Written By Orland
Jan. 24, 2024, 11:13 p.m.(8/13/1021 AR)
Relationship Note on Giorgio
Words cannot fill the emptiness you leave to our family.
We will do great works in your honour, my brother.
We will do great works in your honour, my brother.
Written By Orland
Jan. 24, 2024, 11:12 p.m.(8/13/1021 AR)
I started with nothing. I remain how I was born. There is no exceptional quality about me, other than I was given a chance. And a chance is sometimes all a person needs to do some extraordinary things with their life. I can see that now and I will one day, give my people, the people of Bravura, a chance to rise from the ashes and forge themselves into something new. No matter how long it takes, Bravura will once again be my home.
And I will not be alone...
My husband, my children, my friends ... will be there at my side.
And I will not be alone...
My husband, my children, my friends ... will be there at my side.
Written By Orland
Jan. 24, 2024, 7:41 p.m.(8/13/1021 AR)
If I should fall, and should Savio Amadeo fall with me... our children will be raised and fostered by Marquessa Cassiopeia and Marquis-Consort Proscipi, until they're of legal age.
All my wealth and items will pass on to them.
By my hand.
Orland Amadeo,
Voice of Amadeo, seat of Bravura
All my wealth and items will pass on to them.
By my hand.
Orland Amadeo,
Voice of Amadeo, seat of Bravura
Written By Orland
May 8, 2023, 4:03 p.m.(10/10/1019 AR)
I'm not the good thing that needs to come to an end.
Written By Orland
Oct. 27, 2022, 11:06 p.m.(8/21/1018 AR)
I do not claim any random pieces of paper that were thrown at the assembly...
Written By Orland
Oct. 1, 2022, 7:44 p.m.(6/25/1018 AR)
Thoughts of... becoming a father....
I promised in front of a great crowd up on the day of my marriage that I would obtain a noble heir ... and I have done as such. Through the facilitations of Grayson's Minster of Loyalty, all the orphaned children from Mapleford will all find succor in new homes. Lady Rynn and Lord Ishen are two such youngsters whom with House Amadeo is honored to offer a home too, one that will be filled with such opportunities and a grand future. Should any of the particulars spike your curiosity dear readers, you might seek either my husband or myself out for quiet conference.
That stated, I'm quite unsure of what to make of myself becoming a father. For two long years we sought the right match and while we heard promises and eagerness to aid us, due to circumstances out of anyone's control no suitable resolution was found. So I had a few years, to come around to the notion of being a father. A dad. Yet it still hits me quite suddenly that now I am one. I'm certain the children are quite as overwhelmed by all that's transpired as much as I am, that we are.
Though I will say this, in ink, in the Whites... I will promise to guide these children into their futures and protect them at all costs. They've been through too much already and now they are mine to shield from the evils of this world, but I promise too that I will prepare them for it. I will make them ready to stand a beacon of hope, a blade of salvation, and a shield of glory to the people which will one day look to them as leaders.
No longer are we orphans...
... we are family.
I promised in front of a great crowd up on the day of my marriage that I would obtain a noble heir ... and I have done as such. Through the facilitations of Grayson's Minster of Loyalty, all the orphaned children from Mapleford will all find succor in new homes. Lady Rynn and Lord Ishen are two such youngsters whom with House Amadeo is honored to offer a home too, one that will be filled with such opportunities and a grand future. Should any of the particulars spike your curiosity dear readers, you might seek either my husband or myself out for quiet conference.
That stated, I'm quite unsure of what to make of myself becoming a father. For two long years we sought the right match and while we heard promises and eagerness to aid us, due to circumstances out of anyone's control no suitable resolution was found. So I had a few years, to come around to the notion of being a father. A dad. Yet it still hits me quite suddenly that now I am one. I'm certain the children are quite as overwhelmed by all that's transpired as much as I am, that we are.
Though I will say this, in ink, in the Whites... I will promise to guide these children into their futures and protect them at all costs. They've been through too much already and now they are mine to shield from the evils of this world, but I promise too that I will prepare them for it. I will make them ready to stand a beacon of hope, a blade of salvation, and a shield of glory to the people which will one day look to them as leaders.
No longer are we orphans...
... we are family.
Written By Orland
July 27, 2022, 2:41 p.m.(2/2/1018 AR)
Thoughts on .... having a bounty on my head, thoughts of injuries, and war... and dependencies...
I consider we were in the right time, right place, to help House Eswynd defend their shores from attacks. I won't get into the details, there's no need. War is happening as we speak. Loyalties are challenged, beliefs are challenged, families are pitted against families. Grudges are sought out in blood.
Though, what caught me off guard - though it really shouldn't - was the voice of a Captain putting a bounty on my head amidst the fight. I was not prepared for the sudden turn of attention upon me. I had held my own up until that point. I had a choice of being skewered for a bounty of booze, not even silver, but booze for life - another insult I suppose to go along with the commentary that I was a flea - back to the choice, die or leap off their ship. I did what I could to get out of that harrowing position and I ended up breaking a leg over it. Literally, broke a leg. Never let anyone tell me to go 'break a leg' when I perform, I'll be sour with them. Breaking a leg is not enjoyable, at all, - especially when your spouse wanders off for hours after promising to fetch you something.
I mean, it's not been all that bad. In truth it's helped slow things down for me. And this is okay. Sometimes life doesn't have to be solving every big bad thing happening. Sometimes it's nice to be in the present moment. Like, just the other night, sitting with Savio watching the snow fall.
If only such moments would last longer, than a mere moment.
I consider we were in the right time, right place, to help House Eswynd defend their shores from attacks. I won't get into the details, there's no need. War is happening as we speak. Loyalties are challenged, beliefs are challenged, families are pitted against families. Grudges are sought out in blood.
Though, what caught me off guard - though it really shouldn't - was the voice of a Captain putting a bounty on my head amidst the fight. I was not prepared for the sudden turn of attention upon me. I had held my own up until that point. I had a choice of being skewered for a bounty of booze, not even silver, but booze for life - another insult I suppose to go along with the commentary that I was a flea - back to the choice, die or leap off their ship. I did what I could to get out of that harrowing position and I ended up breaking a leg over it. Literally, broke a leg. Never let anyone tell me to go 'break a leg' when I perform, I'll be sour with them. Breaking a leg is not enjoyable, at all, - especially when your spouse wanders off for hours after promising to fetch you something.
I mean, it's not been all that bad. In truth it's helped slow things down for me. And this is okay. Sometimes life doesn't have to be solving every big bad thing happening. Sometimes it's nice to be in the present moment. Like, just the other night, sitting with Savio watching the snow fall.
If only such moments would last longer, than a mere moment.
Written By Orland
June 28, 2022, 4:55 p.m.(11/28/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Savio
I contribute my very life and existence to this man, again. If he wasn't at the helm directing ships where to go, surely ours would've been engulfed in flames while I lied there unconscious...
So when I laugh at the things he does, namely, burning his hair ... it isn't with malicious intent... rather the opposite.
Because of how much I love him, how much I cherish our time together, I'm aware that I can still laugh...
...after so much death.
He is my life, my love, my laughter, and he makes every day worth living.
So when I laugh at the things he does, namely, burning his hair ... it isn't with malicious intent... rather the opposite.
Because of how much I love him, how much I cherish our time together, I'm aware that I can still laugh...
...after so much death.
He is my life, my love, my laughter, and he makes every day worth living.
Written By Orland
June 17, 2022, 1:30 p.m.(11/6/1017 AR)
Thoughts on ... destruction and recreation...
I have a decent amount of people that come to me with things they no longer can use, with items that no longer serve a purpose and that perhaps on longer fit - with their personal aesthetic, lifestyle or otherwise. It may seem a little strange that I enjoy the task of meticulously breaking something down to it's original forms, or some scrap of their original forms. But to me, it is thoroughly rewarding to learn what steps the craftsman took to create something, how many stitches it took to weave a sleeve in just the right manner, or to bend the metal to curl just so. In the act of dismantling, I'm learning how it was made. I'm honoring how it was made. I sit with each piece that is given to me and appreciate the design, the contours, the colors, and all the hours of work that went into it. I might even try it on.
Then I think what can be made from the salvaged pieces of what it used to be...
It turns my mind to considering how it's almost a metaphor for our society. The fabric of our world used to stretch much further than it had, further than we know. There are peoples out there we call as the Abandoned that used to be part of our fabric, before it was dismantled. We presently live with what has been created from such a ripping of seams. What our society fabric is, isn't what it use to be according to history books, and every day we are sewing seams and bending metal into new shapes to mold it into something different...
Then I look at the materials left in my hands after I dismantle all that hard work and wonder, what new creation will come to life after the dismantling of the old. It always makes me so curious, but not without acknowledging all the cuts, scrapes, and new callous on my hands that made it possible....
There's always a cost to creating new things...
...and we should never forget the foundations that we used to build from.
I have a decent amount of people that come to me with things they no longer can use, with items that no longer serve a purpose and that perhaps on longer fit - with their personal aesthetic, lifestyle or otherwise. It may seem a little strange that I enjoy the task of meticulously breaking something down to it's original forms, or some scrap of their original forms. But to me, it is thoroughly rewarding to learn what steps the craftsman took to create something, how many stitches it took to weave a sleeve in just the right manner, or to bend the metal to curl just so. In the act of dismantling, I'm learning how it was made. I'm honoring how it was made. I sit with each piece that is given to me and appreciate the design, the contours, the colors, and all the hours of work that went into it. I might even try it on.
Then I think what can be made from the salvaged pieces of what it used to be...
It turns my mind to considering how it's almost a metaphor for our society. The fabric of our world used to stretch much further than it had, further than we know. There are peoples out there we call as the Abandoned that used to be part of our fabric, before it was dismantled. We presently live with what has been created from such a ripping of seams. What our society fabric is, isn't what it use to be according to history books, and every day we are sewing seams and bending metal into new shapes to mold it into something different...
Then I look at the materials left in my hands after I dismantle all that hard work and wonder, what new creation will come to life after the dismantling of the old. It always makes me so curious, but not without acknowledging all the cuts, scrapes, and new callous on my hands that made it possible....
There's always a cost to creating new things...
...and we should never forget the foundations that we used to build from.
Written By Orland
June 5, 2022, 5:06 p.m.(10/10/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Teague
Thoughts of a returning friend... !
Teaggggue! My brother! I was very happy to note he was back in Arx, after all that he endured. I'm glad to see him full of life again and laughing with us. He's still up to his shenanigans giving me a bear hug every time I share space with him, but in truth, I don't mind. We've a rapport that goes way back to when I first returned to Arx - what is that now, like 4 years ago or something? In any case, Teague was the first person in this city to help teach me to fight. He kicked my ass steadily back then and I suppose he might now, despite how much I've been training. I just hope I can give him a run for his money now when we spar.
He certainly has a heart of gold and I'm glad to be considered his friend. If you haven't met this man already, I'd encourage it.
Welcome back my brother!
Teaggggue! My brother! I was very happy to note he was back in Arx, after all that he endured. I'm glad to see him full of life again and laughing with us. He's still up to his shenanigans giving me a bear hug every time I share space with him, but in truth, I don't mind. We've a rapport that goes way back to when I first returned to Arx - what is that now, like 4 years ago or something? In any case, Teague was the first person in this city to help teach me to fight. He kicked my ass steadily back then and I suppose he might now, despite how much I've been training. I just hope I can give him a run for his money now when we spar.
He certainly has a heart of gold and I'm glad to be considered his friend. If you haven't met this man already, I'd encourage it.
Welcome back my brother!
Written By Orland
June 5, 2022, 4:46 p.m.(10/10/1017 AR)
Thoughts of extending ... art and music! ...
On a happier note, I worked with the Bard College to coordinate and build a branch of the College in Bravura. I'm rightfully proud of that. The Bard's College is something both my husband and I are proud to represent and consistently manage to find ourselves aiding when we have the time that our lives afford us to. Bravura is a place of artistry and culture, so the branch of the Bard's College will certainly open doors for many of our people.
I look forward to Bravura's bard and actor guild making a presence in other parts of the world through this collective college structure.
On a happier note, I worked with the Bard College to coordinate and build a branch of the College in Bravura. I'm rightfully proud of that. The Bard's College is something both my husband and I are proud to represent and consistently manage to find ourselves aiding when we have the time that our lives afford us to. Bravura is a place of artistry and culture, so the branch of the Bard's College will certainly open doors for many of our people.
I look forward to Bravura's bard and actor guild making a presence in other parts of the world through this collective college structure.
Written By Orland
June 5, 2022, 4:37 p.m.(10/10/1017 AR)
Thoughts of a ... perfectly good waste of a commoner ...
I let this sentiment fester for a while after helping grow the name of the Order of East Light in the Mourning Isles.
I deny such thoughts as my truth. What I've been able to achieve as a noble is not something I could achieve as a commoner. As a commoner the best I could hope for is to make a profitable business for myself, have a trade, and sure, serve Jayus in such a manner. Perhaps I could've been a mercenary, perhaps I may have still made oaths in Knighthood. Perhaps I would have been an artist and a bard?
The bitter truth is, in theory, honestly, I would've likely been coaxed toward a life of criminal behavior. I was picking pockets before Duarte found me - does no one understand that is where it all begins? If the only ones who were willing to put time into me were those teaching me these street skills, what do you think I would've become? I would be stealing your baubles out from under you at a rate that would make the Inquisition's head spin. Or worse! Perhaps I would've moved onto smuggling or dealing drugs? I shudder to think and I'm glad they're mere thoughts of .. what could have been, had someone not been sent to help me.. Sent by the Gods themselves, perhaps?
Duarte gave me a chance to pick another path. He was the first one to actually stop and see me as someone of potential. He wasn't noble himself at that point, but a wealthy upper class commoner, serving House Pravus. So many "good" people would have let me rot on the street. So many had. I was one of hundreds of thousands without a home, without a parent, without much of a future - except a future of crime. Duarte extended his hand to me and offered me a job, an honest one. He took me in and under his wing. Duarte, changed everything for me.
I would've been a waste of a human if it wasn't for Duarte Amadeo. There is no Amazing Amadeo, there is no Orland Amadeo... without Duarte.
And I vow I will not allow my life to be wasteful.
I let this sentiment fester for a while after helping grow the name of the Order of East Light in the Mourning Isles.
I deny such thoughts as my truth. What I've been able to achieve as a noble is not something I could achieve as a commoner. As a commoner the best I could hope for is to make a profitable business for myself, have a trade, and sure, serve Jayus in such a manner. Perhaps I could've been a mercenary, perhaps I may have still made oaths in Knighthood. Perhaps I would have been an artist and a bard?
The bitter truth is, in theory, honestly, I would've likely been coaxed toward a life of criminal behavior. I was picking pockets before Duarte found me - does no one understand that is where it all begins? If the only ones who were willing to put time into me were those teaching me these street skills, what do you think I would've become? I would be stealing your baubles out from under you at a rate that would make the Inquisition's head spin. Or worse! Perhaps I would've moved onto smuggling or dealing drugs? I shudder to think and I'm glad they're mere thoughts of .. what could have been, had someone not been sent to help me.. Sent by the Gods themselves, perhaps?
Duarte gave me a chance to pick another path. He was the first one to actually stop and see me as someone of potential. He wasn't noble himself at that point, but a wealthy upper class commoner, serving House Pravus. So many "good" people would have let me rot on the street. So many had. I was one of hundreds of thousands without a home, without a parent, without much of a future - except a future of crime. Duarte extended his hand to me and offered me a job, an honest one. He took me in and under his wing. Duarte, changed everything for me.
I would've been a waste of a human if it wasn't for Duarte Amadeo. There is no Amazing Amadeo, there is no Orland Amadeo... without Duarte.
And I vow I will not allow my life to be wasteful.
Written By Orland
April 28, 2022, 2:12 p.m.(7/18/1017 AR)
Thoughts of hosting a new sort of ... meet and greet party.... on the Rising Sun Casino...
I thought as a host, I managed that little party fairly well, considering I was left unsupervised by Savio. The guest reception of the activities that we did, ultimately was praise worthy.
The main party was centered around one activity. I split my guest list up. I had one group sit down at the tables and remain sitting the entire time, while the other group would visit each person at the tables, having a timed round robin chat with them. I suppose you could call it speed ... meeting and greeting? They could talk about whatever they wanted for a short time before moving onto the next, harkened by a copper little bell, in complete privacy of doing so. This sort of hastens the nature of questions and bypasses all the formalities before hand, really eliminating small talk and getting down to what's important to a person.
Then in between I had people play a game called Never Have I Ever and answer three ice breaker questions. Very amusing.
For the first time hosting something like this, I think I did okay. I at least, apologized to those I had offended last party.
I do think if I have time I will run this sort of party again.
It was fun. Imagine me, writing that something was fun.
I've come such a long ways from being an orphan on the streets...
I thought as a host, I managed that little party fairly well, considering I was left unsupervised by Savio. The guest reception of the activities that we did, ultimately was praise worthy.
The main party was centered around one activity. I split my guest list up. I had one group sit down at the tables and remain sitting the entire time, while the other group would visit each person at the tables, having a timed round robin chat with them. I suppose you could call it speed ... meeting and greeting? They could talk about whatever they wanted for a short time before moving onto the next, harkened by a copper little bell, in complete privacy of doing so. This sort of hastens the nature of questions and bypasses all the formalities before hand, really eliminating small talk and getting down to what's important to a person.
Then in between I had people play a game called Never Have I Ever and answer three ice breaker questions. Very amusing.
For the first time hosting something like this, I think I did okay. I at least, apologized to those I had offended last party.
I do think if I have time I will run this sort of party again.
It was fun. Imagine me, writing that something was fun.
I've come such a long ways from being an orphan on the streets...
Written By Orland
April 24, 2022, 10:05 p.m.(7/11/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Savio
Savio is the only man who will ever be able to hit me with a pillow and live to talk about it! My life would be very different without my husband in it. Every pillow thwap that he makes to remind me to be a better person and not goad people, is especially heart warming. I love this man.
Written By Orland
April 6, 2022, 11:53 a.m.(6/2/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Savio
There were many that came to be there with us on our day of days; the day that two Households became one. I wonder if they believed we would be capable of enduring a full year, but we have. Our oaths were struck with such honest and earnest intentions that it doesn't feel like a year. We've been through a lot this year and I think we have many days ahead of us that are both good and bad, but we've done what we could in our first year to make strides to building a stronger future for our House.
A toast, to many more successful years to come.
A toast, to many more successful years to come.
Written By Orland
April 6, 2022, 11:49 a.m.(6/2/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Piccola
There are many in the city that might say with words what they mean to do to assist, but there are far less that are willing to back up those words. The General is one of words and actions and I can see a bright future ahead, should the action prove successful.
Written By Orland
Feb. 23, 2022, 4:08 p.m.(3/2/1017 AR)
** There looks like there's a beginning of a journal entry, but then there's dramatic scribbles and violent marks left on the page. All that's left of the journal entry is the scraps are the start and a bit of the end...**
Thoughts of ... self reflection .. of having three different names...
I spent a night looked back at where my life started ...
*here the words are starting to get covered by the ink smears and harsh marks. Some words are visible under the ink.*
... I remember being called.... little pansy...
..I fought back...
*Further violent indications suggest the writing was interrupted and the journal page meant to be ruined in whole, but some puzzle pieces remain.*
...I.. cannot ... save...
I will find a way...
Thoughts of ... self reflection .. of having three different names...
I spent a night looked back at where my life started ...
*here the words are starting to get covered by the ink smears and harsh marks. Some words are visible under the ink.*
... I remember being called.... little pansy...
..I fought back...
*Further violent indications suggest the writing was interrupted and the journal page meant to be ruined in whole, but some puzzle pieces remain.*
...I.. cannot ... save...
I will find a way...
Written By Orland
Feb. 9, 2022, 2:25 p.m.(2/2/1017 AR)
Thoughts of a student.... a famous soldier,.... a veteran.... thoughts of Bastion.
I sit back and recall the attack on Bastion, the sights and sounds of what happened during the attack... ships flying through the air, large enemies with magical weapons, giant centipedes... hoards of Shavs spilling in around the open walls with barbaric weapons meant to rip asunder any who stood before them, the fires, the screams of the dying... the buildings collapsing...
It's all very hard to shake, those mental images and sounds. It's harder still to write about them. I'm not the best at writing anymore. I never really kept up with my daily devotions and it's a hard habit to get into. Yet, there's something that's happened to me during the fall of Bastion to the victory that won it back, which is worth noting, for me at least.
Before it fell, I look back and I guess I see myself as arrogant to life. Back then, I felt that I had all the time I could ever possibly want to have. I am a young man, with a world of time ahead of me, right? So why wouldn't I think that. I also felt like, there were only a few in my life that had ever really cared for me, like Duarte. I was distrustful with most people, I used them to my advantage as they used me. It was a trade off, mostly, in every interaction I had with people. They wanted something of me or from me, so I made sure to get something of equal value back. Like, going to fight in the War of Two Queens, if I'm honest, it was because I didn't want to be some abyssal meat served up for some wacko that wanted my blood. And Tremorus? Yes, I think even there was an underlying selfishness I didn't recognize before...
Being so near death in Bastion's fall, had awoken something in me that I didn't acknowledge before. What it was, was an understanding that I have no control over my destiny in the way of how much time I have left to live. I have choices, certainly, to go or not to go on a dangerous mission, but I cannot control where an arrow flies or when a wall crumbles on top of me. I wasn't invincible, I could perish as easily as anyone I fought along side of or against.
After Bastion, the risks I took were more calculated, more designed to have a purpose behind them. I thought of all those people who I saw die, and other days, for what? Was it their destiny to have some centipede rip through their homes and crush them? Was it their destiny to have Shavs raid their houses and homes and hold them captive? Did they really have a choice here? They were living in Bastion, that was their choice. They were making choice everyday to have a good life and then the enemy struck out, took their light from this world... stole their potential, ended their stories...
I've had so many meaningful interactions since the fall of Bastion, I don't know where to begin. Yet, I felt, I understood what the obligation of my life was, and it isn't to party endlessly and gamble and drink... while those things are fun, and still a good way to celebrate, I feel like... I'm no longer the boy I was. I feel like... what I do, now, has shifted. What I did after Bastion, was no longer just for me. It was for each and every person that couldn't be there any longer to tell their stories. It was for the dead and it was to protect the living. It clicked with me, why people fight in wars. I remember asking Andromeda that once, why she does it... Did it take me that long to really figure it out? Truthfully? Yes. I guess it did...
I went back to Bastion, several times. I went back first, to scout in the noble district. We captured some people there, with fancy feathers. I managed to rescue some kitties too... I was part of the questioning, though I don't remember much of that, truth be told. Then I went back again, to try and locate a woman that some call to be a mage. We didn't find her, but maybe we'll get lucky in time yet to come. Then I went back a further time, to free prisoners that were stuck in Bastion. We managed to get out half of those who were kept there, against all odds, we got them out. And then... I went back to fight to reclaim the city.
I went back because I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. I wanted to help see all those who died in Bastion have their stories avenged. I will live for them, but I will fight for them. I will help bring justice, in whatever ways I can.
In the fight itself, I chose to save a woman. I didn't know her name. I didn't know the first thing about her. She was standing up and giving the troops around her a boost of morale. I saw what I saw. A glimpse of opportunity to throw her out of the way, a way to save her life. I found out later her name was Duchess Lisebet Ashford. I had coffee with her. And I was really, honestly, down to my core, happy to have had that chance with her. Imagine our world without her story in it?
I've changed a lot since Bastion fell.
I sit back and recall the attack on Bastion, the sights and sounds of what happened during the attack... ships flying through the air, large enemies with magical weapons, giant centipedes... hoards of Shavs spilling in around the open walls with barbaric weapons meant to rip asunder any who stood before them, the fires, the screams of the dying... the buildings collapsing...
It's all very hard to shake, those mental images and sounds. It's harder still to write about them. I'm not the best at writing anymore. I never really kept up with my daily devotions and it's a hard habit to get into. Yet, there's something that's happened to me during the fall of Bastion to the victory that won it back, which is worth noting, for me at least.
Before it fell, I look back and I guess I see myself as arrogant to life. Back then, I felt that I had all the time I could ever possibly want to have. I am a young man, with a world of time ahead of me, right? So why wouldn't I think that. I also felt like, there were only a few in my life that had ever really cared for me, like Duarte. I was distrustful with most people, I used them to my advantage as they used me. It was a trade off, mostly, in every interaction I had with people. They wanted something of me or from me, so I made sure to get something of equal value back. Like, going to fight in the War of Two Queens, if I'm honest, it was because I didn't want to be some abyssal meat served up for some wacko that wanted my blood. And Tremorus? Yes, I think even there was an underlying selfishness I didn't recognize before...
Being so near death in Bastion's fall, had awoken something in me that I didn't acknowledge before. What it was, was an understanding that I have no control over my destiny in the way of how much time I have left to live. I have choices, certainly, to go or not to go on a dangerous mission, but I cannot control where an arrow flies or when a wall crumbles on top of me. I wasn't invincible, I could perish as easily as anyone I fought along side of or against.
After Bastion, the risks I took were more calculated, more designed to have a purpose behind them. I thought of all those people who I saw die, and other days, for what? Was it their destiny to have some centipede rip through their homes and crush them? Was it their destiny to have Shavs raid their houses and homes and hold them captive? Did they really have a choice here? They were living in Bastion, that was their choice. They were making choice everyday to have a good life and then the enemy struck out, took their light from this world... stole their potential, ended their stories...
I've had so many meaningful interactions since the fall of Bastion, I don't know where to begin. Yet, I felt, I understood what the obligation of my life was, and it isn't to party endlessly and gamble and drink... while those things are fun, and still a good way to celebrate, I feel like... I'm no longer the boy I was. I feel like... what I do, now, has shifted. What I did after Bastion, was no longer just for me. It was for each and every person that couldn't be there any longer to tell their stories. It was for the dead and it was to protect the living. It clicked with me, why people fight in wars. I remember asking Andromeda that once, why she does it... Did it take me that long to really figure it out? Truthfully? Yes. I guess it did...
I went back to Bastion, several times. I went back first, to scout in the noble district. We captured some people there, with fancy feathers. I managed to rescue some kitties too... I was part of the questioning, though I don't remember much of that, truth be told. Then I went back again, to try and locate a woman that some call to be a mage. We didn't find her, but maybe we'll get lucky in time yet to come. Then I went back a further time, to free prisoners that were stuck in Bastion. We managed to get out half of those who were kept there, against all odds, we got them out. And then... I went back to fight to reclaim the city.
I went back because I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. I wanted to help see all those who died in Bastion have their stories avenged. I will live for them, but I will fight for them. I will help bring justice, in whatever ways I can.
In the fight itself, I chose to save a woman. I didn't know her name. I didn't know the first thing about her. She was standing up and giving the troops around her a boost of morale. I saw what I saw. A glimpse of opportunity to throw her out of the way, a way to save her life. I found out later her name was Duchess Lisebet Ashford. I had coffee with her. And I was really, honestly, down to my core, happy to have had that chance with her. Imagine our world without her story in it?
I've changed a lot since Bastion fell.
Written By Orland
Jan. 20, 2022, 1:39 p.m.(12/18/1016 AR)
Thoughts of a Squire... almost two years in...
I've been with the Order of East Light for at since February of 1015 AR, when Princess Coraline Thrax allowed me to join in her care. It's now the last month of 1016 AR, and I'm reflecting on my journey thus far, knowing I'm still thriving in this knighthood, still very eager to learn and better myself. I look up to Prince Romulius and Prince Jasher quite often, when it comes to the Order of East Light, and I work to learn from them as often as I can.
That said, I cannot believe I've dedicated almost two years as a Squire to the Order of East Light, which is pretty spectacular for someone of my upbringing. Where does time go?
I wasn't raised in the arts of hand to hand combat like my peers. I didn't have the privilege to. What I was raised into was a situation of survival and fighting in a very different sense. Though I've seen the transformation that this life in a knighthood has given me; mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm far more grounded than when I first started and I certainly don't feel as angry as I used to be. I can actually wield a sword now and I don't always get my ass kicked by the younger squires. I'm actually able to spar with the full Knights of the Order and I feel like I can hold my own. I've done a lot of growing up these last few years.
The other day when Dame Kyda issued her challenge, I wanted to prove to myself I had grown, as a Squire (a square as Savio calls me) and as a man. I have survived so much thus far and it cannot all be by luck. I am not always an open book, but in this instance, I feel it's okay to record my own success. I fought against the Dame, I accepted her challenge as the first of the day. I pushed my way to the front and spoke the words to take on her challenge and she accepted me as a challenger! She was wearing Alaricite and sported a weapon like I've never seen before, it gleamed with it's transcendent qualities. I'm pretty sure it was also Alarcite. She was very impressive! She only needed to cross blades once to read how I would fight, at least that's how I feel when she faced me. I faced her with honor and represented the Order in the way they taught me to.
In my dreams, I saw a possibility of defeating her, for an instant. The idea of winning against a challenger who stood before the Shrines issuing honor to Gloria in front of all my Peers, felt amazing for a fleeting moment. Though, perhaps it was pride before the fall. My true performance was decent. I survived longer than most of my Peers, though my husband survived twice as long as I did against the very same challenger. The match ultimately went to her, but I think in this case, for me, this challenge wasn't about winning so much as about trying and having that confidence to match blades for the Honor of Gloria. I never would've had the confidence to match blades with her, two years ago.
If I'm asked to be a knight, I may decline on reasons that I have so much more to learn, but then I understand, life is full of learning and we can never truly stop learning. Do I feel ready to be a knight? In some ways, yes. In other ways, I know I have a lot more training I could do. Would I be willing to give my oaths? Perhaps that can be my goal in this year to come.
I've been with the Order of East Light for at since February of 1015 AR, when Princess Coraline Thrax allowed me to join in her care. It's now the last month of 1016 AR, and I'm reflecting on my journey thus far, knowing I'm still thriving in this knighthood, still very eager to learn and better myself. I look up to Prince Romulius and Prince Jasher quite often, when it comes to the Order of East Light, and I work to learn from them as often as I can.
That said, I cannot believe I've dedicated almost two years as a Squire to the Order of East Light, which is pretty spectacular for someone of my upbringing. Where does time go?
I wasn't raised in the arts of hand to hand combat like my peers. I didn't have the privilege to. What I was raised into was a situation of survival and fighting in a very different sense. Though I've seen the transformation that this life in a knighthood has given me; mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm far more grounded than when I first started and I certainly don't feel as angry as I used to be. I can actually wield a sword now and I don't always get my ass kicked by the younger squires. I'm actually able to spar with the full Knights of the Order and I feel like I can hold my own. I've done a lot of growing up these last few years.
The other day when Dame Kyda issued her challenge, I wanted to prove to myself I had grown, as a Squire (a square as Savio calls me) and as a man. I have survived so much thus far and it cannot all be by luck. I am not always an open book, but in this instance, I feel it's okay to record my own success. I fought against the Dame, I accepted her challenge as the first of the day. I pushed my way to the front and spoke the words to take on her challenge and she accepted me as a challenger! She was wearing Alaricite and sported a weapon like I've never seen before, it gleamed with it's transcendent qualities. I'm pretty sure it was also Alarcite. She was very impressive! She only needed to cross blades once to read how I would fight, at least that's how I feel when she faced me. I faced her with honor and represented the Order in the way they taught me to.
In my dreams, I saw a possibility of defeating her, for an instant. The idea of winning against a challenger who stood before the Shrines issuing honor to Gloria in front of all my Peers, felt amazing for a fleeting moment. Though, perhaps it was pride before the fall. My true performance was decent. I survived longer than most of my Peers, though my husband survived twice as long as I did against the very same challenger. The match ultimately went to her, but I think in this case, for me, this challenge wasn't about winning so much as about trying and having that confidence to match blades for the Honor of Gloria. I never would've had the confidence to match blades with her, two years ago.
If I'm asked to be a knight, I may decline on reasons that I have so much more to learn, but then I understand, life is full of learning and we can never truly stop learning. Do I feel ready to be a knight? In some ways, yes. In other ways, I know I have a lot more training I could do. Would I be willing to give my oaths? Perhaps that can be my goal in this year to come.
Written By Orland
Nov. 30, 2021, 5:35 p.m.(9/1/1016 AR)
Thoughts of how I used to start these journals... but I don't know if that is something I can continue with. Am I a student any longer? My philosophizing may suggest one way or another.
....
It's been a while since I last documented my story into my whites; six months give or take a few days. My last entry was about Bastion and my patron. There's been a lot that's transpired since, like getting married and living out a legendary performance! I'll start back where I left off.
What happened in Bastion added to the change in me that started with the War of Two Queens and the Sacking of Tremorus, or prior to that, at Greypeak. Maybe it's always been there inside of me, since I was an urchin on the streets, and it didn't fully root in my mind until I had no control.
This idea, this way of looking at life, a philosophy, has always been floating before me but I chose to ignore it and somehow existed thinking that I'd get to see tomorrow, that I was promised tomorrow as well as today. The truth is, the future is not certain, it never was, it never will be. The future is a muddled ideal of my hopes and dreams, of my ambitions and desires, a place that I try to steer my today towards. The reality is that right now, this moment that I'm writing down, is really the only time that is real and promised to me. Thus, I better make it count and take time to reflect, to record, to exist on the page.
The wars and the deaths, the things I have seen, the things I know, the things I've done - they have changed me.
I thought only a few years back, when I came to Arx a student, without having yet wet my blade in battle, that I had time. I had all the time in the world to shape my life, that I had all the time in the world to learn things, to experience life, to live it. I had all the time in the world to become someone of greater purpose. But I was young.
I think, over the last six months, I've really held fast to the idea that this moment, this day, could be my last - so I better live today better than I lived yesterday!
After Bastion, I desired to be wed. Two years ago, I joked that I wouldn't be married until I was thirty. Now, I can't be certain I'll make it to thirty. I nearly didn't make it out of Bastion.
Because of all the risks that I've taken and will continue to take, I knew it was time to enjoy the fruits of life that could be offered today. This was a life I could never have envisioned when I was freezing under the stars on streets of Lower Arx. I am grateful for it.
One of those fruits of life, is marriage. It is finding someone to partner with, to face today with. I would not be where I am today without the compassion, support, and love of many in my life, but undoubtedly one man has been there at my side, since Greypeak. I wanted him to be with me in all ways, in all aspects. I feel myself truly smiling and knowing what happiness is. I am content. I'm smiling right now. It is no jest.
I know I have not felt this way before, ever. I was never content, I was always searching and hustling. I was angry, cynical, and distrusting. Maybe I am still that, in certain degrees, but, less. Now, there are moments I look down upon my ring, with a cup of coffee in my hands, maybe some burnt toast, and enjoy the simple moments knowing that when I look over my shoulder he'll be there with that look in his eye - a look he shares just for me. It's unconditional. We exist, him and I, my husband and I, now. In this time. Together. And it is sweet. It is incomparable to anything else in life that I've yet experienced.
What will tomorrow bring? I cannot say. I would have never guessed I would be here now, ten years ago. But I can say, I understand time. I understand today. I understand nothing is guaranteed, nothing today could exist tomorrow, and tomorrow won't exist without today, and today wouldn't have existed without yesterday. Yet, I will make my decisions the best they can be, so the threads of that choice weave a fruitful dream in the days to come, even if I may not be around to see it.
Today I exist; happy.
....
It's been a while since I last documented my story into my whites; six months give or take a few days. My last entry was about Bastion and my patron. There's been a lot that's transpired since, like getting married and living out a legendary performance! I'll start back where I left off.
What happened in Bastion added to the change in me that started with the War of Two Queens and the Sacking of Tremorus, or prior to that, at Greypeak. Maybe it's always been there inside of me, since I was an urchin on the streets, and it didn't fully root in my mind until I had no control.
This idea, this way of looking at life, a philosophy, has always been floating before me but I chose to ignore it and somehow existed thinking that I'd get to see tomorrow, that I was promised tomorrow as well as today. The truth is, the future is not certain, it never was, it never will be. The future is a muddled ideal of my hopes and dreams, of my ambitions and desires, a place that I try to steer my today towards. The reality is that right now, this moment that I'm writing down, is really the only time that is real and promised to me. Thus, I better make it count and take time to reflect, to record, to exist on the page.
The wars and the deaths, the things I have seen, the things I know, the things I've done - they have changed me.
I thought only a few years back, when I came to Arx a student, without having yet wet my blade in battle, that I had time. I had all the time in the world to shape my life, that I had all the time in the world to learn things, to experience life, to live it. I had all the time in the world to become someone of greater purpose. But I was young.
I think, over the last six months, I've really held fast to the idea that this moment, this day, could be my last - so I better live today better than I lived yesterday!
After Bastion, I desired to be wed. Two years ago, I joked that I wouldn't be married until I was thirty. Now, I can't be certain I'll make it to thirty. I nearly didn't make it out of Bastion.
Because of all the risks that I've taken and will continue to take, I knew it was time to enjoy the fruits of life that could be offered today. This was a life I could never have envisioned when I was freezing under the stars on streets of Lower Arx. I am grateful for it.
One of those fruits of life, is marriage. It is finding someone to partner with, to face today with. I would not be where I am today without the compassion, support, and love of many in my life, but undoubtedly one man has been there at my side, since Greypeak. I wanted him to be with me in all ways, in all aspects. I feel myself truly smiling and knowing what happiness is. I am content. I'm smiling right now. It is no jest.
I know I have not felt this way before, ever. I was never content, I was always searching and hustling. I was angry, cynical, and distrusting. Maybe I am still that, in certain degrees, but, less. Now, there are moments I look down upon my ring, with a cup of coffee in my hands, maybe some burnt toast, and enjoy the simple moments knowing that when I look over my shoulder he'll be there with that look in his eye - a look he shares just for me. It's unconditional. We exist, him and I, my husband and I, now. In this time. Together. And it is sweet. It is incomparable to anything else in life that I've yet experienced.
What will tomorrow bring? I cannot say. I would have never guessed I would be here now, ten years ago. But I can say, I understand time. I understand today. I understand nothing is guaranteed, nothing today could exist tomorrow, and tomorrow won't exist without today, and today wouldn't have existed without yesterday. Yet, I will make my decisions the best they can be, so the threads of that choice weave a fruitful dream in the days to come, even if I may not be around to see it.
Today I exist; happy.
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