Written By Ian
Jan. 18, 2024, 5:17 p.m.(8/1/1021 AR)
In Vellichor's name, this is my deepest, longest kept secret. I've kept it from my family, my friends. I've kept it from my brothers. For almost twenty years. I air it now, here, and pledge to speak it plainly from this day forward. I won't have this moment from my life strengthen our enemy.
After I fell, when I was seventeen, while I lay strapped to a wooden board, fighting to breathe, after the doctors had told me that my legs would never work again, my mother came in during a lull between doctors and nurses and servants. While we were alone, she told me that I ought to have had the good sense to die on that ship.
She was right. I didn't have the good sense to die. Not then, not after being attacked by the Mor'ral in the north, or stepped on by the gargantuan, or sliced open by the demon outside of Bastion, or while crossing the threshold. Not in battles. Not in storms. Not in shardhavens.
Mothers know their children. I've never had the good sense to die when I ought.
After I fell, when I was seventeen, while I lay strapped to a wooden board, fighting to breathe, after the doctors had told me that my legs would never work again, my mother came in during a lull between doctors and nurses and servants. While we were alone, she told me that I ought to have had the good sense to die on that ship.
She was right. I didn't have the good sense to die. Not then, not after being attacked by the Mor'ral in the north, or stepped on by the gargantuan, or sliced open by the demon outside of Bastion, or while crossing the threshold. Not in battles. Not in storms. Not in shardhavens.
Mothers know their children. I've never had the good sense to die when I ought.
Written By Ian
Nov. 28, 2021, 9:44 p.m.(8/25/1016 AR)
Relationship Note on Valencia
I came to Arx during a rough time for House Thrax. I didn't understand it. I didn't know about the bridges that had been burnt. All I knew was that people left the room when I came in, and other people told me straight to my face that they wouldn't interact with me at all because I was an Islesman and they didn't socialize with my ilk. I was pretty lost at the time, and stood to lose myself more, the way things were going.
Valencia Velenosa not only reached out to me in a way that no one else did, she used her social pull to insist that people interact with me, and when I'd mess up, which anyone who knows me knows that I do, she'd smooth things over. She grabbed Arx by the shirt and all but ordered it to give me a chance, and her doing that probably saved me from sinking to become someone who I'd be ashamed to meet, now.
I don't know what's been going on over in the Lyceum ward, I doubt I'd understand if I did, and honestly, I don't care. Valencia was a friend when I needed one, and I know I'm not the only one for whom that's true.
Valencia Velenosa not only reached out to me in a way that no one else did, she used her social pull to insist that people interact with me, and when I'd mess up, which anyone who knows me knows that I do, she'd smooth things over. She grabbed Arx by the shirt and all but ordered it to give me a chance, and her doing that probably saved me from sinking to become someone who I'd be ashamed to meet, now.
I don't know what's been going on over in the Lyceum ward, I doubt I'd understand if I did, and honestly, I don't care. Valencia was a friend when I needed one, and I know I'm not the only one for whom that's true.
Written By Ian
Aug. 27, 2021, 6:29 p.m.(2/7/1016 AR)
Relationship Note on Rosalind
I don't like writing these, but I feel like a great wrong has been done, and this is the only way I know to even try to put it right.
Lady Rosalind Ravenseye was with me in Bastion when it was attacked. I asked for a volunteer for a course of action that was almost certain suicide, but that would buy a lot of people the chance to get away, and she didn't hesitate. The people who were with us at the harbor can corroborate this. She was ready and willing to buy the lives of strangers with her own.
House Ravenseye bears no responsibility for the attack on Bastion, any more than House Kennex bears responsibility for Ivan Helianthus' heresy. I'm disappointed that this is even something that needs to be said.
Lady Rosalind Ravenseye was with me in Bastion when it was attacked. I asked for a volunteer for a course of action that was almost certain suicide, but that would buy a lot of people the chance to get away, and she didn't hesitate. The people who were with us at the harbor can corroborate this. She was ready and willing to buy the lives of strangers with her own.
House Ravenseye bears no responsibility for the attack on Bastion, any more than House Kennex bears responsibility for Ivan Helianthus' heresy. I'm disappointed that this is even something that needs to be said.
Written By Ian
Aug. 21, 2021, 11:52 p.m.(1/23/1016 AR)
I'm not dead. I'm told that the way I looked coming back into town, this is something that needed to be said.
Written By Ian
July 26, 2021, 4:18 a.m.(11/26/1015 AR)
I don't usually do this, but here we are.
I was at the Crown district yesterday. I was stabbed through the shoulder while five of us were trying to get Whispers to safety. Nobody in their right mind would mistake the source of that injury for a Prodigal.
I was at the Crown district yesterday. I was stabbed through the shoulder while five of us were trying to get Whispers to safety. Nobody in their right mind would mistake the source of that injury for a Prodigal.
Written By Ian
June 12, 2020, 5:39 p.m.(6/18/1013 AR)
I don't do this often, but I want to clear something up.
When Ivan Helianthus and the rebels talk about the 'traditions' of the Mourning Isles, they mean thralldom.
I know that mainlanders think the Mourning Isles are just about sailing and thralldom, but there's a lot more to having salt in your blood than that.
This isn't about vassals' rights, or preserving our proud heritage, or honoring our grandfathers and great-grandfathers who fought in some war, or remembering our history, or protecting an idealized way of life. It's about thralls.
So let's just call it what it is.
When Ivan Helianthus and the rebels talk about the 'traditions' of the Mourning Isles, they mean thralldom.
I know that mainlanders think the Mourning Isles are just about sailing and thralldom, but there's a lot more to having salt in your blood than that.
This isn't about vassals' rights, or preserving our proud heritage, or honoring our grandfathers and great-grandfathers who fought in some war, or remembering our history, or protecting an idealized way of life. It's about thralls.
So let's just call it what it is.
Written By Ian
May 11, 2020, 5:47 p.m.(4/10/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Rysen
Neither Lord Rysen, nor Lady Brianna, nor myself have said a lot about what happened during the weeks that we were held captive by the white raven clan. I know a lot of it is stuff I don't want my family thinking about. But sometimes stories have value in the telling.
Lady Brianna was knocked unconscious soon after the fight started. She'd chosen to defend an area of the pass some distance away from the rest of us, and there was a wall of very angry shavs between us and her when she fell. I made an attempt to get to her, but I gave up on thinking it was possible. We were being overrun, and we were losing our window to get away. Lord Rysen, however, wouldn't leave her, and even though I did my all trying to defend him, he got pretty beat up in the act of dragging her out of the mob.
He plunged into a mob of angry shavs and let them beat on him while he dragged Lady Brianna to safety.
We both pretty soon realized that we were too beat up to carry her, and we were right at the point where our window to get away was closing. But Lord Rysen wouldn't leave Lady Brianna, even then. Neither of us knew at the time that we would be captured. Those shavs damned well looked like they wanted us in pieces. Lord Rysen chose to die rather than abandon Lady Brianna. It's because of him and only him that she's not dead on a hill somewhere, trampled into the mud. If it had been up to me and only me, I would have weighted the options logically and left her.
I'm glad it wasn't up to me.
In Prince Donrai's Thrax, such an act of self-sacrifice would only mark Lord Rysen as a fool, but I'd like to believe that the Isles aren't under the sway of Prince Donrai's values anymore, and the choice to sacrifice yourself protecting another isn't just foolishness for us, now.
Lady Brianna was knocked unconscious soon after the fight started. She'd chosen to defend an area of the pass some distance away from the rest of us, and there was a wall of very angry shavs between us and her when she fell. I made an attempt to get to her, but I gave up on thinking it was possible. We were being overrun, and we were losing our window to get away. Lord Rysen, however, wouldn't leave her, and even though I did my all trying to defend him, he got pretty beat up in the act of dragging her out of the mob.
He plunged into a mob of angry shavs and let them beat on him while he dragged Lady Brianna to safety.
We both pretty soon realized that we were too beat up to carry her, and we were right at the point where our window to get away was closing. But Lord Rysen wouldn't leave Lady Brianna, even then. Neither of us knew at the time that we would be captured. Those shavs damned well looked like they wanted us in pieces. Lord Rysen chose to die rather than abandon Lady Brianna. It's because of him and only him that she's not dead on a hill somewhere, trampled into the mud. If it had been up to me and only me, I would have weighted the options logically and left her.
I'm glad it wasn't up to me.
In Prince Donrai's Thrax, such an act of self-sacrifice would only mark Lord Rysen as a fool, but I'd like to believe that the Isles aren't under the sway of Prince Donrai's values anymore, and the choice to sacrifice yourself protecting another isn't just foolishness for us, now.
Written By Ian
April 29, 2020, 11:47 p.m.(3/15/1013 AR)
The whirlpool in the harbor has me thinking about the last time Aethan and I went to Maelstrom. We were damned near wrecked and drowned by a storm that hit us on the way in. I saw things in that storm that I'll never unsee.
I'm sure there's a lot that I'm missing -- there usually is -- but the path forward isn't as clear as has been claimed. The path isn't even clear out of the harbor.
But who knows. Maybe I get another cryptic note.
I'm sure there's a lot that I'm missing -- there usually is -- but the path forward isn't as clear as has been claimed. The path isn't even clear out of the harbor.
But who knows. Maybe I get another cryptic note.
Written By Ian
Aug. 11, 2019, 1:33 p.m.(8/18/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Arn
I'm not good at these, but some things have to be done even when someone's not good at them.
After I got hurt, a lot of people had suggestions for what I should do to get better. They were all, with one exception, the same handful of suggestions, none of them helpful, all of them false hope. I'd gotten so I didn't want to hear them anymore.
The one exception was Duke Arn. He was the one who put me on the path to where I am now. He was a busy man. I wasn't even in his fealty. He had no duty to me. But he gave me his time and attention, anyway.
Duke Arn was a hard man, and a hard teacher, but not because he was cruel or enjoyed making me suffer. He was a hard teacher because he believed I could do better than I was doing, and he was willing to show me how. I think he was that way for a lot of people, but I'm not sure that many understood where it was coming from, the demands he made and the compromises and excuses he wasn't willing to tolerate
I owe him a debt that I'll never be able to repay, but I hope the gods give me a chance, on the next turn of the wheel, to try.
After I got hurt, a lot of people had suggestions for what I should do to get better. They were all, with one exception, the same handful of suggestions, none of them helpful, all of them false hope. I'd gotten so I didn't want to hear them anymore.
The one exception was Duke Arn. He was the one who put me on the path to where I am now. He was a busy man. I wasn't even in his fealty. He had no duty to me. But he gave me his time and attention, anyway.
Duke Arn was a hard man, and a hard teacher, but not because he was cruel or enjoyed making me suffer. He was a hard teacher because he believed I could do better than I was doing, and he was willing to show me how. I think he was that way for a lot of people, but I'm not sure that many understood where it was coming from, the demands he made and the compromises and excuses he wasn't willing to tolerate
I owe him a debt that I'll never be able to repay, but I hope the gods give me a chance, on the next turn of the wheel, to try.
Written By Ian
June 8, 2019, 4:52 p.m.(4/2/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Braden
I was sorry to hear about this. Maybe next turn of the wheel we get time for more than just the one spar.
Written By Ian
March 22, 2019, 3:18 p.m.(10/14/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Gailin
Oh. Um.
I guess you never really know a person.
I guess you never really know a person.
Written By Ian
March 17, 2019, 2:32 p.m.(10/4/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Ford
I guess I should say something about the Marquis.
I won't mourn him the way some will. He was a complicated man, and I saw a lot of sides of him. I know I have friends who'll be happy to hear that he's gone. I hope they'll remember the message his death was intended to send. This was revenge against my House for proving that the Isles can function without thralls. That by setting them free, we'll also untie our own hands.
Anyone who knows me, who knows my brothers or Lady Jan or the Marquis' siblings knows that for better or for worse, there's a stubborn streak that runs through Kennex blood. We're not going away.
Keep pushing. See what happens.
I won't mourn him the way some will. He was a complicated man, and I saw a lot of sides of him. I know I have friends who'll be happy to hear that he's gone. I hope they'll remember the message his death was intended to send. This was revenge against my House for proving that the Isles can function without thralls. That by setting them free, we'll also untie our own hands.
Anyone who knows me, who knows my brothers or Lady Jan or the Marquis' siblings knows that for better or for worse, there's a stubborn streak that runs through Kennex blood. We're not going away.
Keep pushing. See what happens.
Written By Ian
Feb. 3, 2019, 3:06 p.m.(7/4/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Aleksei
I don't know about a lot of the stuff you wrote about, but I do know this: People suffered. People died. A lot of them were ex-thralls.
This isn't gossip. I was there.
It happened before everyone got their resources together, in the first wave of chaos following the release. Some died in riots, some in mutinies. Some were turned out onto the street with nothing by people who had no motivation to care for them anymore. Most of that last group were kids.
Clearer heads than mine probably know how it's best to go on with the thrall thing. I have my opinions, but I'm not sure they amount to much. But if you don't factor into your choice that people are going to suffer, and people are going to die, and a lot of them will be ex-thralls, you're going to wind up sacrificing a lot more lives for your cause than you intend. None of these people will get to make a choice about whether they think freedom is worth dying for. That choice will be made for them.
What's the acceptable level of collateral damage? I don't know. There are no easy answers, and I'm glad these aren't choices I'm going to have to make.
I don't like posting to the whites, but I figured this had to be said.
This isn't gossip. I was there.
It happened before everyone got their resources together, in the first wave of chaos following the release. Some died in riots, some in mutinies. Some were turned out onto the street with nothing by people who had no motivation to care for them anymore. Most of that last group were kids.
Clearer heads than mine probably know how it's best to go on with the thrall thing. I have my opinions, but I'm not sure they amount to much. But if you don't factor into your choice that people are going to suffer, and people are going to die, and a lot of them will be ex-thralls, you're going to wind up sacrificing a lot more lives for your cause than you intend. None of these people will get to make a choice about whether they think freedom is worth dying for. That choice will be made for them.
What's the acceptable level of collateral damage? I don't know. There are no easy answers, and I'm glad these aren't choices I'm going to have to make.
I don't like posting to the whites, but I figured this had to be said.
Written By Ian
Aug. 22, 2018, 9:16 p.m.(6/11/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Anton
So my cousin Anton is dead. With his parents dead, I'm not sure many people aside from my brothers and myself knew him all that well. He sailed with us for a few months, back in the day. One of the people sent to Aethan to learn to sail. Anton never really liked sailing. He liked buildings.
First time we were in port after he joined us, we all went out to tour the local taverns and bars. We woke up the next day, looked around, and realized Anton was gone. We'd lost him over the course of the night. We thought back and realized the last anyone had remembered seeing him was when we passed by the mansion belonging to the island's governor, so we went back there.
Sure enough, there he was, wedged into an alcove, still passed out, with an empty bottle of rum and his sketchbook. Porter had to carry him back, his legs were so cramped. Drunk as he was, the drawing looked like the mansion.
I never got what he saw in buildings, but I know what it is to be called by something. Anyway, I still have the sketchbook. Not really sure what to do with it.
First time we were in port after he joined us, we all went out to tour the local taverns and bars. We woke up the next day, looked around, and realized Anton was gone. We'd lost him over the course of the night. We thought back and realized the last anyone had remembered seeing him was when we passed by the mansion belonging to the island's governor, so we went back there.
Sure enough, there he was, wedged into an alcove, still passed out, with an empty bottle of rum and his sketchbook. Porter had to carry him back, his legs were so cramped. Drunk as he was, the drawing looked like the mansion.
I never got what he saw in buildings, but I know what it is to be called by something. Anyway, I still have the sketchbook. Not really sure what to do with it.
Written By Ian
March 21, 2018, 12:29 a.m.(5/24/1008 AR)
Forwarded from Setarco.
I'm not dead.
Messengers aren't practical, so I hope this will do.
I'm not dead.
Messengers aren't practical, so I hope this will do.
Written By Ian
Sept. 22, 2017, 12:14 a.m.(4/5/1007 AR)
I have been ordered to go to Maelstrom to fight. This seems like the simplest way to tell those I know in Arx.
Written By Ian
July 16, 2017, 3:48 p.m.(11/7/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Ford
I know he doesn't approve of me, but I'm not sure how to change that.
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