Written By Tanith
Nov. 9, 2023, 8:57 a.m.(2/28/1021 AR)
They all warn, all of them do: it's different when it's your own. From the outside looking in, even a hundred times, it's very different. Maybe I have more knowledge than most beginners, maybe I can handle the changes easier when they happen ... But it's so very very different when it comes to you.
Rumors abound, terrifying whispers and murmurs in the Murder. I'm on the far side of Her territory, my husband stands at the other end of the knife; him the edge, me the hilt. Balanced between us, there is so much at stake.
What kind of world am I bringing you into, little one?
Rumors abound, terrifying whispers and murmurs in the Murder. I'm on the far side of Her territory, my husband stands at the other end of the knife; him the edge, me the hilt. Balanced between us, there is so much at stake.
What kind of world am I bringing you into, little one?
Written By Tanith
Nov. 6, 2023, 5:22 p.m.(2/23/1021 AR)
My husband rarely laughs, and if he does, it's usually a very quiet, wicked snicker. Today, this man has guffawed, chortled, cackled, and giggled, a stream of messengers coming and going, ours and others.
Surely, Tanith, it's something you did. Surely! A terrible baking pun, maybe, or a crack about knives.
No. No, I can't take credit for this fit. I wouldn't if I could, either.
Honestly. Nobles using -town criers- to proclaim -what-, of all things?
I've never underestimated my husband, but in this? I may have. Just a little bit.
Surely, Tanith, it's something you did. Surely! A terrible baking pun, maybe, or a crack about knives.
No. No, I can't take credit for this fit. I wouldn't if I could, either.
Honestly. Nobles using -town criers- to proclaim -what-, of all things?
I've never underestimated my husband, but in this? I may have. Just a little bit.
Written By Tanith
Oct. 16, 2023, 3:48 p.m.(1/8/1021 AR)
I don't recall ever feeling so exhausted, and I once midwifed between twin sisters giving birth to twins within the same hour.
Written By Tanith
Oct. 9, 2023, 7:37 p.m.(12/23/1020 AR)
This is not how I thought my story would go. -Our- story, would go. But ... so it is. Let's see what happens down this path. I can't lie; I'm beyond excited. What a strange place to be!
Written By Tanith
April 18, 2023, 2:21 p.m.(8/25/1019 AR)
I love all my mothers but the new mothers are both the most taxing and satisfying. When I see them again for their second and third births, it's incredibly reassuring to see them smile at me mid-contraction and announce, "There's the bitch that told me to shit myself when I had my first bairn!"
Out of context that shouldn't make anyone laugh. But me? I found it positively delightful. I'm happy to be remembered pleasantly during the hard moments of such a life-changing event.
Out of context that shouldn't make anyone laugh. But me? I found it positively delightful. I'm happy to be remembered pleasantly during the hard moments of such a life-changing event.
Written By Tanith
March 12, 2023, 9:36 p.m.(6/8/1019 AR)
I gotta figure out a way to auction off Mayir's caravel. Family business, but it can be complicated. I think I'll reach out to Princess Alarissa; we got a good rapport and I hear she's good at that kind of thing, setting up auctions.
Written By Tanith
March 12, 2023, 9:35 p.m.(6/8/1019 AR)
So it's officially unofficial, but the truth all the same. The Murder is mine in every way she can be. It's been that way for years but I've never written it down any place that mattered.
Since I was a kid, I knew I wanted this place. I've watched family pass it around like an heirloom (or not, let's be honest), and while I never felt she was owed to me, I knew she was mine just as she was any other Grayhopes.
In truth, it feels no different. That welcome feeling you get when you walk through the doors? That can belong to anyone of you, and I'll be there to keep her doors open and her insides intact, her kitchens warm and the booze flowing. It's what I've done for over a decade and what I'll keep doing, til I've done my job and the Queen takes me back.
Still. It's just good to put it down somewhere.
Since I was a kid, I knew I wanted this place. I've watched family pass it around like an heirloom (or not, let's be honest), and while I never felt she was owed to me, I knew she was mine just as she was any other Grayhopes.
In truth, it feels no different. That welcome feeling you get when you walk through the doors? That can belong to anyone of you, and I'll be there to keep her doors open and her insides intact, her kitchens warm and the booze flowing. It's what I've done for over a decade and what I'll keep doing, til I've done my job and the Queen takes me back.
Still. It's just good to put it down somewhere.
Written By Tanith
Oct. 23, 2022, 10:48 a.m.(8/12/1018 AR)
I put your skull in with the others at the Shrine. Ripley did a wonderful job, and he was very generous to let us all have a hand in its creation.
It was a different kind of closeness to death, when we lost you. It's not the same as shaking hands with the Dead, or talking to them, or passing them a beer because you think they're really sitting there (you do this to me -every- month, Franc, I hate you). It's also not the same as holding a hand when the soul is passing, or staring into dead eyes who do more than just sit there and see without seeing.
We all die. It's the end to the story we live, it's what's coming sooner or later. The last sunrise. The last step. The last duty.
I knew this might be your last. You saved us and more.
I put my hand on your skull and I prayed you found the peace you deserved after serving for so long. Presumptuous of me, I know; I didn't have enough time to be your friend but I think we would have been. You liked me enough to save my skin. And besides that, I admired you.
So take your rest and be at peace. Maybe we'll see you again in another Turn, yeah?
It was a different kind of closeness to death, when we lost you. It's not the same as shaking hands with the Dead, or talking to them, or passing them a beer because you think they're really sitting there (you do this to me -every- month, Franc, I hate you). It's also not the same as holding a hand when the soul is passing, or staring into dead eyes who do more than just sit there and see without seeing.
We all die. It's the end to the story we live, it's what's coming sooner or later. The last sunrise. The last step. The last duty.
I knew this might be your last. You saved us and more.
I put my hand on your skull and I prayed you found the peace you deserved after serving for so long. Presumptuous of me, I know; I didn't have enough time to be your friend but I think we would have been. You liked me enough to save my skin. And besides that, I admired you.
So take your rest and be at peace. Maybe we'll see you again in another Turn, yeah?
Written By Tanith
Oct. 6, 2022, 10:56 a.m.(7/6/1018 AR)
I was a little girl when I learned that shadows can cradle you and your secrets better than sunlight, and darkness can hide equally in both.
Written By Tanith
Sept. 26, 2022, 7:19 p.m.(6/15/1018 AR)
First time walking the path I'm meant for.
I break my ankle.
I'm taking this as a sign that I'm going the right way.
No scholar, I will -not- stop laughing. When I get home I'll get laughed at more, and I'll take it all in stride-
[The scholar notes that Tanith would not stop laughing, and in fact snorted several times, and had nothing else coherent to say once she got herself under control.]
I break my ankle.
I'm taking this as a sign that I'm going the right way.
No scholar, I will -not- stop laughing. When I get home I'll get laughed at more, and I'll take it all in stride-
[The scholar notes that Tanith would not stop laughing, and in fact snorted several times, and had nothing else coherent to say once she got herself under control.]
Written By Tanith
Sept. 22, 2022, 9:54 a.m.(6/6/1018 AR)
Strange men singing about pies outside my house. Did I mention my house is near the cemetery? Do you know how -jarring- that is when you're up at the ugliest hour after having fallen asleep on your couch? I thought I was dreaming. Or that the house was finally haunted, or -worse-. Whoever you are, I know I hit you in the head, I think, I'm quite sorry, but please understand you were unnerving as needles in a wool sweater.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 25, 2022, 3:49 p.m.(4/7/1018 AR)
When my husband is scared of me, he buys flowers and puts them in the kitchen sink. If they're on display later, he knows it's safe.
He doesn't think I know this. I pretend I don't. It's a good system.
He doesn't think I know this. I pretend I don't. It's a good system.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 11, 2022, 11:41 p.m.(3/7/1018 AR)
Rituals that cleanse and take, give and ask. I'm still lost in it, musing over the future; what will be, what might be, how it ends.
I babble, scholar, forgive me; but you see, yeah? I'm smiling. I'm beyond ... I don't know.
I've a job to do, don't I? This chaotic world and there are still some things that must be done, a beginning, a middle, and an end. It's the way it is to see it properly through. My hands are the beginning for so many. -So many-.
I'll be dizzy on this for days.
Oh, Felicia. If only I could tell you.
I babble, scholar, forgive me; but you see, yeah? I'm smiling. I'm beyond ... I don't know.
I've a job to do, don't I? This chaotic world and there are still some things that must be done, a beginning, a middle, and an end. It's the way it is to see it properly through. My hands are the beginning for so many. -So many-.
I'll be dizzy on this for days.
Oh, Felicia. If only I could tell you.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 8, 2022, 2:21 p.m.(3/1/1018 AR)
My mother told me to visit more often or she'd make a point of dropping by my house unannounced, at an hour I'd never expect. Scared me into scheduling my next ten visits these next few months, let me tell you.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 8, 2022, 2:03 p.m.(3/1/1018 AR)
Felicia Harrow.
A complicated women who knew more than any can say, about so many things. A hand I grasped in more ways than I can explain, have the right to explain, who pulled me from obscurity and taught me that I could do more than I was. That I can keep my secrets and use them to help others regardless of what others might say.
Anything I'd write wouldn't do her justice. Her soul's journey is going on over the edge of the horizon, beyond what we can see or remember; I hope I see her again. I hope I can help close her chapter for the benefit of her kin but also for myself. Is that selfish? It probably is. But for all the help she gave me, I'll see her story through to the end. It's important.
A complicated women who knew more than any can say, about so many things. A hand I grasped in more ways than I can explain, have the right to explain, who pulled me from obscurity and taught me that I could do more than I was. That I can keep my secrets and use them to help others regardless of what others might say.
Anything I'd write wouldn't do her justice. Her soul's journey is going on over the edge of the horizon, beyond what we can see or remember; I hope I see her again. I hope I can help close her chapter for the benefit of her kin but also for myself. Is that selfish? It probably is. But for all the help she gave me, I'll see her story through to the end. It's important.
Written By Tanith
July 28, 2022, 11:23 a.m.(2/4/1018 AR)
One of the girls at the Murder had her first today, right there in the kitchen. Not a bad spot, tucked between the stove and one of the better rugs. It was after I'd promised to come home early and when I was getting my coat, because of course it was. Babe and new mother are fine, bundled off with some frantic looking Harlequins.
It was a good day.
It was a good day.
Written By Tanith
July 26, 2022, 9:49 p.m.(2/1/1018 AR)
I have a good one for you, scholar, as relayed to me by another Harlequin:
When does a baker reveal her secret recipes?
On a knead to dough basis.
I know, I know, even Raymesin might pinch me for that one.
When does a baker reveal her secret recipes?
On a knead to dough basis.
I know, I know, even Raymesin might pinch me for that one.
Written By Tanith
May 8, 2022, 8:25 p.m.(8/11/1017 AR)
I can finally breathe without wincing, or move without having to take my time. Most don't notice but I do. I hate it, having to be careful, having to go slow.
I dreamt of Death not long ago. She told me she almost had me in Her arms again. She didn't smile but She wasn't angry. I don't know if such things are meaningful, but I know on my last adventure I could ... it could have gone very badly. It didn't and I'm thankful, thankful to them that saved me and -her-, especially. Kyda. I keep thinking about her.
I think I'll always think about her, at least sometime in my day. Everyday.
I dreamt of Death not long ago. She told me she almost had me in Her arms again. She didn't smile but She wasn't angry. I don't know if such things are meaningful, but I know on my last adventure I could ... it could have gone very badly. It didn't and I'm thankful, thankful to them that saved me and -her-, especially. Kyda. I keep thinking about her.
I think I'll always think about her, at least sometime in my day. Everyday.
Written By Tanith
April 30, 2022, 12:01 p.m.(7/22/1017 AR)
What a glorious day this is, scholar. A -GLORIOUS- -FUCKING- day!
She's back! You know what this means?
Well, come to think of it I'm not allowed to tell anyone what this means, but it means a lot. She's the only sibling I have that doesn't strong-arm me into physician and midwifery chatter. Emara, the only sister I have, has returned!
Everyone, hide your plants!
She's back! You know what this means?
Well, come to think of it I'm not allowed to tell anyone what this means, but it means a lot. She's the only sibling I have that doesn't strong-arm me into physician and midwifery chatter. Emara, the only sister I have, has returned!
Everyone, hide your plants!
Written By Tanith
April 28, 2022, 5:12 p.m.(7/18/1017 AR)
Broken ribs have finally started to heal but oof did I get kicked in the chest by a woman in labor last night? No. I didn't. I'm just moving like a frozen sack of potatoes because it's the latest dance craze, I hear the silks call it the 'Angry Beanbag'.
I've been quiet about everything. I want to get it down and out and ... I have no words. Someone takes the fall for you and you don't know what to say about it. I feel an awful lot about it, though. I feel ... sad. Determined. A lot of grief. There's some hope in there too, though, a little bit of honor. Shock. Yeah, that hasn't faded a bit. Definitely, still in shock.
But there's gratitude, too. I'm grateful, as I wash my hands before I soothe a new mother, before I hand her her baby. I'm grateful to come home at night, even if I'm sore. I'm grateful to open the bakery in the morning. I'm grateful to kiss my loves, to hold them close, to cook for them or watch them cook for me. To tuck them in when I sneak away at odd hours. I'm grateful I can see the faces of my friends and kin, to feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair.
Kyda. I'm grateful. Wherever you are. I'm a lot of feelings right now but I'm that. I'm mostly that.
I've been quiet about everything. I want to get it down and out and ... I have no words. Someone takes the fall for you and you don't know what to say about it. I feel an awful lot about it, though. I feel ... sad. Determined. A lot of grief. There's some hope in there too, though, a little bit of honor. Shock. Yeah, that hasn't faded a bit. Definitely, still in shock.
But there's gratitude, too. I'm grateful, as I wash my hands before I soothe a new mother, before I hand her her baby. I'm grateful to come home at night, even if I'm sore. I'm grateful to open the bakery in the morning. I'm grateful to kiss my loves, to hold them close, to cook for them or watch them cook for me. To tuck them in when I sneak away at odd hours. I'm grateful I can see the faces of my friends and kin, to feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair.
Kyda. I'm grateful. Wherever you are. I'm a lot of feelings right now but I'm that. I'm mostly that.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.