Written By Regla
June 29, 2018, 4:50 a.m.(2/7/1009 AR)
I, have not written one of these in a very, very long time. Not sure why to be honest, perhaps a multitude of reasons including the whole, not willing to share my feelings with people, reason.
Though, I feel I should write one now and share my thoughts with those that would read them as that seems to be the point of the whites. Maybe, someone, will find it worthwhile to help me through the changes in my life. One of those being that decision to start sharing my feelings and thoughts with people around me that I care about, more often (read, as compared to not at all). I know I have this reputation as a stern, chip on my shoulder, fiery woman that desires to try and experience all things and to excel at them, but that's not all there is to me. Not, that I've been good at showing the rest of me, but, first time for all things I suppose.
So, first thing to talk about, here we are sat a full..what, six months from Setarco? Yes, it has to have been nearly that long and yet, the nightmares don't stop. Yes, I'm having nightmares, a full six months down the line. I find myself waking up in a sweat, that have only very rarely, if ever, been seen shed in public, from streaming down my face. Just, getting it out there, Setarco did something to me, and the memory of it all is just so painful that I just can't shake it. I really do need some help.
That out of the way, I now also find my, instinct, of the maternal kind...suddenly appearing. This, burning desire to have children, to create life, to have something to love and cherish, to teach and guide, something, anything, to pull me away from the conflict that refuses to leave my mind. I know I'm a sword, and a warrior, a sailor, a leader of men and women but I want something else. I want that thing I've yet to experience, to excel at. I want my own children....
Speaking of, Turo, if you read my whites? As we've discussed, you better find me someone I can stand.
All these people, with their love and marriages and birth announcements...I told you all I hated it, and if the blacks are ever opened, one day you might read what I really thought at the time. However, now, I'm putting it out there...
I hate being alone. I feel so alone with all these people finding true love, and planning their happy little weddings. All of that, just, makes me feel even more alone and I hate it. Then I feel guilty for being mad and hating it. Then I feel stupid, and more alone. Maybe, just maybe this is all finally coming to a head? I just don't know..right now, there are several things weighing on me almost daily...
I think, I'm just going to go enjoy favored past-time number three, lots and lots of drinking...that should fix it all...
Though, I feel I should write one now and share my thoughts with those that would read them as that seems to be the point of the whites. Maybe, someone, will find it worthwhile to help me through the changes in my life. One of those being that decision to start sharing my feelings and thoughts with people around me that I care about, more often (read, as compared to not at all). I know I have this reputation as a stern, chip on my shoulder, fiery woman that desires to try and experience all things and to excel at them, but that's not all there is to me. Not, that I've been good at showing the rest of me, but, first time for all things I suppose.
So, first thing to talk about, here we are sat a full..what, six months from Setarco? Yes, it has to have been nearly that long and yet, the nightmares don't stop. Yes, I'm having nightmares, a full six months down the line. I find myself waking up in a sweat, that have only very rarely, if ever, been seen shed in public, from streaming down my face. Just, getting it out there, Setarco did something to me, and the memory of it all is just so painful that I just can't shake it. I really do need some help.
That out of the way, I now also find my, instinct, of the maternal kind...suddenly appearing. This, burning desire to have children, to create life, to have something to love and cherish, to teach and guide, something, anything, to pull me away from the conflict that refuses to leave my mind. I know I'm a sword, and a warrior, a sailor, a leader of men and women but I want something else. I want that thing I've yet to experience, to excel at. I want my own children....
Speaking of, Turo, if you read my whites? As we've discussed, you better find me someone I can stand.
All these people, with their love and marriages and birth announcements...I told you all I hated it, and if the blacks are ever opened, one day you might read what I really thought at the time. However, now, I'm putting it out there...
I hate being alone. I feel so alone with all these people finding true love, and planning their happy little weddings. All of that, just, makes me feel even more alone and I hate it. Then I feel guilty for being mad and hating it. Then I feel stupid, and more alone. Maybe, just maybe this is all finally coming to a head? I just don't know..right now, there are several things weighing on me almost daily...
I think, I'm just going to go enjoy favored past-time number three, lots and lots of drinking...that should fix it all...
Written By Regla
Nov. 21, 2017, 9:48 a.m.(8/16/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Edward
I have no idea what I would do with out you. None what so ever. You are my stability and my sanity and one of my dearest and closest friends.
Written By Regla
Nov. 13, 2017, 6:35 a.m.(7/27/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Valencia
Still a kind, caring, giving, and all around amazing woman.
Written By Regla
Nov. 13, 2017, 6:35 a.m.(7/27/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Zerric
You, are an intriguing man. I'm not sure how else to describe you at the moment.
Written By Regla
Sept. 18, 2017, 10:37 a.m.(3/26/1007 AR)
It's never easy losing men, but part of me wants to rationalize it by saying the few now to save the many in the end. But is that really a good justification? I'm not sure. It was a good reason at the time, and one I stand by now, then, and always. Would I do it again given the circumstances? Without hesitation. We got what we were looking for, although I still have a lot of unanswered questions....hopefully the answers will be had.
Written By Regla
Sept. 17, 2017, 2:02 p.m.(3/24/1007 AR)
We're leaving soon, and I feel like I should say something.
Nothing I can think of seems to matter in the face of what comes next. Nothing but the same silent prayers I've sent to Gloria and Mangata.
Nothing I can think of seems to matter in the face of what comes next. Nothing but the same silent prayers I've sent to Gloria and Mangata.
Written By Regla
Sept. 10, 2017, 12:20 p.m.(3/10/1007 AR)
Things have been very busy.
I've been kept very busy, and I have no complaint about it. I do long for a day or two where I can just lounge around in the hot springs somewhere drinking my rum. But if I do my job right, those days will come, and they will be plentiful once more,
Until the next busy session happens.
I've been kept very busy, and I have no complaint about it. I do long for a day or two where I can just lounge around in the hot springs somewhere drinking my rum. But if I do my job right, those days will come, and they will be plentiful once more,
Until the next busy session happens.
Written By Regla
Sept. 1, 2017, 10:57 a.m.(2/17/1007 AR)
There are so many dangers on the horizon, I should be frightened. I am, but I'm also excited to wade into things and get my hands dirty. Particularly if those things allow us to lessen some of the on coming danger.
Written By Regla
Aug. 26, 2017, 4:21 p.m.(2/5/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Audric
The Captain-General provides very good instruction on how to trade cutlery for weapons. One should take note and remember the sage advice.
Written By Regla
Aug. 26, 2017, 4:15 p.m.(2/5/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Sivard
Perhaps one of my oldest friends, and certainly one of my oldest friends in Arx. I'm glad to see you.
Written By Regla
Aug. 24, 2017, 6:33 a.m.(1/28/1007 AR)
Once, I thought the worst thing that I had to fight with in my life was being allowed to carry a sword, to fight....to sail. I never thought that I might miss those days, when things felt more simple. In reality, would I actually reverse time and return to that? No. Of course I wouldn't. But I don't think that changes the fact that there was certainly something far more easy then.
Now I have to worry about things sinking ships, elfwars, angry mages....it sounds straight out of a children's adventure story. But this is the reality, it seems. I do not think that I am fully prepared for what is coming, I'm not even sure I know how to be, either.
Now I have to worry about things sinking ships, elfwars, angry mages....it sounds straight out of a children's adventure story. But this is the reality, it seems. I do not think that I am fully prepared for what is coming, I'm not even sure I know how to be, either.
Written By Regla
Aug. 19, 2017, 1:10 p.m.(1/19/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Calarian
Very fancy talker, and sometimes I think I only understand about half of what he says. He listens though, very well, and that is probably better than I could ask for.
Written By Regla
Aug. 19, 2017, 1:05 p.m.(1/19/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Alarissa
For all that she seems pretty and somewhat....less than physically capable, she doesn't shrink away when things get both messy and violent. Perhaps she won't have as difficult a time fitting in as it might appear.
Written By Regla
Aug. 19, 2017, 1:02 p.m.(1/19/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Aksel
The Sword of Stonedeep.
Probably one of the only other Swords in the city that I've spent a good amount of time with, both on the training field and off.
All boots should be watched when Fluffy is around, though. I only have the one pair, and if that dog chews them....I don't know what I might do.
Buy new boots, probably.
Probably one of the only other Swords in the city that I've spent a good amount of time with, both on the training field and off.
All boots should be watched when Fluffy is around, though. I only have the one pair, and if that dog chews them....I don't know what I might do.
Buy new boots, probably.
Written By Regla
Aug. 19, 2017, 12:54 p.m.(1/19/1007 AR)
Were things going beautifully before all the ships from Thrax sank? Not really....but they were at least on a productive path to greatness. Now we're left with bloated corpses and broken wood. I do not consider myself quick to anger, yes....I get angry, yes I've been prone to careless word choices....admittedly some on purpose. But this? I'm so mad that I don't even know how to channel it.
I want to hit something. I want to kill something. But I don't have a target.
So instead....I shop.
It might just be an excuse, a rationalization, for something I enjoy doing anyways. But right now, somehow supporting the creation of someone else's art somehow soothes me. A little.
Plus, I really am vain.
I need new clothes, too.
I want to hit something. I want to kill something. But I don't have a target.
So instead....I shop.
It might just be an excuse, a rationalization, for something I enjoy doing anyways. But right now, somehow supporting the creation of someone else's art somehow soothes me. A little.
Plus, I really am vain.
I need new clothes, too.
Written By Regla
Aug. 4, 2017, 10:57 a.m.(12/17/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Harald
Next time. You are going overboard.
Written By Regla
Aug. 4, 2017, 10:56 a.m.(12/17/1006 AR)
I learned quite a bit from the naval exercise. First among that is that I have zero patience. However, I knew that.
Second is that I have a lot to learn. Part of me thinks that I shouldn't admit that I've a lot to learn, but then I go....why not? Whatever.
Second is that I have a lot to learn. Part of me thinks that I shouldn't admit that I've a lot to learn, but then I go....why not? Whatever.
Written By Regla
July 24, 2017, 12:09 a.m.(11/21/1006 AR)
I'm not any more religious than anyone else. Sometimes, though, I wonder if I should be. I think that maybe I should dedicate more of my time to praying, less to drinking.
That's hard to admit. Drinking is my third favorite pastime. But I think that I need to spend more time praying, maybe it'll help.
That's hard to admit. Drinking is my third favorite pastime. But I think that I need to spend more time praying, maybe it'll help.
Written By Regla
July 16, 2017, 3:56 p.m.(11/7/1006 AR)
I wrote a poem. I think that it is a very good poem.
Your eyes glisten like the scales of a fish.
Your skin tastes like the Salt,
It is the color of a fine rum.
The touch of your hands is rough;
Like the planks of a well used ship deck.
Your eyes glisten like the scales of a fish.
Your skin tastes like the Salt,
It is the color of a fine rum.
The touch of your hands is rough;
Like the planks of a well used ship deck.
Written By Regla
July 16, 2017, 3:50 p.m.(11/7/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Ian
I know what it's like not being able to have what you want. Although, under different circumstances. Very, very, very different circumstances. I just...I don't know how you can accept that this is the way things will be. Forever.
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