Written By Vanora
March 3, 2018, 11:35 p.m.(4/18/1008 AR)
I love the theater, no matter what the play, no matter whether the actors and actresses are talented or mediocre. I have loved the spectacle of it since I was a child, and were I not what I am, nor what I first wanted to be, perhaps I would have yearned to be an actress.
I love opera even more, for the addition of music creates heights of emotion that can be downright uncomfortable.
Thus I enjoyed the performance at the Black Rose this evening quite a bit.
I would have regardless of the subject matter.
I love opera even more, for the addition of music creates heights of emotion that can be downright uncomfortable.
Thus I enjoyed the performance at the Black Rose this evening quite a bit.
I would have regardless of the subject matter.
Written By Vanora
Feb. 11, 2018, 4:01 p.m.(2/27/1008 AR)
It is a rather simple thing for me to devote time and attention to observing the Silent Reflections.
I am in the Shrine of the Thirteenth quite regularly and have always observed them in truth. I know what sends them to that fate and wonder about it now and again. Not what they betrayed to become what they are, but what it is to be what they are. What do they think? What do those who may be Oathlander born feel and believe about a life lived in Tehom's temples. It may not matter, it does not change the nature of their lives but I still wonder.
I have conflicting feelings of my own about them, about the path to becoming what they are, but they are not for the Whites. Here I will add only this.
What I do not know He does. What I do not see He sees. Both regarding Silent Reflections and Scholars and regarding everything else. He is there with all of us, whether that brings one comfort or discomfort in understanding. It is clear which it brings me.
I am in the Shrine of the Thirteenth quite regularly and have always observed them in truth. I know what sends them to that fate and wonder about it now and again. Not what they betrayed to become what they are, but what it is to be what they are. What do they think? What do those who may be Oathlander born feel and believe about a life lived in Tehom's temples. It may not matter, it does not change the nature of their lives but I still wonder.
I have conflicting feelings of my own about them, about the path to becoming what they are, but they are not for the Whites. Here I will add only this.
What I do not know He does. What I do not see He sees. Both regarding Silent Reflections and Scholars and regarding everything else. He is there with all of us, whether that brings one comfort or discomfort in understanding. It is clear which it brings me.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 29, 2018, 2:10 a.m.(1/21/1008 AR)
I should probably remember to only read the whites when I am in a good mood. When already frustrated they do nothing to soothe that emotion and everything to make it worse.
I apologize for spending time in the past few days (when already frustrated) writing in my own journals with criticism or callousness towards others. I know better and am better.
I've such contempt for those who put their insults in their whites and not the blacks. For catharsis the blacks serve just as well, and for confrontation a direct missive or a meeting are less cowardly.
When I read people tossing insults at each other through this means I find my respect for them dwindling. I must be better else I've no leg to stand on and cannot be surprised should those flipping through my own journals find their respect for me dwindling.
Feel free to remind me of this, Arx, should you notice in pen and ink any slip in my decorum. Hold me accountable and you will have my gratitude.
I apologize for spending time in the past few days (when already frustrated) writing in my own journals with criticism or callousness towards others. I know better and am better.
I've such contempt for those who put their insults in their whites and not the blacks. For catharsis the blacks serve just as well, and for confrontation a direct missive or a meeting are less cowardly.
When I read people tossing insults at each other through this means I find my respect for them dwindling. I must be better else I've no leg to stand on and cannot be surprised should those flipping through my own journals find their respect for me dwindling.
Feel free to remind me of this, Arx, should you notice in pen and ink any slip in my decorum. Hold me accountable and you will have my gratitude.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 28, 2018, 11:24 p.m.(1/20/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Naomi
You belong here. If you did not you would not have been summoned here. The House is pleased to have you.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 28, 2018, 11:23 p.m.(1/20/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Apollis
It is quite something to read a criticism of another's etiquette when that criticism is surely lacking in the same.
Tend your own garden before you think to teach others how to maneuver high society. Presently you appear to require lessons in that area yourself.
Be better.
Tend your own garden before you think to teach others how to maneuver high society. Presently you appear to require lessons in that area yourself.
Be better.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 21, 2018, 6:24 p.m.(1/6/1008 AR)
I'm envious of anyone who has twins. Heir and spare in one go of it. Must be nice.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 17, 2018, 2:44 a.m.(12/24/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Driskell
So if I was of a mind to consider your suggestion, would you come with me? I'm not sure I know the way.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 12, 2018, 12:43 a.m.(12/13/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Edward
I don't believe I know you but I agree with you. Regarding our greatest danger. I'm not sure if its for the same reasons, but nonetheless.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 12, 2018, 12:08 a.m.(12/13/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Titania
To think how recently it was that I was livid at the very sound of your name, and thoroughly enjoyed offering the cut of a Pravus trained tongue when dressing you down as I deemed appropriate.
I've never claimed to be a kind person, few of us do where I come from. Yet I consistently regret how cruelly we argued, and am grateful that those moments are somewhat behind us in time and very far behind us in emotion.
I treasure you deeply Titania, and always will, however close or far apart our pathways take us. You are not merely 'sweet' as I've seen you praised, though you are that. You are also wise and brave, and learning to stand your ground. Should we find the time, the latter may be one of the things I can offer you further guidance on, for thriving under fire has been a hallmark of my existence. I know there is much I could learn from you as well, and hope to.
I've never claimed to be a kind person, few of us do where I come from. Yet I consistently regret how cruelly we argued, and am grateful that those moments are somewhat behind us in time and very far behind us in emotion.
I treasure you deeply Titania, and always will, however close or far apart our pathways take us. You are not merely 'sweet' as I've seen you praised, though you are that. You are also wise and brave, and learning to stand your ground. Should we find the time, the latter may be one of the things I can offer you further guidance on, for thriving under fire has been a hallmark of my existence. I know there is much I could learn from you as well, and hope to.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 12, 2018, 12:02 a.m.(12/13/1007 AR)
You can take a Lycene out of the Lycene and put her among the Mourning Isles, but you can't....hrm that has too many words to be a proper quip.
What I mean is, I find myself having a great deal of important strategic meetings lately on behalf of the House, and spend much more time than I expect not just any Thraxian but any -anyone- making sure I have the perfect outfit for each occasion.
Ah well.
What I mean is, I find myself having a great deal of important strategic meetings lately on behalf of the House, and spend much more time than I expect not just any Thraxian but any -anyone- making sure I have the perfect outfit for each occasion.
Ah well.
Written By Vanora
Jan. 4, 2018, 9:47 p.m.(11/26/1007 AR)
I appreciated the way that Prince Victus and Princess Alarissa were able to keep such a challenging and at times emotional discussion flowing and organized.
I wish that some words had been given more time and more weight, but the opportunity for such is not lost. At big meetings such as this one, it is often the smaller conversations held afterwards that truly help shape a strategy.
I wish that some words had been given more time and more weight, but the opportunity for such is not lost. At big meetings such as this one, it is often the smaller conversations held afterwards that truly help shape a strategy.
Written By Vanora
Dec. 29, 2017, 1:02 a.m.(11/10/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Valdemar
He's interesting. Holds some /very/ strong opinions but he's hardly the only one.
I am curious as to what kind of conversationalist he will be when the churning presence beneath the waters is dealt with, and there is more time for intellectual pursuits.
The mind is a muscle too. Actually I'm rather certain it is not. The sciences were never my strength.
I am curious as to what kind of conversationalist he will be when the churning presence beneath the waters is dealt with, and there is more time for intellectual pursuits.
The mind is a muscle too. Actually I'm rather certain it is not. The sciences were never my strength.
Written By Vanora
Dec. 28, 2017, 6:41 p.m.(11/10/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Titania
Scholar, I must tell you I am shocked and I do not shock easily.
A day or two ago I had afternoon drinks with Lady Titania, the well-beloved Disciple of Magnata, aspiring diplomat, and former Voice of Kennex.
Though the last part, the 'former voice' part was not entirely my doing, I did supply the information that led to it. Scholar, I want it understood that I am not an apologist for those who would undermine succession in their own families, because it turns out there is more to reflect on, and errors in execution that I am now reflecting on.
My last discussion (prior to this recent afternoon of adult beverage enjoyment) with Titania ranged from unpleasant to heartbreaking. It was not comfortable for anyone, and I let anger cloud my decisions even /knowing/ that as a Disciple of the Thirteenth I know better. So much better.
This time it went far differently. I was able to apologize in earnest for the manner in which I had wronged her, to attempt to make amends for the pain I caused, and rather than refusing (which in truth I suspected might happen) Lady Titania accepted such wholeheartedly, reacting with only warmth, love, and affection.
I have no sisters, not by blood at any rate, but if I did, I'd wish for one like this Lady.
For not only did we mend fences and speak kindly to one another, the very next day she proved beyond a doubt that the words she spoke were true. I found myself in a deeply uncomfortable situation which was made rather public, and within hours received a message from Titania asking what had happened, followed by another where she pledged her /help/. Never has a parchment warmed my heart so much as this one.
Had I to do it over again, I might have insisted that Count Fireviper abdicate his title in order to join Kennex, that we might keep Titania. Lucky for him (perhaps her too) that I do not.
A day or two ago I had afternoon drinks with Lady Titania, the well-beloved Disciple of Magnata, aspiring diplomat, and former Voice of Kennex.
Though the last part, the 'former voice' part was not entirely my doing, I did supply the information that led to it. Scholar, I want it understood that I am not an apologist for those who would undermine succession in their own families, because it turns out there is more to reflect on, and errors in execution that I am now reflecting on.
My last discussion (prior to this recent afternoon of adult beverage enjoyment) with Titania ranged from unpleasant to heartbreaking. It was not comfortable for anyone, and I let anger cloud my decisions even /knowing/ that as a Disciple of the Thirteenth I know better. So much better.
This time it went far differently. I was able to apologize in earnest for the manner in which I had wronged her, to attempt to make amends for the pain I caused, and rather than refusing (which in truth I suspected might happen) Lady Titania accepted such wholeheartedly, reacting with only warmth, love, and affection.
I have no sisters, not by blood at any rate, but if I did, I'd wish for one like this Lady.
For not only did we mend fences and speak kindly to one another, the very next day she proved beyond a doubt that the words she spoke were true. I found myself in a deeply uncomfortable situation which was made rather public, and within hours received a message from Titania asking what had happened, followed by another where she pledged her /help/. Never has a parchment warmed my heart so much as this one.
Had I to do it over again, I might have insisted that Count Fireviper abdicate his title in order to join Kennex, that we might keep Titania. Lucky for him (perhaps her too) that I do not.
Written By Vanora
Dec. 22, 2017, 11:14 p.m.(10/26/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Killian
I never knew Killian. He was very very dear to someone who is very dear to me, and thus even if only at the edges I feel the loss.
If having been well loved in life eases the movement beyond, then it seems the Paladin will be ushered well into the next stages of being.
Love is more powerful than I give it credit for, if also far more complicated than many like to acknowledge.
If having been well loved in life eases the movement beyond, then it seems the Paladin will be ushered well into the next stages of being.
Love is more powerful than I give it credit for, if also far more complicated than many like to acknowledge.
Written By Vanora
Dec. 16, 2017, 5:02 a.m.(10/13/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Driskell
I was flipping through the whites and found this one, written by a very dear friend whose presence in this world is as deep and abiding a gift as any might possibly be,
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All that you do and say is witnessed, there are no secrets. That which you do when you feel no one watches is known, and that which you do repeatedly is who you truly are. Whatever power you feel you have, you are but a temporary caretaker with a responsibility to evolve and make the world better than how you received it. He who observes behind the mirror knows all weaknesses and he waits, he watches. He gives us the opportunity to reflect on our own weaknesses and make our decisions what we'll do.
You are watched, and your secrets known.
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This is why the Mirrormasks practice over and over again facing the very worst of our deeds, our words, and even our thoughts. We fear our secrets being learned, hold them close to our chests...but they are /known/. All our misdeeds and failings. Look into the reflection and truly see what is there. Name every line, every shadow. The most dangerous secrets are not those we know and hide from the world, but those we hide from the self. Let neither hold too much power over you. May He Guide You.
Thank you, Brother Driskell
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All that you do and say is witnessed, there are no secrets. That which you do when you feel no one watches is known, and that which you do repeatedly is who you truly are. Whatever power you feel you have, you are but a temporary caretaker with a responsibility to evolve and make the world better than how you received it. He who observes behind the mirror knows all weaknesses and he waits, he watches. He gives us the opportunity to reflect on our own weaknesses and make our decisions what we'll do.
You are watched, and your secrets known.
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This is why the Mirrormasks practice over and over again facing the very worst of our deeds, our words, and even our thoughts. We fear our secrets being learned, hold them close to our chests...but they are /known/. All our misdeeds and failings. Look into the reflection and truly see what is there. Name every line, every shadow. The most dangerous secrets are not those we know and hide from the world, but those we hide from the self. Let neither hold too much power over you. May He Guide You.
Thank you, Brother Driskell
Written By Vanora
Dec. 16, 2017, 4:44 a.m.(10/13/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Gailin
It has been a pleasure to get to know this young man over the past few weeks. Though there are still a few less political topics that he and I must broach together soon, I have found discussions of marital contracts, loyalty, and the value of family mean to one Gailin Fireviper. I'd met him several times in passing before we all sat down to make plans together and ensure the best for Lady Titania. No woman wishes another an unsuitable or unpleasant match no matter how challenging their own relationship has been. I have attempted to ensure that though this appears a love match requested by the couple, it is one that makes sound sense for the future of both houses.
He is a fine man.
He is a fine man.
Written By Vanora
Dec. 14, 2017, 9:02 p.m.(10/10/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Donella
If "It was a pleasure to meet you." is what we say as a matter of etiquette, than what is it we ought say when meeting someone new is truly a pleasure? If I'd recalled today, I'd have said as much to Princess Donella Redrain.
Written By Vanora
Dec. 9, 2017, 3:28 a.m.(9/25/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Arianna
My beautiful Dark Maiden,
I would kiss away your tears and make everything better if only I could. The answers you are looking for may not be as important as you think. You are not defined by what others perceive nor what they say. You define yourself. The Thirteenth's gifts to us are many. Sometimes more than it seems possible to understand. The one I look to the most is the one plaguing you presently. He teaches us that we define ourselves. We create ourselves. The purpose of looking into the mirror is not to find what is light and good and easy. It is not to ignore or fear the darkness. It is to see it. Know it. Master it.
"He can save you from what you might become."
Fear nothing, save ignorance and denial. Look into the mirror and know your truth. Embrace it. Master it. Turn your fears, your shadows, into power.
You will get through this. I do not know the answer to your questions. What I know is that they do not matter. Not nearly so much as your strength. Your power. Your purpose.
You are His. Let Him claim you Fear nothing. We will love you when you make your way to the other side. As will He.
Fear Nothing
I would kiss away your tears and make everything better if only I could. The answers you are looking for may not be as important as you think. You are not defined by what others perceive nor what they say. You define yourself. The Thirteenth's gifts to us are many. Sometimes more than it seems possible to understand. The one I look to the most is the one plaguing you presently. He teaches us that we define ourselves. We create ourselves. The purpose of looking into the mirror is not to find what is light and good and easy. It is not to ignore or fear the darkness. It is to see it. Know it. Master it.
"He can save you from what you might become."
Fear nothing, save ignorance and denial. Look into the mirror and know your truth. Embrace it. Master it. Turn your fears, your shadows, into power.
You will get through this. I do not know the answer to your questions. What I know is that they do not matter. Not nearly so much as your strength. Your power. Your purpose.
You are His. Let Him claim you Fear nothing. We will love you when you make your way to the other side. As will He.
Fear Nothing
Written By Vanora
Dec. 6, 2017, 2:43 a.m.(9/19/1007 AR)
Ah. White Journals. It's been a minute or two since I've written last.
In flipping through these pages to remind myself of what I've commented on before I came across the entry where I explained the co-rulership that Ford Kennex established for our house and for me. It is almost comical to look on now with everything that has happened. I am sure that whatever audience this journal might reach will likely think of it as my comeuppance. My just desserts. Everything that has happened. The discovery of what 'co-ruler' meant in practice rather than as symbolic gesture. The nature of duty in all its complexities. The act of showing up, again and again and again, to bear the displeasure that so many needed to express, to provide that outlet for expression, to learn that 'co-rulership' did not mean leadership, but rather bearing the consequences of leadership around me. I did so, and do so, again and again. Because someone must. Because I was the only one willing. Because it was necessary, and that is the nature of service. Not power nor prestige, but suffering. I have ever and always been familiar with suffering, we shared a cradle once. We share existence always.
I have in recent days experienced the benefit of new displeasure. This at least coincided somewhat with my own words and my own decisions, rather than another's, which is a sort of empowerment that I hold new appreciation for. I have been described in many ways. As an outsider, which is an old song and one that troubles me very little. I have never been anything but an outsider, I do not know how to be a part of something the way that most not only know but expect as birthright. As such, I do not miss belonging, not anymore than a fish misses flying. I have also been named vain, prideful, selfish, and ambitious. All true in certain contexts, just not the one most commonly referred to. The world is changing so drastically, so thoroughly, how can any position of nobility or politics be called ambition? It means hardly anything at all. No title can imbue real power, no matter how lofty or high. We are all equally vulnerable in the world to come. Kings. Princes. High Ladies. Marquessas, Barons, Thieves, Maids. Barbarians. Thralls.
I will never have real power. I will never truly belong. What I hope and pray for, what I can truly be accused of seeking out forcefully, my genuine ambition, is to be positioned to serve. To be able to offer the only real gifts I have or ever will have to the people whom I care for, and the people I can barely tolerate.
It is all that there is. For any of us.
In flipping through these pages to remind myself of what I've commented on before I came across the entry where I explained the co-rulership that Ford Kennex established for our house and for me. It is almost comical to look on now with everything that has happened. I am sure that whatever audience this journal might reach will likely think of it as my comeuppance. My just desserts. Everything that has happened. The discovery of what 'co-ruler' meant in practice rather than as symbolic gesture. The nature of duty in all its complexities. The act of showing up, again and again and again, to bear the displeasure that so many needed to express, to provide that outlet for expression, to learn that 'co-rulership' did not mean leadership, but rather bearing the consequences of leadership around me. I did so, and do so, again and again. Because someone must. Because I was the only one willing. Because it was necessary, and that is the nature of service. Not power nor prestige, but suffering. I have ever and always been familiar with suffering, we shared a cradle once. We share existence always.
I have in recent days experienced the benefit of new displeasure. This at least coincided somewhat with my own words and my own decisions, rather than another's, which is a sort of empowerment that I hold new appreciation for. I have been described in many ways. As an outsider, which is an old song and one that troubles me very little. I have never been anything but an outsider, I do not know how to be a part of something the way that most not only know but expect as birthright. As such, I do not miss belonging, not anymore than a fish misses flying. I have also been named vain, prideful, selfish, and ambitious. All true in certain contexts, just not the one most commonly referred to. The world is changing so drastically, so thoroughly, how can any position of nobility or politics be called ambition? It means hardly anything at all. No title can imbue real power, no matter how lofty or high. We are all equally vulnerable in the world to come. Kings. Princes. High Ladies. Marquessas, Barons, Thieves, Maids. Barbarians. Thralls.
I will never have real power. I will never truly belong. What I hope and pray for, what I can truly be accused of seeking out forcefully, my genuine ambition, is to be positioned to serve. To be able to offer the only real gifts I have or ever will have to the people whom I care for, and the people I can barely tolerate.
It is all that there is. For any of us.
Written By Vanora
Nov. 14, 2017, 9:19 p.m.(8/3/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Aethan
The men of House Kennex can be a brooding bunch I've learned. It is not what I would have expected before I knew little of Thrax, the Darkwater, the Chain and the Isles. I suppose I ought have known to expect /something/ at least, it can't all be naval tactics and sailor vocabulary. Still. If they ever ceased focus on Mangata (not that I am saying they ought to, for surely Her blessings are respected, beloved, and required). Rather what I mean is, an hour or two or five staring into what looks back out at you is good for the soul, especially souls that seem to wrestle with torment.
Either that or they're just always cranky when not out at sea, which is the only time I ever see them.
Either that or they're just always cranky when not out at sea, which is the only time I ever see them.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.