Written By Victus
March 6, 2018, 1:04 a.m.(4/22/1008 AR)
Astrid -
Hey daughter, it's me. Your father. You probably don't remember anything about me yet, 'cause you can't talk and you've put enough shit in your mouth that I'm sure you might've already poisoned yourself a bit. That's okay though. I'm gonna start writing you these notes to find when you're old enough to read and not eat everything in sight.
Anyway, the point of this is that I was raised like shit and you ain't gonna turn out that way. I'm making sure of it by sharing little pieces of my experience before I'm too old to still be pretty, too busy trying to control my aging and failing bladder, or outright dead to pass it on to the High Lady of the Maelstrom. I had this person in my life named Donrai. Donrai was a big ol' shithead he was. He was my uncle but he took me under his wing like he was my new daddy and he was one awful father.
My friend and your honorary auntie Margot puts it best when she said he'd wanted tools, not family. That's right on the money for a descriptor and I was one of them. But he didn't really -just- raise us to be tools, he also wanted to make sure we carried little pieces of his influence into our adult lives. See what he did first was sow these little seeds of hate and he made sure they were planted well and deep into our minds. Those seeds took root and made more hate, more anger, more fear of everything that wasn't /us/. Soon enough we were starting to produce it ourselves on the regular.
Anger and hate is what made us strong, but it wasn't what kept us strong. You see, emotions are kinda like tools, but sometimes they ain't the tool you hold in your hand and control. They're something you can direct but not something you can easily predict that they'll do exactly what you want them to. Hate has made me hold onto grudges and prejudices that pushed a lot of good people away. Anger has made me break shit dear to me and ruin the chances of repairing what was lost. It's also helped me survive when against the unfathomable, and been the strength behind my arm when I swung against our enemies. It felt good and that's what makes it so hard to try and ignore. Gratification is hard to come by in this world. But when you hold onto hate, you're also paying for it to stay with you.
Something to realize about a lot of that sort of negativity is that for it to work properly, it needs something from you too. Payment for its services. Hatred, anger, jealousy, they all go hand in hand. Feeding them requires that you give them something that you take from others. You forget to see the good in people, you see them as the obstacle to what you want. You hate them, so you take from them. You're angry at someone for whatever reason, you take from their accomplishments and their potential to either shut yourself away from their light or you fuck with them. You take from them again. Jealousy makes you forget the things you already have and only desire more. You take from everyone to make sure you always have more.
By this point, you've yet to realize that these greedy emotions aren't just taking what you're giving them. They're taking away pieces of yourself too. Your self control, your pride, your compassion, your humanity. These are all the things they want to and you'll be none the wiser that you're signing them away. You won't notice because you're already driven to take infinite things out of a finite world. They've already sunk in their claws and gotten what they really wanted, your entire life hanging on a pair of puppet strings.
You see, we're only mortal people. To fuck up is part of our nature. The concept of fairness just ain't gonna work all the time and one day life is gonna fuck you up in some way. It ain't gonna apologize, it's just gonna fuck you and not even bother to wine and dine you first. It's just the way of things. Hell you could have the perfect life and one day, some nagging little shadowy thoughts will just start whispering into your ear. And they ain't gonna go away easy.
When this happens, you'll have a wound that needs to heal. But the wound hurts. You want it gone /now/, yeah? Stop the pain and stem the bleeding as soon as possible. That's when those manipulative little thoughts creep forward. They'll stop the pain right this second, they just need a little up-front commitment first. A little space in your mind, body and soul to tear open a wound of their own. Their 'cure' is cutting out the work and reflection that comes from falling down and getting back up.
What I'm trying to say is that while these things will all come to you eventually, you need to let them know that you are always gonna be yourself. This is your house. They stay as long as you let them. To continue to depend on them for accomplishments and strength in your life is to sign yourself to being consumed. The brighter your light burns the larger the shadows it'll cast, but it all becomes ash eventually. Make sure you're living this life on your terms. Always.
What I've come to learn is that while it'll take longer and be a hell of a lot more work, to temper yourself with things you care about is to truly find your strength. When you fight for your hatred, you fight to be the aggressor. To take. When you fight for what you care about, you fight to be the protector. To preserve.
The things you care about, that you love, those never go away. Those are the things that stay with you forever. When you think about them you get all those warm and really fucking sappy kinda feelings. Like when the clouds part and little rays of sunshine light up the world. No matter who or what it is, a good memory will always be your friend. It will ask nothing in return. Merely be there when you need it.
The difference between hatred and love is just that. Nothing will ever be enough for hatred, so it always desires more. Love is to simply find your roots with what is and what will be. Love might drive you to do the craziest fucking things you could ever dream of, but it ain't doing it because it wants more. It's doing it because it cares about protecting what's actually worthwhile, instead of putting price tags on everything it doesn't have.
When you become the immovable object, the shield instead of the crashing, angry tide, you are strong. You do not fall. And when people look at you, they know you're standing for a damn good reason because AIN'T SHIT gonna move you from that spot.
Your mother really likes telling the story of how you were born (and it is a pretty good story, let's be fair). That's the day I stood on the deck of a ship in a raging storm, while a huge beast tried to take you all away from me. I was angry, definitely. But anger didn't drive me to cleave that fucker's tentacle in two. It was trying to eat my fucking beautiful wife, my fucking beautiful new baby girl, on my own fucking ship of all things. Three things I have cared for more than anything and anyone else while I was staring it down with a sword in my hand. And all it could bring with it was an angry storm and a bunch of hateful beasts to slam up into our vessel.
You know who won that fight? You're still alive, so you tell me.
Astrid, you're gonna grow up having an awful lot more than most anyone ever will see in a lifetime. So for the love of the Gods girl, learn to love what you got on hand before you ever find a reason to hate one goddamn thing. So say your prayers to the Gods, say 'please' and 'thank you' and don't take no shit whenever you can help it.
I'm off to sea soon. Try not to throw up on your mother while I'm gone, because it's my money that goes to replacing those fancy dresses of her's. When you can comprehend money you'll understand why that's a big deal.
Signing off, 'till next time child.
Hey daughter, it's me. Your father. You probably don't remember anything about me yet, 'cause you can't talk and you've put enough shit in your mouth that I'm sure you might've already poisoned yourself a bit. That's okay though. I'm gonna start writing you these notes to find when you're old enough to read and not eat everything in sight.
Anyway, the point of this is that I was raised like shit and you ain't gonna turn out that way. I'm making sure of it by sharing little pieces of my experience before I'm too old to still be pretty, too busy trying to control my aging and failing bladder, or outright dead to pass it on to the High Lady of the Maelstrom. I had this person in my life named Donrai. Donrai was a big ol' shithead he was. He was my uncle but he took me under his wing like he was my new daddy and he was one awful father.
My friend and your honorary auntie Margot puts it best when she said he'd wanted tools, not family. That's right on the money for a descriptor and I was one of them. But he didn't really -just- raise us to be tools, he also wanted to make sure we carried little pieces of his influence into our adult lives. See what he did first was sow these little seeds of hate and he made sure they were planted well and deep into our minds. Those seeds took root and made more hate, more anger, more fear of everything that wasn't /us/. Soon enough we were starting to produce it ourselves on the regular.
Anger and hate is what made us strong, but it wasn't what kept us strong. You see, emotions are kinda like tools, but sometimes they ain't the tool you hold in your hand and control. They're something you can direct but not something you can easily predict that they'll do exactly what you want them to. Hate has made me hold onto grudges and prejudices that pushed a lot of good people away. Anger has made me break shit dear to me and ruin the chances of repairing what was lost. It's also helped me survive when against the unfathomable, and been the strength behind my arm when I swung against our enemies. It felt good and that's what makes it so hard to try and ignore. Gratification is hard to come by in this world. But when you hold onto hate, you're also paying for it to stay with you.
Something to realize about a lot of that sort of negativity is that for it to work properly, it needs something from you too. Payment for its services. Hatred, anger, jealousy, they all go hand in hand. Feeding them requires that you give them something that you take from others. You forget to see the good in people, you see them as the obstacle to what you want. You hate them, so you take from them. You're angry at someone for whatever reason, you take from their accomplishments and their potential to either shut yourself away from their light or you fuck with them. You take from them again. Jealousy makes you forget the things you already have and only desire more. You take from everyone to make sure you always have more.
By this point, you've yet to realize that these greedy emotions aren't just taking what you're giving them. They're taking away pieces of yourself too. Your self control, your pride, your compassion, your humanity. These are all the things they want to and you'll be none the wiser that you're signing them away. You won't notice because you're already driven to take infinite things out of a finite world. They've already sunk in their claws and gotten what they really wanted, your entire life hanging on a pair of puppet strings.
You see, we're only mortal people. To fuck up is part of our nature. The concept of fairness just ain't gonna work all the time and one day life is gonna fuck you up in some way. It ain't gonna apologize, it's just gonna fuck you and not even bother to wine and dine you first. It's just the way of things. Hell you could have the perfect life and one day, some nagging little shadowy thoughts will just start whispering into your ear. And they ain't gonna go away easy.
When this happens, you'll have a wound that needs to heal. But the wound hurts. You want it gone /now/, yeah? Stop the pain and stem the bleeding as soon as possible. That's when those manipulative little thoughts creep forward. They'll stop the pain right this second, they just need a little up-front commitment first. A little space in your mind, body and soul to tear open a wound of their own. Their 'cure' is cutting out the work and reflection that comes from falling down and getting back up.
What I'm trying to say is that while these things will all come to you eventually, you need to let them know that you are always gonna be yourself. This is your house. They stay as long as you let them. To continue to depend on them for accomplishments and strength in your life is to sign yourself to being consumed. The brighter your light burns the larger the shadows it'll cast, but it all becomes ash eventually. Make sure you're living this life on your terms. Always.
What I've come to learn is that while it'll take longer and be a hell of a lot more work, to temper yourself with things you care about is to truly find your strength. When you fight for your hatred, you fight to be the aggressor. To take. When you fight for what you care about, you fight to be the protector. To preserve.
The things you care about, that you love, those never go away. Those are the things that stay with you forever. When you think about them you get all those warm and really fucking sappy kinda feelings. Like when the clouds part and little rays of sunshine light up the world. No matter who or what it is, a good memory will always be your friend. It will ask nothing in return. Merely be there when you need it.
The difference between hatred and love is just that. Nothing will ever be enough for hatred, so it always desires more. Love is to simply find your roots with what is and what will be. Love might drive you to do the craziest fucking things you could ever dream of, but it ain't doing it because it wants more. It's doing it because it cares about protecting what's actually worthwhile, instead of putting price tags on everything it doesn't have.
When you become the immovable object, the shield instead of the crashing, angry tide, you are strong. You do not fall. And when people look at you, they know you're standing for a damn good reason because AIN'T SHIT gonna move you from that spot.
Your mother really likes telling the story of how you were born (and it is a pretty good story, let's be fair). That's the day I stood on the deck of a ship in a raging storm, while a huge beast tried to take you all away from me. I was angry, definitely. But anger didn't drive me to cleave that fucker's tentacle in two. It was trying to eat my fucking beautiful wife, my fucking beautiful new baby girl, on my own fucking ship of all things. Three things I have cared for more than anything and anyone else while I was staring it down with a sword in my hand. And all it could bring with it was an angry storm and a bunch of hateful beasts to slam up into our vessel.
You know who won that fight? You're still alive, so you tell me.
Astrid, you're gonna grow up having an awful lot more than most anyone ever will see in a lifetime. So for the love of the Gods girl, learn to love what you got on hand before you ever find a reason to hate one goddamn thing. So say your prayers to the Gods, say 'please' and 'thank you' and don't take no shit whenever you can help it.
I'm off to sea soon. Try not to throw up on your mother while I'm gone, because it's my money that goes to replacing those fancy dresses of her's. When you can comprehend money you'll understand why that's a big deal.
Signing off, 'till next time child.
Written By Victus
March 4, 2018, 11:16 p.m.(4/20/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Alarissa
I love you and the daughter we made. Stay safe.
Written By Victus
March 4, 2018, 11:15 p.m.(4/20/1008 AR)
There's not a whole lot more that needs to be said. I've been given a job by my King and my peers to safeguard what is theirs and what is mine.
I'll carry your standards and I'll show them the respect they deserve when they follow mine.
We'll win. Or we'll die. Either way it goes, we ain't gonna back down.
'Til our souls come back for another go.
I'll carry your standards and I'll show them the respect they deserve when they follow mine.
We'll win. Or we'll die. Either way it goes, we ain't gonna back down.
'Til our souls come back for another go.
Written By Victus
March 4, 2018, 1:23 a.m.(4/18/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Donrai
When I sail from Arx's and all is said and done, you won't be proud of me.
Written By Victus
Feb. 28, 2018, 11:41 a.m.(4/11/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Myrinda
I hear about about this woman from time to time but I don't really know anything about her.
She made my current closet of clothes though and they're pretty comfy clothes, so that's nice.
She made my current closet of clothes though and they're pretty comfy clothes, so that's nice.
Written By Victus
Feb. 24, 2018, 10:11 p.m.(4/4/1008 AR)
Ouch.
Written By Victus
Feb. 18, 2018, 12:24 a.m.(3/18/1008 AR)
Cease
And
Fucking
Desist
With these Tree puns.
And
Fucking
Desist
With these Tree puns.
Written By Victus
Feb. 16, 2018, 2:27 p.m.(3/15/1008 AR)
It's understandable that there are folks who aren't gonna be cozy taking orders from someone not of your house, who hasn't lived in your lands and been a companion to your people. Worse still if they're a Thrax given that history of bloodshed, eh? Those who are weary or having trouble squaring away their belief in the future, I'd invite them to think on it a different way.
This war with Marin stopped being about Thrax when he nailed an ultimatum to our doorstep. Then he targeted the Lyceum and the North too, but it ain't about them either. He picked the targets but the words were very clear to anyone listening, the Compact is what's in danger. This Compact has faced a Herald before and scrapped the edges of several others in the meantime. Anyone who has been on front lines, back lines, or just lent an ear to the story knows exactly what they're after. They will kill, what they don't destroy they will taint, and they won't give a damn who's banner they step over to do it.
There's a man of the faith by the name of Driskell who gives sermons in the Cathedral from time to time. Before he was godsworn, I called him my crew-mate way before I wore the High Lord's mantle. Something he said recently should resonate with the lot of you and I feel like repeating it. What we have that the enemy we face sorely lacks is something called the light of hope, coupled with the unwavering faith in the gods and the lieges we have that are sworn by ancient oaths to protect the Compact's people.
Everyone who -leads- under the Compact's banner today carries that same oath, and it's up to those who will follow to keep that light of hope burning bright. Seriously, go to Driskell's sermons. That guy can talk a lot.
My point is that if you have doubts, that's fine. But the one thing you damn well should never be doubting is that there won't be people left when we're gone. That's what we're fighting for. If you have reservations about listening to someone who don't bend to your banners, I can understand that. But when we're out on the waves and staring down the enemy, it won't be a Serpent vs Marin, it won't be a Griffon vs Marin, it won't be a Dragon, a Fox, or a Bear either. It'll be Person vs Monster.
I'll carry Thrax's standard till I'm dead and wrapped it in, but I'm not in this fight for Thrax alone. I'm out there fighting for Arvum and so will all of you who take up arms and armor to protect it. If we can share anything in common, it's that we're Arvani, and we're here to protect our home till the bitter end.
This is our fight.
This war with Marin stopped being about Thrax when he nailed an ultimatum to our doorstep. Then he targeted the Lyceum and the North too, but it ain't about them either. He picked the targets but the words were very clear to anyone listening, the Compact is what's in danger. This Compact has faced a Herald before and scrapped the edges of several others in the meantime. Anyone who has been on front lines, back lines, or just lent an ear to the story knows exactly what they're after. They will kill, what they don't destroy they will taint, and they won't give a damn who's banner they step over to do it.
There's a man of the faith by the name of Driskell who gives sermons in the Cathedral from time to time. Before he was godsworn, I called him my crew-mate way before I wore the High Lord's mantle. Something he said recently should resonate with the lot of you and I feel like repeating it. What we have that the enemy we face sorely lacks is something called the light of hope, coupled with the unwavering faith in the gods and the lieges we have that are sworn by ancient oaths to protect the Compact's people.
Everyone who -leads- under the Compact's banner today carries that same oath, and it's up to those who will follow to keep that light of hope burning bright. Seriously, go to Driskell's sermons. That guy can talk a lot.
My point is that if you have doubts, that's fine. But the one thing you damn well should never be doubting is that there won't be people left when we're gone. That's what we're fighting for. If you have reservations about listening to someone who don't bend to your banners, I can understand that. But when we're out on the waves and staring down the enemy, it won't be a Serpent vs Marin, it won't be a Griffon vs Marin, it won't be a Dragon, a Fox, or a Bear either. It'll be Person vs Monster.
I'll carry Thrax's standard till I'm dead and wrapped it in, but I'm not in this fight for Thrax alone. I'm out there fighting for Arvum and so will all of you who take up arms and armor to protect it. If we can share anything in common, it's that we're Arvani, and we're here to protect our home till the bitter end.
This is our fight.
Written By Victus
Feb. 13, 2018, 5:41 p.m.(3/3/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Magpie
Go get 'em, Mags. You got people who believe in you.
I'm not one of them, but surely they exist.
I'm not one of them, but surely they exist.
Written By Victus
Feb. 4, 2018, 2:20 a.m.(2/12/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Talen
You're a fucking ass. I hope Eleyna puts you in the time-out corner.
Written By Victus
Feb. 4, 2018, 1:46 a.m.(2/12/1008 AR)
Anyway, you can all breath out a sigh of relief. Everybody got home safe.
So did the head of this stag after I dealt the killing blow. It's gonna look good going... somewhere. All and all a good hunt. Now we see if the 'dark prince' of the Lyceum holds up his bargain of calling me 'your Oakliness' throughout the Assembly.
Fucking well hope so.
So did the head of this stag after I dealt the killing blow. It's gonna look good going... somewhere. All and all a good hunt. Now we see if the 'dark prince' of the Lyceum holds up his bargain of calling me 'your Oakliness' throughout the Assembly.
Fucking well hope so.
Written By Victus
Feb. 4, 2018, 12:57 a.m.(2/12/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Edain
What the FUCK kind of universal greeting were you told about?
Written By Victus
Feb. 3, 2018, 3:55 p.m.(2/11/1008 AR)
Tonight, we move to find a stag. Hunting trips shared between leaders don't have the most sorted history's of ending well, but I feel decently enough about this one.
Worst come worst, I got Faith that Talen ain't gonna hear the end of it from either of our wives if I wind up dead. And I feel Edain's shield gives out, the man himself will make an excellent shield also. Darren probably wrestled a bear...
Anyway, onward boys, let's do it.
Worst come worst, I got Faith that Talen ain't gonna hear the end of it from either of our wives if I wind up dead. And I feel Edain's shield gives out, the man himself will make an excellent shield also. Darren probably wrestled a bear...
Anyway, onward boys, let's do it.
Written By Victus
Feb. 1, 2018, 3:58 p.m.(1/28/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassima
She's got a bright mind and so does her sister, Caith. I'm glad they came to the city even if they'd picked the worst possible time if they were hoping for something relaxing.
I don't get excited often, but I am pretty impressed right now. I'm tentatively looking forward to where their future goes.
Hopefully soon they'll also realize the folly of trying to hide the dirty novels in the library. Where one falls, two more takes their place.
I don't get excited often, but I am pretty impressed right now. I'm tentatively looking forward to where their future goes.
Hopefully soon they'll also realize the folly of trying to hide the dirty novels in the library. Where one falls, two more takes their place.
Written By Victus
Jan. 29, 2018, 8:48 p.m.(1/22/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Orathy
When you eventually put a ring on somebody's finger, you'll understand the joy that comes from embarrassing them in the public eye. It's a less sweaty version of battering in the arena.
Written By Victus
Jan. 29, 2018, 8:04 p.m.(1/22/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Alarissa
I'll find a person good with clothes to put together something sexy for next year.
Not for you, for me. I've never worn something 'sexy', but I kinda wanna try.
Not for you, for me. I've never worn something 'sexy', but I kinda wanna try.
Written By Victus
Jan. 29, 2018, 7:41 p.m.(1/22/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Talen
If ever you have need to reassert yourself as the dominant man of your house, you can always steal pointers from me. I've gotten quite good at it throughout the months. Almost a year of being married now actually, which I'm shocked I didn't forget.
Anyway. First thing to do is to lose your clothes. Next, you wrap yourself in your bed and you take off all the sheets. Maintain complete eye-contact when she finds you there. You are ready. You are dominant. You are MAN.
I'm still working on the step after that. But once you make the impression you should be good to just wing it.
Anyway. First thing to do is to lose your clothes. Next, you wrap yourself in your bed and you take off all the sheets. Maintain complete eye-contact when she finds you there. You are ready. You are dominant. You are MAN.
I'm still working on the step after that. But once you make the impression you should be good to just wing it.
Written By Victus
Jan. 29, 2018, 4:49 a.m.(1/21/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Joscelin
When it's time again for war, I enjoy the occasion clip of jewelry in my hair. Something of a fetish item, like a totem or uh... ya know, metaphorical symbolical shiny shitty shit shit.
I'm just making a suggestion that if I were to find some new ones sometime soon, my pockets might end up becoming a little lighter.
I'm just making a suggestion that if I were to find some new ones sometime soon, my pockets might end up becoming a little lighter.
Written By Victus
Jan. 26, 2018, 7:11 p.m.(1/16/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Margerie
I'll try to make sure the baby doesn't start knocking over trees with her wide swingin' tentacles and all that.
Talen, you just gave me the biggest motivator to go sprinting into the woods that I've ever had. Thanks buddy.
Talen, you just gave me the biggest motivator to go sprinting into the woods that I've ever had. Thanks buddy.
Written By Victus
Jan. 26, 2018, 6:36 p.m.(1/16/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Alarissa
I am as hard as oak and I will not be told otherwise.
Nobody has ever been as hard as I get.
NOBODY.
Nobody has ever been as hard as I get.
NOBODY.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.