Written By Sparte
April 7, 2023, 12:03 a.m.(8/2/1019 AR)
It has been some few weeks now I've had to settle back in, and today I returned to my duties as a Lieutenant within the Iron Guard. It was the first day I've spent returned to full uniform, common clothes traded for steel and iron. I owe my life many times over to this armor, but it was never my life it was intended to protect.
Today also renewed a certain contradicting certainty I have had for many years.
I always have been, and remain, unsuited to command. Giving orders fills me with some feeling opposite of both joy and comfort which I can't quite describe. Others will say the lack of desire for command is what makes a person suited to it, but those words are no better than flavorless gravy on stale biscuits.
Why then, did I accept this role? Not for my sake, nor for Duke Bisland, who has been generous with sending me paperwork to sort. It is because I believe command is not defined by the giving of orders, it is defined by results.
I dream of a city protected from harm, within and without. Men and women, who when faced with an enemy, are as strong as stone and unyielding as iron. Men and women, who when asked to keep the peace, show compassion and mercy to the struggles of our citizens. I do not know that my dream will be the results I achieve, but I know it is not orders that build virtue and courage in others. It is example.
Today also renewed a certain contradicting certainty I have had for many years.
I always have been, and remain, unsuited to command. Giving orders fills me with some feeling opposite of both joy and comfort which I can't quite describe. Others will say the lack of desire for command is what makes a person suited to it, but those words are no better than flavorless gravy on stale biscuits.
Why then, did I accept this role? Not for my sake, nor for Duke Bisland, who has been generous with sending me paperwork to sort. It is because I believe command is not defined by the giving of orders, it is defined by results.
I dream of a city protected from harm, within and without. Men and women, who when faced with an enemy, are as strong as stone and unyielding as iron. Men and women, who when asked to keep the peace, show compassion and mercy to the struggles of our citizens. I do not know that my dream will be the results I achieve, but I know it is not orders that build virtue and courage in others. It is example.
Written By Sparte
March 23, 2023, 10:22 p.m.(7/2/1019 AR)
She didn't return with me. Dame Tom. It has been a few years since I saw her last, but she was still well then. I don't know how to get back to where I last saw her, and she wouldn't be there if I went. If you knew her, and you hoped I'd be a way to see her again, I'm sorry. It's just me that is back.
Written By Sparte
March 22, 2023, 10:25 p.m.(6/28/1019 AR)
I told a truly awful joke to someone the other day. It didn't even sound that funny in my head, but it demanded to get out. Like a sort of headache that can only be exercised by inflicting the pain of hearing it on others.
My sincere apologies to both the victim and the person that had to witness it.
My sincere apologies to both the victim and the person that had to witness it.
Written By Sparte
March 21, 2023, 5:45 p.m.(6/26/1019 AR)
I've been gone for some time. I have a lot I could write about where I've been and why, but I won't.
Written By Sparte
June 13, 2020, 11:59 a.m.(6/20/1013 AR)
A duty done, a happier end than I ever hoped. I have so often found the worst that only a small part of me dared hope for the best. When the truth became known, it burst. Tears of happiness, a happiness that has returned to me every day refreshed since.
Written By Sparte
May 12, 2020, 11:34 a.m.(4/12/1013 AR)
In all of my journeys through the woodlands and wilds of Arvum, I have never learned one of the shav dialects. Never even tried. Truthfully, early on it was extremely intimidating to me. Yet in recent years the choice is something I recognize as that, a choice. A lack of willingness to sit down and focus upon it, always prioritizing other things.
In the task ahead I can see clearly that I have given myself a dangerous limitation. I will need to be able to understand those who may not wish to use the arvani tongue, and so I asked for teachers. Not one, but two came forward. I owe them both deep thanks.
I am still only at the start of the lessons, and I know they will not finish before I leave. I mean to repay the kindness ten fold upon my return.
In the task ahead I can see clearly that I have given myself a dangerous limitation. I will need to be able to understand those who may not wish to use the arvani tongue, and so I asked for teachers. Not one, but two came forward. I owe them both deep thanks.
I am still only at the start of the lessons, and I know they will not finish before I leave. I mean to repay the kindness ten fold upon my return.
Written By Sparte
May 7, 2020, 2:15 p.m.(4/2/1013 AR)
I am a man uncomfortable with owing others. Not because I fear obligations, I have many, but because timing is a fickle thing. A debt to an individual must be paid when it is needed, and a price I might pay without hesitation any other day may come the one day I cannot. The possibility that another may look to me for help and that I may fail them is a fear I have carried all of my life. To have a standing promise and a bond of honor to succeed only turns my flaw into a wound.
I have made vows, the full of them known only to myself and the Gods. Self-given chains upon my actions. Only I know if I wear them still, and only the Gods can judge if I wear them well.
I have oaths of service, because I am just one tiny spark amidst a sea of lanterns. Some burn so bright they compete with the stars in the sky, and I must lend as much as my spark can muster to the tapestry the stars see in turn. Not for the sake of my own light, nor the sake of any one other, but for the sake of our lights together.
I have debts of honor too, despite all of my efforts to the contrary, yet I know them well. They are but four, and I have been asked to make them three.
One of my failures dishonored House Crovane. The failure was mine and mine alone. I presented myself to House Crovane and spoke the truth of the failure to them for judgment, as a commoner should when they wrong a noble house. The judgment was one of mercy, and I now go to pay the debt of honor that demands.
I have taken leave from all of my duties here in Arx.
I am allowing myself the rest of this day to reflect upon my path and the choices ahead, reflection I will seek within the Shrine of Aion. Time enough to form a plan, time enough to let go of distractions and focus.
I have made vows, the full of them known only to myself and the Gods. Self-given chains upon my actions. Only I know if I wear them still, and only the Gods can judge if I wear them well.
I have oaths of service, because I am just one tiny spark amidst a sea of lanterns. Some burn so bright they compete with the stars in the sky, and I must lend as much as my spark can muster to the tapestry the stars see in turn. Not for the sake of my own light, nor the sake of any one other, but for the sake of our lights together.
I have debts of honor too, despite all of my efforts to the contrary, yet I know them well. They are but four, and I have been asked to make them three.
One of my failures dishonored House Crovane. The failure was mine and mine alone. I presented myself to House Crovane and spoke the truth of the failure to them for judgment, as a commoner should when they wrong a noble house. The judgment was one of mercy, and I now go to pay the debt of honor that demands.
I have taken leave from all of my duties here in Arx.
I am allowing myself the rest of this day to reflect upon my path and the choices ahead, reflection I will seek within the Shrine of Aion. Time enough to form a plan, time enough to let go of distractions and focus.
Written By Sparte
May 4, 2020, 5:37 p.m.(3/24/1013 AR)
I've only today had the news reach me of Duke Kaldur. Not that the news was hard to learn, it is my own fault I have not kept up with the going ons. I had been seeking him out to ask his advice when it came to light.
I don't yet know what else I have missed while so absorbed in my work, but I find myself filled with a familiar sorrow. Once again the Compact has loss someone of such significance at far too young an age.
I pray to Gild that his fate is not a journey ended but a road that goes beyond where we are ready to follow. Thank you for everything, my friend.
I don't yet know what else I have missed while so absorbed in my work, but I find myself filled with a familiar sorrow. Once again the Compact has loss someone of such significance at far too young an age.
I pray to Gild that his fate is not a journey ended but a road that goes beyond where we are ready to follow. Thank you for everything, my friend.
Written By Sparte
Feb. 16, 2020, 10:55 p.m.(10.280517939814814/9.70900462962963/1012.7733764949845 AR)
I have found something best unmentioned in my shoe (Thanks Tom), and with it the realization I own two sets of boots but one set of socks. One of which I will not be using for some time. I will now have to remedy that.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 24, 2020, 8:52 p.m.(8.529167906746032/16.63340277777778/1012.6274306588955 AR)
As a member of the Iron Guard, people take many things I say with weight I never meant it to carry. For instance, when I suggested we start calling the Cullers the Crullers in an effort to trick them into becoming bakers, I wasn't being serious. The idea was half-baked at best.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 20, 2020, 3:27 p.m.(8.227427248677248/13.735925925925926/1012.6022856040564 AR)
I will miss Josephine as I miss many others, but I will have a reminder. As I sat there in the Shrine of Jayus, contemplating our friendship and thinking on her, a peculiar thing happened. The earcuff I wear came loose.
I caught it, but as I did so it caught some of the light trickling into the room. Such that the starstuff it is made out of seemed to shimmer.
It could have been nothing more than a fluke. Funny things are given meaning when we want to find meaning. I take this message from it, though. That earcuff holds more story to it than the one I had in my empty head when she made it for me.
I caught it, but as I did so it caught some of the light trickling into the room. Such that the starstuff it is made out of seemed to shimmer.
It could have been nothing more than a fluke. Funny things are given meaning when we want to find meaning. I take this message from it, though. That earcuff holds more story to it than the one I had in my empty head when she made it for me.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 17, 2020, 1:36 p.m.(8/1/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Josephine
I had opportunity to work with Josephine Arcuri, helping her delve into the history of the Crafter's Guild. It let me see into her life but a fraction of who she was.
She was an incredible person, full of inspiration and emotion. Her gifts were as unique as she.
Months we worked together, and I still have a sense her full measure was deeper than I know. I mourn the loss of a friend, I mourn that I will never see the full of her, I mourn the projects she will never have opportunity to complete with her own hands. A burden and a blessing, that others must now decide if they will lift and carry to their conclusion.
I will be taking leave to spend a day within the Shrine of Jayus to pray upon her passing.
She was an incredible person, full of inspiration and emotion. Her gifts were as unique as she.
Months we worked together, and I still have a sense her full measure was deeper than I know. I mourn the loss of a friend, I mourn that I will never see the full of her, I mourn the projects she will never have opportunity to complete with her own hands. A burden and a blessing, that others must now decide if they will lift and carry to their conclusion.
I will be taking leave to spend a day within the Shrine of Jayus to pray upon her passing.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 8, 2020, 6:16 p.m.(7/11/1012 AR)
Someone told me, recently, that what we do shapes us. I had argued that a half-truth, that a thing done must have our heart in it to really change who we are. I used the paperwork I do as an example. I take no joy nor pride in my need to do rote paperwork, I do it out of duty, not passion.
They countered my argument. If my frequent use of the pen does not shape me, then why do I write as I do? Why have I spent so much time putting my thoughts to paper, using words wet by ink instead of my own tongue to find the truth of things?
On my shelf, here at the Barracks, rests my journal from where I came to Arx. It was the one I brought with me, from the Fatchforth Farm. There isn't a great archive there, the binding is simple, but the pages sturdy. I reread my entries as a junior guardsmen, and it is so very strange to do. I can hear the voice as I read it, my voice, but so young. Thoughts both simpler and more pure.
I chose never to shelve it in the Archives out of nostalgia. Because it reminded me of things.
Today, it reminds me I always have something new I can learn about myself.
They countered my argument. If my frequent use of the pen does not shape me, then why do I write as I do? Why have I spent so much time putting my thoughts to paper, using words wet by ink instead of my own tongue to find the truth of things?
On my shelf, here at the Barracks, rests my journal from where I came to Arx. It was the one I brought with me, from the Fatchforth Farm. There isn't a great archive there, the binding is simple, but the pages sturdy. I reread my entries as a junior guardsmen, and it is so very strange to do. I can hear the voice as I read it, my voice, but so young. Thoughts both simpler and more pure.
I chose never to shelve it in the Archives out of nostalgia. Because it reminded me of things.
Today, it reminds me I always have something new I can learn about myself.
Written By Sparte
Jan. 8, 2020, 11:27 a.m.(7/11/1012 AR)
An answer I dared not ask for, given when I thought it safe to ask a different question altogether.
The green snows that fell upon Arx are too easily forgotten. What created them still stirs in the air. The city is not clean, even if some of us have learned to take a bath.
If this makes sense to you, be careful. To look for answers to such things too long is a grave risk.
The green snows that fell upon Arx are too easily forgotten. What created them still stirs in the air. The city is not clean, even if some of us have learned to take a bath.
If this makes sense to you, be careful. To look for answers to such things too long is a grave risk.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 26, 2019, 10:24 p.m.(6/13/1012 AR)
I have made many choices others do not understand in my scant years within Arx. There are those who have sought me out to understand me, others who have sought me out to berate me. Most simply pass judgment without a word. As is their right. The gods know I have done the same, and likely will again.
It is a truth that I have come to understand, painfully, that we all must decide where to invest our time. Who to invest ourselves in, both in time and resources. None of us have an unlimited reserve, an endless well from which to plunge energy and effort on the behalf of others. Not even me, much as I tried to convince myself otherwise for so many years.
I sit here in reflection on what matters most in the world to me. What I should tell others I stand for, or against. How I should describe the path I walk to others on their own paths, with no paths, or that wander and risk being lost.
I feel as though I know the words, but then I think to the boy who came to Arx to become a guardsman. To answer a simple call to help protect people. I wonder if my words today would have altered his path, if they would have been understood at all.
I find it stays my hand from what I would have penned, a list of specifics, of whats. Instead I find within me the words that were in his heart all along.
Do the right thing. Even when it is hard. Especially then. Our heart will know what that thing is when we see it, even if we lack the words to say why.
It is a truth that I have come to understand, painfully, that we all must decide where to invest our time. Who to invest ourselves in, both in time and resources. None of us have an unlimited reserve, an endless well from which to plunge energy and effort on the behalf of others. Not even me, much as I tried to convince myself otherwise for so many years.
I sit here in reflection on what matters most in the world to me. What I should tell others I stand for, or against. How I should describe the path I walk to others on their own paths, with no paths, or that wander and risk being lost.
I feel as though I know the words, but then I think to the boy who came to Arx to become a guardsman. To answer a simple call to help protect people. I wonder if my words today would have altered his path, if they would have been understood at all.
I find it stays my hand from what I would have penned, a list of specifics, of whats. Instead I find within me the words that were in his heart all along.
Do the right thing. Even when it is hard. Especially then. Our heart will know what that thing is when we see it, even if we lack the words to say why.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 16, 2019, 2:26 p.m.(5/20/1012 AR)
What becomes of us when we do what we feel called to do, what we see as the upholding of a vow or an ideal to which we have committed ourselves, but which others see as a contradiction of that same thing?
It is a truth of life that none of us know exactly the experiences of another. Each of us walk our own paths, and even the wisest among us can come to conclusions that appear contradictory in nature.
Two farmers might argue whether to plant grain in a field or allow it to lie fallow. One believes the grain is critical for foodstuffs in the winter, the other believes the field has been over-farmed and needs to be allowed time to recover. Both may be true, but they contradict one another in a course of action. The farmer who seeks grain fears the short term suffering and may believe that a different solution can be found given time, whereas the farmer seeking a fallow period believes the short term suffering will be less than the long term loss of failing to allow the land time to recover.
Yet when the dynamic changes, when one is farmer and the other a lord, the conversation shifts. The lord is in the right, even should the farmer be the wiser. So too does that flow in all things. There is an assumption within our society that a position brings with it wisdom, and though the exceptions are very clear it is an assumption often proven sound.
To hold to this example, we would be inclined to err on the side of the lord should the farmer disagree. If the farmer refused, we would automatically assume that is out of a lack of wisdom by the farmer, not out of a lack of wisdom from the lord. That is the bias that I believe -almost- all of us hold. (You can spare me the complaint, Orathy)
To end on this note is to fail to recognize how history perceives wisdom. Whether the decision made was the more likely to result in success or not, whether the decision made was the more sound decision or not, no longer matters after the point that the decision is made. Instead, all that matters is the result.
Were the lord's strategy to succeed, all would consider it evidence of their rightful leadership.
Were the lord's strategy to fail, all would look to the argument raised by the farmer and question why the lord did not heed it.
Were the farmer to ignore the lord and their strategy succeed, they may yet be punished.
Were the farmer to ignore the lord and fail, is it unlikely they would have to worry about the decision in the following year.
In this we see that what people consider wisdom changes between when a decision is made, and when the impact of that decision is felt. We also see that to oppose the decision of one with station above us brings a cost even when done out of wisdom on the topic at hand, implying either a lack of practical wisdom or a willingness to suffer consequences.
Thus, four conclusions can be made on the nature of wisdom in choosing a course of action.
First, that to present an alternative course of action to those who hold a greater authority over a decision is reasonable, especially should the individual sharing it hold a great deal of knowledge in the area at hand.
Second, that one with authority over a situation should be assumed to act out of wisdom when the decision is made.
Third, that those who reject the decision of one with greater authority on the basis of greater wisdom or knowledge are not absolved of culpability for their actions because of the outcome.
Last, that our perception of wisdom is determined by the ultimate outcome of events.
These are the musings of a Scholar, and the conclusions I have come to herein are not to be taken as wisdom, but as a possible interpretation of the nature of our society. One of many.
It is a truth of life that none of us know exactly the experiences of another. Each of us walk our own paths, and even the wisest among us can come to conclusions that appear contradictory in nature.
Two farmers might argue whether to plant grain in a field or allow it to lie fallow. One believes the grain is critical for foodstuffs in the winter, the other believes the field has been over-farmed and needs to be allowed time to recover. Both may be true, but they contradict one another in a course of action. The farmer who seeks grain fears the short term suffering and may believe that a different solution can be found given time, whereas the farmer seeking a fallow period believes the short term suffering will be less than the long term loss of failing to allow the land time to recover.
Yet when the dynamic changes, when one is farmer and the other a lord, the conversation shifts. The lord is in the right, even should the farmer be the wiser. So too does that flow in all things. There is an assumption within our society that a position brings with it wisdom, and though the exceptions are very clear it is an assumption often proven sound.
To hold to this example, we would be inclined to err on the side of the lord should the farmer disagree. If the farmer refused, we would automatically assume that is out of a lack of wisdom by the farmer, not out of a lack of wisdom from the lord. That is the bias that I believe -almost- all of us hold. (You can spare me the complaint, Orathy)
To end on this note is to fail to recognize how history perceives wisdom. Whether the decision made was the more likely to result in success or not, whether the decision made was the more sound decision or not, no longer matters after the point that the decision is made. Instead, all that matters is the result.
Were the lord's strategy to succeed, all would consider it evidence of their rightful leadership.
Were the lord's strategy to fail, all would look to the argument raised by the farmer and question why the lord did not heed it.
Were the farmer to ignore the lord and their strategy succeed, they may yet be punished.
Were the farmer to ignore the lord and fail, is it unlikely they would have to worry about the decision in the following year.
In this we see that what people consider wisdom changes between when a decision is made, and when the impact of that decision is felt. We also see that to oppose the decision of one with station above us brings a cost even when done out of wisdom on the topic at hand, implying either a lack of practical wisdom or a willingness to suffer consequences.
Thus, four conclusions can be made on the nature of wisdom in choosing a course of action.
First, that to present an alternative course of action to those who hold a greater authority over a decision is reasonable, especially should the individual sharing it hold a great deal of knowledge in the area at hand.
Second, that one with authority over a situation should be assumed to act out of wisdom when the decision is made.
Third, that those who reject the decision of one with greater authority on the basis of greater wisdom or knowledge are not absolved of culpability for their actions because of the outcome.
Last, that our perception of wisdom is determined by the ultimate outcome of events.
These are the musings of a Scholar, and the conclusions I have come to herein are not to be taken as wisdom, but as a possible interpretation of the nature of our society. One of many.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 16, 2019, 1:55 p.m.(5/20/1012 AR)
There are a wealth of cautionary tales told to children about the danger of going too far. Whether it be about those who are too curious, too stubborn, too proud, too ambitious, too cautious, too brave... There is a story about the danger.
Many stories can be held in direct opposition to one another. The lessons from the tales can even be quoted as contradictions, as they sometimes are by Mirrormasks. Given their specialty in being contrary, and how the worship of the Dark Reflection is about finding exceptions in those ideals people hold dearest.
I find myself worried that in the upset caused by recent events, those feeling the most frustration have allowed passion to blind them to the truth that contradictions are a part of our world. That sometimes the right thing and the wrong thing are the same thing, depending on which ideal we cling to the firmest.
What, then, if we find our ideal defines us? Perhaps you live in honor to a god above the others, despite the wisdom that we must honor all of the gods to live a pious life. Not out of a desire to lessen the others in the pantheon, but because it is where your emotions and sense of righteousness drives you. Where does that path lead?
There is already a nation to our east, given to taking extreme positions upon their ideology, that we can point towards. The Dune Kingdoms of Eurus, each dedicated to a religious ideal taken to the extreme. Our path requires ideals be balanced, and I pray we never lose sight of that.
Many stories can be held in direct opposition to one another. The lessons from the tales can even be quoted as contradictions, as they sometimes are by Mirrormasks. Given their specialty in being contrary, and how the worship of the Dark Reflection is about finding exceptions in those ideals people hold dearest.
I find myself worried that in the upset caused by recent events, those feeling the most frustration have allowed passion to blind them to the truth that contradictions are a part of our world. That sometimes the right thing and the wrong thing are the same thing, depending on which ideal we cling to the firmest.
What, then, if we find our ideal defines us? Perhaps you live in honor to a god above the others, despite the wisdom that we must honor all of the gods to live a pious life. Not out of a desire to lessen the others in the pantheon, but because it is where your emotions and sense of righteousness drives you. Where does that path lead?
There is already a nation to our east, given to taking extreme positions upon their ideology, that we can point towards. The Dune Kingdoms of Eurus, each dedicated to a religious ideal taken to the extreme. Our path requires ideals be balanced, and I pray we never lose sight of that.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 15, 2019, 11:40 p.m.(5/19/1012 AR)
Intent. Intent is such a powerful word. With it we might forgive tragedies and damn victories. With intent we can take the vision away from what happened and recreate it in the image of what was meant to happen.
Written By Sparte
Dec. 3, 2019, 3:40 p.m.(4/22/1012 AR)
Ael'Noctis. I have not been blessed with the mind to understand much of languages beyond my native Arvani, but the name seems such a critical one and the question so simple. How does it translate into our tongue?
Written By Sparte
Dec. 3, 2019, 2:30 p.m.(4/22/1012 AR)
I have sat much of late in thought of White, Black, and the shades of Gray between them. Of those who attempt to balance White and Black upon a canvas such that the canvas never knows Gray. Artists both recent, and those I have learned of studying history. Some unaware of their own Art.
The implications are many, and I fear that what I have concluded would be hard even for The Salon to accept, yet I can say one detail with clarity and conviction. There is White, and there is Black, but they are aspirational for the likes of us. They are destinations we are not meant to reach, and either can be blinding.
The implications are many, and I fear that what I have concluded would be hard even for The Salon to accept, yet I can say one detail with clarity and conviction. There is White, and there is Black, but they are aspirational for the likes of us. They are destinations we are not meant to reach, and either can be blinding.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.