Written By Reigna
March 30, 2018, 12:14 p.m.(6/16/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Khanne
My deepest and most joyous congratulations to my dearest friend, Lady Khanne. You have been an incredible friend from the moment we first spoke. You offer the best advice, and your wisdom is something I treasure. I count myself lucky to have you in my life -- and Lord Percephon too. As you are my sister in all but blood, he too is now subject to my esteem and affections. Until such time as he does something to hurt you and then I will shake my fist at him until you make up again.
Congratulations to you both.
Congratulations to you both.
Written By Reigna
March 28, 2018, 4:09 p.m.(6/11/1008 AR)
As the youngest of seven children, I can tell you that siblings can be both your best friends and your worst enemies. The number of times that Eleanor made my life miserable with her taunts are as innumerable as the times she defended me from Sarah Riggly, the prettiest, meanest girl in Apsfel Falls. My eldest sister Rhoda no longer speaks to me. Though.. she does not really speak to anyone. My brother Edmund is a fool. I thought he and I understood one another, but... the choices he makes are just unfortunate, hurtful and bad. Then there are the twins, Charlotte and Jessamyn, they always were inseparable, though these days they live on opposite sides of the land. Hannah took after father, always running and seeking and searching. She lives near the Telmarch and I do not think I've seen her since her wedding, nearly four years ago now.
In general I wish I were closer to my siblings. In a way I feel I already traded them away in part. I worked with my mother on all but Rhoda's marriage arrangements. Gods know more than one of them blamed me for matches that they did not appreciate, but went along with for duty.
If I have regrets... well. We all did what we had to for the family. That is what it means to be a noble. The most intimate of decisions is often made with an eye towards fiscal and political prosperity and has nothing at all to do with the heart. That is what my siblings did. It is what I did as well. I was blessedly lucky, however, to find that rarest of joys. The man I was to marry was one that I fell deeply in love with. It was not at first sight, it was strange and difficult and as any of our friends who met us those first few months, so very awkward. But as I gave up my resentment over my lack of choice in the matter, the loss of my aspirations to be godsworn... when I opened my eyes to see the man that I was married to... love followed swiftly and it is now something I am thankful for, daily.
In general I wish I were closer to my siblings. In a way I feel I already traded them away in part. I worked with my mother on all but Rhoda's marriage arrangements. Gods know more than one of them blamed me for matches that they did not appreciate, but went along with for duty.
If I have regrets... well. We all did what we had to for the family. That is what it means to be a noble. The most intimate of decisions is often made with an eye towards fiscal and political prosperity and has nothing at all to do with the heart. That is what my siblings did. It is what I did as well. I was blessedly lucky, however, to find that rarest of joys. The man I was to marry was one that I fell deeply in love with. It was not at first sight, it was strange and difficult and as any of our friends who met us those first few months, so very awkward. But as I gave up my resentment over my lack of choice in the matter, the loss of my aspirations to be godsworn... when I opened my eyes to see the man that I was married to... love followed swiftly and it is now something I am thankful for, daily.
Written By Reigna
March 20, 2018, 8 p.m.(5/23/1008 AR)
In the last few days, since my return from Stormwall, I myself have had difficulty sleeping. My appetite is poor and I find myself more prone to anxiety (though this is clearly also impacted by my husband's continued fight in Setarco) and temper. I have had numerous others come to me as I make my rounds in the House of Solace and Saving Grace hospital express similar symptoms.
I am considering hosting a luncheon. A gathering where we can discuss things that we saw, things that we feel, fears that we now carry. I do not know if this is something that might interest others. If there is any interest, please do let me know and I will attempt to coordinate a series of gatherings. Informal situations in which we can discuss things. I will also be able to offer suggestions on sleeping aids.
Please let me know.
I am considering hosting a luncheon. A gathering where we can discuss things that we saw, things that we feel, fears that we now carry. I do not know if this is something that might interest others. If there is any interest, please do let me know and I will attempt to coordinate a series of gatherings. Informal situations in which we can discuss things. I will also be able to offer suggestions on sleeping aids.
Please let me know.
Written By Reigna
March 19, 2018, 5:25 p.m.(5/21/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Jeffeth
I too was struck still at the sight of that creature, Sir Jeffeth. All thought fled from me when I saw it, tall and winged and horrifying, holding the leashes of those... things. Hunger made flesh. I stopped and I screamed. I could not do anything else. And for that, I am ashamed. I stood there like a child faced with a nightmare army and like I child I cried out in terror.
But you fought, Sir Jeffeth. You gathered yourself and you fought. As I did. When I found a previous patient disoriented and crawling towards the enemy, I pulled him away from the fight. When he was too heavy, I called for help and together we dragged Marquis Stonewood back to the other patients.
I failed again when I tried to help Countess Mia Riven get free of the creatures that were trying to pull her into the nest of them. Her guards were hacking away and I reached in and tried to grasp her hand, but the creatures snapped at my arms. And in the most horrifying way I failed her. When I felt the teeth scraping my armor I screamed for help and I ran. I was a coward and it haunts me. I know she made it out. I sent her a letter in apology... but I failed. And that haunts me.
We all make mistakes. We all falter. I pray my thanks for those of us that are braver and more capable than I. I have thought and thought and thought about my failures. What I did wrong. The courage that I lack. How to change. How to be better.
That's all any of us can do. Try to be better.
But you fought, Sir Jeffeth. You gathered yourself and you fought. As I did. When I found a previous patient disoriented and crawling towards the enemy, I pulled him away from the fight. When he was too heavy, I called for help and together we dragged Marquis Stonewood back to the other patients.
I failed again when I tried to help Countess Mia Riven get free of the creatures that were trying to pull her into the nest of them. Her guards were hacking away and I reached in and tried to grasp her hand, but the creatures snapped at my arms. And in the most horrifying way I failed her. When I felt the teeth scraping my armor I screamed for help and I ran. I was a coward and it haunts me. I know she made it out. I sent her a letter in apology... but I failed. And that haunts me.
We all make mistakes. We all falter. I pray my thanks for those of us that are braver and more capable than I. I have thought and thought and thought about my failures. What I did wrong. The courage that I lack. How to change. How to be better.
That's all any of us can do. Try to be better.
Written By Reigna
March 19, 2018, 3:52 p.m.(5/21/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Nemo
As a scholar of Vellichor, no, I do not think asking hard questions is a bad thing. But I will point out that one of the first lessons learned is *how* to ask questions. When dealing with people you are far, far more likely to succeed in getting answers if you ask with a mind to the mood and temper of the moment. To be respectful. I failed at this when criticizing Master Voss, my temper of late had been in a hair trigger given the givens.
Written By Reigna
March 19, 2018, 2:48 p.m.(5/21/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Nemo
I am not sure who you are, Goodwoman Nemo, and as such I am fairly certain you do not know who I am. But to cast out with spite, laying out baseless (Because again, you do not know me) accusations that I am getting emotional for no reason or attempting to degrade Master Voss just because he is not of the same social class I am? That is untrue. I'm upset because of his attitude, which was rude, arrogant, and demanding. That has nothing to do with his class, but rather with his character.
Written By Reigna
March 19, 2018, 1:54 p.m.(5/21/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Derovai
Who is complaining about what now? Gods and monsters, were you even there, Voss? No. You were not. And yet you fancy yourself an expert, or that you are owed some sort of answer? What makes you think you know *anything* about what transpired in that place? You hear words from other people's perspectives and you feel justified in demanding an accounting of each decision made? Would you like me to offer you a treatise on my decision to place a black band on the woman whose guts are split open or a red band on another whose foot is in four pieces? Shall I submit my technique on bone sawing as I separate an 18 year old lad from his leg from the knee down because his shin bone is exposed and blackened from fire? We have *just* returned from war. Have you been to war, Master Voss? Have you been in situations in which thousands of lives rest on your choice? There is a time and place for holding an accounting and while we are still fighting monsters and horrors to the South, when our losses are not fully tallied, you think it appropriate to take such a tone? To *demand* your answers?
Respect, Master Voss. This is something that is earned, not demanded. It is given when earned and this attitude of yours is not the kind to earn it. Those who were put in charge have been trained to make these decisions. They were placed in charge because they earned the responsibility of leadership. That does not make them infallible. But it *should* make them deserving of a modicum of respect and give them the right, when upon their return home, heads heavy, weary beyond the telling of it, they are entreated to share their stories with respect. Not demands from a man who thinks he is the smartest person in the room and has not the wisdom to mind his tongue.
Respect, Master Voss. This is something that is earned, not demanded. It is given when earned and this attitude of yours is not the kind to earn it. Those who were put in charge have been trained to make these decisions. They were placed in charge because they earned the responsibility of leadership. That does not make them infallible. But it *should* make them deserving of a modicum of respect and give them the right, when upon their return home, heads heavy, weary beyond the telling of it, they are entreated to share their stories with respect. Not demands from a man who thinks he is the smartest person in the room and has not the wisdom to mind his tongue.
Written By Reigna
March 19, 2018, 2:04 a.m.(5/20/1008 AR)
I feel like no more than a ghost. I wander the Hall of my home at night, unable to rest, nor partake of food. I wander lost through the world, adrift and restless. My mind wanders, my heart far away to the South. Each day I seek news, each day I hear nothing. I wait for my heart to return.
My child is here. That helps. But still... I am a ghost.
My child is here. That helps. But still... I am a ghost.
Written By Reigna
March 18, 2018, 4:20 a.m.(5/18/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Eilonwy
I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the efforts and work of Mistress Eilonwy. She and I had not met before this crisis, and yet she worked with me gladly making me feel welcome. She was a pleasure to work with, and her skills were demonstrably greater than in just healing. She turned the tide of the fighting. She's a fantastic healer. Without her, I do not think I would necessarily have made it home. Thank you. For everything.
Written By Reigna
March 18, 2018, 1:19 a.m.(5/18/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Olivia
I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the actions of Lady Olivia Ashford. From the moment we arrived in Stormwall she was an asset. She worked hard, and when the battle began, she kept her focus and stayed on task. She was beyond helpful and the success of the healers would have been less without her.
Written By Reigna
March 18, 2018, 1:08 a.m.(5/18/1008 AR)
I am back. It was a... mmm. I did things I am shamed by. I did things I did not think I *could* do. I ordered things done in the moment because I had to, the thoughts of which haunt me. Many things are haunting me right now. I cannot sleep. Not for long, and never without dreaming. There is a new purpose born in me. I came back to Keaton Hall, walked through my door and took my son in my arms and curled up with him until he made me put him down. The scent of him helps. When I cannot sleep I hold him and I breathe deep and I can rest. But I do not think I will really sleep until Kael is back. It is not home until he is back. Is that ridiculous? Perhaps it is. But that does not make it untrue.
Gods watch over him.
Gods watch over him.
Written By Reigna
March 15, 2018, 10:21 p.m.(5/14/1008 AR)
The time has come and it is to Stormwall I go. I have the pleasure of Lady Veronica's company with me for my first full day, and Lady Khanne and I will be travelling together for the full trip. I have said my farewells, my I'll see you agains. I have not left the city yet, and I already miss my son and my husband. But I go to do my duty. To fulfill my calling as a healer. To lend a hand and do what I was born to do. To mend. To heal. To ease suffering. I know that this is going to be unlike anything I have experienced so far.
I pray not for miracles. I pray for the strength to do what must be done. I pray for the wisdom to make the best choices. I pray that our work, our fight, our efforts aid the gods. I pray to the light and to the dream. I pray to all Thirteen.
I pray not for miracles. I pray for the strength to do what must be done. I pray for the wisdom to make the best choices. I pray that our work, our fight, our efforts aid the gods. I pray to the light and to the dream. I pray to all Thirteen.
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 4:19 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Ida
I find myself full of awe and pride in Dame Ida Ferron. Your skills are extraordinary, as is your heart. I am proud to be a fellow Oathlander with you, Dame Ferron.
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 2:05 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassima
As a point of fact, he does not. Kael was born, legitimate from a marriage. He was raised unconventionally, but in truth, he was never not a noble, whether he knew it or not. He was not granted his title. He was born to it.
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 2:01 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Alarissa
No. They do not owe us anything. But we are justified in criticizing their choices when the merits of tthose choices fail to meet our expectations. And you, nor anyone tells me what to write in my journal Princess Consort Alarissa Thrax. I do not take kindly to being told I am not allowed to speak my mind or opinion. Just as you speak yours to put me in my place, I speak mine.
We do not have to agree. We do not have to listen to one another. But no one should be denied the right to express their thoughts. It is my choice. I accept the consequences for doing so.
We do not have to agree. We do not have to listen to one another. But no one should be denied the right to express their thoughts. It is my choice. I accept the consequences for doing so.
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 1:52 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassima
In the effort not to assume the worst and to ask, lest I misunderstand...
Are you referring to my husband, Princess Cassima of Thrax?
Are you referring to my husband, Princess Cassima of Thrax?
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 1:46 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassima
I am not sure in how many ways I can restate this, but I will certainly try in as many ways as I can.
The children are children. This was not their choice, nor their decision. What was done was done TO them or FOR them if you prefer. Their agency was not applicable. They are blameless. They did not choose nor ask for this. They are not part of the equation of decision. Therefore, I wish them the best. They are children. Innocent as so many have said (Including me!).
I condemn Pravus for making a choice that cheapens the very fabric of nobility. There were other options that make far more sense. These children are two years old and have been Crownsworn this whole time, if what I understand is true. Why ennoble them now? What, I ask, was the point?
That is where my objection lies.
The children are children. This was not their choice, nor their decision. What was done was done TO them or FOR them if you prefer. Their agency was not applicable. They are blameless. They did not choose nor ask for this. They are not part of the equation of decision. Therefore, I wish them the best. They are children. Innocent as so many have said (Including me!).
I condemn Pravus for making a choice that cheapens the very fabric of nobility. There were other options that make far more sense. These children are two years old and have been Crownsworn this whole time, if what I understand is true. Why ennoble them now? What, I ask, was the point?
That is where my objection lies.
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 1:21 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Alarissa
Thank you for that. It sheds light onto the situation, but still fails to explain why they were adopted. Being made wards of House Pravus would have afforded them those same luxuries. That they are kin... I see that. To an extent. Blood is important. But in this case I, personally, find the justification weak. Clearly the Duchess Belladonna did not. That is her choice. It is mine to think poorly of it, and to feel affronted.
Again, this is *not* about the children or begrudging them a rich and prosperous future. It is about the message that Pravus sends about the worth and value of the titles they so freely give away.
Again, this is *not* about the children or begrudging them a rich and prosperous future. It is about the message that Pravus sends about the worth and value of the titles they so freely give away.
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 1:19 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Rey
I have never wished ill to the children. Never. And I am glad for you, that House Laveer has such an interesting method of adoption. I am sure that has been good for you, but you have to understand that is not the norm within the Peerage of the Compact. Society is based on rules. Without them we descend to chaos. The ways we have, the traditions we uphold give us stability. A society in which rules are bent or blurred makes men uncertain of where they stand and chaos reigns. The justifications for ennoblement are few. It is supposed to be a rare thing. Because the privileges granted *must* come at a price. There must be a cost to keep us honest and righteous. Does any of this make sense?
Written By Reigna
March 9, 2018, 1:04 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassima
I did not single you out, your highness, when it came to taking the worst interpretations of words. Dame Thena was coming to my defense, for which I thank her most sincerely, but I did not think you meant that you thought I sought to wish ill upon the children with my 'ominous' and 'veiled references'. Nor was I attempting to make inflammatory accusations. Just to be clear.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.