Written By Bianca
Dec. 29, 2019, 8:15 p.m.(6/19/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Richard
Oh, I really am sorry, Richard. But it was good, to see you out in the world. I think you comported yourself quite admirably.
You really are much better at small talk than you think.
You really are much better at small talk than you think.
Written By Bianca
Dec. 29, 2019, 4:10 p.m.(6/18/1012 AR)
It seems like spring is not just a season for new beginnings, but fresh returns. I was very pleased to see Verity had made her way back to Arx and was amenable to continuing work as my protégé. Not only that, but Richard has come back to Arx as well. I've given him a project, of sorts. Hopefully, it can give him what he needs right now.
It's rejuvenating, in a way, to be able to welcome so many familiar faces back.
This change of seasons has given me much to be grateful to Lagoma for. Hopefully, I can make the most of it.
It's rejuvenating, in a way, to be able to welcome so many familiar faces back.
This change of seasons has given me much to be grateful to Lagoma for. Hopefully, I can make the most of it.
Written By Bianca
Dec. 15, 2019, 10:46 p.m.(5/19/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Josephine
I have received a most wonderful gift. The intent behind it is truly touching; I shall treasure it, always.
Guildmaster Josephine Arcuri is blessed with a real gift -- but it is clear it is a gift that has been honed into something exceptional by hard work and passion; a clear sign of an excellent Guildmaster.
Guildmaster Josephine Arcuri is blessed with a real gift -- but it is clear it is a gift that has been honed into something exceptional by hard work and passion; a clear sign of an excellent Guildmaster.
Written By Bianca
Dec. 8, 2019, 10:28 p.m.(5/5/1012 AR)
Every now and then, when I begin to rest a bit too comfortably on the laurels of my findings, I get an important reminder delivered as if by providence: there is still so much I do not know about this home of ours called Arvum, to say nothing of the world outside its borders.
Sometimes, it is a troubling thought. More often, though, it is an exciting one. It means there is still so much to be found yet, and still so much to know.
And that I might not learn it all in this turn of the wheel simply means we live in a truly splendid, truly rich world indeed.
Written By Bianca
Dec. 1, 2019, 7:05 p.m.(4/19/1012 AR)
The First Feast of Spring was lovely; it was wonderful to meet so many new faces, and reconnecting with several more I have not seen in too long. Fitting, for a season of new beginnings.
I am grateful I could find the time to attend, and further still to those who put together such a spectacular feast. I feel as if I couldn't eat another bite for weeks; the sign of a successful feast if there ever was one.
I am grateful I could find the time to attend, and further still to those who put together such a spectacular feast. I feel as if I couldn't eat another bite for weeks; the sign of a successful feast if there ever was one.
Written By Bianca
Nov. 30, 2019, 2 p.m.(4/16/1012 AR)
With the news of our brave men and women's triumphant return from the Saffron Chain, I have been thinking of the sea, and our Azure Mother. Mangata is an ever-present aspect of our lives -- and this is especially true now, as the vestiges of winter melt away and we begin to turn our prayers to the skies to grace our lands and budding crops with the rains of spring.
Mangata is life itself, but perhaps there is nothing that Mangata represents more in our hearts and minds than the sea. When we seek her blessing, we seek the mercies of her seas and the grace of her winds to carry our sailors safely and swiftly to their destination. That the wrath of the storm does not end their journey prematurely, and that they may find what they seek at the end of it. The sea is a tempestuous, dangerous environment. And exploration does not come without risk, nor does discovery; it's little wonder, then, that we might turn toward the benediction of the divine to see us safely through such risks, especially when it comes to what lies beyond our horizons.
We seek these blessings because of the danger, because of the uncertainty -- because, in many ways, the sea represents the great unknowns in our lives, existing beyond the boundaries of what is familiar, and what is comfortable. How many of us can say to a certainty that we know what lies beyond the mainland of Arvum? How many can say, further still, that they have seen with their own eyes what lies in the Chains? In the Wastes, or even beyond? I certainly can't. For me, for many, it is nothing but mystery; nothing but unknowns.
And when we think of the unknown, it is so terribly easy to conjure up images of dread. Of slavers lurking just beyond our borders, of great and terrible creatures slithering beneath the waves, of hostile and unforgiving lands... and far more horrifying things still. It is so terribly easy to fall to the fear of the unknown, that we so often forget the possibilities that come with it, too. The unknown is not just those dread images that skulk within our nightmares; it is the fantastic, too, that delight our dreams. That we might brave the dangers of the sea and be rewarded with wonders we never imagined possible on the opposing shore.
To me, Mangata represents the best possibilities of the sea and what lies beyond for those willing to brave it. She is our hopes that spur us to embrace the sea to begin with. There are horrors, yes, there always will be; but there are wonders too, yet to be uncovered. It's a hope for the unknown we should always try our best to keep in mind, and one I strive to, myself. I spent many nights in my youth imagining what amazing things lie beyond the sea. And it is my fervent wish I may one day see it for myself, with my own eyes.
Mangata is life itself, but perhaps there is nothing that Mangata represents more in our hearts and minds than the sea. When we seek her blessing, we seek the mercies of her seas and the grace of her winds to carry our sailors safely and swiftly to their destination. That the wrath of the storm does not end their journey prematurely, and that they may find what they seek at the end of it. The sea is a tempestuous, dangerous environment. And exploration does not come without risk, nor does discovery; it's little wonder, then, that we might turn toward the benediction of the divine to see us safely through such risks, especially when it comes to what lies beyond our horizons.
We seek these blessings because of the danger, because of the uncertainty -- because, in many ways, the sea represents the great unknowns in our lives, existing beyond the boundaries of what is familiar, and what is comfortable. How many of us can say to a certainty that we know what lies beyond the mainland of Arvum? How many can say, further still, that they have seen with their own eyes what lies in the Chains? In the Wastes, or even beyond? I certainly can't. For me, for many, it is nothing but mystery; nothing but unknowns.
And when we think of the unknown, it is so terribly easy to conjure up images of dread. Of slavers lurking just beyond our borders, of great and terrible creatures slithering beneath the waves, of hostile and unforgiving lands... and far more horrifying things still. It is so terribly easy to fall to the fear of the unknown, that we so often forget the possibilities that come with it, too. The unknown is not just those dread images that skulk within our nightmares; it is the fantastic, too, that delight our dreams. That we might brave the dangers of the sea and be rewarded with wonders we never imagined possible on the opposing shore.
To me, Mangata represents the best possibilities of the sea and what lies beyond for those willing to brave it. She is our hopes that spur us to embrace the sea to begin with. There are horrors, yes, there always will be; but there are wonders too, yet to be uncovered. It's a hope for the unknown we should always try our best to keep in mind, and one I strive to, myself. I spent many nights in my youth imagining what amazing things lie beyond the sea. And it is my fervent wish I may one day see it for myself, with my own eyes.
Written By Bianca
Nov. 23, 2019, 6:03 p.m.(4/3/1012 AR)
And now winter makes way for spring, and just in time. Winter's not nearly the dour season for me as it may be for some, but the warmth of spring is still a welcome one; spring's always filled me with a renewed sense of hope, and I believe we have much to be hopeful for.
First Bloom is a time for new beginnings, and I pray sincerely that these beginnings bring forth promise for everyone.
First Bloom is a time for new beginnings, and I pray sincerely that these beginnings bring forth promise for everyone.
Written By Bianca
Nov. 13, 2019, 5:11 p.m.(3/11/1012 AR)
Choice is a fundamental part of what makes us what we are. Our choices are the gift Skald gave us, in all their potential. Sometimes, we make mistakes. It is inevitable, for all of us. Sometimes, we err and hurt others without even knowing until it is too late. Sometimes, we willingly make the wrong choices. Our choices have great capacity to ripple through the world and people around us, for good and for ill.
But with every choice we make, we learn. And in learning, in experiencing, we change. When we make mistakes, it gives us the ability to reflect upon what led us to that point -- and to potentially become something different, something better, for the experience of it. We may stumble sometimes along the way. May often, even. We may fall into horrible choices and circumstances that we feel there is no escape from. And some of us do not. But there are many more who do -- who can learn, and change. Who can grow. And I believe that is what makes this world so beautiful: the capacity for growth. The capacity to strive to become the best possible version of us.
Our Lady of Change gives us the blessing of growth, but we cannot grow if we cannot engage with the world. We cannot grow if we are never given the chance to. Sometimes we will suffer for it; sometimes people will bring that suffering to us, or us to them. But I do not believe there is any of us who are beyond redemption, nor do I believe there is anyone incapable of rising to greatness, if given the chance -- if given the opportunity. Opportunity that does not, cannot, come from someone making their decisions for them. Everyone must ultimately forge that path for themselves.
The ability to choose, and the ability to grow, are both sacred and wonderful gifts. I cannot deny that a world of Writs could in some ways make us safer. Nor will I deny that choice and free will often bring tragedy as they does triumph. By stripping our ability to choose, we might well mold a world where there is no chance for misery any more than there is elation, and that would keep us all unthreatened, secure within our preordained cages.
But it would be a much sadder, stagnant world. And I do not believe that such a hollow world is a world worth living in.
But with every choice we make, we learn. And in learning, in experiencing, we change. When we make mistakes, it gives us the ability to reflect upon what led us to that point -- and to potentially become something different, something better, for the experience of it. We may stumble sometimes along the way. May often, even. We may fall into horrible choices and circumstances that we feel there is no escape from. And some of us do not. But there are many more who do -- who can learn, and change. Who can grow. And I believe that is what makes this world so beautiful: the capacity for growth. The capacity to strive to become the best possible version of us.
Our Lady of Change gives us the blessing of growth, but we cannot grow if we cannot engage with the world. We cannot grow if we are never given the chance to. Sometimes we will suffer for it; sometimes people will bring that suffering to us, or us to them. But I do not believe there is any of us who are beyond redemption, nor do I believe there is anyone incapable of rising to greatness, if given the chance -- if given the opportunity. Opportunity that does not, cannot, come from someone making their decisions for them. Everyone must ultimately forge that path for themselves.
The ability to choose, and the ability to grow, are both sacred and wonderful gifts. I cannot deny that a world of Writs could in some ways make us safer. Nor will I deny that choice and free will often bring tragedy as they does triumph. By stripping our ability to choose, we might well mold a world where there is no chance for misery any more than there is elation, and that would keep us all unthreatened, secure within our preordained cages.
But it would be a much sadder, stagnant world. And I do not believe that such a hollow world is a world worth living in.
Written By Bianca
Nov. 3, 2019, 2:10 a.m.(2/17/1012 AR)
These celebrations have been a most welcome and much needed slice of levity in uncertain times. I was grateful to have the chance to enjoy some myself -- everyone needs time in which to simply find some measure of enjoyment. And it is so easy to lose sight of that fact when we feel the weight of responsibility bearing down on us.
Maybe I'm letting my thoughts meander too much. What I mean to say is, I enjoyed myself, quite a bit! My thanks to Baroness Clearlake for being a generous and creative hostess. And my sincere congratulations to my fellow Legate Cassandra on what proved to be a thrilling tourney.
I look forward to seeing what the First Bloom will have to offer us.
Maybe I'm letting my thoughts meander too much. What I mean to say is, I enjoyed myself, quite a bit! My thanks to Baroness Clearlake for being a generous and creative hostess. And my sincere congratulations to my fellow Legate Cassandra on what proved to be a thrilling tourney.
I look forward to seeing what the First Bloom will have to offer us.
Written By Bianca
April 14, 2019, 2:06 p.m.(12/4/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Delilah
Stalwart Friend
Written By Bianca
April 14, 2019, 2:06 p.m.(12/4/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Roran
Enlightened Archlector
Written By Bianca
Aug. 9, 2018, 8:15 a.m.(5/13/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Arik
I thought long on the scenarios posed and in the end came to the conclusion that as the world is an ever changing thing by Lagoma's grace there is no definitive answer, but only that which can be made in the here and now based on the information known.
At first thought my reply to the posed scenario ("If Godsworn can be recalled in order to ensure the continuation of a Noble Family") is no. But that is a rushed assumption based only upon the black and white of the posed scenario itself. Would the Gods seek the end of one of the Peerage's hallowed bloodlines? I don't believe so. So then is the answer yes and the Faith would release a Godsworn from their oaths? Again it seems a matter reliant on the finest detail of the circumstances in which the House came to be in such a state. Those details including if the Godsworn in question has posed request of release to the Faith. If they have not, then in my heart and mind the Faith would never demand a Godsworn to forego their vows to the Gods in favor of the matters of mortal men. But if they have? Another variable to take into consideration. Another weight to be added to the scale of decision-making.
The second scenario falls again into the realm of grey area. It all depends on circumstance. Was the child brought into this world before or after the oaths were taken? Was the parent aware of the existence of this child before or after their oaths? Was it a matter of frivolous irresponsibility? Or simply being unaware of an act of passion's outcome predating the promises made to the Gods? As for the child, the Faith would never abandon an innocent when given the opportunity to act, but that action very well may not be to release a Godsworn in favor of parental obligations. Conversely in very rare occasions, the Faith may indeed allow a Godsworn to take on parental obligations released from their vows. Again it is a question of circumstance.
In any outcome I would wager a fair bit of penitent acts would be expected and those acts are at the discretion of the Faith, ranging in severity from a blessed departure and fasting to being named an Oathbreaker and spending the rest of one’s days amidst the Silent Reflections or even potentially execution.
The last question I can only answer from a personal standpoint. "Is this because of the amount of those sworn to the Gods or would the Gods rather we care for those we owe blood and hearth too before them?"
To me these questions are of mortal responsibility, something the Gods are not troubled by nor concerned with. The Gods are aspirations. Something which we strive to emulate in our daily lives as the faithful. They exist beyond our utter understanding and hence to answer for them in this case without the tremendous amount of variables each individual scenario would entail along with a hefty amount of prayer I fear would be folly on my part.
As of late, many have come with questions regarding taking one's oaths to the Gods. Some who are considering it, some who are curious about what it entails and yet others who simply wish a good debate and this is a current hot topic. In the end I feel the matter rests in the heart of the Godsworn themselves. Each of us are individuals with our own motivations, passions and callings. To be released from one's oaths would need to begin in the heart of the Godsworn in question and be discerned by prayer and devotional acts before even presenting the possibility of release to the hierarchy of the Faith for consideration. The process would begin again within the hierarchy of the Faith, prayer and devotion and through that we would find the answer and every reply in it of itself would be individual to the particular situation involved.
Sadly in the end I realize that I have given no definitive reply, asking only more questions, but isn't that how we truly discern truth? Heavy scrutiny and an open mind? I hope at least the response I’ve given encourages any debating the decision of joining the Godsworn to heavily consider their motivations before making such a commitment. As seen in previous examples, even if one is released from their oaths it is a heavy burden to bear and they will face final judgment for their choices in this life upon return to the Wheel. The Queen of Endings shall determine if such a failing to uphold one’s oaths to the Gods will withhold them from another opportunity to return to Aion as a reborn soul with a new story to be written.
At first thought my reply to the posed scenario ("If Godsworn can be recalled in order to ensure the continuation of a Noble Family") is no. But that is a rushed assumption based only upon the black and white of the posed scenario itself. Would the Gods seek the end of one of the Peerage's hallowed bloodlines? I don't believe so. So then is the answer yes and the Faith would release a Godsworn from their oaths? Again it seems a matter reliant on the finest detail of the circumstances in which the House came to be in such a state. Those details including if the Godsworn in question has posed request of release to the Faith. If they have not, then in my heart and mind the Faith would never demand a Godsworn to forego their vows to the Gods in favor of the matters of mortal men. But if they have? Another variable to take into consideration. Another weight to be added to the scale of decision-making.
The second scenario falls again into the realm of grey area. It all depends on circumstance. Was the child brought into this world before or after the oaths were taken? Was the parent aware of the existence of this child before or after their oaths? Was it a matter of frivolous irresponsibility? Or simply being unaware of an act of passion's outcome predating the promises made to the Gods? As for the child, the Faith would never abandon an innocent when given the opportunity to act, but that action very well may not be to release a Godsworn in favor of parental obligations. Conversely in very rare occasions, the Faith may indeed allow a Godsworn to take on parental obligations released from their vows. Again it is a question of circumstance.
In any outcome I would wager a fair bit of penitent acts would be expected and those acts are at the discretion of the Faith, ranging in severity from a blessed departure and fasting to being named an Oathbreaker and spending the rest of one’s days amidst the Silent Reflections or even potentially execution.
The last question I can only answer from a personal standpoint. "Is this because of the amount of those sworn to the Gods or would the Gods rather we care for those we owe blood and hearth too before them?"
To me these questions are of mortal responsibility, something the Gods are not troubled by nor concerned with. The Gods are aspirations. Something which we strive to emulate in our daily lives as the faithful. They exist beyond our utter understanding and hence to answer for them in this case without the tremendous amount of variables each individual scenario would entail along with a hefty amount of prayer I fear would be folly on my part.
As of late, many have come with questions regarding taking one's oaths to the Gods. Some who are considering it, some who are curious about what it entails and yet others who simply wish a good debate and this is a current hot topic. In the end I feel the matter rests in the heart of the Godsworn themselves. Each of us are individuals with our own motivations, passions and callings. To be released from one's oaths would need to begin in the heart of the Godsworn in question and be discerned by prayer and devotional acts before even presenting the possibility of release to the hierarchy of the Faith for consideration. The process would begin again within the hierarchy of the Faith, prayer and devotion and through that we would find the answer and every reply in it of itself would be individual to the particular situation involved.
Sadly in the end I realize that I have given no definitive reply, asking only more questions, but isn't that how we truly discern truth? Heavy scrutiny and an open mind? I hope at least the response I’ve given encourages any debating the decision of joining the Godsworn to heavily consider their motivations before making such a commitment. As seen in previous examples, even if one is released from their oaths it is a heavy burden to bear and they will face final judgment for their choices in this life upon return to the Wheel. The Queen of Endings shall determine if such a failing to uphold one’s oaths to the Gods will withhold them from another opportunity to return to Aion as a reborn soul with a new story to be written.
Written By Bianca
Aug. 3, 2018, 2:41 p.m.(4/25/1009 AR)
Relationship Note on Fecundo
Lord Fecundo Rubino spreads wise words in regards to the preparations and execution of would-be heroes and adventurers.
Too often we forget that there is more to a victory than a passionate clashing of swords. That there is more to victory than victory in it of itself.
May all hear this man's recommendations of knowledge, patience and temperance 'lest they take to the field or adventure unprepared for the breadth of what it is to truly succeed.
Too often we forget that there is more to a victory than a passionate clashing of swords. That there is more to victory than victory in it of itself.
May all hear this man's recommendations of knowledge, patience and temperance 'lest they take to the field or adventure unprepared for the breadth of what it is to truly succeed.
Written By Bianca
May 12, 2018, 1:45 p.m.(9/23/1008 AR)
My duties have found me well distracted from my daily readings of the Whites, but one open conversational bout that took place a few weeks ago was brought to my attention.
It was in regards to the topic of education and payment for tutelage.
Many of the discipleship of Vellichor chimed in with both opinion on the topic as well as fact regarding the Academy of Vellichor's teaching program so I will refrain from repeating them as best I can. The purpose of this entry is less to debate the topic, but more to bring to light how the Scholars of Vellichor are able to provide academic enlightenment without the need to charge individuals for our services.
The truth of the matter is, our teaching program (a subset of the "Let No Question Go Unanswered" initiative) is heavily funded. With this funding, we are able to reimburse our educators with a salary for their time. In addition to this, many of our numbers participate in the program as teachers yet have refused payment for their own personal reasons, allowing us to maintain a robust staff of on-call teachers.
I am a heavy believer in transparency so I wish to speak and publicly thank those who are behind the funding needed to maintain the program.
First and foremost, the Faith of the Pantheon. To many, this would be obvious but not all so I felt it important to state clearly that the Faith of the Pantheon has always supported the Scholars of Vellichor in our endeavors as a discipleship of the Pantheon and continues to do so with the movement forward into Universal Education.
Another contributor that should be no surprise is The Crown. The leadership of the Compact saw the merit of the program immediately and without hesitation assisted in supporting it monetarily to ensure the breadth of the members of the Compact had access to at the very least a basic level of education. Without such compassion, faith and foresight from the throne, the program would not be what it is today.
Our third contributor to the program is House Thrax. House Thrax has been a stalwart supporter of the Scholars of Vellichor for years, but more recently they have granted the discipleship further funding from their personal house coffers to ensure that our capable staff is fully supported and able to continue our work unhindered by the day to day worries of providing a livable wage to our teachers that rely on their salary to monetarily survive.
Now, I wish to thank these institutions and their leadership as well as our teaching staff who diligently and tirelessly lend their time and effort to the program two-fold. First as the Archlector of Vellichor on behalf of the Scholars and the Academy. These efforts are a living representation and reverence of Vellichor bolstered in the hearts of those that have so graciously assisted. Second, as Bianca: devout of the Faith of the Pantheon and citizen of the Compact. It has been a glorious beacon of hope to watch the efforts of all mentioned and in my own darkest of moments, it has also served as a reminder that we shall persevere and that even the loftiest of ideas/projects can be made a reality through unity as a people.
Thank you.
May Vellichor continue to broaden our collective perception of our world and the glory of the Pantheon be revered through the labor of our faith.
It was in regards to the topic of education and payment for tutelage.
Many of the discipleship of Vellichor chimed in with both opinion on the topic as well as fact regarding the Academy of Vellichor's teaching program so I will refrain from repeating them as best I can. The purpose of this entry is less to debate the topic, but more to bring to light how the Scholars of Vellichor are able to provide academic enlightenment without the need to charge individuals for our services.
The truth of the matter is, our teaching program (a subset of the "Let No Question Go Unanswered" initiative) is heavily funded. With this funding, we are able to reimburse our educators with a salary for their time. In addition to this, many of our numbers participate in the program as teachers yet have refused payment for their own personal reasons, allowing us to maintain a robust staff of on-call teachers.
I am a heavy believer in transparency so I wish to speak and publicly thank those who are behind the funding needed to maintain the program.
First and foremost, the Faith of the Pantheon. To many, this would be obvious but not all so I felt it important to state clearly that the Faith of the Pantheon has always supported the Scholars of Vellichor in our endeavors as a discipleship of the Pantheon and continues to do so with the movement forward into Universal Education.
Another contributor that should be no surprise is The Crown. The leadership of the Compact saw the merit of the program immediately and without hesitation assisted in supporting it monetarily to ensure the breadth of the members of the Compact had access to at the very least a basic level of education. Without such compassion, faith and foresight from the throne, the program would not be what it is today.
Our third contributor to the program is House Thrax. House Thrax has been a stalwart supporter of the Scholars of Vellichor for years, but more recently they have granted the discipleship further funding from their personal house coffers to ensure that our capable staff is fully supported and able to continue our work unhindered by the day to day worries of providing a livable wage to our teachers that rely on their salary to monetarily survive.
Now, I wish to thank these institutions and their leadership as well as our teaching staff who diligently and tirelessly lend their time and effort to the program two-fold. First as the Archlector of Vellichor on behalf of the Scholars and the Academy. These efforts are a living representation and reverence of Vellichor bolstered in the hearts of those that have so graciously assisted. Second, as Bianca: devout of the Faith of the Pantheon and citizen of the Compact. It has been a glorious beacon of hope to watch the efforts of all mentioned and in my own darkest of moments, it has also served as a reminder that we shall persevere and that even the loftiest of ideas/projects can be made a reality through unity as a people.
Thank you.
May Vellichor continue to broaden our collective perception of our world and the glory of the Pantheon be revered through the labor of our faith.
Written By Bianca
March 10, 2018, 10:43 a.m.(5/3/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Halsim
I did not think I would need to state this again.
"Let the most studious amongst you take sacred vow to forever guard the knowledge of the world, and allow all among you from the greatest to the least to chronicle their lives in journals so their knowledge may never be lost."
That is the stance of the Scholars of Vellichor and that is the decree we have shed blood for generations to uphold. We will continue to do so.
"Let the most studious amongst you take sacred vow to forever guard the knowledge of the world, and allow all among you from the greatest to the least to chronicle their lives in journals so their knowledge may never be lost."
That is the stance of the Scholars of Vellichor and that is the decree we have shed blood for generations to uphold. We will continue to do so.
Written By Bianca
March 9, 2018, 5:52 p.m.(5/1/1008 AR)
"Let the most studious amongst you take sacred vow to forever guard the knowledge of the world, and allow all among you from the greatest to the least to chronicle their lives in journals so their knowledge may never be lost."
Written By Bianca
Feb. 13, 2018, 1:16 p.m.(3/3/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Esra
*In very rare occasion, this entry was not written in Bianca's own script.*
No, Scholar Duran. It is alright. I am just tired. I do want to do this. Please just note that I speak from a personal standpoint. Not of the Faith.
My cousin was an ill man. Engulfed by the knowledge he was not yet ready to possess, it drove him to find conspiracy and betrayel in all those he deemed contrary to his views. He found half-truths and rather than explore that information and verify its validity he became obsessed with it and would not be swayed otherwise. It deafened him to reason. It deafened and blinded him to fact.
I did not know my cousin well. Aside from a brief encounter in our youth, I had spoken to him once since his arrival to Arx amidst a gathering of Scholars at the Academy. I have spent many sleepless nights since the first venemous letter I received pondering that if I had been more attentive in that passing meeting, if I had made time to speak with him prior or even after his vicious private allegations that this all could have been resolved much differently. Perhaps if I had not let the wounds to my ego and my own indignance in the face of such cruel words and threats halt my quill from further dialogue he would still live... but I did not and now I must bear the burden of those 'what if's.
My heart breaks that in all of this, my cousin faced such deep losses by his own hand. All for an obsession. He rejected the welcoming arms of the Faith and embrace of the gods as well as the love of his family. Many attempted reason and again he was deaf to their implores, but even though his actions drove those whom loved him the most to withdraw, I still mourn that at his end how truly alone he must have felt. Alone with his misguided convictions.
I have no sense of resolution to this topic. I undoubtedly will spend many more sleepless nights regarding it along with a many other things. All I may do moving forward is the same as any of us must do. Learn from the mistakes we've made and move forward.
I think that is all for now, Scholar. Thank you.
No, Scholar Duran. It is alright. I am just tired. I do want to do this. Please just note that I speak from a personal standpoint. Not of the Faith.
My cousin was an ill man. Engulfed by the knowledge he was not yet ready to possess, it drove him to find conspiracy and betrayel in all those he deemed contrary to his views. He found half-truths and rather than explore that information and verify its validity he became obsessed with it and would not be swayed otherwise. It deafened him to reason. It deafened and blinded him to fact.
I did not know my cousin well. Aside from a brief encounter in our youth, I had spoken to him once since his arrival to Arx amidst a gathering of Scholars at the Academy. I have spent many sleepless nights since the first venemous letter I received pondering that if I had been more attentive in that passing meeting, if I had made time to speak with him prior or even after his vicious private allegations that this all could have been resolved much differently. Perhaps if I had not let the wounds to my ego and my own indignance in the face of such cruel words and threats halt my quill from further dialogue he would still live... but I did not and now I must bear the burden of those 'what if's.
My heart breaks that in all of this, my cousin faced such deep losses by his own hand. All for an obsession. He rejected the welcoming arms of the Faith and embrace of the gods as well as the love of his family. Many attempted reason and again he was deaf to their implores, but even though his actions drove those whom loved him the most to withdraw, I still mourn that at his end how truly alone he must have felt. Alone with his misguided convictions.
I have no sense of resolution to this topic. I undoubtedly will spend many more sleepless nights regarding it along with a many other things. All I may do moving forward is the same as any of us must do. Learn from the mistakes we've made and move forward.
I think that is all for now, Scholar. Thank you.
Written By Bianca
Nov. 26, 2017, 9:50 p.m.(9/1/1007 AR)
I am overwhelmed by the response received in a single day in regards to the coming archival process. I am certain I will be writing a follow-up entry in regards to it, but for now: Thank you.
Written By Bianca
Nov. 13, 2017, 5:52 p.m.(7/28/1007 AR)
"The Other Side of the Wall"
There once was a young woman who took great pride in the growth and care of the flowers in her flower garden. She had been raised by her grandmother who taught her to love and care for flowers as she herself had done. So, like her grandmother, her flower garden was second to none.
One day while looking through a an array of seeded blossoms at the market, a particular bloom caught her eye. She had never seen a flower like it before. “I have to have it,” she said to herself, and she immediately purchased a pack of its seeds.
By the time she arrived home, the young woman had already decided where to plant it. She planted it at the base of a stone wall at the back of her yard. It grew vigorously, with beautiful green leaves all over it, but there were no blooms. Day after day she continued to cultivate it, water it, feed it, and she even talked to it attempting to coax it to bloom. But, it was to no avail.
One morning weeks later, as she stood before the vine, she contemplated how disappointed she was that her plant had not bloomed. She was giving considerable thought to cutting it down and planting something else in its place.
It was at this point that her invalid neighbor, whose lot joined hers, called over to her. “Thank you so much! You can’t imagine how much I have enjoyed the blooms of that vine you planted.” The young woman walked through the gate into her neighbor’s yard, and sure enough, she saw that on the other side of the wall the vine was filled with blooms.
There were indeed the most beautiful blooms she had ever seen. The vine had crept through the crevices and while it had not flowered on her side of the fence, it had flowered luxuriantly on the other side.
---------------------
May this brief story be a reminder to all that just because you cannot always see the result of your labor, it does not mean that it bore no fruit.
(As an aside, I did not write this, but found it amidst some old books I was relocating.)
There once was a young woman who took great pride in the growth and care of the flowers in her flower garden. She had been raised by her grandmother who taught her to love and care for flowers as she herself had done. So, like her grandmother, her flower garden was second to none.
One day while looking through a an array of seeded blossoms at the market, a particular bloom caught her eye. She had never seen a flower like it before. “I have to have it,” she said to herself, and she immediately purchased a pack of its seeds.
By the time she arrived home, the young woman had already decided where to plant it. She planted it at the base of a stone wall at the back of her yard. It grew vigorously, with beautiful green leaves all over it, but there were no blooms. Day after day she continued to cultivate it, water it, feed it, and she even talked to it attempting to coax it to bloom. But, it was to no avail.
One morning weeks later, as she stood before the vine, she contemplated how disappointed she was that her plant had not bloomed. She was giving considerable thought to cutting it down and planting something else in its place.
It was at this point that her invalid neighbor, whose lot joined hers, called over to her. “Thank you so much! You can’t imagine how much I have enjoyed the blooms of that vine you planted.” The young woman walked through the gate into her neighbor’s yard, and sure enough, she saw that on the other side of the wall the vine was filled with blooms.
There were indeed the most beautiful blooms she had ever seen. The vine had crept through the crevices and while it had not flowered on her side of the fence, it had flowered luxuriantly on the other side.
---------------------
May this brief story be a reminder to all that just because you cannot always see the result of your labor, it does not mean that it bore no fruit.
(As an aside, I did not write this, but found it amidst some old books I was relocating.)
Written By Bianca
Nov. 12, 2017, 11:18 a.m.(7/26/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Damon
7/25/1007 AR:
I am not often an affectionate woman nor easily turned to an emotional state. Even in my younger days I was this way (to which Mother Mercy Sophie can ruefully attest and I continue to be grateful for her grace and patience), but it wasn't until the passed few years that I found myself adverse to actual physical contact. I have attempted to dissect this alteration in my being and have come to the realization that there was an exact date in which my natural inclination toward the reserved became all the more severe.
9/10/1005 AR, the day of the memorial service for Lord Damon Wyrmguard.
I have not spoken of Damon since that day beyond "thank you" in regards to the numerous condolences granted. It was not as if I wasn't given the opportunity. In specific, I wish to thank Lady Khanne Halfshav, Marquessa Lianne Pravus, Princess Valencia Redrain and of course Princess Sophie Valardin for actively offering an open heart and attentive ear (to which I foolishly rejected at the time). Now, in the hopes of adhereing to my own request to the Compact for documentation, I think it might be time I finally come to terms with his loss.
My parents passed when I was very young and being an only child it was lonely and difficult growing up. That is not to say that Marquis Denis didn't do what he could to ensure I was provided for and felt embraced by my family, but even though Dominique, Damon and Desiree often invited me to come play with them I never quite felt like I belonged. To be honest, I was not an active child in general and I am prone to sunburns so it should be no great surprise I was drawn to books rather than wooden swords.
I would sit beneath the apple tree in the inner courtyard at the Blancbier estate every day and read. That was my form of play time. I remember the first day Damon began joining me.
Uncle Danton had come to visit. If I remember right, it was so that Beaumont could meet some of the more prominent Knights of Blancbier. In any case, Isabeau and Sophie had come along and all of the cousins were running about the halls playing. I remember them running by me through the courtyard a few times in a rumbling cacophony of giggles and stomps. Sophie, no older than four at the time, of course implored me to come play... but even then I rejected my sweetest cousin's invitation.
It was after a few more passes back and forth that to my angsty surprise Damon broke free from the pack and came to confront me. I remember it clear as day.
"Why won't you come play?" He asked, pointing his makeshift stick/sword at me with all the accusation and demand a six year old could muster.
"I want to read." I replied frankly.
"What are you reading?" His tone was agitated, sword tip falling to touch the cobbled ground to be dragged as he moved to sit beside me.
And that is how our friendship began. Every day, Damon would sit with me beneath that tree and read a new story no matter how off-putting I was and eventually my resistance ended and in my acceptance of his diligent company I finally felt a connection to someone. I felt as if I had a brother. Granted, Damon sometimes brought out the worst in me. He was mischevious and sly... and fearless. I can't count the amount of times we were reprimanded for some silly or stupidly dangerous thing we did. He always knew how to convince me. Even when I argued against whatever clever prank he had planned his reply was always the same: "... but won't it make a wonderful story?"
It always did.
I could go on for pages and pages about my surrogate brother/cousin. I love him and I will always love him.
With that, the most prominant emotion I felt the day of his memorial service and long after it was anger. It overwhelmed me. How could he leave me alone? How /dare/ he?
It was the anger that prevented me from speaking to others. I was ashamed of it and that day the part of me that was Damon went into hiding. I had to be strong for my family and for the ventures that Damon had supported. I had to get to work. In locking away that piece of myself I lost the will for social interaction and replaced it with a duty to a greater cause. I do not regret that decision, but I do regret not understanding that the part of me that was born from my friendship with him didn't need to vanish. It was easier that way, yes... but it's not what he would have wanted.
I am still angry about his loss, but moreso my helplessness to prevent it. Looking back I think that was truly what caused my rage, but I was blinded by my pain and indignance to see it. In time that will fade even if the pain of it never truly will.
Today, I choose to release myself from the chains of his loss. I release Damon and his memory... but I know any time a risk arises and I need to choose how to move forward I will hear that white haired little boy ask, "... but won't it make a wonderful story?"
I am not often an affectionate woman nor easily turned to an emotional state. Even in my younger days I was this way (to which Mother Mercy Sophie can ruefully attest and I continue to be grateful for her grace and patience), but it wasn't until the passed few years that I found myself adverse to actual physical contact. I have attempted to dissect this alteration in my being and have come to the realization that there was an exact date in which my natural inclination toward the reserved became all the more severe.
9/10/1005 AR, the day of the memorial service for Lord Damon Wyrmguard.
I have not spoken of Damon since that day beyond "thank you" in regards to the numerous condolences granted. It was not as if I wasn't given the opportunity. In specific, I wish to thank Lady Khanne Halfshav, Marquessa Lianne Pravus, Princess Valencia Redrain and of course Princess Sophie Valardin for actively offering an open heart and attentive ear (to which I foolishly rejected at the time). Now, in the hopes of adhereing to my own request to the Compact for documentation, I think it might be time I finally come to terms with his loss.
My parents passed when I was very young and being an only child it was lonely and difficult growing up. That is not to say that Marquis Denis didn't do what he could to ensure I was provided for and felt embraced by my family, but even though Dominique, Damon and Desiree often invited me to come play with them I never quite felt like I belonged. To be honest, I was not an active child in general and I am prone to sunburns so it should be no great surprise I was drawn to books rather than wooden swords.
I would sit beneath the apple tree in the inner courtyard at the Blancbier estate every day and read. That was my form of play time. I remember the first day Damon began joining me.
Uncle Danton had come to visit. If I remember right, it was so that Beaumont could meet some of the more prominent Knights of Blancbier. In any case, Isabeau and Sophie had come along and all of the cousins were running about the halls playing. I remember them running by me through the courtyard a few times in a rumbling cacophony of giggles and stomps. Sophie, no older than four at the time, of course implored me to come play... but even then I rejected my sweetest cousin's invitation.
It was after a few more passes back and forth that to my angsty surprise Damon broke free from the pack and came to confront me. I remember it clear as day.
"Why won't you come play?" He asked, pointing his makeshift stick/sword at me with all the accusation and demand a six year old could muster.
"I want to read." I replied frankly.
"What are you reading?" His tone was agitated, sword tip falling to touch the cobbled ground to be dragged as he moved to sit beside me.
And that is how our friendship began. Every day, Damon would sit with me beneath that tree and read a new story no matter how off-putting I was and eventually my resistance ended and in my acceptance of his diligent company I finally felt a connection to someone. I felt as if I had a brother. Granted, Damon sometimes brought out the worst in me. He was mischevious and sly... and fearless. I can't count the amount of times we were reprimanded for some silly or stupidly dangerous thing we did. He always knew how to convince me. Even when I argued against whatever clever prank he had planned his reply was always the same: "... but won't it make a wonderful story?"
It always did.
I could go on for pages and pages about my surrogate brother/cousin. I love him and I will always love him.
With that, the most prominant emotion I felt the day of his memorial service and long after it was anger. It overwhelmed me. How could he leave me alone? How /dare/ he?
It was the anger that prevented me from speaking to others. I was ashamed of it and that day the part of me that was Damon went into hiding. I had to be strong for my family and for the ventures that Damon had supported. I had to get to work. In locking away that piece of myself I lost the will for social interaction and replaced it with a duty to a greater cause. I do not regret that decision, but I do regret not understanding that the part of me that was born from my friendship with him didn't need to vanish. It was easier that way, yes... but it's not what he would have wanted.
I am still angry about his loss, but moreso my helplessness to prevent it. Looking back I think that was truly what caused my rage, but I was blinded by my pain and indignance to see it. In time that will fade even if the pain of it never truly will.
Today, I choose to release myself from the chains of his loss. I release Damon and his memory... but I know any time a risk arises and I need to choose how to move forward I will hear that white haired little boy ask, "... but won't it make a wonderful story?"
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.