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Written By Donella

Jan. 12, 2024, 10:49 p.m.(7/17/1021 AR)

I have said my goodbyes, and I am riding North. My children should be told their mother loves them, and asks them to be brave for themselves if not for their father or for me. It only means doing what they must, even when they are afraid, even when it is hard and victory seems a fool's hope. I am so proud of them, and I know we will be together again. As for my husband, he knows all that is in my heart already. I wish him and all our friends luck in the battles to come. I remain to the very last,

—Nell

Written By Donella

March 6, 2022, 3:06 a.m.(3/23/1017 AR)

I have been in the Isles, in the midst of Margot's holdings on a mission of 'put them out of my misery' because I . In the Barony of Darant. This island a complete midden fire. Years of alleged mismanagement culminated in financial irregularities, the murder of the baron Yuri Darant, and claimants crawling out of the woodwork with the ticks. Oh, and a looming financial collapse of their port, and let's toss in the ever-present uncivil unrest.

In this corner, contender #1: Lada, the alleged natural daughter of Baron Yuri, as far as I know not acknowledged. As a young woman and an underdog, I should back her, right? Right? Not so much, actually, but I'm coming to that. In this corner, contender #2: Dareth, the son of the late baron Yuri's sister that married to a Dredcall. You may recall that Ivan Helianthus sheltered with the Marquis before his demise? Yes. That Dredcall. My cup runneth over.

The son is a young man very much like Harald Grimhall in demeanor, actually. For all I dislike his rhetoric about the corrosion of our culture with Victus's apparent soft, city-loving ways (HA! HAHAHAHA! Weak, apparently, because he hasn't lined the coasts with stone crosses and flayed corpses! Believe me, it can be arranged!) he appears to be a man of convictions. He is not for the false king in Eurus, and would to kneel to Margot (however unhappily) divested of thralls and forgiven his oaths to his kin to take up the holding, which, by the way, he doesn't give any evidence of wanting. He'll even make a proper marriage. There are so many problems with this. It is so risky, not just because of his discontent and apparent willingness to kill for an economic problem... but I digress. I think he is in earnest though. I don't believe he had anything to do with murdering the baron as our other contender is alleging.

As for the woman? Something about Lada's claim bothers me. I want to sympathize with her, but cannot. True, she hasn't had the education or training in estate management that gently born woman have, but that only extends so much latitude. At best, she doesn't know the first thing about managing an estate and is being manipulated by her brain-trust of oily merchants. At worst, she may have offed her father as part of an elaborate plot to collapse the barony so the Ivanites can take it over. She cropped up just as the man dies, which no one knew about as she was keeping it quiet, throwing weight and attitude around with her shoeless peasants, demanding to be called a lady. We found nothing being done to address the holding's many, MANY expensive issues, or to locate her father's murderer. Her dicing, unliveried guardsman did not even have the gates closed. We literally walked right in on her drinking and laughing with her ... henchmen (merchants, bookkeeper). So is she incompetent, or malicious?

Either way, we are going to have to shake that tree a little harder until something more falls out. Personally? I want to dangle the accountant over a pool of hungry lampreys until he squeals like a suckling pig, as of old. O, it's great to be home! Actually... it is kindof exactly how I remember it.

Written By Donella

Feb. 26, 2021, 7:07 p.m.(1/7/1015 AR)

My sweet Sina Silvereyes. Gone. How can it be so, when the memory of your gray eyes, so keen with all your wondering is so vivid in my memory. I can almost imagine your long-suffering expression in the glass, as you dressed my hair for the Assembly. You were with me through all the dark times, and carried burdens heavier than I, or anyone living at the time knew. I did not part with you gladly, when I married; but we both knew there were greater things to pursue. I listened to your vows to become Godsworn, I rejoiced as your mind raised you to prominence. When the time came to stand, and risk all, you looked on gargantuan terrors, and never drew back. You were never more distant than a word, and you held my hand. Life has fled you, now they say. Driven from this life by a poisoned blade. You deserved so much better. My eyes are dry; I am not so changed as to cry. But they burn as though with seawater. I will Wake for you.

Written By Donella

Feb. 26, 2021, 7:07 p.m.(1/7/1015 AR)

Sina

Written By Donella

Feb. 16, 2021, 1:09 a.m.(12/11/1014 AR)

I have taken to having story time with the children in the great hall in front of the fire before I put them to bed. Dacian is too wiggly to do more than nurse a treat before he passes out, but Taran, Ailbhe, and Siaran practically fight for pride of place by whatever elder will spin a yarn for us. I often find myself paying as stringent attention as they do. Stories are important to the education I want my children, and my people to receive so it is right, I feel, to learn this way myself.

Written By Donella

July 24, 2020, 5:27 p.m.(9/18/1013 AR)

Prayers and fasting, then eat an evening meal with the hangry extended family. It's been some days now, and I still have a week to go. Most days I don't notice being hungry because meals for me have always been catch as catch can sort of thing when we are not dining 'in-state.' Just now I am so hungry, I could eat a baby. Yes, brother, that was a Thrax JOKE.

The prayer at the Shrine of the Sentinel has been harder. In doing this for one family, I have been confronting whether or the choices I made, the horrible things I suffered to happen, the people that died because of me... can that ever be made right? I don't know. I have agreed to talk through some of it with Blessed Avary. Sometimes, they say, talking helps.

Written By Donella

June 5, 2020, 1:25 a.m.(6/3/1013 AR)

Relationship Note on Darren

My husband is a good man.
He is a wise man.
When he tells someone to weigh their words, it would be best if they weighed them with thought and care.

Also, I do believe when he tells someone to think carefully before speaking, he means to stop speaking.

While he is a great man, a man that would not suffer his people, would not hold a grudge, and is the epitome of the North.
His wife is from Thrax and knows the value of a good shark.

TO THE LAST

Written By Donella

May 11, 2020, 8:34 a.m.(4/9/1013 AR)

Relationship Note on Darren

As public record has stated a few times and I would like to remind those that happen upon my whites. I have loved my husband before we were married and I love him more each day that I am blessed with him.

In spite of him teaching our eldest that jumping out at people is indeed hilarious and should happen often.
In spite of him not understanding the benefits of a pet shark.
In spite of all the reasons he can come up to challenge some people.

My marriage is one of honor, duty, and sacrifice. It is the foundation of every wonderful blessing I have received. It is also very much founded in love.

Written By Donella

May 8, 2020, 3:22 p.m.(4/4/1013 AR)

Spring has come.

In truth, I have come to embrace the winter like one would a new beat to their heart. I am always a bit saddened to see it fade and the snows to melt. I find I quite enjoy the feel of ice on the wind. It reminds me of Thrax and Redrain. I have also found myself keeping to myself and my family. It is not that I lost my way, for that is always before me. It is more that I have been embracing this time. We are always on a cusp of being separated, that I enjoy when I have the time to be with those I love.

Today, the children and I looked at clouds upon the skyline. It was good to see Taran laughing and enjoying the creatures he crafted. He would start to tell the stories of imaginary creatures to his younger siblings. He has always been a good brother. I just worry that he wears the weight of his birthright already. His eyes are always tracking his father and he is always interested in the affairs around the fealty. He came up with the Bears that ate Snogawals. I am not fully sure what a Snogawal is, but they are apparently tasty to bears. However, they are also tricky.

Written By Donella

April 7, 2020, 11:29 a.m.(1/25/1013 AR)

Relationship Note on Darren

Our sixth year anniversary of marriage is soon upon us (7th day of the 2nd month Darren) and I find myself reflecting upon our joined life of marriage. It has not always been the easiest years to live within Arx, but my husband has made the time filled with effortless love and commitment.

I remember his first announcement of our betrothal. The love that reflected in all his words and all his excitement. We were excited and we were deeply in love. When we married (again Darren 7th day of the 2nd month) I was certain that my heart had found the deepest happiness that could exist. It was the peak of what could be. I was content with that knowledge. However, I was wrong as well.

Darren has, again, shown me the error of my thoughts when it came to my heart. We have welcomed four beautiful children into the world. We have grown a strong ward of people that could not be greater. While I have never doubted my strength, he has shown me a depth of love in myself that I cannot and will not deny. He is my heart.

I am not the type of woman to wax on about adoring thoughts. I appreciate that he respects that and that he knows how I feel. I am blown away by our private moments of conversation and our soft words of devotion. I find myself in awe every moment of every day that this man loves me. That I love him. That I was wrong on our wedding because that love pales in consideration of the love I now feel for him and continue to feel for him.

Darren is a man of great character. He is a strength that others may not be aware of. He loves deeply for his people. He is the epitome of a High Lord. He strikes me speechless time and time again. I have thank the Gods (and the Spirits) that they allowed me the honor of this man. My happiness. My laughter. My tears. My doubts. They all rest on his shoulders and he takes them willingly. He has shown me, as his wife, nothing but respect and honor. His love has increased with each moment. A sacred space for just us, no matter where we are.

So with all my heart, all my future, and without an ounce of reservation I give my thanks Darren Redrain for loving me for as long as you have.

Written By Donella

April 6, 2020, 7:10 p.m.(1/24/1013 AR)


I have never been a woman that likes to share my opinions or my thoughts. I suppose it is why I do not write as much as I should upon the pages of the white journals. Who would care to the ramblings of one such as myself?

I find myself thinking of the people of the Northlands. In winter, I find myself doing this more often than not. They never cease to amaze me. They are everything that the lands hold. They are steadfast, they love deeply, they are fierce, they are protective, and yet they do this all with a mark of playfulness. It is like the winter, they are misunderstood to those that do not embrace them, but there is a needed harsh beauty to them.

TO THE LAST

Written By Donella

Oct. 23, 2019, 4:44 p.m.(1/24/1012 AR)

Relationship Note on Darren

The cold brings to me a time of reflection. I have not written in my journal for some time, but I feel it is time to take up my pen again. There is much going on in the world around us, but I cannot help but feel blessed where I am in it.

Darren and I went out to have a meal within the lands of Redrain quarter. It was amazing to see how my handsome husband speaks to his people. I wonder if they see the deep affection that he holds for them. If it was not enough, he came home to deal with our children. It allowed me a night to not have to worry to their needs. I am not sure what I did to bring this man to me, but I thank the Gods for him.

Also, I am not sure how he got a reputation for this 'dad bod' but it is quite pleasing to his wife. It needs not be to anyone else; I am quite content with my winter bear.

Written By Donella

March 29, 2019, 3:48 p.m.(10/28/1010 AR)

Relationship Note on Aksel

Quintessentially Northern in his approach to things. Needs a stepstool and a good helm, if he's going to tilt.

Written By Donella

March 29, 2019, 3:41 p.m.(10/28/1010 AR)

I am not a poet. However, I do enjoy words.

They are good for most situations; but so far, they have been absolutely no help as regards parenting. Also, modulating volume has almost no positive effect on the outcome where a toddler is concerned. Taran will be shouting his head off about this or that, and I'll roar back at him, and then he'll stop shouting and cry. I have to spend several minutes at 'there, there' and reassuring him I am not angry. With my daughters, it seems to matter more what tone I am using than what I am saying. What I am saying often seems inane anyway, reading from books with titles like Where's My Cow?

"Is that my cow?" I will coo, and rapt, they stare at me and dribble on their chins, and wiggle their arms and legs. "It says BAAAA-AAA. No," I will say, "That's not my cow. It is a sheep." If I am lucky, they grow bored of the oration and go straightaway to sleep. More often they will emit high-pitched noises of excitement. To a baby, Where's My Cow? is a real page-turner.

So I have enjoyed grown-up conversation at readings. They are a nice change from trying to imitate livestock or trying to explain to Taran why wearing his britches outside when it's windy isn't optional. I fear perhaps sometimes I am falling on my fellow chatters like a dieter on an entire pie, starved for conversation. I apologize to those people.

Written By Donella

March 17, 2019, 11:51 p.m.(10/5/1010 AR)

The Compact said in a resounding unified voice they would be with the Thrax in their undertaking to purge thralldom from the Isles. Now is the time to put action where only words have been. If you would assist the Thrax, you must do more than send them your approval and good wishes. You must be willing to commit your money and resources, your fighting men and women, your ships. You must freeze these rebels and those who aid them from life in the Compact. Take from the murderers no coin; their silver is sullied in blood. Refuse them your halls. Refuse them your ports and harbors. Refuse them the hospitality of your cities, the commerce of your markets, and the goods of your lands. Shun those who still give them succor. These betrayers have told you with their actions that they would rather do foul murder, and break their oaths of fealty than stand with you in virtue for the common good. And that sort of statement demands the strongest possible response. How will you?

Written By Donella

Aug. 29, 2018, 7:36 p.m.(6/26/1009 AR)

I need people to make me look pretty. Some people drink to forget their troubles, and some fight. I think I would like to try shopping!

Written By Donella

April 3, 2018, 3:43 p.m.(6/25/1008 AR)

<Written on a loose leaf to be placed within Donella's White folio>

Now I -know- there is a place between worlds, because as I have been laboring all of last evening and half of today I have slipped into it a few times, and have no sense of what occurred while I was "out". Is it supposed to go on like this? The women say that it sometimes can. They keep trying to take away my knitting, because I am hostile during my pains. As I have said to some of the people that have stopped by to visit, I am uncomfortable, I am frustrated, and I am anxious for the baby. I am impatient, not murderous. There is a difference. Meanwhile, all the jokes I have made over the years about Thrax and eating babies I now repent, and beg my child to please, please come out soon.

Written By Donella

Feb. 13, 2018, 5:29 p.m.(3/3/1008 AR)

Relationship Note on Caspian

I have never been asked for my favor before, and yet he claims to want to carry it. Because I was involved in his emancipation. I still feel I have earned no such regard, but it is flattering to feel I did something right during my years speaking for the Isles. As it means something to him, I feel that it would be ungracious to refuse. I'm sure I have something that will be suitable.

Written By Donella

Feb. 13, 2018, 3:11 p.m.(3/3/1008 AR)

The mood in this city has definitely turned of late.

Or perhaps it was like this, and coping with the new constant assault on my senses has allowed me to see it for the first time. It could also be bad eggs, too. That's a thing, isn't it?

There are all the usual frivolities, and balls, and weddings... but under it all, the breaking down of the order of things as it has been, and a renewed hostility that accompanies it as newly broken edges grind rough against eachother. Some edges have always been rough, though, and they are no less grating as we wait.

Patience. People are dangerous when they are frightened, and there is plenty of cause for fear. Yet also reason to hope. Limerance assist me in remembering my duties to others, that no one is forgot.

Written By Donella

Jan. 8, 2018, 1:56 p.m.(12/5/1007 AR)

Relationship Note on Morrighan

I am pretty sure that when first we met, she despised me. And continued to despise me for a long time. Being Thrax, I was accustomed to being disliked sight unseen, but she gave me no little cause for concern as I grew close to Darren. Would all the Northerners as soon stab me as speak to me? But since those times, we have made peace, I think, and come to understand one another better. And I find I quite like her. She saved my life, afterall. I can see why the Redrain family places so much faith in her abilities. She works selflessly, so very hard. She proves things about the high value to be placed on that which is not easily obtained. And I am better here for having to work to earn any of her regard.

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