Written By Victus
April 18, 2018, 3:29 p.m.(7/27/1008 AR)
I'm still interested in meeting folks interested in being a protege. Feel like having a patron, let me know.
Written By Victus
April 15, 2018, 7:38 p.m.(7/22/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Juliana
I don't know dick about fashion, but this jacket courtesy of Juliana Pravus is one of the best damn things I've ever owned. The belt, even the belt fucking stabs and cuts things!
Goddamn, no night of butterflies and lemon cake compares to the kind of excitement these creations brings. And they're just clothes. Just absolutely perfect clothes!
YES DAMN IT I'M WRITING ABOUT LIKING CLOTHING.
Goddamn, no night of butterflies and lemon cake compares to the kind of excitement these creations brings. And they're just clothes. Just absolutely perfect clothes!
YES DAMN IT I'M WRITING ABOUT LIKING CLOTHING.
Written By Victus
April 13, 2018, 7:20 p.m.(7/18/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Reigna
You make the assumption that these things are not already being taken of by Thrax itself. I had no interest in paying for our own people's wages and salaries with money from the Crown as it's our House's obligation to see that those people are protected and fed. The soldiers are in the process of being honored, every single one from common as dirt to the ones who lived in the gaudiest houses with gold-plated shitters.
I see where you're coming from, but you're assuming the worst of the situation when you make a public stance about it. Why do you think that Thrax isn't taking care of the family's destroyed from war? Because you don't see anyone kicking up a fuss about how generous they are? People who gotta keep coming to the public eye to tell them how great they are ain't very great at all.
The King's boon and its 'official' uses go three-ways most commonly. Hand of a noble lady in marriage, didn't need. A rose barony where the Crown shaves off their own land around Arx for whoever the winner wants it, also not needed and certainly not something to put the Crown in a position to do while they recover from every life they lost themselves. Or money, which Thrax certainly didn't need more of. We are more than well-off to feed and honor those who have died.
Just because you don't see these things being talked about don't mean they ain't happening or even in the process of happening. I'd personally rather just be out there -doing- it, rather than making a cranky fit on the whites about it.
I see where you're coming from, but you're assuming the worst of the situation when you make a public stance about it. Why do you think that Thrax isn't taking care of the family's destroyed from war? Because you don't see anyone kicking up a fuss about how generous they are? People who gotta keep coming to the public eye to tell them how great they are ain't very great at all.
The King's boon and its 'official' uses go three-ways most commonly. Hand of a noble lady in marriage, didn't need. A rose barony where the Crown shaves off their own land around Arx for whoever the winner wants it, also not needed and certainly not something to put the Crown in a position to do while they recover from every life they lost themselves. Or money, which Thrax certainly didn't need more of. We are more than well-off to feed and honor those who have died.
Just because you don't see these things being talked about don't mean they ain't happening or even in the process of happening. I'd personally rather just be out there -doing- it, rather than making a cranky fit on the whites about it.
Written By Victus
April 13, 2018, 2:57 p.m.(7/17/1008 AR)
Just to echo statements already made: Lilybelle being knighted is a rumor. The cat doesn't be carry the title of 'Sir' and she doesn't have any actual office.
What she does have is an honorary title and a shiny badge that she carries around in her teeth. The crown now pays me a whopping 20 silver a week to buy cat food until she perishes. Which as we've seen from war, is really fucking hard to do.
Anything that you hear contrary to what I just said is untrue, and no actual titles with history's and standing were intended to be threatened over His Majesty declaring my cat the fairest cat of them all.
It was just pretty funny.
What she does have is an honorary title and a shiny badge that she carries around in her teeth. The crown now pays me a whopping 20 silver a week to buy cat food until she perishes. Which as we've seen from war, is really fucking hard to do.
Anything that you hear contrary to what I just said is untrue, and no actual titles with history's and standing were intended to be threatened over His Majesty declaring my cat the fairest cat of them all.
It was just pretty funny.
Written By Victus
April 9, 2018, 1:11 a.m.(7/8/1008 AR)
I got drunk after the Assembly yesterday and had an idea for a game. You say something you're good at, then say something you're bad at and how you want to improve. Simple shit.
I'm not a smart man. I am approximately smart about a couple of things, but very dumb in others. For instance one thing I'm pretty good at is hittin' things hard and breaking enemy lines. Actually that's two things, but I like 'em both so they'll stick.
One thing I'm very shit at however is being polite. In this day and age, a 'please' and 'thank you' can go a long way I'm noticing. So I'm trying to be better and not shit at talking to people.
Now you.
I'm not a smart man. I am approximately smart about a couple of things, but very dumb in others. For instance one thing I'm pretty good at is hittin' things hard and breaking enemy lines. Actually that's two things, but I like 'em both so they'll stick.
One thing I'm very shit at however is being polite. In this day and age, a 'please' and 'thank you' can go a long way I'm noticing. So I'm trying to be better and not shit at talking to people.
Now you.
Written By Victus
April 3, 2018, 3:01 p.m.(6/25/1008 AR)
I'm starting to wonder if this bunny thing is in itself, one huge joke being played on Arvum by powers greater than us.
Never have I seen so much fighting over those carrot-eating fuckers.
Never have I seen so much fighting over those carrot-eating fuckers.
Written By Victus
March 31, 2018, 6:39 p.m.(6/20/1008 AR)
17.
17 new cuts since I pulled that ratty cat out of the box. I'm told the sailor who found her on Setarco's beaches got it much, much worse though.
Welcome home, Lilybelle.
17 new cuts since I pulled that ratty cat out of the box. I'm told the sailor who found her on Setarco's beaches got it much, much worse though.
Welcome home, Lilybelle.
Written By Victus
March 30, 2018, 7:54 p.m.(6/17/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Edain
Show me your pork sword and I'll show ya' mine.
Written By Victus
March 29, 2018, 6:15 a.m.(6/13/1008 AR)
Alcohol and medicine made to dull pain aren't very compatible. I'm told I did some weird shit last night and that I also didn't win the drinking contest.
Sorry if you were one of the people I spat or threw up on.
Sorry if you were one of the people I spat or threw up on.
Written By Victus
March 28, 2018, 1:46 p.m.(6/11/1008 AR)
There were times when I'd wondered what it'd be like to have a sibling, cause everyone else in my family had one.
Probably would've also tried to trade them at some point though.
Probably would've also tried to trade them at some point though.
Written By Victus
March 24, 2018, 1:59 a.m.(6/2/1008 AR)
-This entry is a barely legible series of scribbles and messy handwriting. Some text on it is readable.-
Fucking arm broke can't write with left hand shit
Damn it fingers goddamn shoulder stabbing shark
Fucking arm broke can't write with left hand shit
Damn it fingers goddamn shoulder stabbing shark
Written By Victus
March 21, 2018, 3:34 p.m.(5/25/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Darrow
We called this man the Knight of Sorrow because the fucker never smiled once in his life. He never had much reason to either when you think of all the things he's seen in his lifetime. It didn't make a damn difference in the end when he stood rock solid for his home.
What he lacked in joy he made up for in his unflinching dedication to the Sentinel, to his people and to his family. Never have I ever had the honor and the pleasure of serving with a man so strong in his belief. His conviction is an inspiration to every man and woman who walks the path of a faithful warrior.
Lord Darrow Darkwater is a fucking legend. We will celebrate his memory, always.
What he lacked in joy he made up for in his unflinching dedication to the Sentinel, to his people and to his family. Never have I ever had the honor and the pleasure of serving with a man so strong in his belief. His conviction is an inspiration to every man and woman who walks the path of a faithful warrior.
Lord Darrow Darkwater is a fucking legend. We will celebrate his memory, always.
Written By Victus
March 21, 2018, 1:02 p.m.(5/25/1008 AR)
I've set foot back in Arx. I'm counting my blessings for that.
Will be awhile before the arm is healed up.
Will be awhile before the arm is healed up.
Written By Victus
March 18, 2018, 7:01 p.m.(5/19/1008 AR)
I have done a terrible thing and not acted as I should have, as a person and as a leader. Leaders are taught to control their emotions and people are meant to have enough good sense not to do something so heinously stupid. Neither of which were things that I managed to do on the twilight of our victory.
I allowed a place of ego and self-righteousness to take control of my actions when I was entrusted to show responsibility above all else. For that, those who are entrusted to my service are placed in danger. Words carry strength and they should never be used without care to who you harm with them.
As a leader, I have failed you in allowing a moment of weakness and selfishness dictate the lives of others. As a person I have failed myself in allowing myself to fall so far in such a small time.
Remember my words that day. Remember my mistake and bear to never repeat it again. Take what happened as a folly of Victus Thrax, the man who should have known better and didn't. Every precious second you spend in dark places could well be your last. Never think yourself so invulnerable that you would curse the powers that be, for you will have more than just your own life to think about when all is said and done.
I seek forgiveness, but I will not ask for it until I am a better person. I am sorry.
I allowed a place of ego and self-righteousness to take control of my actions when I was entrusted to show responsibility above all else. For that, those who are entrusted to my service are placed in danger. Words carry strength and they should never be used without care to who you harm with them.
As a leader, I have failed you in allowing a moment of weakness and selfishness dictate the lives of others. As a person I have failed myself in allowing myself to fall so far in such a small time.
Remember my words that day. Remember my mistake and bear to never repeat it again. Take what happened as a folly of Victus Thrax, the man who should have known better and didn't. Every precious second you spend in dark places could well be your last. Never think yourself so invulnerable that you would curse the powers that be, for you will have more than just your own life to think about when all is said and done.
I seek forgiveness, but I will not ask for it until I am a better person. I am sorry.
Written By Victus
March 18, 2018, 2:15 a.m.(5/18/1008 AR)
Addendum from the High Lord:
Oh shit and before I forgot. Hey, 'Rissa. Go visit Donella sometime. Girl is probably pregnant as fuck and might be frozen by now. Help her out with that whole spitting out babies thing, would ya'? Least we can do.
Also I made a will awhile back, it's recorded in the blacks. Make sure to release that if I croak.
Alright, done now, bye.
Oh shit and before I forgot. Hey, 'Rissa. Go visit Donella sometime. Girl is probably pregnant as fuck and might be frozen by now. Help her out with that whole spitting out babies thing, would ya'? Least we can do.
Also I made a will awhile back, it's recorded in the blacks. Make sure to release that if I croak.
Alright, done now, bye.
Written By Victus
March 18, 2018, 2:13 a.m.(5/18/1008 AR)
Words delivered from the High Lord from the city of Setarco:
Our first battle has ended in a decisive victory. But there will not be time for celebration, for it is not our final battle on this front.
Though many still live, it's times like these we must give thanks to those who are no longer with us. To every soldier who celebrates and drinks themselves silly for another day, remember that another day is a luxury bought on the back of a soul that has departed our world. Ships and souls lay at the bottom of the Mourning Sea. They died for us and I ask that those here and those without give prayers to the Queen of Endings. Thank her for shepherding their souls to peace and thank them for their sacrifice.
I look to my left and right and also give my gratitude to the men and women out here that are defending our home with every breath they take.
First Captain Eleanor and her King's Own, who have had my back since the first blow was struck.
Duchess Margot Tyde who captains the Tyde Fleet. With grace.
Lord Wash Kennex who captains the Thrax fleet. He rammed the fuck out of a ship.
Prince Jasher Thrax who sails with the Thrax fleet. My cousin took a lot of shit out there and he was still standing.
Count Turo Navegant who captains Navegant's fleet. An expert on sailing.
Prince Antonio Velenosa who captains the Lyceum's fleet. He may have hung back but he knew exactly when to bring it forward.
Princess Katarina Valardin who captains the Unsullied. This is where she flourishes.
Princess Caelis Valardin who captains the Valardin fleet. Her whistle hurt my ears, but it was a small price to pay.
Baron Estaban Saik who captains the Saik fleet. His shots are on point.
Princess Reese Grayson who captains the Grayson fleet and a big pink ship. Yeah it was fucking pink, EVERYONE could see it.
Prince Luca Grayson who sails with the Grayson fleet. He dodges like a cat and has the skill to do it like a damn performance art.
Princess Lou Grayson who sails with the Grayson fleet. Her crossbow might have jammed once, but her shots were on point when they needed to be.
Captain Kaede Starfinder who captains the Redrain fleet. Even if the Bears on water isn't their strong suit, she brought everything.
Merek Black who captains his own vessel. He was spunky as could be and I'm sorry I didn't catch your ship's name.
Lady Ariella Igniseri who captains Igniseri's fleet. Took her shots and took them like a champion.
Lady Peri Seliki who captains Bisland, Deepwood, Riven, and Seliki fleets. Holy shit that's a lot of boats, good job.
Lord Kaldur Seliki who sails with the Seliki fleet. A valiant man he made.
Count Artorius Magnotta who captains Magnotta's fleet. He roars like a man possessed, even I was shaking a little.
Lady Armani Gilden who captains Gilden's fleet. Another of the wounded, another who refused to die.
There are many thousands of soldiers and crew that remain ready to stand against what comes next. There will be something that comes next for certain, and the Compact's fleet stands ready to be the bulwark of the seas one more time. Our enemy is the same, but they will come stronger and more determined than before. The Pirate King sends one of his generals to head this next invasion force. She has left me a message which I too will leave to all of you.
"Southport is in no danger from my king and I. Enough other forces turned their attention to that city that I suspect we will leave it to its f ate. But when the time comes, not a single Thrax will be spared. Not while Reveka Tyde draws breath."
I share this because I implore that we recognize our enemy's goals. What has led them to this path they take. We understand that as they choose to fight us head on, we choose to meet them. Gloria asks that we give honor to our foes, no matter their origin or their intentions. Mistakes of the past are to be learned from, to apologize for when one was wrong and become better for their actions by taking it upon themselves to perform better in all things.
To Reveka Tyde, I will tell you one thing. I am sorry for everything. When we meet in battle, may the Gods judge who is just.
I leave with two more pieces of grim news. Darkwater Watch has fallen and by our worst fears it would seem that the Pirate King has taken it as his new base of operations in his war against the Compact. Those who have fallen defending it will be honored and given justice when we take it back.
The man I considered kin up to weeks ago, Abbas Crownsworn, has been declared dead. I am sorry I failed you.
That will be all. Keep your spirits high, keep your prayers close. We're not out of this yet but we damn sure will be one day soon.
Tears in our wake, never at our wake.
Our first battle has ended in a decisive victory. But there will not be time for celebration, for it is not our final battle on this front.
Though many still live, it's times like these we must give thanks to those who are no longer with us. To every soldier who celebrates and drinks themselves silly for another day, remember that another day is a luxury bought on the back of a soul that has departed our world. Ships and souls lay at the bottom of the Mourning Sea. They died for us and I ask that those here and those without give prayers to the Queen of Endings. Thank her for shepherding their souls to peace and thank them for their sacrifice.
I look to my left and right and also give my gratitude to the men and women out here that are defending our home with every breath they take.
First Captain Eleanor and her King's Own, who have had my back since the first blow was struck.
Duchess Margot Tyde who captains the Tyde Fleet. With grace.
Lord Wash Kennex who captains the Thrax fleet. He rammed the fuck out of a ship.
Prince Jasher Thrax who sails with the Thrax fleet. My cousin took a lot of shit out there and he was still standing.
Count Turo Navegant who captains Navegant's fleet. An expert on sailing.
Prince Antonio Velenosa who captains the Lyceum's fleet. He may have hung back but he knew exactly when to bring it forward.
Princess Katarina Valardin who captains the Unsullied. This is where she flourishes.
Princess Caelis Valardin who captains the Valardin fleet. Her whistle hurt my ears, but it was a small price to pay.
Baron Estaban Saik who captains the Saik fleet. His shots are on point.
Princess Reese Grayson who captains the Grayson fleet and a big pink ship. Yeah it was fucking pink, EVERYONE could see it.
Prince Luca Grayson who sails with the Grayson fleet. He dodges like a cat and has the skill to do it like a damn performance art.
Princess Lou Grayson who sails with the Grayson fleet. Her crossbow might have jammed once, but her shots were on point when they needed to be.
Captain Kaede Starfinder who captains the Redrain fleet. Even if the Bears on water isn't their strong suit, she brought everything.
Merek Black who captains his own vessel. He was spunky as could be and I'm sorry I didn't catch your ship's name.
Lady Ariella Igniseri who captains Igniseri's fleet. Took her shots and took them like a champion.
Lady Peri Seliki who captains Bisland, Deepwood, Riven, and Seliki fleets. Holy shit that's a lot of boats, good job.
Lord Kaldur Seliki who sails with the Seliki fleet. A valiant man he made.
Count Artorius Magnotta who captains Magnotta's fleet. He roars like a man possessed, even I was shaking a little.
Lady Armani Gilden who captains Gilden's fleet. Another of the wounded, another who refused to die.
There are many thousands of soldiers and crew that remain ready to stand against what comes next. There will be something that comes next for certain, and the Compact's fleet stands ready to be the bulwark of the seas one more time. Our enemy is the same, but they will come stronger and more determined than before. The Pirate King sends one of his generals to head this next invasion force. She has left me a message which I too will leave to all of you.
"Southport is in no danger from my king and I. Enough other forces turned their attention to that city that I suspect we will leave it to its f ate. But when the time comes, not a single Thrax will be spared. Not while Reveka Tyde draws breath."
I share this because I implore that we recognize our enemy's goals. What has led them to this path they take. We understand that as they choose to fight us head on, we choose to meet them. Gloria asks that we give honor to our foes, no matter their origin or their intentions. Mistakes of the past are to be learned from, to apologize for when one was wrong and become better for their actions by taking it upon themselves to perform better in all things.
To Reveka Tyde, I will tell you one thing. I am sorry for everything. When we meet in battle, may the Gods judge who is just.
I leave with two more pieces of grim news. Darkwater Watch has fallen and by our worst fears it would seem that the Pirate King has taken it as his new base of operations in his war against the Compact. Those who have fallen defending it will be honored and given justice when we take it back.
The man I considered kin up to weeks ago, Abbas Crownsworn, has been declared dead. I am sorry I failed you.
That will be all. Keep your spirits high, keep your prayers close. We're not out of this yet but we damn sure will be one day soon.
Tears in our wake, never at our wake.
Written By Victus
March 14, 2018, 1:09 a.m.(5/10/1008 AR)
Alright, so recently Magpie gave me a series of books called The Deathlector Chronicles. Last time I got some smut from him I got real drunk and reviewed it waaaay out in the open, so I figured I'd so something semi similar this time. Unfortunately we are a Compact at war and war requires sobriety, but I'm gonna give my best crack at it anyhow.
I've got the Astrid here with me and I've requested that this Scholar start recording everything he hears for the next hour or so. I'm gonna read these stories to her and if anything bad happens, it's Magpie's fault for irresponsibility in giving them to me knowing that I would do something stupid.
Here we go, doing something fatherly and reading to my daughter. I might be shit at this so don't wor- Stop- Stop drooling. This archive is basically holy ground you can't fucking- Astrid no. Damn it all, get me the dry rag. No, the DRY ONE.
Gods this is so difficult. Alright, so, we're starting with our hook of the story. This plot is beginning around the time of present events so I guess we're going for some alternate, historical, fiction or whatever the fuck you call it. In this version of the world it seems that Arx is a really shitty kinda slum and that war-time has pretty much made everything awful. So when everything sucks most people are gonna start turning to the Archlector of When Times Suck, which in this story is Aureth. He has a similar job in real life but Death isn't always a total fucking drag. I mean usually it's pretty bad, but, well, you'll get it when you get older.
So the Queen is now raising an entire army of the dead out of their graves and they look like they're all going to start setting up a ship. This sounds like a really awful idea but it's a bold move, let's see how it works out for them. I'm currently guessing it's gonna suck real bad, but I've been wrong before- Okay well I guess we're throwing our rattles around like some kind of fucking barbarians, excuse me. Guard, go get it.
Now we have Captain Deathlector Aureth. I kinda think Captain Deathlector would get the point across pretty well. Makes you sound like some kinda fuckin' hero and legend. Captain Deathlector Aureth just gets a mouth-full. Feels like my tongue is twisting tighter than a virgin cherry stem. There's this one zombie though, Bob the First Mate. You see that? Bob. B-O-B. That's the simplest fucking word you could ever learn to read so you damn well better be looking. Heh, Bob the Zombie. That's stupid, I like it. Let's see what this Bob fellow gets up to, I'm optimistic.
Looks like Aureth has a bunch of boats now, bout 100. That's a lot of fucking ships to just have a skeleton crew. Heh, skeleton crew. You get it? Astrid?Astrid I made a joke. I- hold the fuck up, I'm talking to my daughter. She won't remember much but I'll be damned if she doesn't remember that her dad is fucking funny.
Ah fuck it looks like Aleksei is in this story now too. He has a job like Aureth but in a totally different department. He's big on breaking chains and shit, like freedom of choice and all of that. Metaphorical and literal chains. You've tried to chew on his sleeves before, but you probably don't remember. He's apparently mad that Aureth likes his own flesh and blood a tiny amount more than him. He sure does yell a lot, sounds just like real Aleksei. Oh fuck, he's bringing his friend Skald, he must be really mad. Wonder how Skald is doing these days... He's a god that actually just lives in the city. Wonder if he likes rum. I should find out later. We might go to Skald's house after this, you'll probably like him.
So uh... Skald's pissed and he's going over to the navy of the dead and yelling at them. He doesn't like that they're ugly and that they weren't given free will. Makes sense. Okay now Aureth is calling the Queen to his side. Man, Magpie really does cause some fucking weird situations. Like this divinely powered throwdown on the high seas that we're imagining. Annnd here comes the bunch of spiders. Yep.
Queen is trying to explain herself, Skald ain't havin' it. Bob's upset. I like Bob and I'm fucking pissed that he's upset, honestly. Bob deserved better than this. Now they're fighting. I mean literally, the Queen of Endings and Skald are having a goddamn fist-fuck. Holy shit they're really going at it. Look at all of this gorey detail. I mean, don't look at it, you're too young. Actually go ahead and look, I'll take the heat from your mother. Oh shit, they're attracting too much attention. OH SHIT, here comes the Darkwater... serpent? Fuck it I'm game for this.
Looks like they're breaking off their fucking huge battle to go and fight this Serpent thing. Alright alright, I can appreciate it. Mangata is even here now. Goddamn are all of the Gods gonna show up? Fuckin' hope so, that'd make my job later a lot easier. Naaah we ain't gonna get that much of a break. Plus there's all these rules about divine intervention- It's a fuckin' mess. But hey it's fun to imagine and this book is doing alright at that. Dunno about this big bubble idea, but... Wow Aureth and his ship just got fucked- OH SHIT, WHAT HAPPENED TO BOB?!
Shit shit shit, go back, go back I wanna see what happened to Bob. He went in the damn tidal hole! And now there's a big wave headed for the Mourning Isles? Oh c'mon we can- It fucking wiped out the Isles? You did Bob like this and now you do Thrax like that? What a fucking punch in the dick this book is turning out to be. My opinion is changin' real sharply real fast, I tell you what.
I need a break, here you hold it for a second. This reading is givin' me a proper headache. I'm gonna walk over there and come back, stretch my legs. Astrid is trusted with this.
...
"Your Grace, your daughter is ripping the book."
Oh, oh wow, she just tore that page right off while I was gone? Is that what she's chewin' on? That thing was bigger than her whole head, how the fuck did you even eat it that fast? That's impressive and real fucking concerning too
... Alright look what do you want me to do buddy? I know about preservation of knowledge, but it's already in her mouth. It's too late, it's gone. It's fucked and it cannot be unfucked from here. It's not like she can swallow- ASTRID, ASTRID NO. SPIT IT BACK OUT GOD DAMN IT.
Don't shout at me, I'm handling it. Oh, fuck, gross. Ew. Why do you do this, child. Why? Paper ain't even nourishment it's just thin and inky, you trying to literally shit a sentence? Ahhh fuck this Fatherhood business, I wish I had a damn salary for it.
Okay, so, this book is pretty fucked and it looks like we're now missing half of the climax. But we can work with what we got and just fill in the blanks as needed. Uhhhh... Looks like Death and Skald got out of there and Aleksei was really sad about it. Arx got destroyed and ransacked, that's pretty bad. Oh but he's got a letter and... I can't read this, it's sticky- WHY is it STICKY?!
I'm just gonna put this on the floor and read it standing up, c'mere Stormborn.
What I'm gathering from up here is that yes, Aleksei is depressed. But it's all gonna turn around because he's got some kind of note from Aureth- and BOB! Aww they're both happy at the bottom of the sea. That's a nice happy ending. Wait, no, there's more. Ah but who cares anymore? Yadda yadda, he's got a friendship bracelet (so do I and mine is the best one), everyone is rejoicing, rainbows are flying from one ass to another and everybody is joining hands in sing-song sing-along and happy, blah blah.
We all got a happy ending. That's a pretty nice note to end on right? Kinda disappointed there wasn't any fucking though. I have a high tolerance for smut and especially Magpie's smut... Wait this wasn't even written by Magpie? Ah whatever, my fucking head hurts.
Moral of the story that I gathered:
Thrax will be saved by the power of friendship
It wouldn't be weird if Aleksei and Aureth fucked
Astrid needs a bath.
I'm gonna go do that last one now when I'm done scrapping this paper off the Archives floor. Scribe, you did good. We'll get this mess cleaned up. Closing note? Nah we don't need one, I just reviewed the book totally accurately.
... Actually, one thing. Magpie if you send me another book like this I'll probably eat it before Astrid does. Get me some steamy action damn it.
I've got the Astrid here with me and I've requested that this Scholar start recording everything he hears for the next hour or so. I'm gonna read these stories to her and if anything bad happens, it's Magpie's fault for irresponsibility in giving them to me knowing that I would do something stupid.
Here we go, doing something fatherly and reading to my daughter. I might be shit at this so don't wor- Stop- Stop drooling. This archive is basically holy ground you can't fucking- Astrid no. Damn it all, get me the dry rag. No, the DRY ONE.
Gods this is so difficult. Alright, so, we're starting with our hook of the story. This plot is beginning around the time of present events so I guess we're going for some alternate, historical, fiction or whatever the fuck you call it. In this version of the world it seems that Arx is a really shitty kinda slum and that war-time has pretty much made everything awful. So when everything sucks most people are gonna start turning to the Archlector of When Times Suck, which in this story is Aureth. He has a similar job in real life but Death isn't always a total fucking drag. I mean usually it's pretty bad, but, well, you'll get it when you get older.
So the Queen is now raising an entire army of the dead out of their graves and they look like they're all going to start setting up a ship. This sounds like a really awful idea but it's a bold move, let's see how it works out for them. I'm currently guessing it's gonna suck real bad, but I've been wrong before- Okay well I guess we're throwing our rattles around like some kind of fucking barbarians, excuse me. Guard, go get it.
Now we have Captain Deathlector Aureth. I kinda think Captain Deathlector would get the point across pretty well. Makes you sound like some kinda fuckin' hero and legend. Captain Deathlector Aureth just gets a mouth-full. Feels like my tongue is twisting tighter than a virgin cherry stem. There's this one zombie though, Bob the First Mate. You see that? Bob. B-O-B. That's the simplest fucking word you could ever learn to read so you damn well better be looking. Heh, Bob the Zombie. That's stupid, I like it. Let's see what this Bob fellow gets up to, I'm optimistic.
Looks like Aureth has a bunch of boats now, bout 100. That's a lot of fucking ships to just have a skeleton crew. Heh, skeleton crew. You get it? Astrid?Astrid I made a joke. I- hold the fuck up, I'm talking to my daughter. She won't remember much but I'll be damned if she doesn't remember that her dad is fucking funny.
Ah fuck it looks like Aleksei is in this story now too. He has a job like Aureth but in a totally different department. He's big on breaking chains and shit, like freedom of choice and all of that. Metaphorical and literal chains. You've tried to chew on his sleeves before, but you probably don't remember. He's apparently mad that Aureth likes his own flesh and blood a tiny amount more than him. He sure does yell a lot, sounds just like real Aleksei. Oh fuck, he's bringing his friend Skald, he must be really mad. Wonder how Skald is doing these days... He's a god that actually just lives in the city. Wonder if he likes rum. I should find out later. We might go to Skald's house after this, you'll probably like him.
So uh... Skald's pissed and he's going over to the navy of the dead and yelling at them. He doesn't like that they're ugly and that they weren't given free will. Makes sense. Okay now Aureth is calling the Queen to his side. Man, Magpie really does cause some fucking weird situations. Like this divinely powered throwdown on the high seas that we're imagining. Annnd here comes the bunch of spiders. Yep.
Queen is trying to explain herself, Skald ain't havin' it. Bob's upset. I like Bob and I'm fucking pissed that he's upset, honestly. Bob deserved better than this. Now they're fighting. I mean literally, the Queen of Endings and Skald are having a goddamn fist-fuck. Holy shit they're really going at it. Look at all of this gorey detail. I mean, don't look at it, you're too young. Actually go ahead and look, I'll take the heat from your mother. Oh shit, they're attracting too much attention. OH SHIT, here comes the Darkwater... serpent? Fuck it I'm game for this.
Looks like they're breaking off their fucking huge battle to go and fight this Serpent thing. Alright alright, I can appreciate it. Mangata is even here now. Goddamn are all of the Gods gonna show up? Fuckin' hope so, that'd make my job later a lot easier. Naaah we ain't gonna get that much of a break. Plus there's all these rules about divine intervention- It's a fuckin' mess. But hey it's fun to imagine and this book is doing alright at that. Dunno about this big bubble idea, but... Wow Aureth and his ship just got fucked- OH SHIT, WHAT HAPPENED TO BOB?!
Shit shit shit, go back, go back I wanna see what happened to Bob. He went in the damn tidal hole! And now there's a big wave headed for the Mourning Isles? Oh c'mon we can- It fucking wiped out the Isles? You did Bob like this and now you do Thrax like that? What a fucking punch in the dick this book is turning out to be. My opinion is changin' real sharply real fast, I tell you what.
I need a break, here you hold it for a second. This reading is givin' me a proper headache. I'm gonna walk over there and come back, stretch my legs. Astrid is trusted with this.
...
"Your Grace, your daughter is ripping the book."
Oh, oh wow, she just tore that page right off while I was gone? Is that what she's chewin' on? That thing was bigger than her whole head, how the fuck did you even eat it that fast? That's impressive and real fucking concerning too
... Alright look what do you want me to do buddy? I know about preservation of knowledge, but it's already in her mouth. It's too late, it's gone. It's fucked and it cannot be unfucked from here. It's not like she can swallow- ASTRID, ASTRID NO. SPIT IT BACK OUT GOD DAMN IT.
Don't shout at me, I'm handling it. Oh, fuck, gross. Ew. Why do you do this, child. Why? Paper ain't even nourishment it's just thin and inky, you trying to literally shit a sentence? Ahhh fuck this Fatherhood business, I wish I had a damn salary for it.
Okay, so, this book is pretty fucked and it looks like we're now missing half of the climax. But we can work with what we got and just fill in the blanks as needed. Uhhhh... Looks like Death and Skald got out of there and Aleksei was really sad about it. Arx got destroyed and ransacked, that's pretty bad. Oh but he's got a letter and... I can't read this, it's sticky- WHY is it STICKY?!
I'm just gonna put this on the floor and read it standing up, c'mere Stormborn.
What I'm gathering from up here is that yes, Aleksei is depressed. But it's all gonna turn around because he's got some kind of note from Aureth- and BOB! Aww they're both happy at the bottom of the sea. That's a nice happy ending. Wait, no, there's more. Ah but who cares anymore? Yadda yadda, he's got a friendship bracelet (so do I and mine is the best one), everyone is rejoicing, rainbows are flying from one ass to another and everybody is joining hands in sing-song sing-along and happy, blah blah.
We all got a happy ending. That's a pretty nice note to end on right? Kinda disappointed there wasn't any fucking though. I have a high tolerance for smut and especially Magpie's smut... Wait this wasn't even written by Magpie? Ah whatever, my fucking head hurts.
Moral of the story that I gathered:
Thrax will be saved by the power of friendship
It wouldn't be weird if Aleksei and Aureth fucked
Astrid needs a bath.
I'm gonna go do that last one now when I'm done scrapping this paper off the Archives floor. Scribe, you did good. We'll get this mess cleaned up. Closing note? Nah we don't need one, I just reviewed the book totally accurately.
... Actually, one thing. Magpie if you send me another book like this I'll probably eat it before Astrid does. Get me some steamy action damn it.
Written By Victus
March 10, 2018, 6:06 p.m.(5/3/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Saoirse
Go ask Talen or Eleyna, we've spent hours measuring the length of swords in more ways than one for a long time now. They'll be able to paraphrase something that'll sound nicer than how I've put it from time to time.
Don't like debating personally, don't like a lot of big words either.
Don't like debating personally, don't like a lot of big words either.
Written By Victus
March 9, 2018, 3:33 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Oh, right, let me correct the record again:
Abbas' children were acknowledged as existing as his own offspring and being from an affair of knocking up a commoner. But they were never granted royalty within Thrax, or a title of the peerage by my hand or Donrai's. Nor were they ever going to be.
As they were then and now, whoever they've been adopted by and why isn't business of mine or Thrax's. Still from a personal standpoint, I'm hoping that fatherhood keeps its track record of being a positive influence rather than a shitty one. Hopefully those kids being in Pravus doesn't detract from what that kinda responsibility can do for a man's soul.
Abbas' children were acknowledged as existing as his own offspring and being from an affair of knocking up a commoner. But they were never granted royalty within Thrax, or a title of the peerage by my hand or Donrai's. Nor were they ever going to be.
As they were then and now, whoever they've been adopted by and why isn't business of mine or Thrax's. Still from a personal standpoint, I'm hoping that fatherhood keeps its track record of being a positive influence rather than a shitty one. Hopefully those kids being in Pravus doesn't detract from what that kinda responsibility can do for a man's soul.
Written By Victus
March 9, 2018, 2:19 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
So I see we've got another rumble in the Whites. Here's my only tidbit.
Abbas Crownsworn's children were not acknowledged while he was in Thrax. They were bastards that were not given any official titles of the peerage. With Abbas Crownsworn now no longer being welcome in our family, I had no intention of acknowledging they were offspring of Thrax at any point.
That's it. I don't have any opinions about who House Pravus adopts, they are offspring of a man I no longer call kin. Arguments about common-born being ennobled and such and such is nowhere near my knowledge.
Abbas Crownsworn's children were not acknowledged while he was in Thrax. They were bastards that were not given any official titles of the peerage. With Abbas Crownsworn now no longer being welcome in our family, I had no intention of acknowledging they were offspring of Thrax at any point.
That's it. I don't have any opinions about who House Pravus adopts, they are offspring of a man I no longer call kin. Arguments about common-born being ennobled and such and such is nowhere near my knowledge.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.