Written By Hana
June 28, 2019, 4:01 a.m.(5/13/1011 AR)
Relationship Note on Joscelin
How do you fit six years into a single journal? How do you capture someone so important without an entire book of words? What can I write so that twenty years from now, I can read it and remember this moment perfectly? What can I possibly say so that if someone reads this journal five hundred years from now, looking to know more about Joscelin Arterius, they'll understand what she meant to me? To all of us?
I don't know; I don't think I'm a writer, or a poet, or a playwright, or someone who's really all that good with words sometimes. But I'm going to try anyway.
Six years ago (and sixteen years younger) after my mother Phyllida died, I came to Arx looking for the father I'd never met; I found so much more family than I expected. I learned I had an uncle, a grandmother, and two aunts.
I met those two aunts at the same time I met my father; Joscelin Arterius and Ianthe Artusio were sitting at a table in the Traders Tavern with Aureth when I approached him to tell him who I was. I ended up wearing the mouthful of cider he'd been drinking when I told him, and Aunt Josie handed me a napkin, and introduced Ianthe and herself as my aunts. They weren't kin by blood, but she meant it.
She became guildmaster of the Crafters Guild not long after I arrived, and helped me settle in. When I wanted to apprentice for a while, in order to learn how to apply the smithing techniques I'd learned, Aunt Josie was the one who found me a place. When I decided I was ready to open the Storied Blade on my own, it was Aunt Josie who helped me get the shop built. When I needed funds to get the materials to start making blades for the shop, it was Aunt Josie who loaned me the money. It was Aunt Josie whose jewelry inspired me to more elegant designs for the blades I made. Who I am now, what I can make, is because she inspired me.
When my father took his vows as godsworn, Uncle Fortunato talked about my own calling towards Jayus, and he asked what I wanted. I gave him three answers -- all about why I make things -- and one of them was this:
"I want to make things that inspire people, or make them feel the way I did when I saw Prism's bird that you brought to show me flying around the room. That makes their imagination come alive."
I'd only known Aunt Josie for a bit over a year by then, but that answer has her mark on it just as much as any piece of jewelry she made. Even back then, she inspired me to want to inspire others.
There was more than just inspiration, of course; she was family. She showed me how to give someone unconditional support and love; I tried to be there for her in return when our family lost so many people. My grandmother, Myrinda. Aunt Ianthe. My friend, Dame Zhayla, who had pretty much become an honorary Grayhope. Grief tempered the metal of our relationship, making it stronger.
I always called her Aunt Josie, but by the end... if I divided my life into two parts, the time before I came to Arx, and everything since, then I would say I had a mother in each; Phyllida Tinker before I came here, and Joscelin Arterius afterwards. And I knew she felt the same, but it still felt good to hear the first time she told me that. Even if I know I sometimes made her frantic with worry over some of the things I've done!
And now she's gone away, and I'm not quite sure what the right way is to say goodbye. When I'm acting as a Disciple in the Shrine of Jayus, sometimes I tell people "may Jayus gift you inspiration" when they leave. But I can't say that here, because I know he already has, more inspiration than one person can contain; she had so much she overflowed, sharing it with the rest of us. She gave me enough love and inspiration in six years to last the rest of my lifetime.
And yet the last thing she ever told me, in a letter she gave me before she left, was that /I/ inspired /her/. Coming from Aunt Josie, who inspired so much of who I am today, and what I do... that's the greatest compliment I think I could ever receive.
I guess I'll just end with this: You leave a hole behind you, because no one else can ever replace you. But a hole can be filled with water and become a lake; the hole you leave behind is filled with love, and beauty, and inspiration. I'll miss you so much. But every time I go to that lake, or see someone else visit it, I'll smile.
Thank you, mom. Bye.
I don't know; I don't think I'm a writer, or a poet, or a playwright, or someone who's really all that good with words sometimes. But I'm going to try anyway.
Six years ago (and sixteen years younger) after my mother Phyllida died, I came to Arx looking for the father I'd never met; I found so much more family than I expected. I learned I had an uncle, a grandmother, and two aunts.
I met those two aunts at the same time I met my father; Joscelin Arterius and Ianthe Artusio were sitting at a table in the Traders Tavern with Aureth when I approached him to tell him who I was. I ended up wearing the mouthful of cider he'd been drinking when I told him, and Aunt Josie handed me a napkin, and introduced Ianthe and herself as my aunts. They weren't kin by blood, but she meant it.
She became guildmaster of the Crafters Guild not long after I arrived, and helped me settle in. When I wanted to apprentice for a while, in order to learn how to apply the smithing techniques I'd learned, Aunt Josie was the one who found me a place. When I decided I was ready to open the Storied Blade on my own, it was Aunt Josie who helped me get the shop built. When I needed funds to get the materials to start making blades for the shop, it was Aunt Josie who loaned me the money. It was Aunt Josie whose jewelry inspired me to more elegant designs for the blades I made. Who I am now, what I can make, is because she inspired me.
When my father took his vows as godsworn, Uncle Fortunato talked about my own calling towards Jayus, and he asked what I wanted. I gave him three answers -- all about why I make things -- and one of them was this:
"I want to make things that inspire people, or make them feel the way I did when I saw Prism's bird that you brought to show me flying around the room. That makes their imagination come alive."
I'd only known Aunt Josie for a bit over a year by then, but that answer has her mark on it just as much as any piece of jewelry she made. Even back then, she inspired me to want to inspire others.
There was more than just inspiration, of course; she was family. She showed me how to give someone unconditional support and love; I tried to be there for her in return when our family lost so many people. My grandmother, Myrinda. Aunt Ianthe. My friend, Dame Zhayla, who had pretty much become an honorary Grayhope. Grief tempered the metal of our relationship, making it stronger.
I always called her Aunt Josie, but by the end... if I divided my life into two parts, the time before I came to Arx, and everything since, then I would say I had a mother in each; Phyllida Tinker before I came here, and Joscelin Arterius afterwards. And I knew she felt the same, but it still felt good to hear the first time she told me that. Even if I know I sometimes made her frantic with worry over some of the things I've done!
And now she's gone away, and I'm not quite sure what the right way is to say goodbye. When I'm acting as a Disciple in the Shrine of Jayus, sometimes I tell people "may Jayus gift you inspiration" when they leave. But I can't say that here, because I know he already has, more inspiration than one person can contain; she had so much she overflowed, sharing it with the rest of us. She gave me enough love and inspiration in six years to last the rest of my lifetime.
And yet the last thing she ever told me, in a letter she gave me before she left, was that /I/ inspired /her/. Coming from Aunt Josie, who inspired so much of who I am today, and what I do... that's the greatest compliment I think I could ever receive.
I guess I'll just end with this: You leave a hole behind you, because no one else can ever replace you. But a hole can be filled with water and become a lake; the hole you leave behind is filled with love, and beauty, and inspiration. I'll miss you so much. But every time I go to that lake, or see someone else visit it, I'll smile.
Thank you, mom. Bye.
Written By Hana
June 17, 2019, 3:42 a.m.(4/19/1011 AR)
It feels like it might be time to give up and find another patron.
I haven't had the best luck so far. The patrons themselves have been great! They just have a way of /disappearing/. First there was Duke Leo, and he helped me with a lot of things; I even still have the coin he gave me. But he vanished. It took me most of a year before I broke the patronage and found a new patron. But Prince Talen offered funds and resources to help with my personal projects, so it was a good match. But now he's gone too, and it's silly of me to keep this patronage, just like before.
(What am I doing wrong? Is it Lycenes? Is that my mistake?)
Or maybe it's a chance to break with my past and walk a new path entirely. I've felt called to Jayus -- to the gods -- for years now. I've watched friends and family take their vows ever since I came to Arx. But there's always been some reason, some excuse, some fear of leaving things behind.
But what am I leaving behind? Being honest, it's unlikely I'll ever have children. I don't need wealth or possessions. I already spend most of my time outside of the shop at the Shrine of Jayus. I don't even know what holds me back any longer; is there some part of me that doesn't entirely want to let go of the Storied Blade? Even if I had to after taking vows, even if the store had to close, I'm certain I could find a workshop somewhere else to keep crafting.
But there's something in the back of my mind. Some fear, some thought I can't quite bring into focus, that makes me hesitate to take that step. I need to lure that fear out into the light, and see what it looks like.
I haven't had the best luck so far. The patrons themselves have been great! They just have a way of /disappearing/. First there was Duke Leo, and he helped me with a lot of things; I even still have the coin he gave me. But he vanished. It took me most of a year before I broke the patronage and found a new patron. But Prince Talen offered funds and resources to help with my personal projects, so it was a good match. But now he's gone too, and it's silly of me to keep this patronage, just like before.
(What am I doing wrong? Is it Lycenes? Is that my mistake?)
Or maybe it's a chance to break with my past and walk a new path entirely. I've felt called to Jayus -- to the gods -- for years now. I've watched friends and family take their vows ever since I came to Arx. But there's always been some reason, some excuse, some fear of leaving things behind.
But what am I leaving behind? Being honest, it's unlikely I'll ever have children. I don't need wealth or possessions. I already spend most of my time outside of the shop at the Shrine of Jayus. I don't even know what holds me back any longer; is there some part of me that doesn't entirely want to let go of the Storied Blade? Even if I had to after taking vows, even if the store had to close, I'm certain I could find a workshop somewhere else to keep crafting.
But there's something in the back of my mind. Some fear, some thought I can't quite bring into focus, that makes me hesitate to take that step. I need to lure that fear out into the light, and see what it looks like.
Written By Hana
Jan. 21, 2018, 4:29 p.m.(1/6/1008 AR)
I think after I finish my current glut of commissions, I might take a brief break. It's been a great deal of crafting, after all, and I need to get out of my shop and /do/ more things. I feel like the only people I see are my family, and my friend Lady Joslyn who comes by to visit me. I need to get out more into the taverns, to events, just... things that aren't my shop.
I'm not very /good/ at socializing, though.
I'm not very /good/ at socializing, though.
Written By Hana
Jan. 17, 2018, 8:23 p.m.(12/26/1007 AR)
I feel like I've found a new stride in my forging. I like to think I was a good smith before, but now I feel like habit has turned into something akin to intuition, and even the difficult bits of forging are coming just that little bit more easily than they did before.
I find myself eager to see what I can make.
I find myself eager to see what I can make.
Written By Hana
Jan. 7, 2018, 7:02 p.m.(12/4/1007 AR)
A scholar, two princesses, one of the King's Own, and an archlector walk into a weaponsmith shop: it sounds like the beginning of a very bad joke!
I've never had so many people in my shop all in succession like that; it was so many questions -- and at least one order -- all at once! Still, it's always good to get business into the shop, and to hear that word-of-mouth about my weaponry is good. I'm glad to know that people are pleased with the things I make. That's more important than any money, that the blades carry them safely through whatever it is they need to do. As much as any blade ever can.
But reputation or not, there's always room for improvement. And I feel like I'm so close to /understanding/ something fundamental about smithcraft, if I can just reach a little farther...
I've never had so many people in my shop all in succession like that; it was so many questions -- and at least one order -- all at once! Still, it's always good to get business into the shop, and to hear that word-of-mouth about my weaponry is good. I'm glad to know that people are pleased with the things I make. That's more important than any money, that the blades carry them safely through whatever it is they need to do. As much as any blade ever can.
But reputation or not, there's always room for improvement. And I feel like I'm so close to /understanding/ something fundamental about smithcraft, if I can just reach a little farther...
Written By Hana
Dec. 20, 2017, 10:49 p.m.(10/22/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Zhayla
I can't believe you're gone.
It never mattered to me what titles you had, or who you were to other people; you were like a sister. You were part of our family. Not by blood, but family's what you make of it. You always knew you were welcome at any of our doors. You knew that my father would move anything he could to help you, just like I know he would for me.
I remember when you used to hang out in my shop while I worked, and we gossiped about things around the city. I remember when you were so worried about what you'd learned about yourself.
I remember when I made you that warhammer, and watched you test the balance. You seemed like a warrior out of legend, and I was so proud of you.
I remember that night in the shrine.
I remember when you got your trident, and showed it off to me so proudly.
And I remember missing you, when you were so busy being Sword that we rarely saw each other anymore.
I remember seeing you at the Menagerie just recently, and being so glad we had a chance to catch up. To see the animals. To put aside anything else going on, and just be Zhayla and Hana.
So many memories... and now they're all I have left of you.
I'll miss you, sister.
It never mattered to me what titles you had, or who you were to other people; you were like a sister. You were part of our family. Not by blood, but family's what you make of it. You always knew you were welcome at any of our doors. You knew that my father would move anything he could to help you, just like I know he would for me.
I remember when you used to hang out in my shop while I worked, and we gossiped about things around the city. I remember when you were so worried about what you'd learned about yourself.
I remember when I made you that warhammer, and watched you test the balance. You seemed like a warrior out of legend, and I was so proud of you.
I remember that night in the shrine.
I remember when you got your trident, and showed it off to me so proudly.
And I remember missing you, when you were so busy being Sword that we rarely saw each other anymore.
I remember seeing you at the Menagerie just recently, and being so glad we had a chance to catch up. To see the animals. To put aside anything else going on, and just be Zhayla and Hana.
So many memories... and now they're all I have left of you.
I'll miss you, sister.
Written By Hana
Dec. 5, 2017, 1:45 a.m.(9/17/1007 AR)
Relationship Note on Joslyn
I've known Lady Joslyn Stonewood since before she was noble -- since she first walked into my shop what seems like /forever/ ago. She's ordered weapons from me, teased me about my feelings for Leola, and generally been there for me. So I'm glad she was able to come by and talk again.
I've been so locked away in my shop working on my own projects, I sometimes feel like I barely know anyone outside of my family or the Faith any longer. So it's good to remember the friends I have.
I've been so locked away in my shop working on my own projects, I sometimes feel like I barely know anyone outside of my family or the Faith any longer. So it's good to remember the friends I have.
Written By Hana
Aug. 1, 2017, 1:01 p.m.(12/11/1006 AR)
How do you know the sea is friendly?
Every time you go to the beach, it waves!
Every time you go to the beach, it waves!
Written By Hana
Feb. 28, 2017, 3:13 a.m.(1/3/1006 AR)
Tonight, I finished one of the nicest alaricite blades I've ever made, and with nothing more than a lot of hard work and careful time spent at the forge. I didn't work on anything else /all week/.
It's the sort of blade I think I'll see in my dreams, and I hope it can make a difference.
It's the sort of blade I think I'll see in my dreams, and I hope it can make a difference.
Written By Hana
Feb. 24, 2017, 10:31 p.m.(12/25/1005 AR)
I've never been the most devout person. I grew up in a merchant caravan, so we rarely had real shrines to go to. Sure, I've always made a little prayer to Jayus when I start a blade asking for the crafting to go well, and one to Gloria when I finish it asking that it be used well. But that doesn't seem like very much.
But now I think I need to learn a little more about them. Because I think there's something I *should* be doing for one of them, something I'm *supposed* to do... but I don't really know what that *is*.
Life is strange, sometimes.
But now I think I need to learn a little more about them. Because I think there's something I *should* be doing for one of them, something I'm *supposed* to do... but I don't really know what that *is*.
Life is strange, sometimes.
Written By Hana
Jan. 29, 2017, 1:41 p.m.(10/16/1005 AR)
There's a special kind of terror that comes from seeing someone you care about a /lot/ fall to the ground after something. And a special kind of relief when you realize they're going to be okay.
It's good when you can be someone's warmth.
It's good when you can be someone's warmth.
Written By Hana
Jan. 23, 2017, 10:51 a.m.(9/26/1005 AR)
The Faith is buying diamondplate for all the Templars, and then as much as the sword itself costs for extra refinement and tempering?
Even most of my noble clients haven't been willing to pay that for their own blade! And this is for /all/ the Templars?
That's... that's so much.
Maybe I should be asking the Faith to fund experiments into alaricite alloys, instead of nobles...
Even most of my noble clients haven't been willing to pay that for their own blade! And this is for /all/ the Templars?
That's... that's so much.
Maybe I should be asking the Faith to fund experiments into alaricite alloys, instead of nobles...
Written By Hana
Jan. 21, 2017, 1:46 p.m.(9/21/1005 AR)
The guildmaster seems to think I should find a patron. With everything that's happening lately, and the cost of making alaricite weapons, I'm starting to think that maybe she's right.
The guildmaster also said I should talk to Prince Donrai Thrax about it, because he liked my grandmother Myrinda and has money enough to fund work on alaricite weapons. I'm less certain about that. Thraxes are... well, they have a /reputation/, right? (But maybe it's not deserved? I mean, I guess grandmother trusted them...)
I have to think about this...
The guildmaster also said I should talk to Prince Donrai Thrax about it, because he liked my grandmother Myrinda and has money enough to fund work on alaricite weapons. I'm less certain about that. Thraxes are... well, they have a /reputation/, right? (But maybe it's not deserved? I mean, I guess grandmother trusted them...)
I have to think about this...
Written By Hana
Jan. 19, 2017, 12:22 a.m.(9/13/1005 AR)
I'm so sorry I made you worry, dad. And uncle Fort.
I owe those healers...
I owe those healers...
Written By Hana
Jan. 16, 2017, 11:03 a.m.(9/5/1005 AR)
For a place that's so... well, everything it is, the Murder of Crows has become very popular. It's suddenly the place to be for nobles, and Inquisitors, and elves, and all kinds of other people you wouldn't expect to find in the Lower Boroughs.
Most of who Aleksei will flirt with.
I hope business is going well for my father, at least! It certainly makes every visit "home" an interesting one.
Most of who Aleksei will flirt with.
I hope business is going well for my father, at least! It certainly makes every visit "home" an interesting one.
Written By Hana
Jan. 7, 2017, 2:22 a.m.(8/5/1005 AR)
( This journal entry is tearstained. )
I only knew my grandmother for a bit less than a year.
She wasn't a nice person. She had no tolerance for people she thought were idiots. She was sharp-tongued, sometimes rude, and a terrifying force of nature.
Some people hated her just because of our name, because they think anyone who bears the name 'Grayhope' is a criminal, or worse; I'm sure that Lazarus Mercier is celebrating somewhere in the city, toasting her death with laughter and a light heart.
But even if she wasn't a /nice/ person, my grandmother was a /good/ person.
She thought the world -- people, things, everything -- should be better than it usually was. She saw beauty and tried to capture it in the things she made. And she loved her family.
I'm glad she was my grandmother. I'm glad I got to know her... and that she got to know she had a granddaughter. I didn't know her long enough, and that's not fair, and I'll miss her fiercely.
I don't know what happened.
And if my father's right... if someone did this? Then they'll pay someday, even if I have to forge the knife myself that will balance the scales.
That'll be /my/ gray hope.
I only knew my grandmother for a bit less than a year.
She wasn't a nice person. She had no tolerance for people she thought were idiots. She was sharp-tongued, sometimes rude, and a terrifying force of nature.
Some people hated her just because of our name, because they think anyone who bears the name 'Grayhope' is a criminal, or worse; I'm sure that Lazarus Mercier is celebrating somewhere in the city, toasting her death with laughter and a light heart.
But even if she wasn't a /nice/ person, my grandmother was a /good/ person.
She thought the world -- people, things, everything -- should be better than it usually was. She saw beauty and tried to capture it in the things she made. And she loved her family.
I'm glad she was my grandmother. I'm glad I got to know her... and that she got to know she had a granddaughter. I didn't know her long enough, and that's not fair, and I'll miss her fiercely.
I don't know what happened.
And if my father's right... if someone did this? Then they'll pay someday, even if I have to forge the knife myself that will balance the scales.
That'll be /my/ gray hope.
Written By Hana
Dec. 18, 2016, 5:46 a.m.(6/2/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Leo
Duke Leo Fidante has been a good customer, and the white sword I made for him -- Vigil -- is one of my favorite bits of work.
Written By Hana
Dec. 18, 2016, 5:38 a.m.(6/2/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Leola
Mistress Leola Allenatore is an animal trainer, and very good at her job. She and I arrived in Arx at the same time; we first met on our first night in the city, when we were both hopelessly lost. We spent a bit of time wandering together until we got our bearings, and promised to check in with each other later.
We've sent each other messengers every so often since then, but until recently we hadn't seen each other in person again. Now I've had a chance to reconnect with her again more recently; I'm giving her a weapon, and she gave me a pet bird to brighten up the shop.
In a way, she was my first friend in Arx, even if we didn't really talk that much to start; it's nice to have a chance to actually get to know her better.
We've sent each other messengers every so often since then, but until recently we hadn't seen each other in person again. Now I've had a chance to reconnect with her again more recently; I'm giving her a weapon, and she gave me a pet bird to brighten up the shop.
In a way, she was my first friend in Arx, even if we didn't really talk that much to start; it's nice to have a chance to actually get to know her better.
Written By Hana
Dec. 10, 2016, 3:08 p.m.(5/7/1005 AR)
I feel like maybe I should hang a sign in my shop window: "No blades of black diamondplate-ish metal allowed inside, under any circumstances." or something similiar.
Written By Hana
Nov. 24, 2016, 1:06 a.m.(3/14/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Fortunato
I've never had an uncle before, but if Fortunato's anything to judge by, uncles are a good thing to have.
He's something of a philosopher, but he seems to understand me. We've only really spoken a handful of times so far -- I haven't known him very long -- but I've enjoyed every conversation. He always leaves me thinking.
(Besides, he did all the paintings for the walls of the Storied Blade, and I love them dearly.)
He's something of a philosopher, but he seems to understand me. We've only really spoken a handful of times so far -- I haven't known him very long -- but I've enjoyed every conversation. He always leaves me thinking.
(Besides, he did all the paintings for the walls of the Storied Blade, and I love them dearly.)
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