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Written By Killian

April 30, 2017, 9:48 p.m.(5/16/1006 AR)

I wonder, how many days it will be before they push. How long before we must stand and fight, or fall, and this will all be decided. The waiting is the hardest part, and it tests each moment our resolve to persevere in the face of what is to come.

Written By Killian

April 23, 2017, 9:22 p.m.(5/1/1006 AR)

Reese and Luca's vows were amazing. I'm so glad that the two of them have found one another..few realize how far back my friendship with Prince Luca goes, but he is amongst the few I trust wholly who are not already family..and he and Reese will be good for one another. A perfect compliment, and their children will be formidable warriors blessed with tremendous gifts from both sides of their heritage.

Written By Killian

April 23, 2017, 9:20 p.m.(5/1/1006 AR)

I have to admit, I thought that the scheme my friend proposed was hardly one that would succeed..madcap and as unlikely as the sun rising in the west. But, I stand in awe of the success he and the others achieved. One of the greatest blows to be struck against those who would do us harm inside the city since the siege began, if not the. I wish only that I had been within to aid, rather than having been asked to guardian the perimeter and secure it instead.

Written By Killian

April 16, 2017, 6:50 p.m.(4/14/1006 AR)

I dreamt, last night, once more of the darkness beyond. Of that ever present nothing that devours all within it's path, the oblivion at the end of the world that comes careening towards us with the relentlessness of the avalanche. In my dream I screamed, my throat raw with terror and hopelessness, as I turned to flee. But the voice of the watcher came to me, dispassionate and stern.

It asked, "To where will you flee?" and I was filled with chagrin, for I knew It's words to be true. There is nowhere to flee in the face of nothing, for it rolls ever onward, devouring all that was into that darkness. And I fell to my knees and begged of the Faceless voice, crying out "If there is nowhere to flee, then where can I stand, where can there be safety from that which comes?" and It answered, "There is no place that is safe. Only by deed can any place be safe, and only by virtue of the righteous can a deed have worth."

And then I saw a Kind Woman, who stood beside the roadway, her cheeks wet with tears which shimmered like diamonds as they fell, for the roadways that were her home had become unsafe. I saw the bodies of those she had called to her upon the ground before her, broken and mangled by the horrors hiding in the Darkness. And I asked her, "Great Lady, you have comforted me so many times. Is there nothing I can do to aid you? Is there no comfort you may be granted in kind?" And She looked upon me and her gaze was as gentle and kind as it had always been when cast upon a foolish traveler. She spoke and said, "No, but travel on a ways and you will find the last of the places I have been. You will find there those who still value kindness and mercy, and who are willing to raise their hands to defend it. Count yourself amongst them, and remember to bear to others the goodness that has been shown unto you.." And I looked beyond Her outstretched hand, and beheld a city like no other. It's walls soared hundreds of feet above the cliffs upon which it stood, and the waves of the ocean of darkness crashed against those walls like the waves of the ocean beneath against the cliffs.

And so I traveled into the city, and I saw there the sorrow and pain of broken faiths and oaths, and the bitter bickering that had befallen those who had let their petty differences erode agreement and amongst them walked a Woman of unsurpassed Virtue, her robes of white gathering no dirt as she stepped between the petty squabbles and broken promises. And as she walked, observing each in turn, I heard a great trembling and cracking and I looked back and beheld the walls, as each argument tore at the bricks and shattered the mortar, breaking the great fortress down bit by bit. And I called to her and begged, "Great Lady, please, stop this. Can you not see that it destroys the only protection we have?" And She looked sadly back upon me, and the anguish of what She saw was writ large upon her face as She responded. "I but see and understand, that which they have done unto one another. It was my blessing which tied them together, and they have ignored it and cast it aside, and even in my presence they are unfaithful one unto another, though I remind them of their oaths and pledges. And so, they shatter the walls, and invite the darkness within."

And I looked back, and the walls, the last bastion against the darkness, were so weakened by the petty quarrels within that they crumbled at last away, and the darkness swept into that great city which was the last hope against it. And so consumed in their petty differences were the people, that they noticed not even as they were swallowed by oblivion..

I awoke in a sweat, with a scream of terror upon my lips but never quite uttered..

Written By Killian

April 14, 2017, 7:01 p.m.(4/10/1006 AR)

Oh excellent! I've finally stopped coughing up blood! I'm not sure what it was that was in that concoction the bringer controlled shav threw, but I shudder to think how much damage it would have done to us all had it not been contained. Even just the deep breath I took of it being close at hand, seared my lungs and left me struggling to breath. Attempting to sleep at night was the worst, when every breath would claw like ragged nails down my chest, and I'd awake with the pillow flecked with blood from coughing through the night..

It makes me wonder..what sort of thing could do such damage. And what sort of thing might we find that would do such damage to the Bringers of Silence..it is said by some few that Elfblight Orchids are damaging to the sylv'alfar..is there another substance we could concoct to harm the Bringers? A perfume infused with the essence of the orchids for example, if it harms them too, or perhaps infused with some ground extract of alaricite...

I wonder if we have any alchemists interested in insane experiments.

Written By Killian

April 9, 2017, 8:52 p.m.(3/28/1006 AR)

I sometimes wonder, as I consider the strange paths the world has taken, and the lives of the people around me, just where it was that Addison was truly corrupted. What was the influence and moment when he began to serve the darkness rather than the light. He had always been an ass, even as children, Addison was simply incapable of either decency or kindness. Judgmental and aloof, he felt himself better than everyone else, and I think that he resented the fact he had been born a cousin rather than of the line of the Duke..his aspirations focused instead upon righteousness and zealotry, because the church was the path to power left to him. But even with that being the case, he was not evil..he just wasn't fun. What curse befell upon our house that so splintered it though? Avery abandoned family and now seems hardly a human any longer, so devoted unto the concept of smothering all emotions and passion.. Addison allowed a darkness more foul than could be imagined to take him over, and though he might have believed he was walking the path of light, even so he served the greatest of evils.

Is this curse upon my house the result of my fathers sin, or farther back yet? I can only be thankful that my cousins at least are good, righteous people who believe in and serve the pantheon faithfully.

Written By Killian

April 9, 2017, 8:46 p.m.(3/28/1006 AR)

So...the Queen of Endings..just.. sort of showed up? At the memorial service. That's a thing. I'm not sure what sort of thing, but it's certainly a thing.

Written By Killian

April 2, 2017, 9:51 p.m.(3/14/1006 AR)

It is, at the very least, an interesting thing to find those who are touched by the gods..to meet with them and hear of the gifts, strange and myriad, that the divine have blessed the defenders of the faith with. It is inspiring to see the evidence, in the people who move about us, that the gods have not forsaken us and shall not do so. The enemy at our gate may be fierce, but it is nothing compared to the power of the Pantheon.

Written By Killian

April 2, 2017, 9:15 p.m.(3/14/1006 AR)

Relationship Note on Silas

I don't consider myself, in the general, a particularly prideful man.. I've an entirely laundry list of character flaws and defects, am passingly lazy when I can get away with it, am entirely discourteous and strongly fail to take things seriously when I should..but..even so, getting beaten so readily by the Lord Commander wielding what basically was a stick..that's simply depressing. Certainly he is an accomplished swordsman, but..I had hoped to fair better with my sword against his spear, especially considering he claimed to lack particular practice with the weapon..

I think I'll be spending more time in the training center..alas.

Written By Killian

April 2, 2017, 8:41 p.m.(3/14/1006 AR)

The days and nights are grim, and the house a lonelier place, and with all that is going on I find myself yearning for the company of those who now, through circumstance or duty, are harder company to find.. Cara is married, and I am so very happy for her, but the house is all the colder and quieter for her absence. Aislin is busier even than she was before, which I had not thought to be possible, and I think she seldom returns to her home at this point.. Even the Princess Lark, in whom I found purpose as guardian and defender, has been called away by duty and necessity..and I can no longer stand as her guard, for this time at the least..

The halls are empty and silent, the tables seldom set, and I find myself feeling each day more a ghost amongst the abandoned ruins than ever I have felt before.

Written By Killian

March 26, 2017, 11:29 p.m.(3/1/1006 AR)

And so the gate holds..and we have beheld the power of Brand first hand. It is..frightening to say the least. But the gods are with us and have given us their command and charge, to defend this place and that which has been forged here. We will stand, and we will fight to the last, because to do otherwise is to die, and worse than die.

All about us though, we can see the evidence that the gods are with us, and granting us their aid and strength...when a defender comes afire with holy passion, when the dead rise up to attack those who laid them low. It is impossible to deny that the power of the gods is at work in the city of Arx, and it works against the enemy beyond the gates.

Written By Killian

March 19, 2017, 11:53 p.m.(2/15/1006 AR)

I would have, had things been different, been most thankful for the chance to test myself against the creature..to see if it was enough, what I have done, to try and strengthen myself. But, someone had to see to it that the creatures did not cross that stream, and that the children we found were safe. I am glad to have been able to stand such duty, and truly thankful, for even this handful of young souls who have escaped the clutches of our enemy.

I am not sure what will happen with these children, they are orphans of war certainly. I have suggested that perhaps the camps that Grayson has established would be the best place, and shall call attention unto them to the noble souls who have established the camps..

Written By Killian

March 19, 2017, 11:01 p.m.(2/15/1006 AR)

Relationship Note on Reese

Princess Reese is amongst the most honorable and decent people I know, and to hear that some fool may have called either her honor or decency into question fills me with a true anger. I know not the events, for certain, that transpired. I know certainly though the nature of the Grayson Princess, and I can stand resolutely firm in my belief that if she bears any fault, it is the fault of caring too much and trying too hard to protect others. Truly, no good deed shall ever pass unpunished.

Written By Killian

March 19, 2017, 10:58 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)

It is strange, I suppose that I ought to feel different somehow, but yet I wake up each morning and feel much the same as I always have. Nothing seems to have changed. Nothing seems..different..except perhaps that I give more reflection to the will of the gods than I had before.

I pray that I will not be the disappointment that I have always been, yet again. That I will be equal to the task before me, and even should I fall, leave my family and loved ones safer than when the task began.

Written By Killian

March 12, 2017, 9:38 p.m.(1/28/1006 AR)

The dream was..unsettling. Unnerving. Everything about it just served to remind us how important it is that we fight back against Brand. Against the Silence. Not that we weren't already committed, especially with what transpired, but..now at least more understand. More realize. It also makes it harder for people to dismiss what's going on around them, or to deny that the Lost are now Found and that the world has changed so remarkably that we each day can scarcely recognize it for what it once was..

We will fight against it though...I'm confident. Not in the weapons we have forged or the plans we have laid. Not in the strength of either our numbers or our walls. No, what I am confident in is the spirit of the people of Arx, that we will not simply lay down and accept the end that comes upon us, but will fight and rail against it with all our might and spirit and everything that we are.

Written By Killian

March 6, 2017, 11:24 p.m.(1/17/1006 AR)

Things move far, far faster than I had expected, and the day grows closer upon each passing moment when I must stand forth and face what is to come. I find though that, in this time, and with what lay before us, each moment seems to crystallize in my mind, more distinct and vivid than all those which have passed before. The snow falling through the night sky, settling that strange stillness over the city. The curls of smoke drifting up from the buildings, twisting in the errant breeze to form shapes and webs which cross and fade against one another, making the night sky seem to go on forever against the blanket of the stars. Memories keep stirring in my mind as well, drawn up by things that sometimes seem to have nothing to do with them.

I remembered my childhood, a thing I had not thought on in a long time. In the days before Avery left us, and when Addison was still the older brother I looked up to, even if he was even as a child somewhat..stiff. I remembered a summer spent with Harlan and Aislin and Olivia, playing games near the stream at the hunting camp. The day I arrived at Bisland, a bittersweet moment of desperate lostness and yet at the same time the warmth and welcome which Duke Gabriel and Lady Iona gave to me..and so many others there, each alone in their own way and yet finding friendship and family with one another.

I remember the night I returned to Arx, after years away from Ashford and Arx both, and the look of surprise on my cousins face. The night I met Cara, who would become one of my dearest friends. I remember those we have lost..Pietro and Vincere. Leo, who stood against an army of traitors with but a dozen men and faced them down, saving not just my life but Dawn and Vincere and Cara as well. Dawn's smile when she welcomed me home, the architect of my rebirth and reunion with my family. The moments stand out so vividly, the excited look upon Aislin's face when she discovered something that had once been lost unto us, renewing the story of our people piece by piece as she searched out the mysteries in ancient tomes.

Most vividly, I remember the first time I saw the face of the one I love, and in that memory all the worry and sorrow, and the darkness which threatens to envelop us in eternal night, fade away. It is a moment like the first sight of the sun cresting the horizon after a long and terrifying night, when the rays of that new dawning light break over the distance and spill radiant glory across the land, driving back every shadow, the warmth of that first light driving the chill away and filling me with hope. If all else fails me, and all else is darkness, in that moment I know that I have lived a life more full and whole than a man such as I could ever have hoped to have.

Written By Killian

March 5, 2017, 9:50 p.m.(1/14/1006 AR)

Relationship Note on Cara

So my dear sister-in-law is no longer officially that, and is now a Princess of Grayson. Well, she was always a Princess, but I already miss her being in the house and so near at hand..even though it's a mere few minutes walk to the Grayson Mansion. I hope that Duke Valkieri will not take it personally that I have, so far as I'm concerned, adopted his sister as my own. Though she may be part of another family now, she will forever be a part of my heart and life, and I hope that she knows that wherever she goes she shall forever have the love and support of her Ashford family.

As an aside, I hope that Addison is enjoying the maggots, it's what he deserves for the harm he did to her.

Written By Killian

Feb. 27, 2017, 3:20 p.m.(1/2/1006 AR)

As if in answer to my worry at my lack of direction or purpose, the new year has come, and with it, a new hope and new possibilities. I pray that it will be the turning point in this darkness that we so desperately need. I pray that I will be able to be of help to it. I fear that I may have to give up all that I hold dear, especially the one I most love, in order to serve them and protect them..but if that is the price demanded of me, it is one I will pay, and gladly, to see them safe even if I buy them but a moment longer for peace and happiness in the doing.

Written By Killian

Feb. 26, 2017, 10:47 p.m.(1/1/1006 AR)

Things spin ever onward, and though we are mired down by the grief which has paralyzed our hearts and stopped our minds from being able to find solutions, even so the world goes on. The darkness approaches, and like nightfall, it will not be delayed or deterred..we must find the flames with which to drive it back before it arrives.

I don't know the path I should take. I don't know what it is the gods would have of me or what it is that I should do. Each thread that i pull just leaves me with more questions than I had before, each path I follow leads to less understanding rather than more.

I need to find someone who can explain, who understands. But there is no one. And I fear that, there is no way I can find either the strength or knowledge necessary before the time is upon us..

Written By Killian

Feb. 26, 2017, 10:44 p.m.(1/1/1006 AR)

Relationship Note on Cara

You are -far- too clever for either of our good...but thankfully, you are also someone upon whose discretion I can depend. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that no matter what, I will always consider you my sister and be there for you..I hope you know that. In all the things I have learned and experienced since I have come to Arx, you and Aislin have been the bedrock of my life here and it is only through the pair of you that I have been able to become anything more than a mere vagabond knight sleeping at the roadside and wandering the wilderness.

Thank you.

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