Written By Naka
Dec. 20, 2019, 5:16 p.m.(6/1/1012 AR)
I feel renewed.
We hope, and fear, and prepare for the future because of the effects that both have within us.
We rectify what we can and rejoice in what we should, making every effort to make things better for ourselves and for others.
And in all, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
I am thankful for these things that have been given me.
We hope, and fear, and prepare for the future because of the effects that both have within us.
We rectify what we can and rejoice in what we should, making every effort to make things better for ourselves and for others.
And in all, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
I am thankful for these things that have been given me.
Written By Naka
Oct. 4, 2019, 5:40 p.m.(12/15/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Vitalis
Lord Vitalis Mazetti set forth a few interesting exercises in general observation for me earlier in the City Center. With so many stalls and so many people, it made for an interesting time, and potentially improving. If I have chiefly improved my observational skills with respect to the specific locale rather than in general, well, I suppose that could require further consideration. But I feel as if I am better positioned with respect to the whole of the subject matter.
Increasing a student's confidence is, on occasion, also the purview of the instructor.
My thanks to him were stated on the occasion in question, but should also be recorded here.
Increasing a student's confidence is, on occasion, also the purview of the instructor.
My thanks to him were stated on the occasion in question, but should also be recorded here.
Written By Naka
April 7, 2019, 10:50 a.m.(11/17/1010 AR)
Recently, at my own request, a friend has presented to me a short list of queries, the purpose of which is to aid in a bit of inward searching I have found the need to conduct. Many of us live our lives hiding and denying the things that discomfort and displease us. We view things in the light that is most flattering to ourselves, the selves that we have constructed for ourselves through small reinventions of our thoughts, feelings and history. Most of these reconstructions are very minor. But they are so numerous.
Accept this about yourself and you may begin to see that all are susceptible. You may recognize, and accept, and forgive. It is a large weight to hold, but it is not meant that you should keep it for long. When you see it, then set it aside.
Accept this about yourself and you may begin to see that all are susceptible. You may recognize, and accept, and forgive. It is a large weight to hold, but it is not meant that you should keep it for long. When you see it, then set it aside.
Written By Naka
March 30, 2019, 11:48 p.m.(11/3/1010 AR)
I like to tell myself that this is all going well. When I manage to believe it, I get a pleasant dose of contentment and when I don’t, I at least get to have that quick jolt of laughter.
Written By Naka
Dec. 13, 2018, 11:24 a.m.(3/2/1010 AR)
A friend of mine and I have been growing distant, bit by bit, for some time now. To other eyes, it probably seems that we are not friends at all. And perhaps that's just truth at this point. There was actually only one more real conversation to truly have, and I suppose that neither of us wanted to have it.
When I was growing up, and even into more recent years, my parents were great travelers. Not explorers, mind you. The preference was always for things not necessarily familiar, but where familiar things might nonetheless exist, if you know what I mean. Sleeping rough was never part of the plan. So, our branch of the family shuttled occasionally between various properties and the main holding at Artshall, and I was familiar with many of the features there. In this case, I am thinking of the nursery.
I was somewhat older than nursery age by then, and so were my cousins, so the room stood empty of persons when I visited there one day. It was filled still, though, with the familiar things I could remember, waiting for further use at later dates and times. In one corner was an old set of wooden building blocks, worn with teeth marks as well as typical usage, and I began to use those to build. A tower, a set of bridges, and on and on, for a significant portion of that afternoon, I would build. It was fun to me, and, I should also mention so as to dispel any notion of modesty on my part, the highest use those blocks had likely ever been put to use for, in terms of style and height of architecture. My competitors for this high honor were those for whom the doorknob was a significant obstacle, after all. In any case, the time in building became a happy memory for me which I recall fondly to this day. But they were still just blocks. I shared that moment, that 'accomplishment' if you will, with no one up until this day, and, at the end of the afternoon, I walked out of the nursery and continued my life.
There is a clear and a harsh parallel, here, with the friendship I began speaking of first. Not all relationships grow, and change, and survive. Sometimes you just stop building and walk away.
It's a big world out there, but I think we're both ready for it now. Farewell.
When I was growing up, and even into more recent years, my parents were great travelers. Not explorers, mind you. The preference was always for things not necessarily familiar, but where familiar things might nonetheless exist, if you know what I mean. Sleeping rough was never part of the plan. So, our branch of the family shuttled occasionally between various properties and the main holding at Artshall, and I was familiar with many of the features there. In this case, I am thinking of the nursery.
I was somewhat older than nursery age by then, and so were my cousins, so the room stood empty of persons when I visited there one day. It was filled still, though, with the familiar things I could remember, waiting for further use at later dates and times. In one corner was an old set of wooden building blocks, worn with teeth marks as well as typical usage, and I began to use those to build. A tower, a set of bridges, and on and on, for a significant portion of that afternoon, I would build. It was fun to me, and, I should also mention so as to dispel any notion of modesty on my part, the highest use those blocks had likely ever been put to use for, in terms of style and height of architecture. My competitors for this high honor were those for whom the doorknob was a significant obstacle, after all. In any case, the time in building became a happy memory for me which I recall fondly to this day. But they were still just blocks. I shared that moment, that 'accomplishment' if you will, with no one up until this day, and, at the end of the afternoon, I walked out of the nursery and continued my life.
There is a clear and a harsh parallel, here, with the friendship I began speaking of first. Not all relationships grow, and change, and survive. Sometimes you just stop building and walk away.
It's a big world out there, but I think we're both ready for it now. Farewell.
Written By Naka
Nov. 16, 2018, 10:37 p.m.(1/4/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Cybele
I always intended to speak with Cybele again. They were a wonderful teacher and conversationalist.
I recall that I asked Cybele about their titles. Game as anything, Cybele rattled off this list that I can remember only the barest gist of, just barely completing the whole thing with an entire lungful of air. I was impressed by the recitation and said so. Cybele just said, “I practiced it.” The things they did, they just did, and were not impressed by. I was.
Anyway, I had intended to speak with Cybele again.
I recall that I asked Cybele about their titles. Game as anything, Cybele rattled off this list that I can remember only the barest gist of, just barely completing the whole thing with an entire lungful of air. I was impressed by the recitation and said so. Cybele just said, “I practiced it.” The things they did, they just did, and were not impressed by. I was.
Anyway, I had intended to speak with Cybele again.
Written By Naka
June 18, 2018, 11:18 a.m.(1/14/1009 AR)
There is need for a scholar to, at some point, consider the Silent Reflections. These past days have been a part of mine.
The physical silence to be found in the Shrine of the Thirteenth is reputed to be a barrier to some. I did not find it to be complete, or, at least, completely without respite, so, therefore, to me, not oppressive. More often than not, I seek the quiet, where possible, in daily life.
The Reflections themselves give what remains to them in the ways that remain to them. To me, they are symbolic, not of their transgressions, but of their responsibilities. Each transgression is unique, from motivation through action and ultimately to downfall, but the responsibility each had and the responsibility they collectively took up thereafter in their new existence, they share. It is important to try to understand this point when one is considering taking up a portion of that responsibility, because one cannot do so without living thereafter within the shadow of the entirety of the same. This, then, the point: it would be deceptively and impermissively facile to assume that I would at all points make better decisions than these others under the weight of my oaths, or, worse, that I will never be in a position that I might need to make any difficult decision with respect to it. The one is pride raised to hubris and the other diffidence disguised as hope.
Overall, as I leave the Shrine of the Thirteenth, for now, I have confidence in the reasons I have within myself for wanting to voluntarily take the oath of a Scholar of Vellichor, coupled with the knowledge that time and experience may well find me a hypocrite for having done so. We must be careful of the assumption that we will somehow always make the best possible decisions in the moment, as well as the assumption that, if we each individually make good personal choices, the overall outcome must be necessarily good for all.
The physical silence to be found in the Shrine of the Thirteenth is reputed to be a barrier to some. I did not find it to be complete, or, at least, completely without respite, so, therefore, to me, not oppressive. More often than not, I seek the quiet, where possible, in daily life.
The Reflections themselves give what remains to them in the ways that remain to them. To me, they are symbolic, not of their transgressions, but of their responsibilities. Each transgression is unique, from motivation through action and ultimately to downfall, but the responsibility each had and the responsibility they collectively took up thereafter in their new existence, they share. It is important to try to understand this point when one is considering taking up a portion of that responsibility, because one cannot do so without living thereafter within the shadow of the entirety of the same. This, then, the point: it would be deceptively and impermissively facile to assume that I would at all points make better decisions than these others under the weight of my oaths, or, worse, that I will never be in a position that I might need to make any difficult decision with respect to it. The one is pride raised to hubris and the other diffidence disguised as hope.
Overall, as I leave the Shrine of the Thirteenth, for now, I have confidence in the reasons I have within myself for wanting to voluntarily take the oath of a Scholar of Vellichor, coupled with the knowledge that time and experience may well find me a hypocrite for having done so. We must be careful of the assumption that we will somehow always make the best possible decisions in the moment, as well as the assumption that, if we each individually make good personal choices, the overall outcome must be necessarily good for all.
Written By Naka
Feb. 14, 2018, 1:45 p.m.(3/5/1008 AR)
Calling the banners to war has seemed to go extremely well. I don't know the exact numbers, but, then, why would I? Duke Cristoph still needs to apportion the troops between home defense and the war efforts, but few, if any, are reluctant. It is a burden of leadership to face this question that has no perfect answer. I hope that the gods smile on his efforts at this level, and reward the sacrifices of his loyal vassals. Their trust in seeing the importance to us all in confronting this enemy in unity when and where his threats currently fall, rather than holding back in view of a later threat that we might yet be able to stave off, will hopefully be revealed as true wisdom. It already greatly surpasses the level of mere duty. I have met with some of them personally in the last few weeks, but let my thanks and my pride be also recorded here. Thank you.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.