Written By Revell
June 13, 2020, 11:34 a.m.(6/20/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Dycard
People have returned from Sungreet, and new information still seems to be tickling in. Just when I thought an opinion had formed, something changed my entire perspective. I feel fortunate that nobody wants or expects an opinion from a silly little flower girl, so I can take my time soaking in all the information.
But there's one thing I know for sure - I am so, so glad that you made it back alive, Lord-Captain.
But there's one thing I know for sure - I am so, so glad that you made it back alive, Lord-Captain.
Written By Revell
June 13, 2020, 11:17 a.m.(6/20/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Poppy
Lady Poppy responded to the journal by Prince Sirius Valardin better than I ever could.
I stared at his entry for a long while, pondering how to respond because I knew that I wanted to. While still trying to figure it out, Lady Poppy replied. A reply that, honestly? Warms my heart. We did not grow up in the same part of the Northlands, but her experiences mirror my own.
The people I was surrounded by as I grew were the kindest, most compassionate people I have ever met. Resilient, yes, but not just in body - in mind and in spirit too. Patient. Unshakeable. It's nice to know that despite the blistering cold, there is a warmth unlike any other to be found back North if I ever need it.
And I'll take the warmth of people over warm weather any day.
I stared at his entry for a long while, pondering how to respond because I knew that I wanted to. While still trying to figure it out, Lady Poppy replied. A reply that, honestly? Warms my heart. We did not grow up in the same part of the Northlands, but her experiences mirror my own.
The people I was surrounded by as I grew were the kindest, most compassionate people I have ever met. Resilient, yes, but not just in body - in mind and in spirit too. Patient. Unshakeable. It's nice to know that despite the blistering cold, there is a warmth unlike any other to be found back North if I ever need it.
And I'll take the warmth of people over warm weather any day.
Written By Revell
May 24, 2020, 10:17 p.m.(5/8/1013 AR)
Scholar, I am leaving Arx for a little while.
City life and I do not get along very well - I love the sights, I love the people and I absolutely adore the work that I have done so far. There is no doubt that I will be back, but I am a village girl at heart and I miss the sense of community that I had back home. So, I am headed back North to visit my family. To unwind, to think.
Maybe, when I come back, my mistakes will be fewer and my attention focused on the things that matter.
City life and I do not get along very well - I love the sights, I love the people and I absolutely adore the work that I have done so far. There is no doubt that I will be back, but I am a village girl at heart and I miss the sense of community that I had back home. So, I am headed back North to visit my family. To unwind, to think.
Maybe, when I come back, my mistakes will be fewer and my attention focused on the things that matter.
Written By Revell
May 18, 2020, 11:49 a.m.(4/24/1013 AR)
Thank you.
Everyone who's been trying so hard to help feed those that most need it - from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I've spent a large portion of my life living on handouts from generous individuals, so it means a lot to me to see that they exist within Arx as well.
There are people out there who need you and appreciate what you're doing. Please don't let scrutiny and backlash stop you.
Everyone who's been trying so hard to help feed those that most need it - from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I've spent a large portion of my life living on handouts from generous individuals, so it means a lot to me to see that they exist within Arx as well.
There are people out there who need you and appreciate what you're doing. Please don't let scrutiny and backlash stop you.
Written By Revell
May 17, 2020, 12:05 a.m.(4/21/1013 AR)
Disgusting.
And I'm not talking about the bugs.
And I'm not talking about the bugs.
Written By Revell
May 16, 2020, 8:56 a.m.(4/19/1013 AR)
Lately, I've put a lot of thought into the word 'respect'. In the Lowers, it is a word tossed around often, and I have never felt quite right with its use - using fear to control and pacify others never felt like respect to me, but, after sending a few letters back and forth to my father, he put it very well;
"Sometimes, people use the word 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like a person', and sometimes they use the word 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like an authority'.
And sometimes, people who are used to being treated like an authority say 'if you won't respect me, I won't respect you', and they mean 'if you won't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person'.
They think they are being fair, but they aren't, and it's not okay."
I think about this a lot, and I wonder if these people of the Lowers are aware that they are not different to the sort of members of the Peerage that they like to loathe so much?
"Sometimes, people use the word 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like a person', and sometimes they use the word 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like an authority'.
And sometimes, people who are used to being treated like an authority say 'if you won't respect me, I won't respect you', and they mean 'if you won't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person'.
They think they are being fair, but they aren't, and it's not okay."
I think about this a lot, and I wonder if these people of the Lowers are aware that they are not different to the sort of members of the Peerage that they like to loathe so much?
Written By Revell
May 16, 2020, 5:42 a.m.(4/19/1013 AR)
Between hello and goodbye, there can be so, so much love.
Even if it ends, that alone makes the experience worth it. You were blessed to have your heart filled with love for another, maybe it was even returned. And if it wasn't? It is the most beautiful feeling, loving someone unconditionally.
And something even more beautiful in telling them how you feel, unashamed, without room for doubt. Even if it is not returned, even if it can never be - everyone deserves to know that they are loved, that somebody out there cares oh so deeply for them.
It is so easy to feel like you don't deserve such bliss. It's so easy to feel like nobody cares for you to that extent. It's easy to grow insecure and believe that nobody will ever look your way. Maybe being told by someone you least expected it from that no, you do deserve love, you are loved, you are special.. maybe that could change a life for the better.
Somebody once told me that I was obsessed with letting others know what I feel about them, when I feel it. He is right. Perhaps it'll come back to bite me in the ass, but so be it. It physically pains me to think that somebody I hold dear might disappear without ever knowing how cherished they were.
It's an interesting thing, feeling so much love and care, feeling this desire to share it, but not wanting or expecting more than a close friendship. No inappropriate desire, jealousy only coming from getting to spend less time with a friend, no daydreams of kisses and marriage and kids.
Maybe that isn't love? Maybe it's a different kind of love?
I'm still trying so desperately to understand my own feelings, but I think I'm getting closer to an answer.
Thank you, Scholar, for listening to a young girl who's had a bit too much to drink ramble on and on about love in the late hours of the evening. You are the best - sometimes you just need to shout this kind of thing into the void, you know?
Even if it ends, that alone makes the experience worth it. You were blessed to have your heart filled with love for another, maybe it was even returned. And if it wasn't? It is the most beautiful feeling, loving someone unconditionally.
And something even more beautiful in telling them how you feel, unashamed, without room for doubt. Even if it is not returned, even if it can never be - everyone deserves to know that they are loved, that somebody out there cares oh so deeply for them.
It is so easy to feel like you don't deserve such bliss. It's so easy to feel like nobody cares for you to that extent. It's easy to grow insecure and believe that nobody will ever look your way. Maybe being told by someone you least expected it from that no, you do deserve love, you are loved, you are special.. maybe that could change a life for the better.
Somebody once told me that I was obsessed with letting others know what I feel about them, when I feel it. He is right. Perhaps it'll come back to bite me in the ass, but so be it. It physically pains me to think that somebody I hold dear might disappear without ever knowing how cherished they were.
It's an interesting thing, feeling so much love and care, feeling this desire to share it, but not wanting or expecting more than a close friendship. No inappropriate desire, jealousy only coming from getting to spend less time with a friend, no daydreams of kisses and marriage and kids.
Maybe that isn't love? Maybe it's a different kind of love?
I'm still trying so desperately to understand my own feelings, but I think I'm getting closer to an answer.
Thank you, Scholar, for listening to a young girl who's had a bit too much to drink ramble on and on about love in the late hours of the evening. You are the best - sometimes you just need to shout this kind of thing into the void, you know?
Written By Revell
May 11, 2020, 5:24 a.m.(4/9/1013 AR)
It has taken a while, but I've found the heart.
It's not made of gold. It's fleshy, pink and filled to the brim with blood - it's just a heart, but it's one I hope I'll learn how to take good care of.
It's not made of gold. It's fleshy, pink and filled to the brim with blood - it's just a heart, but it's one I hope I'll learn how to take good care of.
Written By Revell
May 7, 2020, 7:13 p.m.(4/2/1013 AR)
I wonder if it's possible to become a Silent Reflection by choice, because apparently, I should not be allowed to open my mouth. I have so many thoughts and feelings and opinions but nothing good ever comes of sharing them, yet I can't help it.
No, Scholar, I don't -actually- want to be a Silent Reflection, I just want to learn how to keep my mouth shut. Any ideas?
No, Scholar, I don't -actually- want to be a Silent Reflection, I just want to learn how to keep my mouth shut. Any ideas?
Written By Revell
May 6, 2020, 6:07 p.m.(3/28/1013 AR)
Watching the face of someone you care about light up because they received a letter from a newfound friend is honestly one of the best feelings I've ever experienced.
You deserve this slice of happiness. Enjoy it.
You deserve this slice of happiness. Enjoy it.
Written By Revell
May 4, 2020, 9:19 p.m.(3/24/1013 AR)
I thought the River's Edge was -the- place to think, but then I found the Pit and I thought my whole world was turned upside down. But then, Scholar, then I sat in a Crow's Nest for an evening with a bottle of rum. And let me tell you, my eyes have been opened.
I digress. Things are still a bit messy, but I've been on contact with Pa, so everything feels a little better and brighter than it did before. Don't tell him I said that, though - I'd rather blame my mood getting better on spring getter nearer.
I digress. Things are still a bit messy, but I've been on contact with Pa, so everything feels a little better and brighter than it did before. Don't tell him I said that, though - I'd rather blame my mood getting better on spring getter nearer.
Written By Revell
May 2, 2020, 8:16 a.m.(3/19/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Auda
Auda, I admire what you and the Council are trying to do and I truly hope that the adversity you may face does not discourage you.
You're trying. You're doing good. Keep it up. Someone out there is rooting for you, and others will be forever thankful for your efforts.
And if the Council ever needs a benefactor for a project, I may be able to help.
You're trying. You're doing good. Keep it up. Someone out there is rooting for you, and others will be forever thankful for your efforts.
And if the Council ever needs a benefactor for a project, I may be able to help.
Written By Revell
April 26, 2020, 2:20 a.m.(3/7/1013 AR)
Oh.
.. Fuck.
.. Fuck.
Written By Revell
April 25, 2020, 8:21 p.m.(3/6/1013 AR)
I promised not to say anything to anyone about -a thing-. So, I'm just going to vaguely (the horror) thank the person I talked to at the Pits the other day.
It was nice sharing a thing that I'd bottled up for so long, and it was nice sharing it with someone who could sympathize. I hope sharing your own woes with me helped, and I hope you find your little slice of happiness one day.
You deserve it. Few are as kind as you.
Do apologize less, though.
It was nice sharing a thing that I'd bottled up for so long, and it was nice sharing it with someone who could sympathize. I hope sharing your own woes with me helped, and I hope you find your little slice of happiness one day.
You deserve it. Few are as kind as you.
Do apologize less, though.
Written By Revell
April 23, 2020, 12:05 a.m.(2/28/1013 AR)
"Never let someone tell you that you are not beautiful."
What kind words.
It is not something I concern myself with often - appearances that is - as romance and intimacy are not a focus in my life. I certainly don't consider myself ugly, but somebody recently said something to me that dug at an insecurity I rarely have to content with.
Scholar, do you think that I'm beautiful? Or do you also think that I am too skinny, that it is unacceptable? Am I too delicate and frail?
I know that my bones like to make their presence known underneath my skin. I know that my collarbones pop when I laugh, and that I can easily count my ribs when I breathe in. I do not have much in the way of curves, and the way my freckles cluster in chaotic patterns makes them look more like patches of dirt than the gorgeous, consistent starry pattern others have been blessed with. I know that my front teeth are a little too large, and that one of my dimples is more prominent than the other.
And you may not notice it until you're much too close to my face, Scholar, but there's a smattering of blue in my eyes. An uneven mess that makes the brown look cracked.
Despite all of this, is it still okay for me to believe that I am beautiful in my own, messy way? Even if I may not be desirable to many? I know that I could never compare to most classy women - their fashions, the way they move, the thing that they do with their eyes..
But could I still be pleasing to the eye, if only to my own?
What kind words.
It is not something I concern myself with often - appearances that is - as romance and intimacy are not a focus in my life. I certainly don't consider myself ugly, but somebody recently said something to me that dug at an insecurity I rarely have to content with.
Scholar, do you think that I'm beautiful? Or do you also think that I am too skinny, that it is unacceptable? Am I too delicate and frail?
I know that my bones like to make their presence known underneath my skin. I know that my collarbones pop when I laugh, and that I can easily count my ribs when I breathe in. I do not have much in the way of curves, and the way my freckles cluster in chaotic patterns makes them look more like patches of dirt than the gorgeous, consistent starry pattern others have been blessed with. I know that my front teeth are a little too large, and that one of my dimples is more prominent than the other.
And you may not notice it until you're much too close to my face, Scholar, but there's a smattering of blue in my eyes. An uneven mess that makes the brown look cracked.
Despite all of this, is it still okay for me to believe that I am beautiful in my own, messy way? Even if I may not be desirable to many? I know that I could never compare to most classy women - their fashions, the way they move, the thing that they do with their eyes..
But could I still be pleasing to the eye, if only to my own?
Written By Revell
April 20, 2020, 8:38 p.m.(2/24/1013 AR)
The past few days have been such a horrid mess and I feel a lot of sympathy for those who feel like they need to turn to drugs and alcohol in order to manage their emotions.
But, honestly? As cheesy as this may sound.. friends are the best cure of all, Scholar.
Friends can come from all walks of life. Sometimes, you'll be pleasantly surprised how far some of them will go just to put a smile back onto your face, especially those you least expect it from.
And unlike my real parents, these friends did not abandon me the moment I showed weakness. The moment I no longer had use, the moment I became difficult.
In fact, in some cases.. I feel closer than ever to them in a way I don't think I ever have before.
Trust. I think that's the word for it.
Trust.
Corrigan, you suck at words but thank you for what you -did-. Thank you for the smoke, it helped the the edge off. Yardstick is the best dog, by the by.
Dycard, would I be overstepping if I called you my best friend? Thank you for the hug, I needed it more than I realised. Ladies of the Peerage, /please/ snatch this one up. You'll want for nothing, and he deserves that happiness.
Sirius, it still baffles me that you even want to spend time with me since I seem to use most of it wiping my snot off with some expensive cloth or another you hand me, but thank you for making me laugh when I needed it. Thank you for the kind words you shared.
Rinel, I don't think you needed to apologise for anything, but you still did. That was very big of you. Thank you, and I am sorry too for getting so mad back then.
Scholar. Does this mean I no longer have to be alone?
But, honestly? As cheesy as this may sound.. friends are the best cure of all, Scholar.
Friends can come from all walks of life. Sometimes, you'll be pleasantly surprised how far some of them will go just to put a smile back onto your face, especially those you least expect it from.
And unlike my real parents, these friends did not abandon me the moment I showed weakness. The moment I no longer had use, the moment I became difficult.
In fact, in some cases.. I feel closer than ever to them in a way I don't think I ever have before.
Trust. I think that's the word for it.
Trust.
Corrigan, you suck at words but thank you for what you -did-. Thank you for the smoke, it helped the the edge off. Yardstick is the best dog, by the by.
Dycard, would I be overstepping if I called you my best friend? Thank you for the hug, I needed it more than I realised. Ladies of the Peerage, /please/ snatch this one up. You'll want for nothing, and he deserves that happiness.
Sirius, it still baffles me that you even want to spend time with me since I seem to use most of it wiping my snot off with some expensive cloth or another you hand me, but thank you for making me laugh when I needed it. Thank you for the kind words you shared.
Rinel, I don't think you needed to apologise for anything, but you still did. That was very big of you. Thank you, and I am sorry too for getting so mad back then.
Scholar. Does this mean I no longer have to be alone?
Written By Revell
April 20, 2020, 6:08 p.m.(2/24/1013 AR)
I won something at Tanith's and Raymesin's reception. It was pure luck, as I only did as well as I did by following in Corrigan's wake - it's amazing how willing people are to talk when they want somebody else to lose.
Speaking of the Confessor, I should probably return his badge.
Speaking of the Confessor, I should probably return his badge.
Written By Revell
April 16, 2020, 3:06 p.m.(2/16/1013 AR)
Hi Scholar,
I know I've been very open about my distaste for charity in the past - though, it is not so much charity that I don't like, it's the feeling of being useless or pitied that often comes with it, and the thoughtlessness behind the charity itself more often than not.
I've realized that no, it's not charity I dislike - I love it, in fact - I just prefer it to come in a very specific packaging. I enjoy seeing a member of the Peerage do their part by getting their hands dirty in the Lowers. I like that the lovely Baroness Skye volunteers in the Commons Clinic, and as terrifying I may find her, I love how Lady Lucene handles the orphans of the Tragedy. I find that those actions are worth so much more than a handful of silver.
Likewise, I've come to realize that I enjoy giving people gifts. Things that they need, or things that they want dearly. Something personal, something that is going to have a sentimental value attached to it, something created by my own hand.
Of course, Scholar, this is not me advocating for fewer donations to the Faith or any other charity organization. It has its place, it's important, and it /definitely/ makes a change. This is merely me airing my love of a personal touch on a much smaller scale, is all.
I know I've been very open about my distaste for charity in the past - though, it is not so much charity that I don't like, it's the feeling of being useless or pitied that often comes with it, and the thoughtlessness behind the charity itself more often than not.
I've realized that no, it's not charity I dislike - I love it, in fact - I just prefer it to come in a very specific packaging. I enjoy seeing a member of the Peerage do their part by getting their hands dirty in the Lowers. I like that the lovely Baroness Skye volunteers in the Commons Clinic, and as terrifying I may find her, I love how Lady Lucene handles the orphans of the Tragedy. I find that those actions are worth so much more than a handful of silver.
Likewise, I've come to realize that I enjoy giving people gifts. Things that they need, or things that they want dearly. Something personal, something that is going to have a sentimental value attached to it, something created by my own hand.
Of course, Scholar, this is not me advocating for fewer donations to the Faith or any other charity organization. It has its place, it's important, and it /definitely/ makes a change. This is merely me airing my love of a personal touch on a much smaller scale, is all.
Written By Revell
April 13, 2020, 12:52 p.m.(2/9/1013 AR)
Unwarranted violence utterly disgusts me.
I'm no pacifist - I enjoy watching two consenting adults spar, and I don't practice it often myself, but self defense is sometimes needed if you want to keep your life.
But when someone simply offends you? Maybe they said something you don't approve of? Maybe they insulted your family? Does that really warrent a smack?
Ugh.
Even the easily-offended-Peers have systems in place to deal with that kind of thing in a relative mature manner.
Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, I wish people's action more often would be to try and settle things with words.
I'm no pacifist - I enjoy watching two consenting adults spar, and I don't practice it often myself, but self defense is sometimes needed if you want to keep your life.
But when someone simply offends you? Maybe they said something you don't approve of? Maybe they insulted your family? Does that really warrent a smack?
Ugh.
Even the easily-offended-Peers have systems in place to deal with that kind of thing in a relative mature manner.
Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, I wish people's action more often would be to try and settle things with words.
Written By Revell
April 12, 2020, 5:59 p.m.(2/8/1013 AR)
So, something happened to me.
I considered making an account of it in a black journal entry - I haven't really done any of those yet - as it's a rather private and personal thing. And honestly? I don't think anyone would care or even benefit from reading this several years from now.
But, my heart skipped a beat.
While bedridden, someone said something to me that caused my chest to tighten and my stomach to turn. It made me incredibly nauseous and I thought I was about to let go of my lunch. (Lottie's pastries deserve a better fate than that) But then, as the initial shock of what had been said passed, there was this.. warm, fussy feeling spreading throughout my body. It felt like a rapidly developing fever, or sliding into a hot bath right after rolling around in the snow.
I think I liked it? I'm not sure, and a part of me hopes it doesn't happen again.
I considered making an account of it in a black journal entry - I haven't really done any of those yet - as it's a rather private and personal thing. And honestly? I don't think anyone would care or even benefit from reading this several years from now.
But, my heart skipped a beat.
While bedridden, someone said something to me that caused my chest to tighten and my stomach to turn. It made me incredibly nauseous and I thought I was about to let go of my lunch. (Lottie's pastries deserve a better fate than that) But then, as the initial shock of what had been said passed, there was this.. warm, fussy feeling spreading throughout my body. It felt like a rapidly developing fever, or sliding into a hot bath right after rolling around in the snow.
I think I liked it? I'm not sure, and a part of me hopes it doesn't happen again.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.