Written By Cambria
Jan. 26, 2024, 12:18 a.m.(8/15/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Miranda
Your heroics on the field of battle were, quite simply, the stuff of legends. Even from my vantage point, I was able to see some of what you accomplished as that mockery of our sigil sought to break the Gate of the Sea. It was hard fought, and I feared that it would succeed in its grim task and allow countless monstrosities to pour through. Yet you never relented, even in the face (faces...) of such terror.
More, you did what anyone else would call the impossible. You slew that creature, you defended our home, and you did not allow them to break through that gate.
You are an inspiration to us all, and your feats of bravery should never be forgotten. You are a hero to so many! Though our days are uncertain, it is my wish that you should live a long life - with Marzio, your children, and all of your family and friends.
More, you did what anyone else would call the impossible. You slew that creature, you defended our home, and you did not allow them to break through that gate.
You are an inspiration to us all, and your feats of bravery should never be forgotten. You are a hero to so many! Though our days are uncertain, it is my wish that you should live a long life - with Marzio, your children, and all of your family and friends.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 25, 2024, 11:53 p.m.(8/15/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Theron
Theron, I heard what happened. Of course I did - Garibaldi told me. I refuse to believe it was just because it was a very large boulder, or that it was a particularly ferocious demon. You know that I know that you know that I know that you know.
There are darker days yet to come, and you shall be needed by my side.
I always have needed you by my side, though, and you know that. There were moments in your life where I knew you had deeply desired to explore other paths, but that it was I who stopped you from doing so. I don't regret it, not a single instance of it. The life you created, the family you built that will (we hope) carry our legacy into the future was always rooted in Ostria.
This is why you bear Allegiance.
There are darker days yet to come, and you shall be needed by my side.
I always have needed you by my side, though, and you know that. There were moments in your life where I knew you had deeply desired to explore other paths, but that it was I who stopped you from doing so. I don't regret it, not a single instance of it. The life you created, the family you built that will (we hope) carry our legacy into the future was always rooted in Ostria.
This is why you bear Allegiance.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 25, 2024, 11:44 p.m.(8/15/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Marzio
For years we had worked to achieve a cavalry worth the name. We always knew that dark days were ahead, though I doubt we quite realize just how bad things would become. It is only too easy to say, if only we had more time, if only we had more silver, if only we had more steel, if only we had more silver, if only...
The Thousand shall ever be a point of pride for me, as I know they surely must be for you. The people that you and the Thousand were able to escort safely on their way in the days leading up to the assault on our walls are the precious people of Ostria, and other refugees making their way to Arx besides, and there can be no understating just how vitally important that task was.
Amidst the walls of our city, you took the unenviable task of assembling within the Outer Round - a place certainly not best suited to the cavalry!
You could not have seen it, but my heart swelled with such fierce joy as I saw you at their forefront, as I heard the beating of the shields until that sound drowned out all else for one sublime moment.
In the chaos of battle that followed, while I was not able to follow your exact movements, I witnessed from on high the true might of our people and I knew that you were leading them. I never doubted for a moment that you had fallen, and this gave me more heart than you can imagine.
In the days to come, you shall be needed more than ever.
The Thousand shall ever be a point of pride for me, as I know they surely must be for you. The people that you and the Thousand were able to escort safely on their way in the days leading up to the assault on our walls are the precious people of Ostria, and other refugees making their way to Arx besides, and there can be no understating just how vitally important that task was.
Amidst the walls of our city, you took the unenviable task of assembling within the Outer Round - a place certainly not best suited to the cavalry!
You could not have seen it, but my heart swelled with such fierce joy as I saw you at their forefront, as I heard the beating of the shields until that sound drowned out all else for one sublime moment.
In the chaos of battle that followed, while I was not able to follow your exact movements, I witnessed from on high the true might of our people and I knew that you were leading them. I never doubted for a moment that you had fallen, and this gave me more heart than you can imagine.
In the days to come, you shall be needed more than ever.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 24, 2024, 10:12 p.m.(8/13/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Reese
I am not sure I shall ever be able to thank you enough for what you did for my House, and the people of Ostria. Among those I count as instrumental to our survival, your name shines brightly. If anyone has ever needed proof that you are a hero most deeply despised by our enemy, then I stand as witness to the constant onslaught you suffered against the worst of monstrosities. They came against you without surcease, and you did not falter. I watched your sword arm cut them down as though guided by Gloria herself. I saw you suffer blows that caused my heart to leap into my throat, and still you did not fall.
In that one fateful moment, when it appeared as though they would overwhelm you through sheer numbers alone, it was my honor to be able to be at your side quickly enough in order to pull you back to your feet.
Fighting beside you has been one of my greatest privileges. However long my days are numbered, you can rely on me to remain a steadfast ally and friend, and source of support, as you were for us. The hope that you inspired among my people when they saw you upon the battlements cannot be readily expressed in words. It was something that could only be felt.
May you always be remembered as the great soul that you are.
In that one fateful moment, when it appeared as though they would overwhelm you through sheer numbers alone, it was my honor to be able to be at your side quickly enough in order to pull you back to your feet.
Fighting beside you has been one of my greatest privileges. However long my days are numbered, you can rely on me to remain a steadfast ally and friend, and source of support, as you were for us. The hope that you inspired among my people when they saw you upon the battlements cannot be readily expressed in words. It was something that could only be felt.
May you always be remembered as the great soul that you are.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 23, 2024, 10:49 p.m.(8/11/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Hadrian
It has ever been my habit to keep my most personal thoughts, especially those colored by emotion within my Black Reflections, but I submit this to the Whites today in the foolish, perhaps selfish desire for my posterity to know that despite everything, I too am a mortal woman with a heart that can bleed, and eyes that can shed bitter tears.
It matters not to me that I am not the only one to suffer loss. I know that there are so many out there who are hurting just as deeply. But grief isolates, it does not unite.
For a glorious moment, I had nearly everything I had ever dreamed of: a real, live dragon to call a friend and ally, who let me soar through the sky upon his back as he rained fiery death upon our foes. I tasted Ambrosia and became mighty. And you were there with me, with one of the First Children! She was beyond my imaginings as a child, and yet so majestic, so terrible. I am not sure they understood why I would weep for the death of either of them, when I told them I was glad the world had not lost them, but then who can fathom the mind of a near infinite being?
I did not believe you were dead at first. In fact, I was quite determined to believe that you were only missing, not yet to be found; that at any moment you would stride through those gathered and announce yourself with a laugh, that familiar gleam in your eye. Even now, I wish it were only that you were missing. I wish Winifred had not stood over you, and guarded you - what remained of you - as the battle came to its close, and I wish that she had not made me know the truth of it.
Knowledge is a cold comfort.
It is not just that I never imagined that you would die before me, but that even in my worst nightmares I never imagined there would be so little left of you. Do you know what it's like to hug a charred corpse without a face? To be told that it's the one you have spent a lifetime devoted to? Do you know what it's like to have to leave the body of the one you love so much so that it can be prepared for a proper interment, that acrid stench in your nose? To be that hysterical before the people you should only present a strong face to? I hate that these are the last memories of you that dominate my mind.
I have never cried so much. I have never been so devastatingly heartbroken and bereft.
If I could crawl down Death's throat and pull you back from her gullet, I would. I would fucking defy gods and the idea of fate and the machinations of those who dare to think they are greater than me. Yet for all my outrageous pride and although the heart within me burns and burns like a thousand mighty stars, I am but human. Some wise bastard somewhere - the Seraph of Ostria - he once wrote something like: temper thine pride with wisdom.
So I tell myself that it's better that you are reborn, because it's true. Again, cold comfort.
Winifred appears to understand my anguish. She didn't seem to mind when I told her I hated her, too. Probably because she knows I don't, not truly. I wasn't aware a Sphynx was capable of joking, but do you know? She said I was only jealous because you died for another woman. You will be relieved to know she survived thanks to you, and that she is safe. She promised me that you shall never be forgotten, and I dare to imagine I even saw tears glitter in her own eyes. Limatusadin deigned to bow his head.
I took the children to meet her, and all the Guardians, and those who fought with us. It is both tragic and hilarious that what we had sworn to protect so long ago, to be forgotten, was a creature akin to knowledge itself. We avowed ourselves anew.
Luigi shed a tear when I told him the news, and the Ducklings - those soldiers from Southport with whom you practically grew up - were aggrieved. You shall be pleased to know that they all survived the fight, like me, and we all ask ourselves why it wasn't us in your place. The Ducklings and I, that is, not Luigi, but then nobody would expect that of him, least of all you. He said he would stay with me, if I'd let him, and of course I shall let him. If he asks me to retire and live out the rest of his days in a lavish estate in ample supply of anything a man could conceivably wish for, I'd give it to him without hesitation. The same goes for the Ducklings.
I understand your reasons, my love, but I hate that it was you who made the choice. I hate that it wasn't me. I hate that I have to live on without you. What do I do without you? Not just emotionally, but practically - who will do all the things that you did? If it were me, you would have an easier time of it, I know. You could move on, you could raise our children, you could do and be more with ease.
It won't be that easy for me. I cannot let myself be consumed by rage and grief, and throw myself at the enemy for a swift death. I cannot live on as an embittered specter growing in only venom and spite. I am a mother, and a Duchess (sometimes I think the two are really interchangeable) and I will be what my House and people need me to be.
I only wish that I could have dreamed but a little while longer with you.
It matters not to me that I am not the only one to suffer loss. I know that there are so many out there who are hurting just as deeply. But grief isolates, it does not unite.
For a glorious moment, I had nearly everything I had ever dreamed of: a real, live dragon to call a friend and ally, who let me soar through the sky upon his back as he rained fiery death upon our foes. I tasted Ambrosia and became mighty. And you were there with me, with one of the First Children! She was beyond my imaginings as a child, and yet so majestic, so terrible. I am not sure they understood why I would weep for the death of either of them, when I told them I was glad the world had not lost them, but then who can fathom the mind of a near infinite being?
I did not believe you were dead at first. In fact, I was quite determined to believe that you were only missing, not yet to be found; that at any moment you would stride through those gathered and announce yourself with a laugh, that familiar gleam in your eye. Even now, I wish it were only that you were missing. I wish Winifred had not stood over you, and guarded you - what remained of you - as the battle came to its close, and I wish that she had not made me know the truth of it.
Knowledge is a cold comfort.
It is not just that I never imagined that you would die before me, but that even in my worst nightmares I never imagined there would be so little left of you. Do you know what it's like to hug a charred corpse without a face? To be told that it's the one you have spent a lifetime devoted to? Do you know what it's like to have to leave the body of the one you love so much so that it can be prepared for a proper interment, that acrid stench in your nose? To be that hysterical before the people you should only present a strong face to? I hate that these are the last memories of you that dominate my mind.
I have never cried so much. I have never been so devastatingly heartbroken and bereft.
If I could crawl down Death's throat and pull you back from her gullet, I would. I would fucking defy gods and the idea of fate and the machinations of those who dare to think they are greater than me. Yet for all my outrageous pride and although the heart within me burns and burns like a thousand mighty stars, I am but human. Some wise bastard somewhere - the Seraph of Ostria - he once wrote something like: temper thine pride with wisdom.
So I tell myself that it's better that you are reborn, because it's true. Again, cold comfort.
Winifred appears to understand my anguish. She didn't seem to mind when I told her I hated her, too. Probably because she knows I don't, not truly. I wasn't aware a Sphynx was capable of joking, but do you know? She said I was only jealous because you died for another woman. You will be relieved to know she survived thanks to you, and that she is safe. She promised me that you shall never be forgotten, and I dare to imagine I even saw tears glitter in her own eyes. Limatusadin deigned to bow his head.
I took the children to meet her, and all the Guardians, and those who fought with us. It is both tragic and hilarious that what we had sworn to protect so long ago, to be forgotten, was a creature akin to knowledge itself. We avowed ourselves anew.
Luigi shed a tear when I told him the news, and the Ducklings - those soldiers from Southport with whom you practically grew up - were aggrieved. You shall be pleased to know that they all survived the fight, like me, and we all ask ourselves why it wasn't us in your place. The Ducklings and I, that is, not Luigi, but then nobody would expect that of him, least of all you. He said he would stay with me, if I'd let him, and of course I shall let him. If he asks me to retire and live out the rest of his days in a lavish estate in ample supply of anything a man could conceivably wish for, I'd give it to him without hesitation. The same goes for the Ducklings.
I understand your reasons, my love, but I hate that it was you who made the choice. I hate that it wasn't me. I hate that I have to live on without you. What do I do without you? Not just emotionally, but practically - who will do all the things that you did? If it were me, you would have an easier time of it, I know. You could move on, you could raise our children, you could do and be more with ease.
It won't be that easy for me. I cannot let myself be consumed by rage and grief, and throw myself at the enemy for a swift death. I cannot live on as an embittered specter growing in only venom and spite. I am a mother, and a Duchess (sometimes I think the two are really interchangeable) and I will be what my House and people need me to be.
I only wish that I could have dreamed but a little while longer with you.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 18, 2024, 1:46 a.m.(7/27/1021 AR)
In every generation there are those who can lead men to hell. There are never many, for the secrets of that kind of leadership have not been written in books. No one quite knows where the great captains come from. They appear when needed - or they do not, and homelands die
Written By Cambria
Nov. 6, 2022, 6:43 p.m.(10/25/1018 AR)
A bout of illness left me full of self-pity. The only consolation I have been able to achieve is from Hadrian bringing me books where I have asked him to focus on stories where the protagonist suffers horribly.
Written By Cambria
Oct. 2, 2022, 6:34 p.m.(6/27/1018 AR)
We are none of us very far from paranoia. If you doubt this, go into a social gathering in which people are speaking a language that you do not understand; and if, as you enter, there is an outburst of laughter, you will probably think, before you can stop yourself thinking, that they are laughing at you.
Written By Cambria
Oct. 2, 2022, 6:12 p.m.(6/27/1018 AR)
Imprecision of language means either imprecision of thought, or that the employer of such language has something to hide.
Written By Cambria
Aug. 19, 2022, 10:55 p.m.(3/23/1018 AR)
There can be only one way to gauge the success of a diplomatic initiative or doctrine. It must always result in more diplomacy. To do otherwise, to result in less diplomacy, must be regarded as a failure.
Written By Cambria
Aug. 7, 2022, 1:37 p.m.(2/27/1018 AR)
Relationship Note on Hadrian
Of course, it is only too easy to get caught up dwelling over the past, rather than simply reminiscing. You remember only the good times, or else only the bad, ignoring that life then was much as it is now - full of both. You miss out on the present, forever comparing it to what was, especially when comparing it to the fabled good old days.
Perhaps those days were better than the ones now, but that is no reason to ignore what happiness the present affords you.
I'm sorry that I have been terribly guilty of this.
Perhaps those days were better than the ones now, but that is no reason to ignore what happiness the present affords you.
I'm sorry that I have been terribly guilty of this.
Written By Cambria
Aug. 7, 2022, 1:23 p.m.(2/27/1018 AR)
Relationship Note on Victus
There are indeed times I miss the people we used to be.
Written By Cambria
Feb. 19, 2022, 12:29 p.m.(2/22/1017 AR)
Some people come to hate what their profession, or duty suggests that they should love.
Written By Cambria
Feb. 19, 2022, 11:59 a.m.(2/22/1017 AR)
When I have the time to indulge in reading just for the pleasure of it, I am always very pleased to come across heroic characters who are good without being tedious, villainy being so much more interesting to many readers, and so much more varied and dramatic, than mere goodness.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 25, 2022, 6:59 p.m.(1/1/1017 AR)
Allow me to feign shock and disbelief.
Written By Cambria
Jan. 16, 2022, 8:31 p.m.(12/11/1016 AR)
Relationship Note on Hadrian
Husband Poem #7
We had been reading about unsolved murders.
'There is no way you could bury
a body in our gardens,
and I wouldn't know it.'
The Duke declares.
'It would have to be off the manor grounds, in the woods, or in the water.'
I nod.
'Sunk to the depths or where the animals would scatter you.'
He evaluates my answer, and nods.
We discuss how we would dispose of each other.
We had been reading about unsolved murders.
'There is no way you could bury
a body in our gardens,
and I wouldn't know it.'
The Duke declares.
'It would have to be off the manor grounds, in the woods, or in the water.'
I nod.
'Sunk to the depths or where the animals would scatter you.'
He evaluates my answer, and nods.
We discuss how we would dispose of each other.
Written By Cambria
Dec. 29, 2021, 12:44 a.m.(11/1/1016 AR)
I find that 'conscience,' is a thing not unlike a club, which people take up to beat others with, but rarely - if ever - use upon themselves.
Written By Cambria
Dec. 22, 2021, 11:07 p.m.(10/17/1016 AR)
What hurts me the most is that I did not see a face among them that I knew.
But then perhaps that is a blessing.
If I was meant to see them for a reason, then I hope I shall soon discover it. Otherwise I know not why I should be witness to such things, or what I might do to help - if help is indeed sought. Life, being what it is, is often so full of mystery and unexplained happenings, that we can go our whole lives without ever having those questions answered. I suppose I should prepare to accept that I might never know, although I dearly hope that this time...
But then perhaps that is a blessing.
If I was meant to see them for a reason, then I hope I shall soon discover it. Otherwise I know not why I should be witness to such things, or what I might do to help - if help is indeed sought. Life, being what it is, is often so full of mystery and unexplained happenings, that we can go our whole lives without ever having those questions answered. I suppose I should prepare to accept that I might never know, although I dearly hope that this time...
Written By Cambria
Dec. 18, 2021, 5:46 p.m.(10/9/1016 AR)
Occasionally, I visit the cemetery in my heart, knowing that some people buried there are still alive.
I wonder, how many people have buried me too?
I wonder, how many people have buried me too?
Written By Cambria
Dec. 11, 2021, 5:08 p.m.(9/23/1016 AR)
Relationship Note on Hadrian
I think the dog is back.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.