Written By Eleyna
Nov. 16, 2018, 1:34 p.m.(1/3/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Audric
What do you do after you get vengeance? What do you do when you avenge their death but they are still -gone-?
Yes, I know the tired refrain to keep living day by day. I've repeated that tired refrain often over the past couple of years to friends and family as we have watched those we love torn from our lives.
It's not enough.
Yes, I know the tired refrain to keep living day by day. I've repeated that tired refrain often over the past couple of years to friends and family as we have watched those we love torn from our lives.
It's not enough.
Written By Eleyna
Nov. 3, 2018, 1:53 p.m.(12/5/1009 AR)
Do my virtues outnumber my vices?
It's a question that haunts me.
I've never bothered to keep a tally. It never seemed to matter so much before.
It's a question that haunts me.
I've never bothered to keep a tally. It never seemed to matter so much before.
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 23, 2018, 4:12 p.m.(11/11/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Joscelin
What will you do?
You will hurt. You will breathe.
You will take a breath. It will hurt more than any other breath that you've taken before.
Then you will take another. Even when it is agony. Even when it feels like you can't breathe. That breathing feels -wrong- because -they can't-.
You will keep hurting and breathing, even when you don't want to, because there are people left that love you and need you. That are counting on you to keep breathing.
You will breathe and hurt for what seems like an eternity. At first, breathing and hurting will seem like all you are capable of.
Life carries on around you while you are busy hurting and breathing. You will have children to raise and artists to nurture and a home to keep. There will come a day where you forget to hurt for a few moments as you get wrapped up in the life that has been left behind. Then, you will remember again and this time, hurting and breathing comes with a heaping helping of guilt because how could you have forgotten to grieve even for a moment?
Time will pass. You will hurt and breathe and talk about it less because you start to understand that the grief of others likely faded long ago. You will begin to notice that your own grief has even faded in color and frayed, no longer as vivid and sharp as it once was.
The moments that you can breathe without hurting will come more frequently. Eventually, the hurting days will be even fewer and far between. Life has a funny way of dulling the edges of even the most painful things.
What will you do?
You will hurt. You will breathe. You will carry on.
You will live.
You will hurt. You will breathe.
You will take a breath. It will hurt more than any other breath that you've taken before.
Then you will take another. Even when it is agony. Even when it feels like you can't breathe. That breathing feels -wrong- because -they can't-.
You will keep hurting and breathing, even when you don't want to, because there are people left that love you and need you. That are counting on you to keep breathing.
You will breathe and hurt for what seems like an eternity. At first, breathing and hurting will seem like all you are capable of.
Life carries on around you while you are busy hurting and breathing. You will have children to raise and artists to nurture and a home to keep. There will come a day where you forget to hurt for a few moments as you get wrapped up in the life that has been left behind. Then, you will remember again and this time, hurting and breathing comes with a heaping helping of guilt because how could you have forgotten to grieve even for a moment?
Time will pass. You will hurt and breathe and talk about it less because you start to understand that the grief of others likely faded long ago. You will begin to notice that your own grief has even faded in color and frayed, no longer as vivid and sharp as it once was.
The moments that you can breathe without hurting will come more frequently. Eventually, the hurting days will be even fewer and far between. Life has a funny way of dulling the edges of even the most painful things.
What will you do?
You will hurt. You will breathe. You will carry on.
You will live.
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 19, 2018, 8:57 p.m.(10/22/1009 AR)
While her elder brother and sisters decided to take their sweet time in making their appearance, Princess Leonora was evidently done waiting and decided to make her very sudden and unexpected entrance about a month before the midwives predicted her arrival. Two hours from the first pain, she was born with a full head of dark head and screaming her little face off. Her brother Donato is fascinated with her. Adria and Lucia are much less impressed. Of all our children, Leonora most resembles her father in both looks and temperament thus far.
May the Gods help us all.
May the Gods help us all.
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 15, 2018, 6:23 p.m.(10/14/1009 AR)
I received a gift this week. An image of Serafine, carved amethyst. The likeness was breath-taking.
I get through most of my days forgetting that I'm never going to see her living face again. Hear her laugh. See that impish twinkle in her eyes as she was about to do something that would drive me insane.
Then I remember everything I miss and I'm left thinking of the nightmare of her final moments. She should have died an old woman in her bed, cackling over her past adventures. Not like she did. No one should die like that.
For her, I've sought to turn the endless guilt I feel over her death into a promise to spare others from it. For myself, I cling to the guilt because I don't want to forget it. I don't want to forget *her*.
I put the brooch in the gallery with the other portraits of our family.
The world will always be darker without you, sister.
I get through most of my days forgetting that I'm never going to see her living face again. Hear her laugh. See that impish twinkle in her eyes as she was about to do something that would drive me insane.
Then I remember everything I miss and I'm left thinking of the nightmare of her final moments. She should have died an old woman in her bed, cackling over her past adventures. Not like she did. No one should die like that.
For her, I've sought to turn the endless guilt I feel over her death into a promise to spare others from it. For myself, I cling to the guilt because I don't want to forget it. I don't want to forget *her*.
I put the brooch in the gallery with the other portraits of our family.
The world will always be darker without you, sister.
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 2, 2018, 4:35 p.m.(9/16/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Reigna
A courtesy title? My brother was born a Prince and is currently my Voice. That's hardly just a 'courtesy'. Is your position as Voice of Keaton also a courtesy title given you by your husband?
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 2, 2018, 3:55 p.m.(9/16/1009 AR)
The implication that commoners are unable to be as honorable and self-sacrificing as you claim is the epitome of nobility is right there in your words. Thus, implying that you believe that commoners are generally unfit to rule. Unless they are your friend as you so corrected in the very next entry. Then they definitely deserve all the honors and titles bestowed upon them.
Yours words, Marquessa. Not mine.
I don't doubt that Baron Norwood exemplifies the traits needed to be a good member of the Peerage. In general, I believe that some commoners are just as willing and able to commit to the sacrifice needed to be a noble. Just like some born to nobility are utterly unwilling to commit to the same. It's almost like people are individuals that can hold any number of traits and that honor isn't the exclusive domain of nobility. What an odd concept.
Yours words, Marquessa. Not mine.
I don't doubt that Baron Norwood exemplifies the traits needed to be a good member of the Peerage. In general, I believe that some commoners are just as willing and able to commit to the sacrifice needed to be a noble. Just like some born to nobility are utterly unwilling to commit to the same. It's almost like people are individuals that can hold any number of traits and that honor isn't the exclusive domain of nobility. What an odd concept.
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 2, 2018, 3:23 p.m.(9/16/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Reigna
For the record, I am not well-acquainted with Baron Norwood but I have not said once that he didn't deserve his elevation. In fact, given all that has been said of him, I am quite sure that he is an honorable addition to the Peerage. I wouldn't because I refrain on making sweeping judgements as well as casting doubt on the decisions of my peers without knowing the circumstances at play.
But when one goes on, at length, regarding how commoners are utterly unfit for the nobility but then also make an exception for one's friend, well, I don't need to cast aspersions on your integrity. Your words themselves do them.
Perhaps, it might be more prudent to, as you yourself have done in regard to Baron Norwood, take each ennoblement on a case by case basis and judge it on the facts involved. That tends to make one look more even in their opinions and less biased.
But when one goes on, at length, regarding how commoners are utterly unfit for the nobility but then also make an exception for one's friend, well, I don't need to cast aspersions on your integrity. Your words themselves do them.
Perhaps, it might be more prudent to, as you yourself have done in regard to Baron Norwood, take each ennoblement on a case by case basis and judge it on the facts involved. That tends to make one look more even in their opinions and less biased.
Written By Eleyna
Oct. 2, 2018, 1:48 p.m.(9/16/1009 AR)
It amuses me how people always make exceptions to their 'strongly held beliefs' for their friends.
Written By Eleyna
Sept. 26, 2018, 8:43 p.m.(9/4/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Silvio
My cousin's entry regarding breakfast proves that he's not only stylish, but also wise.
Written By Eleyna
Sept. 16, 2018, 11:46 p.m.(8/13/1009 AR)
The past couple weeks have brought a new nephew and a new great-niece (yes, a great-niece) into my life.
Life goes on. The Wheel still turns. The Lyceum grows and so does my family.
It is enough.
Life goes on. The Wheel still turns. The Lyceum grows and so does my family.
It is enough.
Written By Eleyna
Sept. 13, 2018, 7:05 p.m.(8/4/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Jaenelle
Gordon is certainly bound to have many, many cousins. Thirteen, hopefully.
Written By Eleyna
Sept. 12, 2018, 8:26 p.m.(8/2/1009 AR)
I have a brother and a sister. I found Ettore a couple of years ago after a lifetime of wondering who he was and who he might have been had he been allowed to stay with me. It's still a process of getting to know each other, yet, maybe because of the blood that exists between us, I trust my brother implicitly. He knows my mind and, I think, I know his. We don't have the sort of bond created by years spent together in childhood. We share no memories like that. The gulf that lies between us sometimes feels like a tragedy, yet... we both still work to bridge it as we can.
Then Serafine... I lost her once, when she disappeared into the forest for a decade. I only had her back for a short time and now she is lost again. But, this time, she isn't coming back. A year later, it still feels like a rude reminder every time I remember that she's no longer here with me to play the wild, spontaneous foil to everything I am. Instead, her lack is an empty space that nothing fills. I regret that I did not tell her enough what she meant to me while she was around to be told. I regret that I spent so many years playing pretend that I did not care for her to keep her safe from our father. I have so many regrets and now, it is too late to do anything about them.
There are happy stories, of course, but, since Setarco, it all seems overshadowed by guilt.
Then Serafine... I lost her once, when she disappeared into the forest for a decade. I only had her back for a short time and now she is lost again. But, this time, she isn't coming back. A year later, it still feels like a rude reminder every time I remember that she's no longer here with me to play the wild, spontaneous foil to everything I am. Instead, her lack is an empty space that nothing fills. I regret that I did not tell her enough what she meant to me while she was around to be told. I regret that I spent so many years playing pretend that I did not care for her to keep her safe from our father. I have so many regrets and now, it is too late to do anything about them.
There are happy stories, of course, but, since Setarco, it all seems overshadowed by guilt.
Written By Eleyna
Sept. 9, 2018, 9 p.m.(7/24/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Ilinca
From our first meeting in Iasu, when I was trying to convince her family as to the virtues of once again joining the Compact, I've quite liked Ilinca. She seems refreshingly forthright, yet not in a way that seems to be judging those around her for not being so. It's a very Lycene way of being an honest person without being an asshole about it.
Written By Eleyna
Sept. 9, 2018, 8:57 p.m.(7/24/1009 AR)
Now that I no longer feel dizzy every time I stand up, it seems life is slightly more bearable and I can get back to work. There is always more work to get back to, whether it is in the office, in the lab, or elsewhere in the city. Sometimes, I think my hands are permanently curved into shape around a quill.
Written By Eleyna
Aug. 23, 2018, 10:40 a.m.(6/12/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Berenice
The first time I met with her in Arx, she took my breath away. Not just because she is beautiful, though she is. Not just because she's confident, though she -definitely- is. It was that when I looked at her, it was like seeing the ghost of someone I once very much loved.
It's not in the way she looks. It's in the way she carries herself. The way those eyes can shift from sultry to wicked to friendly to bemused in the space of a heartbeat. The way that she can command a room with a smile and a lift of an eyebrow. The way she can wear a dress like it is a second skin without a trace of discomfort or awkwardness.
I wonder if she realizes how much she resembles Esera in those moments. The Esera that I remember when we were girls together. Wicked, funny, charming, but with an edge that made you hold your breath if you happened to upset her in any given moment. The Esera that was before she assumed the mantle of power and had to temper that tempestuous Lycene streak with gravity.
Of course, there are differences. No one could ever be Esera in her entirety and I think Berenice is just as unique in her own ways. But the memory is there. Perhaps it should make me miss Esera more, but, quite to the contrary, it just makes me very glad that Berenice is here.
It's not in the way she looks. It's in the way she carries herself. The way those eyes can shift from sultry to wicked to friendly to bemused in the space of a heartbeat. The way that she can command a room with a smile and a lift of an eyebrow. The way she can wear a dress like it is a second skin without a trace of discomfort or awkwardness.
I wonder if she realizes how much she resembles Esera in those moments. The Esera that I remember when we were girls together. Wicked, funny, charming, but with an edge that made you hold your breath if you happened to upset her in any given moment. The Esera that was before she assumed the mantle of power and had to temper that tempestuous Lycene streak with gravity.
Of course, there are differences. No one could ever be Esera in her entirety and I think Berenice is just as unique in her own ways. But the memory is there. Perhaps it should make me miss Esera more, but, quite to the contrary, it just makes me very glad that Berenice is here.
Written By Eleyna
Aug. 20, 2018, 5:26 p.m.(6/7/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Leona
The choice was to continue to walk the difficult path along the strand between the impenetrable forest and the sheer cliffs, watching every step to avoid wandering too far in either direction.
When the choices seem to narrow down so that it felt easier to just jump off the cliff and into the dark sea, your hand was at my collar to pull me away from the cliff's edge and set me back on the path.
I have a feeling this is not the first time we've done this.
When the choices seem to narrow down so that it felt easier to just jump off the cliff and into the dark sea, your hand was at my collar to pull me away from the cliff's edge and set me back on the path.
I have a feeling this is not the first time we've done this.
Written By Eleyna
Aug. 19, 2018, 7:39 p.m.(6/5/1009 AR)
The Gala was indeed lovely. I didn't have a chance to dance, but I did get to participate in a contest which was great fun. It's too bad that the very smell of wine makes me sick these days else I would have been in heaven with all the vintages on offer. Conversations left me with many questions, but those are often the best kind. The only downside was that I didn't get a chance to dance. I do so love to and opportunity for it is rarer and rarer these days.
Written By Eleyna
Aug. 14, 2018, 11:15 a.m.(5/23/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Serafine
Gods, I miss you.
Written By Eleyna
Aug. 5, 2018, 11:16 p.m.(5/1/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Zoey
Some artists work in metal and gems. Some artists work in paints and canvas.
This artists works in silk and thread.
I am honored to name Lady Zoey Kennex as the winner of the inaugural 'Dress the Archduchess' competition. She has truly been blessed by Jayus.
This artists works in silk and thread.
I am honored to name Lady Zoey Kennex as the winner of the inaugural 'Dress the Archduchess' competition. She has truly been blessed by Jayus.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.