take the piss out of those big dicks around you when real work needs'a get done.
So, to you, Miss BigDickPissTakerSkinSewerBoneSetterShavSlicer, I drink to-tonight, this night, right now even, because you brought those back to me who are me. To me.
Besides, y-you can't drink on the job, I can. Hahahaha.
** SCHOLAR NOTE: This was apparently meant for Eirene, not Etienne. However we have left both posts for...memory, and only add that it is often Mister Ravna Culler is very, very...very, very, very, drunk, while having Us write for him. So for posterity not posts will remain so. **
Written By Ravna
May 28, 2020, 6:50 p.m.(5/16/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Etienne
People don't know, no, the true glory of battle isn't the dicks like myself that fuck the enemy with our big sticks, and big dicks, and spears, and knives, it's not the murder, or how many lives - we take.
But how many, you know, people like you, that set bone and sew skin, that really bring the glory home. You, who bring corpses back to men. Corpsemen? But you know, with life. Hearts. Real hearts, not false hearts.
Also...you know...for having the balls, man or woman, to chase those lost in the frenzy from your tents, to put shaky hands to work, and take the piss out of those big dicks around you when real work needs'a get done.
So, to you, Miss BigDickPissTakerSkinSewerBoneSetterShavSlicer, I drink to-tonight, this night, right now even, because you brought those back to me who are me. To me.
Besides, y-you can't drink on the job, I can. Hahahaha.
But how many, you know, people like you, that set bone and sew skin, that really bring the glory home. You, who bring corpses back to men. Corpsemen? But you know, with life. Hearts. Real hearts, not false hearts.
Also...you know...for having the balls, man or woman, to chase those lost in the frenzy from your tents, to put shaky hands to work, and take the piss out of those big dicks around you when real work needs'a get done.
So, to you, Miss BigDickPissTakerSkinSewerBoneSetterShavSlicer, I drink to-tonight, this night, right now even, because you brought those back to me who are me. To me.
Besides, y-you can't drink on the job, I can. Hahahaha.
Written By Ravna
May 28, 2020, 6:45 p.m.(5/16/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Ida
Nice. Nifty. Pleasures. Jubilant? Euphoric? Historic. Pleasing. Teasing? Grand! Certainly, probably. Grand, it is, then to be seen, noticed, granted such glorious place in your memory, personally, yes.
So, o-one this one time, I was, like, captured in a tavern with the door held guard by this stone-thing. Now, hear me out now, I-I don't have the word to describe the thing at the door save 'stone like' and pretty sure it wanted to murder me at some point, right? Right.
So, anyways, like, I-I don't reeeaaally remember the entire plot to that story, but the memory is kinda hazy, but, but hear me out meow, I made that thing laugh so hard the stone split and tell to pieces, dig? Surely but positively, damn thing probably, maybe, didn't want to murder me so much. Possibly.
Also there was this woman there, laughing her figurative balls off. It was nice. A good time, really really.
So, o-one this one time, I was, like, captured in a tavern with the door held guard by this stone-thing. Now, hear me out now, I-I don't have the word to describe the thing at the door save 'stone like' and pretty sure it wanted to murder me at some point, right? Right.
So, anyways, like, I-I don't reeeaaally remember the entire plot to that story, but the memory is kinda hazy, but, but hear me out meow, I made that thing laugh so hard the stone split and tell to pieces, dig? Surely but positively, damn thing probably, maybe, didn't want to murder me so much. Possibly.
Also there was this woman there, laughing her figurative balls off. It was nice. A good time, really really.
Written By Ravna
May 27, 2020, 10:09 p.m.(5/14/1013 AR)
Not lo-ong, Scholar, need you t-to write e-everything I-I say, all of it. Four bottles of Woel, and some smoke, I danced before the Flame u-until I, I think the Culler boys dragged me here, kay, start w-writing ohIgodsItheroomisspinning...
Fuck..fff...it's...i-it's...gotta close my eyes, SHUT UP! JUST WRITE! J-just write...just write and everything'll be right...
...Might throw up, no! I'mma CULLER, and a culler, a-and...ohfuck...
...I d-danced before the Fire, and I moved in a gyre; I saw the dying falcon, I saw the rising flames, I saw the cinders and burning birds. Where have all the birds gone? I-is the Secret of the Pillar Staff to Rise, or Fall?! Both? One cannot move up without moving down, one can be poor and still wear a crown...
...FUCKING KEEP WRITING LET ME GO!
So sweaty, j-just gotta get it out before I fucking forget, to move high one goes low, to go low one goes high - does anything actually die? So there in the flame you need to dance, Ravna, us, me, yes, You, you need to dance in the flame and be there to burn - because there is benevolence and malevolence, there is profit and loss, prosperity and ruin. You gotta move, Ravna, YOU AREN'T THERE YET!
C-can't stop, losing it. Gotta get it out. Gotta say it, s-say it: Set the rubi red to the fire and burn, one foot down on the staff and churn! With one hand knives, one sleeve coins, and one more because you're sly, looking isn't seeing so t-tug that hat down and run on blind luck. She's watching and you gotta take your blows but your hands are full so what will you throw with but your -
Haaaaa!
Okay...yeah. No. Oh yeah. Certainly, Scholar...certainly, I'mma take a nap now. Not gonna stop, never gonna stop, 'cuz I'm a Culler and, maybe sometimes, maybe, I'll slow..but the goods...zzz...the goods...mm...must...zzz...
Fuck..fff...it's...i-it's...gotta close my eyes, SHUT UP! JUST WRITE! J-just write...just write and everything'll be right...
...Might throw up, no! I'mma CULLER, and a culler, a-and...ohfuck...
...I d-danced before the Fire, and I moved in a gyre; I saw the dying falcon, I saw the rising flames, I saw the cinders and burning birds. Where have all the birds gone? I-is the Secret of the Pillar Staff to Rise, or Fall?! Both? One cannot move up without moving down, one can be poor and still wear a crown...
...FUCKING KEEP WRITING LET ME GO!
So sweaty, j-just gotta get it out before I fucking forget, to move high one goes low, to go low one goes high - does anything actually die? So there in the flame you need to dance, Ravna, us, me, yes, You, you need to dance in the flame and be there to burn - because there is benevolence and malevolence, there is profit and loss, prosperity and ruin. You gotta move, Ravna, YOU AREN'T THERE YET!
C-can't stop, losing it. Gotta get it out. Gotta say it, s-say it: Set the rubi red to the fire and burn, one foot down on the staff and churn! With one hand knives, one sleeve coins, and one more because you're sly, looking isn't seeing so t-tug that hat down and run on blind luck. She's watching and you gotta take your blows but your hands are full so what will you throw with but your -
Haaaaa!
Okay...yeah. No. Oh yeah. Certainly, Scholar...certainly, I'mma take a nap now. Not gonna stop, never gonna stop, 'cuz I'm a Culler and, maybe sometimes, maybe, I'll slow..but the goods...zzz...the goods...mm...must...zzz...
Written By Ravna
May 27, 2020, 7:57 a.m.(5/13/1013 AR)
S-so like, you know, there I was...right? Fuckin' slurry of these pepper-shit jackrabbit dog-fuckers, yeah? So like, fifteen of them, probably, maybe, I dunno - but - I DO KNOW, that these lil' boot-hugging flatfooted dirt-eaters were trying to cheat, right? Dice, man, dice! Keep up! So like, Mama Gold loves me nice and My Friend too, which at the time they didn't know, but anyways, me and this group of kids playin' this dice game right? Buncha little knife-wieldin' ankle-slicing lettuce-eaters! They cheat. They still lose. They accuse ME of chea-- well, no I don't cheat why would I cheat? What kind of question is that?!
Yeah, so, there's this bra-- well, yeah I fucked up these little hamstring-cutters! Have you seriously never seen the packs of kids in the Lowers, man? Buncha lil goblins.
Yeah, so, there's this bra-- well, yeah I fucked up these little hamstring-cutters! Have you seriously never seen the packs of kids in the Lowers, man? Buncha lil goblins.
Written By Ravna
May 26, 2020, 3:25 p.m.(5/12/1013 AR)
S'what? Oh,
Written By Ravna
May 26, 2020, 1:03 a.m.(5/11/1013 AR)
D-did you know how I learned? You know, staff fighting? Hahaha. So like, once, I was in this crazy ass battle - does not matter which, really, you know? Me and the Greybacks, leading a bunch of Bluebacks. We with our Blackhats, and He with his Greyhat. These guys man, fools of no foolin' yeah? Follow? So, like, we are in this battle and Greyhat says out, "Oi! Fuckos! Time to get dirty!" Which was our words for like, cheating, you know, if you could cheat in war -- which, you can't.
Anyways, like, we swing up our coats right, our Greybacks. Old men, see? Haaaa! Use horse tails for beards, pick hay, shit like that and walk the road yeah? Hide our weapons. I-I had a uh..halberd...I think? No, a spear. Probably. Likely. Maybe?
Does not matter. What matters is - we get where we goin' once and like, all shit breaks out, fire everywhere, houses burning. Fights. Battle. Raaaar!
You ever see battle, Scholar? Probably not. It's amazing! Terrible. Smells like shit from all the corpses emptying themselves, blood, and mud takes this really rancid smell you know? But anyways. This kid - he's just a kid, maybe sixteen, but like, swings at me with a sword and when I swing this guy with a shield he like...cut my weapon! Or it broke on the shield? I uh, you know, it's fuzzy...anyways.
Outnumbered. Outdone. This guy goes to move in and here I am shit piss scared! Hahahaaaa! Anyways, like, I notice something...the spear-halberd is gone! But so's the weight, y'know? Just, gone. The weight is gone, Scholar. Big huge weapon? No big huge stick! Th-the next part is kinda funny 'cuz, when, when I think on it...it never makes sense...but he swung at me, I shoulda died, man - but he hit that stick and sent me spinning, and you know how you spin when you're drunk? S'like that. But...everything made sense in the senselessness. It's the blur, Scholar, where I See so clearly.
But he didn't. Not for long, anyways. He kept comin', and I was too scared, and it just kinda...clicked. I didn't needa be stronger, just smarter. So he swings, right? I spin, I crush his visor in, I twist his greaves and he goes down and it...it was so fast, man. The chaos. My Friend, you know, was there with me the whole time, I bet. Because that kid thrust through my guard, slid right into my stomach, right through with that dorky ass saber, man...and he hugged me. But in doing, you know, he didn't get outtatheway of his own team firing a volley, and we went down, and that arrow man - nearly got my heart. Or it did? I dunno, man.
Fantastical? Oh. I mean, yeah! I bet! Hahaha. So like, right, I am prisoner for a bit. Then the Greybacks come, all old men again, and the Bluebacks steal the horses right? Greyhat is there, man. I'm all healed and he tosses me a gold coin - a gold fucking coin - and then throws that fucking stick at me and goes:
"Let's see that shit again."
Hahaha, so, you know - now you know: it's not the spear you gotta fear, not the halberd or the glaive, it's not the sword or the dagger - but the hand on the blade! Hahaha.
Anyways, like, we swing up our coats right, our Greybacks. Old men, see? Haaaa! Use horse tails for beards, pick hay, shit like that and walk the road yeah? Hide our weapons. I-I had a uh..halberd...I think? No, a spear. Probably. Likely. Maybe?
Does not matter. What matters is - we get where we goin' once and like, all shit breaks out, fire everywhere, houses burning. Fights. Battle. Raaaar!
You ever see battle, Scholar? Probably not. It's amazing! Terrible. Smells like shit from all the corpses emptying themselves, blood, and mud takes this really rancid smell you know? But anyways. This kid - he's just a kid, maybe sixteen, but like, swings at me with a sword and when I swing this guy with a shield he like...cut my weapon! Or it broke on the shield? I uh, you know, it's fuzzy...anyways.
Outnumbered. Outdone. This guy goes to move in and here I am shit piss scared! Hahahaaaa! Anyways, like, I notice something...the spear-halberd is gone! But so's the weight, y'know? Just, gone. The weight is gone, Scholar. Big huge weapon? No big huge stick! Th-the next part is kinda funny 'cuz, when, when I think on it...it never makes sense...but he swung at me, I shoulda died, man - but he hit that stick and sent me spinning, and you know how you spin when you're drunk? S'like that. But...everything made sense in the senselessness. It's the blur, Scholar, where I See so clearly.
But he didn't. Not for long, anyways. He kept comin', and I was too scared, and it just kinda...clicked. I didn't needa be stronger, just smarter. So he swings, right? I spin, I crush his visor in, I twist his greaves and he goes down and it...it was so fast, man. The chaos. My Friend, you know, was there with me the whole time, I bet. Because that kid thrust through my guard, slid right into my stomach, right through with that dorky ass saber, man...and he hugged me. But in doing, you know, he didn't get outtatheway of his own team firing a volley, and we went down, and that arrow man - nearly got my heart. Or it did? I dunno, man.
Fantastical? Oh. I mean, yeah! I bet! Hahaha. So like, right, I am prisoner for a bit. Then the Greybacks come, all old men again, and the Bluebacks steal the horses right? Greyhat is there, man. I'm all healed and he tosses me a gold coin - a gold fucking coin - and then throws that fucking stick at me and goes:
"Let's see that shit again."
Hahaha, so, you know - now you know: it's not the spear you gotta fear, not the halberd or the glaive, it's not the sword or the dagger - but the hand on the blade! Hahaha.
Written By Ravna
May 24, 2020, 3:13 p.m.(5/8/1013 AR)
S'oh, y'know, like. Once. Twice maybe, no I think it was just once, did'ju know - I stacked up a lil' castle of silver an-and gold? Cool as shit, man. I like, I got all the coins to sit on edge, right? Ajas was pissed but, man, like, I got'em all stacked up. So proud. Took me like, forever, my luck though like, I stacked them and made this lil' shiny castle on the table, coolest thing when I was like, five. I r-remember that this one Iron Guard kid, right, kid then but I was like a lil' boot-clinger, so this kid just stared and watched. Said shit about Mama G-Gold, right? Er. Gild. Whatever. Anyways, was great, took me forever.
Yeah.
Oh, I dunno how many coins. A lot? Ajas was pissed. Hahahahaaa!
Yeah.
Oh, I dunno how many coins. A lot? Ajas was pissed. Hahahahaaa!
Written By Ravna
May 22, 2020, 2:47 p.m.(5/4/1013 AR)
Hey diddle diddle, the frog and the fiddle, and the wolf who howls at the moon -
None of you are wise, to any sort of prize, nor magic, nor godly boon.
I-I once ate a spider, and got up inside her, and in there I found my soul. She whispered to me, "Why do you want to be free?" Sad as can be. So I said to her, "Because that's all I'll ever be." I made her moan, just one more time, before I swiped up a line, and left her there - in the dark.
...So, Scholar. Do you suppose, then, maybe, probably - possibly - th-that you're not actually winning at dice and I'm winning at dice, but because I am winning at dice, and you're gettin' some Woel that maybe you're actually winning at dice?
No, no. Hear me out, right?
I toss you a coin, and you buy some wine, the man who gets the coin can go buy something fine. Right? Now, follow me: The man who buys something fine, will go and buy more wine, to take to his date with the fine lady in rubi plate. Now, now, reeeeaady? The man who bought something fine, who bought more wine, to take to his date with the fine lady in rubi plate now comes to me, who sings real loud, you see? They toss me a coin, that I tossed to you, and - here's where it gets good - this story is true.
Maaaaan. Don't fuckin' look at me like that, it's not my fault I'm this way, see? It's not me, not mine, not the smoke or the wine - I in fact blame, this great black hat.
..What do you mean stop? Th'fuck you think I've been doin' this whole time, save stoppin'? You think I want to rhyme, constantly, like there's a gods damned beat droppin'? GAH!
Love? O Love. O Mine. Beautiful, and very, very fine. She stares at me, and in her is a sea, of something better, far better, than any, *any* wine. Her touch is godly, her voice, queenly, yet in this power, no matter the hour, not once has she bent me, broke me, nor shoved me away. It is this woman, O Love, O Mine, that I always, every time, find the price of Games easy to pay.
None of you are wise, to any sort of prize, nor magic, nor godly boon.
I-I once ate a spider, and got up inside her, and in there I found my soul. She whispered to me, "Why do you want to be free?" Sad as can be. So I said to her, "Because that's all I'll ever be." I made her moan, just one more time, before I swiped up a line, and left her there - in the dark.
...So, Scholar. Do you suppose, then, maybe, probably - possibly - th-that you're not actually winning at dice and I'm winning at dice, but because I am winning at dice, and you're gettin' some Woel that maybe you're actually winning at dice?
No, no. Hear me out, right?
I toss you a coin, and you buy some wine, the man who gets the coin can go buy something fine. Right? Now, follow me: The man who buys something fine, will go and buy more wine, to take to his date with the fine lady in rubi plate. Now, now, reeeeaady? The man who bought something fine, who bought more wine, to take to his date with the fine lady in rubi plate now comes to me, who sings real loud, you see? They toss me a coin, that I tossed to you, and - here's where it gets good - this story is true.
Maaaaan. Don't fuckin' look at me like that, it's not my fault I'm this way, see? It's not me, not mine, not the smoke or the wine - I in fact blame, this great black hat.
..What do you mean stop? Th'fuck you think I've been doin' this whole time, save stoppin'? You think I want to rhyme, constantly, like there's a gods damned beat droppin'? GAH!
Love? O Love. O Mine. Beautiful, and very, very fine. She stares at me, and in her is a sea, of something better, far better, than any, *any* wine. Her touch is godly, her voice, queenly, yet in this power, no matter the hour, not once has she bent me, broke me, nor shoved me away. It is this woman, O Love, O Mine, that I always, every time, find the price of Games easy to pay.
Written By Ravna
May 19, 2020, 7:30 p.m.(4/26/1013 AR)
Where have all...the birds gone? Where did they go? You ever notice, that the birds all sing when the blood does flow? Hee!
What is riddled with holes, stinks and is not cheese? It's slow, inept, yet full of praise. Surface fine, blood blue, do not be mad if you think I speak of you. Haa!
...So, you want a story, Scholar? M'kay, m'kay. No, no. I-I got one, I do, yes. Dozens, even, hahaha. I do. Yes. So, so, sooo...
...So, once, I'da been walkin' on The Road, yeah? Not all that weird. Once I'da been walkin' The Road, right? And maaaaannnn, the rain. The rain wouldn't stop. I was somewhere between Tor and Blancbier I think, you know, and man. MAN. THE RAINS. So like, I go to find shelter, right? Right. Natural thing to do, that.
Come to a farm, no one home. Went to the barn, no one home. So I says, 'Fuck it. You're a Culler, and a Greyback. Let's take a nap!' So's I napped, yeah, probably five hours, maybe six. Wake up, still grey, still fucking rain, and I go to the hay loft - you know the place high up? Go there and make a bed outta some shitty hay, my pack, and my Greyback coat. Now.
How was it then, I did hear the most peculiar thing? But an owl, there watching me, with rust and amber wings? Wiiiide, wide eyes, of midnight black. I heard it whisper, 'Run! Run, and don't come back!'
Well, I mean, fuck it, right? Fuckin' owl. So I drank...and drank, and hurled the bottle at that stupid bird. Then I remember...quiet...cold...not a sound, not a word.
There She was, My Friend, in beautiful snow white. Her veil was down, as always, though never once had I showed fright. "A Game?" She says to me, and I nod my head. It'd been years you know, years, since I had seen My Friend.
Scholar, before me, she did offer the most...beautiful...cards. Not gold, no jewels, just paper painted with tar. I could smell the sea on them, I'll never forget -- the day I played - and won - with a dead sailor's deck.
Hours I think, maybe days, it felt like forever to me that My Friend played me in this Game. But in the end, as before, I won, and she sighed. "Lucky thing." She said. "Ravna, I suppose this is goodbye."
You know how you can feel a person's sadness, and regret? That was this, and I will never, ever forget. Because every time I see her, My Friend, in white or in black, when She loses The Game - for some reason, She is sad.
Now there in the hay I did wake, sleeping off a mean as a Thrax-kind drunk. But the rain, and the grey were gone. Just my luck.
....Hmnn? What do you mean I rhyme? I don't rhyme. No. No, no. Y-you've been drinking my Woel, eh? I do not rhyme. Silly beastly Scholar man.
What is riddled with holes, stinks and is not cheese? It's slow, inept, yet full of praise. Surface fine, blood blue, do not be mad if you think I speak of you. Haa!
...So, you want a story, Scholar? M'kay, m'kay. No, no. I-I got one, I do, yes. Dozens, even, hahaha. I do. Yes. So, so, sooo...
...So, once, I'da been walkin' on The Road, yeah? Not all that weird. Once I'da been walkin' The Road, right? And maaaaannnn, the rain. The rain wouldn't stop. I was somewhere between Tor and Blancbier I think, you know, and man. MAN. THE RAINS. So like, I go to find shelter, right? Right. Natural thing to do, that.
Come to a farm, no one home. Went to the barn, no one home. So I says, 'Fuck it. You're a Culler, and a Greyback. Let's take a nap!' So's I napped, yeah, probably five hours, maybe six. Wake up, still grey, still fucking rain, and I go to the hay loft - you know the place high up? Go there and make a bed outta some shitty hay, my pack, and my Greyback coat. Now.
How was it then, I did hear the most peculiar thing? But an owl, there watching me, with rust and amber wings? Wiiiide, wide eyes, of midnight black. I heard it whisper, 'Run! Run, and don't come back!'
Well, I mean, fuck it, right? Fuckin' owl. So I drank...and drank, and hurled the bottle at that stupid bird. Then I remember...quiet...cold...not a sound, not a word.
There She was, My Friend, in beautiful snow white. Her veil was down, as always, though never once had I showed fright. "A Game?" She says to me, and I nod my head. It'd been years you know, years, since I had seen My Friend.
Scholar, before me, she did offer the most...beautiful...cards. Not gold, no jewels, just paper painted with tar. I could smell the sea on them, I'll never forget -- the day I played - and won - with a dead sailor's deck.
Hours I think, maybe days, it felt like forever to me that My Friend played me in this Game. But in the end, as before, I won, and she sighed. "Lucky thing." She said. "Ravna, I suppose this is goodbye."
You know how you can feel a person's sadness, and regret? That was this, and I will never, ever forget. Because every time I see her, My Friend, in white or in black, when She loses The Game - for some reason, She is sad.
Now there in the hay I did wake, sleeping off a mean as a Thrax-kind drunk. But the rain, and the grey were gone. Just my luck.
....Hmnn? What do you mean I rhyme? I don't rhyme. No. No, no. Y-you've been drinking my Woel, eh? I do not rhyme. Silly beastly Scholar man.
Written By Ravna
May 14, 2020, 4:20 p.m.(4/16/1013 AR)
I-it is, you know, between sips of this fine, fine wine, this Woel - MY Woel - that I dream of warm curves, an-and you know, where...where we will go. You think, Scholar, that this is real? Not this. But, This, you know? Why can I not touch the moon? Why can I not just grab it from the sky, yeah? I bet, I know even, if I wanted, I probably could, I bet. Maybe.
It is then that, you know, I wonder - aloud - to you, like an old friend that stares a-at me with such contempt that I wonder: Do you know the peace of a true love? Of a bottle, of a fire, of a cold night but no clouds? I bet not, mhm, I bet not. No. I bet, you know, you, like many perhaps - maybe even - forget, get lost in the many, many things. The many-many-many things. The shiny things, the loud voices, mhm. So many voices...
...hey, do you ever wonder why Champions drink so much? I bet, you know, I'd wager even, possibly, it's from all those voices. Woof. Must be rough...
Me? Oh, no. No, no, no, nooooo. No thank you. No. Positively, not I, Ravna, no. Mhm. Nah. I could never. Too busy, yes? Me. Certainly. Life Is For Living. To drink, to lean on warm curves, barely awake and sore. Mhm. Yes. None of that sparkly nonsensical shit for me, no. Thanks, though.
Ohhhhh! Look at you! You sipped it, and didn't not once even cough a little! Proud of you, Scholar! Ahhhhhh! And that laugh! THAT. LAUGH.
Such is life, such is Woel.
It is then that, you know, I wonder - aloud - to you, like an old friend that stares a-at me with such contempt that I wonder: Do you know the peace of a true love? Of a bottle, of a fire, of a cold night but no clouds? I bet not, mhm, I bet not. No. I bet, you know, you, like many perhaps - maybe even - forget, get lost in the many, many things. The many-many-many things. The shiny things, the loud voices, mhm. So many voices...
...hey, do you ever wonder why Champions drink so much? I bet, you know, I'd wager even, possibly, it's from all those voices. Woof. Must be rough...
Me? Oh, no. No, no, no, nooooo. No thank you. No. Positively, not I, Ravna, no. Mhm. Nah. I could never. Too busy, yes? Me. Certainly. Life Is For Living. To drink, to lean on warm curves, barely awake and sore. Mhm. Yes. None of that sparkly nonsensical shit for me, no. Thanks, though.
Ohhhhh! Look at you! You sipped it, and didn't not once even cough a little! Proud of you, Scholar! Ahhhhhh! And that laugh! THAT. LAUGH.
Such is life, such is Woel.
Written By Ravna
May 11, 2020, 7:45 p.m.(4/10/1013 AR)
H-have you ever wondered, Scholar man, yes. You. Have you ever wondered...why the shit anyone talks about weddings? No, no. Hear me now, don't lookitmelikethat. Hear me out - why would you /talk/ about them? Anything to be covered, yes, in a wedding is - you know, on a paper. Like a flier. Like theater...are weddings theater!?
Also: I have begun to throw things into the whirlpool, yes. Oh...like what? Well. You know. Stuff. Things.
Also: I have begun to throw things into the whirlpool, yes. Oh...like what? Well. You know. Stuff. Things.
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