Written By Kaya
April 9, 2019, 12:02 a.m.(11/21/1010 AR)
I feel myself struggling with what I want to do. What I want to be. I feel the world open to dreams again and again because of him...Burnt out from the path I have been taking...Looking for a new way to go. Is there a way to get away from everything and find a sense of myself, a realistic view on my dreams? A way to experiment and try without winding up falling behind? Will he catch me either way?
Written By Kaya
April 2, 2019, 1:23 a.m.(11/7/1010 AR)
What would you say if I ended it all today? Would my memory just fade away into nothing? The world is crashing around me and I don’t feel a thing. Every attempt I have made to keep it from unraveling....Wasted...For here I am once again unable to go any further. Maybe if I close my eyes I will wake and find this was all a nightmare. Maybe this time I won’t wake up...
Written By Kaya
March 24, 2019, 5:09 a.m.(10/17/1010 AR)
My soul feels dark full of shadows and secrets, lies, manipulations, a great act of sorts. The greatest actress can hide the darkness but every once in a while it slips through
Written By Kaya
March 24, 2019, 1:24 a.m.(10/17/1010 AR)
You don't see the demons beneath this beautiful shell.
Masked by a beautiful face.
Lost in darkness all alone.
Unimaginable the nightmares in my mind. You love a beautiful lie.
Masked by a beautiful face.
Lost in darkness all alone.
Unimaginable the nightmares in my mind. You love a beautiful lie.
Written By Kaya
March 22, 2019, 5:31 a.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
Do you ever feel like you are free falling and you decide to embrace it knowing you may not survive when you hit the bottom where ever it is because you just loose all sense of yourself so it does not seem to matter that your existance is at risk. And the whole time you are watching your life in slow motion able to see the end but not control it.
Written By Kaya
March 22, 2019, 3:03 a.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
Looking in the mirror, the image morphs into the image of the demons I carry inside. Afraid everyone can see, I try to fake a smile as silent tears fall behind the mask I wear.
Written By Kaya
March 22, 2019, 2:34 a.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
There I go putting my foot in my mouth again. The words getting twisted around my tongue as I am awkwardly trying to tell you how I feel
Written By Kaya
March 22, 2019, 1:33 a.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
To long I have hidden in the shadows. Afraid of the judgement of others. No longer shall I hide from the bright light of a new day. Time for me to get comfortable in my own skin and be ok to show who I am.
Written By Kaya
March 22, 2019, 12:10 a.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
In a world full of people you may wonder how someone can feel lonely at times. For me it is probably because I have never fully fit in. I am odd or weird or strange...Sometimes it is hard for there are few I can share things with...I don't believe I am insane maybe unhinged? Who knows the mind is a mysterious thing and as I get close to unlocking the puzzle it seems to slip away. Frustrating it is to be defeated by your own mind. The answers are right there and I feel it but lost the key or maybe never truly had it....Alone in my thoughts that seem to buzz around my head. Darkness clouds my mind. I close my eyes and breathe Imagine the sun or a bright light Trying to banish the darkness but it lurks in the shadows of my mind.
Written By Kaya
March 21, 2019, 11:58 p.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
I will fuck it up again like I always do. My life is a mess of my own design. Maybe this time I should pay the price of a lesson gone unlearned. There is no one to blame but myself. So full of guilt and shame, trying to pretend everything is not falling apart.
Written By Kaya
March 21, 2019, 11:56 p.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
I fear we maybe broken and I can't pick up the pieces. It is like living with a dragon, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So your back again on your knees begging me to understand but I just don't think this time I can. You scare me with your intense reaction and though I feel my heart being torn apart, there is little more to say
Written By Kaya
March 21, 2019, 11:41 p.m.(10/13/1010 AR)
You shake my confidence, tearing me down and leaving me to die. You push me far away and wonder where I've gone. Then when I crack, you fill me with your lies, hoping to keep me here while I slowly die. Would you even care if I was not here at all? I wish to disappear and never come back at all.
Written By Kaya
March 21, 2019, 4:16 p.m.(10/12/1010 AR)
Do you see the truth behind the shadows of my mind? The things I try to hide, afraid you’ll never understand. So alone I sit in darkness. Letting shadows cloud my mind. And where are you, when I am so far away?
Written By Kaya
March 21, 2019, 9:51 a.m.(10/11/1010 AR)
My thoughts race in my head.But I just want to drown them out. Can I sleep and awake? Till tomorrow when everything has changed. You tell me to face my problems but I am sinking way to fast.
Written By Kaya
March 19, 2019, 5:41 a.m.(10/7/1010 AR)
I awake again to my heart racing. I am not dead but perhaps I am not alive either. I lay there unable to move as the sensations slowly return to my body. I imagine this is what it feels like to return from the dead and your body slowly has to get accustomed to living again. My head screams at me as I wait for the tide to pass, leaving me afraid to slip back to sleep again because next time I may never wake up.
Written By Kaya
March 18, 2019, 2:45 a.m.(10/5/1010 AR)
I feel myself slipping into that endless void of nothingness. My feelings are numb. It feels like I am watching my life passing by. Like watching a play you can?t stop
Written By Kaya
March 17, 2019, 10:05 a.m.(10/3/1010 AR)
Somehow you slipped past my defenses, I never saw it coming. Now the door is open, and my heart is racing and I’m wondering if you’ll come around. You lower your walls to let me in...Why does it feel we have been here before? I fall into this moment and the world appears as a blur. All I see are images of you in my mind. Do you notice, can you see, the picture forming around us? My world is shattered, broken and torn. I feel the world opening to dreams again and it is because of him.
Written By Kaya
March 17, 2019, 7:18 a.m.(10/3/1010 AR)
In the darkness the monsters come out. They surround my mind and make it hard to breathe.I scream and scream but no one hears me. I am alone in this nightmare.
Written By Kaya
March 17, 2019, 5:44 a.m.(10/3/1010 AR)
Do you truely see me? Here in the shadows where my mind races alone. Can you tell when I am sad, happy or mad? I push everyone away afraid to be hurt but I never thought you would leave me. You promised you would be here...forever. Now here I am all alone again.
Written By Kaya
March 16, 2019, 7:30 p.m.(10/2/1010 AR)
The cards, you've played them all and you risk, losing it all.
When I walk away with the winning hand will you realize everything
happened according to your plan? You liked to control
and put me down but here you are, about to lose it all.
Was it all worth it in the end? I am not sure I care anymore.
I have grown tired of playing the same game. We’ve sat at
this table many times before, and you’ve played the winning
hand. But this time you stand to lose it all and when I leave you
in the ashes of our past, will you realize this was all your design?
For you liked causing jealousy, anger, and pain,
but now the tables have turned. You shall sit on the ashes alone,
as I rise above them and move on.
When I walk away with the winning hand will you realize everything
happened according to your plan? You liked to control
and put me down but here you are, about to lose it all.
Was it all worth it in the end? I am not sure I care anymore.
I have grown tired of playing the same game. We’ve sat at
this table many times before, and you’ve played the winning
hand. But this time you stand to lose it all and when I leave you
in the ashes of our past, will you realize this was all your design?
For you liked causing jealousy, anger, and pain,
but now the tables have turned. You shall sit on the ashes alone,
as I rise above them and move on.
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