Written By Bhandn
April 2, 2019, 4:20 a.m.(11/7/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Josephine
I really am getting more outwardly thoughtful, the more I get older. I don't think I would have ever considered this black eye to be a chastisement from Gloria, until the discussion I had with Mistress Arcuri today.
Something tells me that she and Valena would have gotten along quite well, and I can almost see the two of them bonding over stories of how one or the other gave out admonitions, or pride in their own work. My sword and my armor, and the fact that I am alive, can attest to the quality of their abilities.
At least she is willing to take the commission once I have the silver for it. That was a relief, as well as insightful. I hadn't even considered half of what she asked of me regarding it. How could I have thought only on what it would vaguely be and look like, that I did not think on the finer details?
Gods, I'm growing old.
Something tells me that she and Valena would have gotten along quite well, and I can almost see the two of them bonding over stories of how one or the other gave out admonitions, or pride in their own work. My sword and my armor, and the fact that I am alive, can attest to the quality of their abilities.
At least she is willing to take the commission once I have the silver for it. That was a relief, as well as insightful. I hadn't even considered half of what she asked of me regarding it. How could I have thought only on what it would vaguely be and look like, that I did not think on the finer details?
Gods, I'm growing old.
Written By Bhandn
March 31, 2019, 3:32 p.m.(11/4/1010 AR)
If there is one thing to be said for a Tournament, it's that one gets a very good idea of who does and does not maintain their armaments. I will be watching to see who has plenty to show to the rest of Arvum, and maybe showing a little myself even though I don't intend to do more than observe proceedings.
Although, I wonder if anyone will try to be coy and flout the restriction imposed on the Grand Melee. That would be rather embarrassing, would it not? I wonder if I will even have time to read about such thoughts afterward. Pellichor knows I have plenty of reading as it is.
In writing this, I've come to realize I have a touch of regret for my decision. I think recent events have spurred this particular thought on, but if there is one thing that I've come to learn over the years, it's that consistency begets certainty, and trust. I can trust myself with this, at least. Plus, I can't wait for the inevitable fights to break out because some poor fool doesn't understand that a Grand Melee is not always a contest of alliances. Everyone is in it for themselves. It would be a terrible shame if they were sent home with more bruises earned from their idiocy than during the actual tournament.
Although, I wonder if anyone will try to be coy and flout the restriction imposed on the Grand Melee. That would be rather embarrassing, would it not? I wonder if I will even have time to read about such thoughts afterward. Pellichor knows I have plenty of reading as it is.
In writing this, I've come to realize I have a touch of regret for my decision. I think recent events have spurred this particular thought on, but if there is one thing that I've come to learn over the years, it's that consistency begets certainty, and trust. I can trust myself with this, at least. Plus, I can't wait for the inevitable fights to break out because some poor fool doesn't understand that a Grand Melee is not always a contest of alliances. Everyone is in it for themselves. It would be a terrible shame if they were sent home with more bruises earned from their idiocy than during the actual tournament.
Written By Bhandn
March 28, 2019, 4:02 p.m.(10/26/1010 AR)
The other day I had an interesting conversation with a man, and towards the end of it I found myself wondering one simple question:
Just how many children will be competing in the Grand Melee?
There are always some who think they have something to prove to the point of fault. I should know, I was one of them at one time, but if there's one thing I've learned as I've gotten older -- and admittedly, with a lot of help from a formidable woman who was always good at getting her way -- it's that I don't have anything I need prove by enlisting in a tournament.
I'm already seeing some of the signs of crying just in the gossip that crosses my ears.
I don't care who reads this and takes offense to it. If you're so frightened of skill that you can't even be bothered to try, and so instead have to pressure someone into withdrawing because you're so terrified of that person winning the whole fucking thing, it only goes to show just how undeserving you are.
It's probably for the best I'm /not/ competing, because the flat of my blade on your arse would hurt a /lot/, I will wager.
Just how many children will be competing in the Grand Melee?
There are always some who think they have something to prove to the point of fault. I should know, I was one of them at one time, but if there's one thing I've learned as I've gotten older -- and admittedly, with a lot of help from a formidable woman who was always good at getting her way -- it's that I don't have anything I need prove by enlisting in a tournament.
I'm already seeing some of the signs of crying just in the gossip that crosses my ears.
I don't care who reads this and takes offense to it. If you're so frightened of skill that you can't even be bothered to try, and so instead have to pressure someone into withdrawing because you're so terrified of that person winning the whole fucking thing, it only goes to show just how undeserving you are.
It's probably for the best I'm /not/ competing, because the flat of my blade on your arse would hurt a /lot/, I will wager.
Written By Bhandn
March 13, 2019, midnight(9/23/1010 AR)
I wasn't sure what to expect, by attending the Assembly of Peers. Formality, for sure, but there was a kind of... primal dramatism to it that I can't fully explain. It certainly did not lack for instigation. I'm rather curious what all the shouting was about myself. Twenty years ago, I probably would have stepped on quite a few toes and barged out to help with dragging the caterwauling fool away. Now, some part of me found it... funny. One has to have made quite the mistake to have been -- I assume -- barred entry, if the words themselves and their volume were any indication. Valena would have gone out there to chastise someone with her favorite herbs and the consequences be damned. She had no concept of the notion of propriety at times, when it concerned being interrupted at a time or in a place in which she did not wish to be interrupted.
Still, attending let me put faces to all the names that have passed my ears these past days. I'll probably forget half of them by the time I finish writing this, let alone by the time our paths cross, if ever.
The declaration by His Grace Victus Thrax is a matter I could not begin to untangle in my thoughts. One has heard plenty over the years, and with the winds of change blowing quite strongly, I can't help but feel a storm brewing. Nevertheless, how the Houses choose to govern their people is a matter to which I have given no consideration or involvement, and I rather intend to keep it that way. I have my own duties and worries. Those duties are why I find myself more interested in the proposal the Grandmaster of the Templar Order put forward. I certainly intend to listen for news of it, though a part of me wonders if perhaps it's too... bold. I will need to think on it more.
Still, attending let me put faces to all the names that have passed my ears these past days. I'll probably forget half of them by the time I finish writing this, let alone by the time our paths cross, if ever.
The declaration by His Grace Victus Thrax is a matter I could not begin to untangle in my thoughts. One has heard plenty over the years, and with the winds of change blowing quite strongly, I can't help but feel a storm brewing. Nevertheless, how the Houses choose to govern their people is a matter to which I have given no consideration or involvement, and I rather intend to keep it that way. I have my own duties and worries. Those duties are why I find myself more interested in the proposal the Grandmaster of the Templar Order put forward. I certainly intend to listen for news of it, though a part of me wonders if perhaps it's too... bold. I will need to think on it more.
Written By Bhandn
March 12, 2019, 11:37 p.m.(9/23/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Sparte
Each time I think on what we discussed -- more so, the reason he gave for it -- I cannot help but feel a touch of apprehension. Just what has been happening that I had not given much thought towards, over the years? How many stories and rumors have I discounted as nothing more than that? It took me many, many days to even think up those questions, a thought which does not particularly please me.
Written By Bhandn
March 2, 2019, 3:41 p.m.(9/2/1010 AR)
It's been a very long time since I've come to Arx and lingered for more than a few days of rest. Some parts are as I remember, but with all the rumors and stories flying around, I decided to walk around a bit.
It didn't take me long before I found myself at the plaza called Heroes Home. It has a particular significance to me: it was the place where I was first formally instructed in the purpose and creed of the Silver Order. As the heroes laid to rest fought to preserve Arvum, so do we fight to preserve Arvum's people. We are the watchers of the road: those who endeavor to keep them free of the blood of the innocents who journey, and those who uphold the peace of sanctuary granted.
It's difficult to believe that it's been more than thirty years since that day, yet my memory of the Hall is different from what I encountered upon visiting it today. There were changes, additions that I could not recall seeing before, and so I spent some time there to acquaint myself with them. I leave out a lot of the details. I don't know entirely how I feel about the more blatant changes, and so I write about the people.
While I did not know Lord Killian Ashford in life, that he was interred with high honors, with a statue made of him, spoke volumes. I cannot begin to imagine the grief his close family had, to hear of his passing. So young, and with so much potential. A part of me wishes I knew more, yet to ask detailed questions to learn more would be "insensitive," as Valena would say, and so I must resolve myself to hold a vigil, out of rememberance for him.
The other notable addition is the statue of the woman so named Copper. The Mage of Second Chances, the memorial called her. Why such a name? Was she the one who gave that second chance, or had she received one? No explanation for the name is given, when it could be either, more, or neither of those.
But who was she? The most the inscription has to say pertains to magic, of all things.
A hero of Arvum, to be placed alongside the others in the main hall, but there are so many questions and, I suspect, so little answers. And yet, despite the feeling that many of my questions may go unanswered, I cannot help but be drawn towards wanting to learn more about her. The more I think on why, the more I come to realize that in a very real sense, we both have sworn to undertake the same overall duty: the protection and welfare of others. For me, travelers. For her, all of Arvum. I cannot begin to imagine the burden of that. There were times it was difficult for me to cross even twenty miles without trouble.
I still wonder, though. For her to have such a remembrance erected, then surely /someone/ knew of her, to be able to declare her actions so publically, but who? This is the question that troubles me the most. That the statue remains, and is undefiled, suggests to me that its presence there is justified. This leads to other questions, and so I find myself increasingly wondering, wondering about just what has happened, and just how much I truly do not know.
I feel no shame in writing this. Courage is the path one treads to speak of and fight one's fears, I was told once. I have no intention of straying from that.
It didn't take me long before I found myself at the plaza called Heroes Home. It has a particular significance to me: it was the place where I was first formally instructed in the purpose and creed of the Silver Order. As the heroes laid to rest fought to preserve Arvum, so do we fight to preserve Arvum's people. We are the watchers of the road: those who endeavor to keep them free of the blood of the innocents who journey, and those who uphold the peace of sanctuary granted.
It's difficult to believe that it's been more than thirty years since that day, yet my memory of the Hall is different from what I encountered upon visiting it today. There were changes, additions that I could not recall seeing before, and so I spent some time there to acquaint myself with them. I leave out a lot of the details. I don't know entirely how I feel about the more blatant changes, and so I write about the people.
While I did not know Lord Killian Ashford in life, that he was interred with high honors, with a statue made of him, spoke volumes. I cannot begin to imagine the grief his close family had, to hear of his passing. So young, and with so much potential. A part of me wishes I knew more, yet to ask detailed questions to learn more would be "insensitive," as Valena would say, and so I must resolve myself to hold a vigil, out of rememberance for him.
The other notable addition is the statue of the woman so named Copper. The Mage of Second Chances, the memorial called her. Why such a name? Was she the one who gave that second chance, or had she received one? No explanation for the name is given, when it could be either, more, or neither of those.
But who was she? The most the inscription has to say pertains to magic, of all things.
A hero of Arvum, to be placed alongside the others in the main hall, but there are so many questions and, I suspect, so little answers. And yet, despite the feeling that many of my questions may go unanswered, I cannot help but be drawn towards wanting to learn more about her. The more I think on why, the more I come to realize that in a very real sense, we both have sworn to undertake the same overall duty: the protection and welfare of others. For me, travelers. For her, all of Arvum. I cannot begin to imagine the burden of that. There were times it was difficult for me to cross even twenty miles without trouble.
I still wonder, though. For her to have such a remembrance erected, then surely /someone/ knew of her, to be able to declare her actions so publically, but who? This is the question that troubles me the most. That the statue remains, and is undefiled, suggests to me that its presence there is justified. This leads to other questions, and so I find myself increasingly wondering, wondering about just what has happened, and just how much I truly do not know.
I feel no shame in writing this. Courage is the path one treads to speak of and fight one's fears, I was told once. I have no intention of straying from that.
Written By Bhandn
Feb. 28, 2019, 2:56 p.m.(8/26/1010 AR)
Valena would say that today is a day of rememberance, unless she was talking to me, at which point it would be to tell me to stop "brooding." I can't say she was wrong, looking back on the years before I met her. There were always times when there was truly nothing for me to do /but/ think, usually while engaged in some other task. One does not typically think solely on what one is carrying during some labor or another. Of late, I find myself in that state often.
In particular, I think on the many stories, and the assorted rumors that have flown around Arvum during my travels. I never had much time or concern for superstitious tales, but it feels as if the number has increased. What's more, some of them were actually corroborated by the Knight-Commander, and he had more to add as well. Some part of me still finds it difficult to believe, particularly the one about the snow, but until I learn more -- /much/ more -- I will keep my thoughts here instead of speaking them.
There is more to write on the matter, but that is for another time.
In particular, I think on the many stories, and the assorted rumors that have flown around Arvum during my travels. I never had much time or concern for superstitious tales, but it feels as if the number has increased. What's more, some of them were actually corroborated by the Knight-Commander, and he had more to add as well. Some part of me still finds it difficult to believe, particularly the one about the snow, but until I learn more -- /much/ more -- I will keep my thoughts here instead of speaking them.
There is more to write on the matter, but that is for another time.
Written By Bhandn
Feb. 20, 2019, 1 a.m.(8/9/1010 AR)
I never thought I'd find myself /wanting/ to go to a competition involving pies. So much has changed in this past year. She would have been one of the first to try and bury my face in one, and probably everyone else there too, laughing and squealing when she was coated in the juice of berries herself. I can see it as if it had really happened that way, even though it did not. She'd be happy to hear that a part of me found it fun. It made the ache go down less.
I'm trying. That was what I promised, wasn't it?
I'm trying. That was what I promised, wasn't it?
Written By Bhandn
Feb. 16, 2019, 2:24 p.m.(8/2/1010 AR)
I write so history does not forget the name of Valena Eseri. She was not born one of the Peerage, nor was she well-known by all of Arvum for her deeds. Rather, she was a woman of compassion, of care, and conviction, a woman who truly loved the people to whom she showed blessed Lagoma's Mercy.
I remember the day we met so clearly, though it has been so many years since then. How she knelt down beside the bundle of blankets in which I had awoken. How she would bully me relentlessly in trying to keep up my strength without exerting myself too much and reopening wounds that she had sewn shut and bandaged. How she would hold the children nearby that had also found themselves in her care, crying from the pains of illness or darker fates, and fight to banish their tears and see their smiles once more.
How she would grieve for those she could not save. How I came upon her once, seeking solitude to grieve, only to turn to rage when I told her she carried so much upon her slender shoulders. I still feel the place on my cheek where she slapped me before her harsh lecture, over the words I would not have felt regret about saying before I met her.
How she could forgive others for their words toward her. How she could comfort a grieving mother who did not want to hear of a sick daughter's passing.
How she could touch a man's heart as she lied in his arms, and tell him she wished it was possible for there to be more. How I responded the same way, the both of us smiling our sad smiles at each other in knowing that our duty came first, even before each other, but that the moments we would have were just as real as those we served.
As beautiful a woman as a man could ever hope of loving.
I will miss you terribly.
I remember the day we met so clearly, though it has been so many years since then. How she knelt down beside the bundle of blankets in which I had awoken. How she would bully me relentlessly in trying to keep up my strength without exerting myself too much and reopening wounds that she had sewn shut and bandaged. How she would hold the children nearby that had also found themselves in her care, crying from the pains of illness or darker fates, and fight to banish their tears and see their smiles once more.
How she would grieve for those she could not save. How I came upon her once, seeking solitude to grieve, only to turn to rage when I told her she carried so much upon her slender shoulders. I still feel the place on my cheek where she slapped me before her harsh lecture, over the words I would not have felt regret about saying before I met her.
How she could forgive others for their words toward her. How she could comfort a grieving mother who did not want to hear of a sick daughter's passing.
How she could touch a man's heart as she lied in his arms, and tell him she wished it was possible for there to be more. How I responded the same way, the both of us smiling our sad smiles at each other in knowing that our duty came first, even before each other, but that the moments we would have were just as real as those we served.
As beautiful a woman as a man could ever hope of loving.
I will miss you terribly.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.