Written By Alarissa
July 21, 2017, 11:47 p.m.(11/17/1006 AR)
I thank the Gods for those with the skills that saved me. Those at the House of Solace skilled in milking vipers and those who's aim is true.
But now I am inconvenienced. Because in the end, that's what has happened, at least to myself. Inconvenienced because it takes me forever just to write down what I am sending Camille to have transcribed into my whites. Because there are things to plan still, invitations to deliver and preparations to oversee. And all I want to do is sleep. I am assured that this shall pass, even though it does not feel it. I dislike being inconvenienced.
Sleep, and stare at the servants who pass by my door as imagination roils. Sleep some more. Pass the time with passing letters and playing with Elegance. Lady Shae Keaton has refined what she knows and perhaps I can convince her to come and walk her for me and teach her more.
And you. I know you read this. If you did not, I would have to think less of you. You cannot shoulder the blame for something that was not your fault. For all that you try to take it upon your shoulders, you cannot take what happened to me, upon yours. There will always be those who hunt others, because they exist. Because the very breath you take abhors them. Meet it head on, call them to the floor and lay waste to them so that they cannot do this again to you and yours. But know that yours, will stand beside you and behind you as you do such. They will willingly shoulder that burden as well, whether you like it or not. For that is family, by blood or by binding. This I know to be true.
But now I am inconvenienced. Because in the end, that's what has happened, at least to myself. Inconvenienced because it takes me forever just to write down what I am sending Camille to have transcribed into my whites. Because there are things to plan still, invitations to deliver and preparations to oversee. And all I want to do is sleep. I am assured that this shall pass, even though it does not feel it. I dislike being inconvenienced.
Sleep, and stare at the servants who pass by my door as imagination roils. Sleep some more. Pass the time with passing letters and playing with Elegance. Lady Shae Keaton has refined what she knows and perhaps I can convince her to come and walk her for me and teach her more.
And you. I know you read this. If you did not, I would have to think less of you. You cannot shoulder the blame for something that was not your fault. For all that you try to take it upon your shoulders, you cannot take what happened to me, upon yours. There will always be those who hunt others, because they exist. Because the very breath you take abhors them. Meet it head on, call them to the floor and lay waste to them so that they cannot do this again to you and yours. But know that yours, will stand beside you and behind you as you do such. They will willingly shoulder that burden as well, whether you like it or not. For that is family, by blood or by binding. This I know to be true.
Written By Alarissa
July 16, 2017, 5:50 p.m.(11/7/1006 AR)
And thus, it is done. The arduous process that I will have to keep up if I like it and prefer to keep it looking like such. But a change is good, a change is necessary and I think that I quite needed it. If I don't, then it will just be another arduous process to revert it.
The pallid princess of Valardin is no longer sporting flaxen locks. We shall see how this shall be received. I think I will like it. I had better, for it is my own hair.
The pallid princess of Valardin is no longer sporting flaxen locks. We shall see how this shall be received. I think I will like it. I had better, for it is my own hair.
Written By Alarissa
July 16, 2017, 12:35 p.m.(11/7/1006 AR)
It is imperative, I think, that one should now and then take a step back and think about that which they present to the world around them. Too often, the very nature of being who we are, we fail to realize that that which we present and project outward, does not always succeed nor is in fact, what we are projecting. We are, after all, only human. What others see is coloured by their own minds, thoughts as well as their own perceptions. After all, what one thinks is a treasure, is not necessarily so to someone else.
I am not perfect and at times, even I fail when it comes to relaying that what I wish others to see, as opposed to what I do not. One can be too subtle. The same as one can be extremely overt. It took a conversation with another to realize this. It provided for me a means and avenue to go about rectifying it and working to better that part of me. Clarity, is not always granted, nor so easy to come by. But i strive and will strive, to have more of it.
I am not perfect and at times, even I fail when it comes to relaying that what I wish others to see, as opposed to what I do not. One can be too subtle. The same as one can be extremely overt. It took a conversation with another to realize this. It provided for me a means and avenue to go about rectifying it and working to better that part of me. Clarity, is not always granted, nor so easy to come by. But i strive and will strive, to have more of it.
Written By Alarissa
June 30, 2017, 11:31 p.m.(10/3/1006 AR)
I will not sit like some recalcitrant child upon a pink cushion with my name misspelled on a placard in a corner at the whim of one who wants to feel superior. It just means that my coin goes to other needful places instead of that one. So yes, I will and did take my leave. I will not apologize for it.
Written By Alarissa
June 23, 2017, 11:16 p.m.(9/17/1006 AR)
I finished.
That alone, in my own books, is a worthy thing to note.
I know not my score, I do not wish to know my score and I have apologies to make come the morning.
If I survive come the morning.
I may have been foolish in turning away help.
That alone, in my own books, is a worthy thing to note.
I know not my score, I do not wish to know my score and I have apologies to make come the morning.
If I survive come the morning.
I may have been foolish in turning away help.
Written By Alarissa
June 1, 2017, 5:05 p.m.(7/26/1006 AR)
I sometimes lay awake at night, I confess, wondering what life would have been like had he not done, what he did. If things had no happened, that happened. What would we all be like in this house. Then I have to remind myself that there is nothing to turn back the tides of time, and that wondering what was, will bring me no better to understanding what is.
As I told another, I do not think that is a yoke around my neck, being his widow. But I believe perhaps that it is a chain. Delicate and frail, and I cling to it in as much as it anchors around me. Some days, I wonder if it it is time for the chain to break, but then I fear what would happen if it did. That I would lose that which is on the other end forever.
What would He want me to do?
We will wade through grief side by side till we find a place to plant our feet that does not feel like sand and see where our disparate paths will venture us forth. He is right. At least there is someone that I can wade through this all with.
As I told another, I do not think that is a yoke around my neck, being his widow. But I believe perhaps that it is a chain. Delicate and frail, and I cling to it in as much as it anchors around me. Some days, I wonder if it it is time for the chain to break, but then I fear what would happen if it did. That I would lose that which is on the other end forever.
What would He want me to do?
We will wade through grief side by side till we find a place to plant our feet that does not feel like sand and see where our disparate paths will venture us forth. He is right. At least there is someone that I can wade through this all with.
Written By Alarissa
Jan. 20, 2017, 5:10 a.m.(9/17/1005 AR)
I ought to speak (or write) plainly: I spent the last year drowning and sequestered in Valardin Manor, and yes, it's about the least impressive thing I've ever done with myself.
I've always, as most siblings do I suppose, stood in awe of my older siblings. Lark's diligence; Barric's valor; everything of them is good and rightous. The best I could do was marry that. But it's time I embrace the messages the world has been sending me. I can do more for my family than wed.
I'm no steel blade and no sharp strategist, but I can listen and learn as my House makes plans to deal with the Bringers. I'm sure I can find some way to help. I ought to. I'm Grayson blood in a white dragon.
I've always, as most siblings do I suppose, stood in awe of my older siblings. Lark's diligence; Barric's valor; everything of them is good and rightous. The best I could do was marry that. But it's time I embrace the messages the world has been sending me. I can do more for my family than wed.
I'm no steel blade and no sharp strategist, but I can listen and learn as my House makes plans to deal with the Bringers. I'm sure I can find some way to help. I ought to. I'm Grayson blood in a white dragon.
Written By Alarissa
Jan. 18, 2017, 11:40 p.m.(9/13/1005 AR)
So much is uncertain these days, and I might dare admit there are one or two things in this world bigger than I. Perhaps it's time I threw back my bedroom's curtains and stepped back out into the sun.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 28, 2016, 5:06 a.m.(6/3/1004 AR)
I took a long walk in the streets of Arx today. I just wanted to remember my carefree childhood.
The tree I used to hide behind still stands in front of that tavern my father loved to visit. I even found the fountain in which some of my cousins and I splashed during hot summer days.
However, I was mostly touched by some people who approached me during my walk. Some just wanted to greet me. Some wanted to ask how am I doing. Some just praised my beauty. Some had troubles they wanted to bring up to my attention. Though, they all addressed me as "Princess Alarissa Grayson".
I am happy that people of Arx still remembers me as Grayson. I still remember names of some of them too. How could I forget the name of a woman who used to give me the most delicious biscuits? Or how I could forget that old jeweler, who made my first necklace? How I could not remember the seamstress who used to make gowns to my mother?
Some of them are no longer with us, but their smiling features will stay in my memory forever. I visited some of them who are very old but still breathing. I was happy to see them well and happy.
The tree I used to hide behind still stands in front of that tavern my father loved to visit. I even found the fountain in which some of my cousins and I splashed during hot summer days.
However, I was mostly touched by some people who approached me during my walk. Some just wanted to greet me. Some wanted to ask how am I doing. Some just praised my beauty. Some had troubles they wanted to bring up to my attention. Though, they all addressed me as "Princess Alarissa Grayson".
I am happy that people of Arx still remembers me as Grayson. I still remember names of some of them too. How could I forget the name of a woman who used to give me the most delicious biscuits? Or how I could forget that old jeweler, who made my first necklace? How I could not remember the seamstress who used to make gowns to my mother?
Some of them are no longer with us, but their smiling features will stay in my memory forever. I visited some of them who are very old but still breathing. I was happy to see them well and happy.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 22, 2016, 2:19 p.m.(5/14/1004 AR)
Today I tried my mother's old dress. If not this drawing of a talented artist, I am not sure if I could remember her features now. She was a very beautiful woman.
My father used to repeat that I have her eyes. Maybe that is why this gown fitted me so well. This blueness of the fabric...
Though, I can't wear it for simple occasions. I am sure an event will be thrown where this gown will look just perfect.
I wish my mother could be here.
My father used to repeat that I have her eyes. Maybe that is why this gown fitted me so well. This blueness of the fabric...
Though, I can't wear it for simple occasions. I am sure an event will be thrown where this gown will look just perfect.
I wish my mother could be here.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 21, 2016, 11:40 p.m.(5/12/1004 AR)
I've never felt like this before...
I have new wonderful white steel hairpins with floral ornaments and delicate crushed blue gems. My new gown and my new cloak will be so beautiful! Buying new things used to cheer me up.
I visited some of those orphans my brother used to (is) take (taking) care of. Even if these children had horrible misfortunes in their past, they still know how to spread this innocent, so simple joy and make others smile. I love spending time with children and I wish I could give home and family to all of them. Their smiles didn't make me smile today, though.
I invited one of the servants to sing for me. He has an amazing voice. The songs were funny. My handmaiden was so amused and I could see how happiness sparkled all around her. Though, I just wanted that his performance would end up fast. I used to love music, but I just sent him away quite quickly.
I've never felt like this before...
I do not want to leave my room.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 20, 2016, 2:02 p.m.(5/8/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Dawn
Quite an unenviable fate fell upon Lady Dawn's shoulders. I wish I could help her somehow. Though, she seems to be a very talented young woman, who manages to take care of most of the tasks herself. Pity that she will spend her youth in a dark room filled with dusty papers, but nobody can run from their fate. I can only hope that she will find confidence in me and I still will be of value to my blood-family.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 15, 2016, 2:38 a.m.(4/20/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Aurelian
Prince Aurelian Valardin is a fine scholar. His passion for books is the strongest I have ever seen. Sometimes I wonder if he read more than half of books in our Archives?.. The one who read so many books, and the one who travelled as much as Prince Aurelian, definitely has many fun stories to tell. One could listen for such an intelligent man for days.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 15, 2016, 2:28 a.m.(4/20/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Talen
Sword of Lenosia, Master Talen Artiglio, once said that he would love to get to know other cultures. I admire his wish. It shows how understanding and tolerant the man can be dispite of cultural differences. His behaviour in public suggests that Sword of Lenosia is worth being noble more than some of the nobles who were born to be nobles.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 13, 2016, 4:11 a.m.(4/14/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Alrec
He is my favorite Admiral of all! I am saying this not just because Admiral Alrec threw a wonderful Summer Cruise once I showed interest toward his ship, but also because he has good manners and he knows how to make me laugh or at least smile.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 11, 2016, 7:25 a.m.(4/8/1004 AR)
I did not expected to marry Prince Vance Valardin. I must be honest, that I considered him disturbingly pious and strict. However, I found out that he was a perfect man. It was so easy to fall in love with him. He was my brightest sun. He was my moon in the darkness. He was my river. He was my wings. He was my color and he had to be my anchor. Though, the Gods decided that he is too good to this world and just turned him into my chains. I know that he would like me to break those chains to live a life and not waste it looking at the past. I shall not disappoint him and gracefully face the future.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 11, 2016, 6:48 a.m.(4/8/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Malorie
The beauty who was teared out of the hands of her family. One could only suspect that such a terrible event would make such a delicate flower to wither down and drop its blooms. However, she comes home strong and flowering, ready to adorn Valardin's name.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 11, 2016, 6:39 a.m.(4/8/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Gareth
Sometimes this cousin of mine strikes me as a very easy puzzle which I solved long time ago. However, sometimes I am worried that I do not know the man at all. What if he is a very hard puzzle which I've yet to solve?
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 11, 2016, 6:37 a.m.(4/8/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Edain
Edain is everything what Oathlanders could expect their leader to be. He is a paragon of knightly virtues such as:
* Courage: a true leader must have the courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved.
* Justice: a true leader holds himself to the highest standard of behavior, and knows that “fudging” on the little rules is a weakness.
* Mercy: a true leader knows that words and attitude can be painful weapons. He tries to create a sense of peace rather than engendering hostility.
* Generosity: a true leader is sharing his wisdom, energy, attention, silver with the ones who approach them for his help.
* Hope: a true leader inspires people all around.
* Faith: a true leader is always faithful to his promises, no matter how big or small they may be.
* Courage: a true leader must have the courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved.
* Justice: a true leader holds himself to the highest standard of behavior, and knows that “fudging” on the little rules is a weakness.
* Mercy: a true leader knows that words and attitude can be painful weapons. He tries to create a sense of peace rather than engendering hostility.
* Generosity: a true leader is sharing his wisdom, energy, attention, silver with the ones who approach them for his help.
* Hope: a true leader inspires people all around.
* Faith: a true leader is always faithful to his promises, no matter how big or small they may be.
Written By Alarissa
Aug. 11, 2016, 6:33 a.m.(4/8/1004 AR)
Relationship Note on Dagon
Lord Dagon Thrax is a future of house Thrax. He is wise and intelligent. He is very gallant and loyal. I admire his devotion to his family and their vassals. Prince Donrai Thrax must be very proud of his grandson who is a true image of respectful and respect-worth nobleman.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.