Written By Lucene
April 19, 2020, 6:32 p.m.(2/22/1013 AR)
Everyone has a choice. Everyone should have that freedom and that power.
But I do wonder if choosing to make somebody else make a choice to you falls under that, as well. I reckon it would, what about you, Scholar?
But I do wonder if choosing to make somebody else make a choice to you falls under that, as well. I reckon it would, what about you, Scholar?
Written By Lucene
April 12, 2020, 6:28 p.m.(2/8/1013 AR)
Everybody who knows me are well aware that I was always daddy's little girl. I have never met a person I admired more than my father - he may no longer be with us, but he still is the one and only person I have tried so desperately to make proud, no matter the cost to myself or my own identity. I don't regret a single second of it, either.
Lately, however, I have been trying to get closer to my late mother, Lady Kordelia Gilden. I've realised that I have many questions that I wish I had asked her before she passed, and so many things I wish I could have told her. All I have left of her are the Whites she left behind - in one of them, she described how she adored wandering through the estate gardens at twilight.
I'm not in Caith at the moment, so I can't recreate the scene perfectly, but I did spare a moment to wander through the Velenosa Grounds in the late hours of the evening, with nothing but the moonlight to illuminate my path.
At first, I must admit I was awfully bored. Everything was too quiet and too lonely. It was unsettling in a way I've never experienced before, but then.. then I started to get used to it, and my thoughts started to wander. I never liked being alone with my thoughts, though, and this was a great example of why.
Unlike my mother, I didn't have worries about being outlived, or running out of time - I reckon those are fears a lot of people have, the former especially true for mothers.
Instead, I worried about the opposite. I had terrible thoughts about /outliving/ my loved ones, watching them wither and die like the flowers in winter. I worried about having too much time on my hands. Too many minutes of my life to fill, and running out of things to fill them with.
I decided to go back to work.
Lately, however, I have been trying to get closer to my late mother, Lady Kordelia Gilden. I've realised that I have many questions that I wish I had asked her before she passed, and so many things I wish I could have told her. All I have left of her are the Whites she left behind - in one of them, she described how she adored wandering through the estate gardens at twilight.
I'm not in Caith at the moment, so I can't recreate the scene perfectly, but I did spare a moment to wander through the Velenosa Grounds in the late hours of the evening, with nothing but the moonlight to illuminate my path.
At first, I must admit I was awfully bored. Everything was too quiet and too lonely. It was unsettling in a way I've never experienced before, but then.. then I started to get used to it, and my thoughts started to wander. I never liked being alone with my thoughts, though, and this was a great example of why.
Unlike my mother, I didn't have worries about being outlived, or running out of time - I reckon those are fears a lot of people have, the former especially true for mothers.
Instead, I worried about the opposite. I had terrible thoughts about /outliving/ my loved ones, watching them wither and die like the flowers in winter. I worried about having too much time on my hands. Too many minutes of my life to fill, and running out of things to fill them with.
I decided to go back to work.
Written By Lucene
April 12, 2020, 1:29 p.m.(2/7/1013 AR)
As much as I like to moan about being worked to the bone, I must admit that it is something I actually enjoy. Be it writing my signature for the thousandth time, getting down in the dirt to help create new fields among refugees or imparting knowledge to my shiny new army recruits.
Still, I have taken the advice of those around me and hired an assistant to give me a helping hand. He's good at what he does, but Scholar, he makes /me/ look absolutely lovely in comparison! And here I thought I had a foul mouth and no filter.
With his help, I hope I can finally find the time to leave the safety of my study once more. I miss drinking at the Black Fox and getting into vicious fights at the Training Center.
Still, I have taken the advice of those around me and hired an assistant to give me a helping hand. He's good at what he does, but Scholar, he makes /me/ look absolutely lovely in comparison! And here I thought I had a foul mouth and no filter.
With his help, I hope I can finally find the time to leave the safety of my study once more. I miss drinking at the Black Fox and getting into vicious fights at the Training Center.
Written By Lucene
April 5, 2020, 5:13 p.m.(1/22/1013 AR)
I've met many who hunger for knowledge - people who will not be satisfied till they have turned every stone, scaled every mountain and squeezed every ounce of information out of the people they meet.
If you are one of those individuals - be careful.
Ignorance is bliss, and you can never have it back once it has been lost.
If you are one of those individuals - be careful.
Ignorance is bliss, and you can never have it back once it has been lost.
Written By Lucene
March 28, 2020, 8:07 a.m.(1/5/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Revell
I think that's a question to have to find your own answer to, lass.
Written By Lucene
March 5, 2020, 6:38 p.m.(11/16/1012 AR)
I've made my intentions and my motivations clear to several parties in my life. I've kept some cards close to my chest, while speaking freely of others. I've made my move, I've taken my stand, I've said my piece.
I will be hated by those closest to me in the future, but if that is the burden I must bear to get what I want, so be it.
Have mercy on me - all that I do, I do in the name of family.
Now, all that is left to do is to wait.
I will be hated by those closest to me in the future, but if that is the burden I must bear to get what I want, so be it.
Have mercy on me - all that I do, I do in the name of family.
Now, all that is left to do is to wait.
Written By Lucene
March 4, 2020, 6:34 a.m.(11/13/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Cornelius
My dear uncle,
I see that your return from the dead has caused quite the stir within Arx. You sure do know how to make an entrance.
I see that your return from the dead has caused quite the stir within Arx. You sure do know how to make an entrance.
Written By Lucene
Feb. 29, 2020, 5:51 p.m.(11/6/1012 AR)
I have either made the best decision of my life, or I have made the worst. Only time will tell.
Written By Lucene
Feb. 29, 2020, 5:50 p.m.(11/6/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Dycard
Dycard,
When I first realised that we were related, I must admit that I was disappointed.
However, now that I've gotten to know you better and confided in you as you have me, I must say that I am more happy than words can express to have a piece of my family by my side.
I don't say these things lightly. You have your faults, but the Gods know I have mine as well.
I'll chose the liquor next time.
When I first realised that we were related, I must admit that I was disappointed.
However, now that I've gotten to know you better and confided in you as you have me, I must say that I am more happy than words can express to have a piece of my family by my side.
I don't say these things lightly. You have your faults, but the Gods know I have mine as well.
I'll chose the liquor next time.
Written By Lucene
Feb. 26, 2020, 11:08 a.m.(10/27/1012 AR)
I have a Voice.
This may very well be temporary, but for the time being, I have influence and I am expected to act on the behalf of House Gilden. I was never raised to shoulder this type responsibility, and I fear I am woefully under-qualified. Fortunately, all that means is that I have to spend much more time surrounded by books and studying people wiser and more experienced than I.
It will be difficult, but I am nothing if not stubborn.
This may very well be temporary, but for the time being, I have influence and I am expected to act on the behalf of House Gilden. I was never raised to shoulder this type responsibility, and I fear I am woefully under-qualified. Fortunately, all that means is that I have to spend much more time surrounded by books and studying people wiser and more experienced than I.
It will be difficult, but I am nothing if not stubborn.
Written By Lucene
Feb. 9, 2020, 2:03 p.m.(9.650885003306879/23.449560185185184/1012.720907083609 AR)
My meeting in Tragedy reminded me of the great man that raised me. He may have long left this world, but I will always carry his words with me for as long as I live.
"Some must suffer so that others will not, my girl. Those with privilege, wealth and power have a moral obligation to be the ones to shoulder that burden.
You should never stand by and do nothing.
Even the times where you feel that you can do nothing, you can still suffer. Suffer at the injustice of the world and suffer with others so that they do not feel hopelessly alone.
Suffer loudly, suffer proudly."
When I was younger, I believed his words to be literal, but now that I am older I realise that I was wrong. Leave it to my old man to make the mere act of helping others in need sound so melodramatic.
"Some must suffer so that others will not, my girl. Those with privilege, wealth and power have a moral obligation to be the ones to shoulder that burden.
You should never stand by and do nothing.
Even the times where you feel that you can do nothing, you can still suffer. Suffer at the injustice of the world and suffer with others so that they do not feel hopelessly alone.
Suffer loudly, suffer proudly."
When I was younger, I believed his words to be literal, but now that I am older I realise that I was wrong. Leave it to my old man to make the mere act of helping others in need sound so melodramatic.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.