Written By Bliss
Feb. 3, 2019, 10:17 p.m.(7/5/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Bliss
When I had my twenty-fifth birthday, I found myself utterly a ruin. I spent the night of it alone, with only the company of a bard I haven't seen since who happened to walk in, drinking bad wine and looking out the window, waiting for the bells to ring. It felt like everything was disappointment - I felt I had had stumbled on my goals, fallen face-first, and that I had a hell of a hole to claw myself out of.
I think I can say that I have done that - everything that was lack of confidence then has turned into something supporting me now. I know what I need to be doing, and while it's likely too much, that sort of challenge is invigorating and enthralling. I feel as if I am free from something that has been weighing down on me as long as I can remember now. The thoughts are still there, but they no longer cut. The anger is still there, but it's a small flicker that I can call on whenever I want. It's no longer all-consuming.
Am I satisfied? No, for there is ever so much more to do and experience.
Am I happy?
I think, for the first time, in a very long time, I can say yes. So happy birthday to me, and let's tackle this second quarter century with everything we have. World's just getting interesting - hardly the time to back away now.
I think I can say that I have done that - everything that was lack of confidence then has turned into something supporting me now. I know what I need to be doing, and while it's likely too much, that sort of challenge is invigorating and enthralling. I feel as if I am free from something that has been weighing down on me as long as I can remember now. The thoughts are still there, but they no longer cut. The anger is still there, but it's a small flicker that I can call on whenever I want. It's no longer all-consuming.
Am I satisfied? No, for there is ever so much more to do and experience.
Am I happy?
I think, for the first time, in a very long time, I can say yes. So happy birthday to me, and let's tackle this second quarter century with everything we have. World's just getting interesting - hardly the time to back away now.
Written By Bliss
Feb. 2, 2019, 11:46 p.m.(7/3/1010 AR)
Happy birthday, Queen Alarice.
Written By Bliss
Feb. 2, 2019, 6:20 p.m.(7/2/1010 AR)
Lu,
I am sure you are somewhere out there, reading this. I sincerely hope you are enjoying your time basking on the beaches of the Lyceum, and learning how to relax - and you've earned this! You absolutely have. I miss you, but I know you're doing well for yourself.
But I'm never going to forgive you for this fucking rabbit.
I am sure you are somewhere out there, reading this. I sincerely hope you are enjoying your time basking on the beaches of the Lyceum, and learning how to relax - and you've earned this! You absolutely have. I miss you, but I know you're doing well for yourself.
But I'm never going to forgive you for this fucking rabbit.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 27, 2019, 6:21 p.m.(6/18/1010 AR)
I've been practicing steadily on the vielle as my shoulder begins to improve. This slow, steady, painful process, where I get the lovely feeling of parts inside of me being broken and torn.
But I can hold it steady for so much longer already, even at that strange angle. My fingers remember, the bow arm remembers, but I find myself simply blocked after a time - the pain becomes too much, the arm moves too slowly, and the song begins to suffer. So I set it down, to come back to it later.
I see connections between this and so much else. A part of ourselves, stripped away, and though we know that it can be done, the actual implementation is so painful, so rough and raw, and so dangerous it might set us back. But we need to persist, and we need to not feel like we are going to be doomed in trying to do so. We can be more than we are. We are supposed to be more than we are. And when we get there, it will be beautiful.
But by the gods, does it hurt.
But I can hold it steady for so much longer already, even at that strange angle. My fingers remember, the bow arm remembers, but I find myself simply blocked after a time - the pain becomes too much, the arm moves too slowly, and the song begins to suffer. So I set it down, to come back to it later.
I see connections between this and so much else. A part of ourselves, stripped away, and though we know that it can be done, the actual implementation is so painful, so rough and raw, and so dangerous it might set us back. But we need to persist, and we need to not feel like we are going to be doomed in trying to do so. We can be more than we are. We are supposed to be more than we are. And when we get there, it will be beautiful.
But by the gods, does it hurt.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 23, 2019, 7:09 p.m.(6/10/1010 AR)
Today I found myself in a staring match with a bunny.
I lost.
This is not what I expected to be doing with my life at this point.
I lost.
This is not what I expected to be doing with my life at this point.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 21, 2019, 5:17 p.m.(6/6/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Verity
These forces aren't exactly the kind to negotiate. Each of them is only held at bay by the threat of the other - these aren't really offers which they are presenting, but demands. They have sweetened the pot as much as they will go because the last thing either would want is to be undercut by the other. Otherwise, they would have done so at the Assembly.
Our options are on the table. Unless we actively find something better to present to them, this is the reality of what will come to pass. Optimism is all well and good, but it needs to be tempered with understanding the totality of the situation.
Our options are on the table. Unless we actively find something better to present to them, this is the reality of what will come to pass. Optimism is all well and good, but it needs to be tempered with understanding the totality of the situation.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 20, 2019, 7:10 p.m.(6/4/1010 AR)
I am fairly certain I must have been told once, long ago, "May you live in interesting times."
Cheers, to whoever did.
A thousand challenges in front of me, ever increasing in scale. A tension unlike any we've had to face before, a world opening up around us. Fire, ice, sand, sea, sky and walls. Each swirling in its own chaotic whirlwind, a harmony of forces.
Who wants to dance?
Cheers, to whoever did.
A thousand challenges in front of me, ever increasing in scale. A tension unlike any we've had to face before, a world opening up around us. Fire, ice, sand, sea, sky and walls. Each swirling in its own chaotic whirlwind, a harmony of forces.
Who wants to dance?
Written By Bliss
Jan. 17, 2019, 5:07 p.m.(5/18/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Niklas
Your Highness,
I feel it worth pointing out that I was writing about the bloodshed and catastrophe in trying to resolve this mess with the Scholars and how people are self-righteously beating their chests and saying that it doesn't matter what the consequences were or how things look from the outside, they most certainly did the right thing, and everyone who is offering criticism after the fact doesn't matter because they know what they did was right. There is a wealth of arrogance and lack of contrition on display that would be nearly impressive to behold - were my eyes not aching so much from rolling that I was nearly blinded. I find myself furious and wishing that things had been handled in a different way, but unsurprised given many of the personalities who are involved.
The fact that I can literally replace the word "Scholars" with "Great Road" and leave everything else unchanged in that last paragraph is immaterial, though, perhaps, it helps encapsulate the reason why I am still upset about that as well. That one, at least, I am working to do things about.
You do seem to have rather a chip on your shoulder and have taken personal offense to things, though, or else you wouldn't have written what you did. The messengers know where to find me if you wish to write.
I feel it worth pointing out that I was writing about the bloodshed and catastrophe in trying to resolve this mess with the Scholars and how people are self-righteously beating their chests and saying that it doesn't matter what the consequences were or how things look from the outside, they most certainly did the right thing, and everyone who is offering criticism after the fact doesn't matter because they know what they did was right. There is a wealth of arrogance and lack of contrition on display that would be nearly impressive to behold - were my eyes not aching so much from rolling that I was nearly blinded. I find myself furious and wishing that things had been handled in a different way, but unsurprised given many of the personalities who are involved.
The fact that I can literally replace the word "Scholars" with "Great Road" and leave everything else unchanged in that last paragraph is immaterial, though, perhaps, it helps encapsulate the reason why I am still upset about that as well. That one, at least, I am working to do things about.
You do seem to have rather a chip on your shoulder and have taken personal offense to things, though, or else you wouldn't have written what you did. The messengers know where to find me if you wish to write.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 16, 2019, 5:33 p.m.(5/16/1010 AR)
Whisper House is happy to provide our services in how to properly address criticism of your well-intentioned actions. While we are certainly not pleased that many of these seem to result in so much bloodshed, it is our firm belief that we should all rise to be examples to the children of our realm, rather than attempting to emulate their problem-solving skills.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 15, 2019, 3:09 p.m.(5/14/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Kenna
I cannot say that it gets easier, or that it will ever feel like it will, because it doesn't, and it won't. Once you see the scope and breadth of treason that is in the world, it is hard to ever really trust people again.
But what will start happening is that you will begin to look at those around you with a more critical eye. You will learn who is doing what, and why, and maybe even who you can trust with what. You will form deep, deep bonds with those who truly become worthy of them - and I think there is a reward in that in and of itself.
Push forward. Always.
But what will start happening is that you will begin to look at those around you with a more critical eye. You will learn who is doing what, and why, and maybe even who you can trust with what. You will form deep, deep bonds with those who truly become worthy of them - and I think there is a reward in that in and of itself.
Push forward. Always.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 13, 2019, 12:51 p.m.(5/8/1010 AR)
It is a strange, strange thing to feel yourself finally beginning to heal. To remember what you looked like when you were whole, and feel that woman coming back to you.
Sharp words about current events aside, on a personal level, these past couple weeks have been a desperately needed breath of fresh air. I didn't even realize I was drowning. But I'm back.
Sharp words about current events aside, on a personal level, these past couple weeks have been a desperately needed breath of fresh air. I didn't even realize I was drowning. But I'm back.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 11, 2019, 4:45 p.m.(5/5/1010 AR)
I wrote three simple words as the reports started coming in of how absolutely catastrophic this situation was. My opinion still hasn't really changed, despite reading every White that has been written on the topic of the Great Road so far, but rather, it has been reinforced. Doing something wrong and then loudly and proudly declaring that you are proud you did the wrong thing doesn't make you admirable, it makes you stubborn, callous and intransigent, and your people are watching.
Trying to blame this on some supernatural force rather than on human failure and owning up to your own actions is a type of cowardice that is new to me, I have to say. Humans are flawed creatures; we strive to be at our best, here in the Compact, but we all fall short, and often. There isn't shame in this. Failure itself isn't shameful, it's just when it is avoidable that it becomes something that we need to speak on. This was avoidable.
I personally think that the idea of a road uniting the Compact is a brilliant one, and had the opportunity to really bring us together in ways that we haven't yet. The goal was admirable.
Had someone spoken to me about it beforehand, I probably would have said as much, and I would have suggested we start with building it where our roads are most heavily used, where the Knights of Solace have well-established routes, where we understand the Abandoned tribes the best and have our calmest relations with them. I would have said that we needed to send out diplomats to these tribes to explain the uses of a road and how peaceful travel and movement improves the lives of each and every one of us, tried to identify which tribes would never agree to such a thing, and that we should either come up with strategies to avoid these threats or to quell them. I would have said that we should identify these regional hotspots where any increase in trouble might explode out into war.
Instead, it was built nearly all at once, in a rush, and so far as I know, Whisper House wasn't even consulted. I, personally, certainly wasn't. Therein lies my frustration - this was a rushed job, something that should have been done piecemeal and carefully and then united through connections was done all at once instead, and damn the consequences.
Well, now we see what the consequences are. Dead Seraphs, dead potential mercies, dead soldiers, dead nobles, dead commoners, dead children. This road is paved with blood, and that blood is on the hands of its builders, because this could have been done differently. I do hope you sleep well at night, though I'm concerned if you do.
I also cannot help but notice that very few people who planned this road actually walk on them very often.
What could have been a great uniting force has started to splinter us. The pile of requests I have on my desk for how Whisper House can get ourselves involved or how I, personally, should get involved, seems to grow by the minute. Better late than never, I suppose. Our presence will be felt in the resolution here, and we will do our part in uniting the Compact once more and bringing peace. The way out of this situation is to look forward, not back, and it was out of something far worse than this that Whisper House was born.
But now this will all be far more expensive, bloody, and costly than it needed to be. Continue congratulations yourselves on that, if you wish, but I do have to say it's an awful look.
Trying to blame this on some supernatural force rather than on human failure and owning up to your own actions is a type of cowardice that is new to me, I have to say. Humans are flawed creatures; we strive to be at our best, here in the Compact, but we all fall short, and often. There isn't shame in this. Failure itself isn't shameful, it's just when it is avoidable that it becomes something that we need to speak on. This was avoidable.
I personally think that the idea of a road uniting the Compact is a brilliant one, and had the opportunity to really bring us together in ways that we haven't yet. The goal was admirable.
Had someone spoken to me about it beforehand, I probably would have said as much, and I would have suggested we start with building it where our roads are most heavily used, where the Knights of Solace have well-established routes, where we understand the Abandoned tribes the best and have our calmest relations with them. I would have said that we needed to send out diplomats to these tribes to explain the uses of a road and how peaceful travel and movement improves the lives of each and every one of us, tried to identify which tribes would never agree to such a thing, and that we should either come up with strategies to avoid these threats or to quell them. I would have said that we should identify these regional hotspots where any increase in trouble might explode out into war.
Instead, it was built nearly all at once, in a rush, and so far as I know, Whisper House wasn't even consulted. I, personally, certainly wasn't. Therein lies my frustration - this was a rushed job, something that should have been done piecemeal and carefully and then united through connections was done all at once instead, and damn the consequences.
Well, now we see what the consequences are. Dead Seraphs, dead potential mercies, dead soldiers, dead nobles, dead commoners, dead children. This road is paved with blood, and that blood is on the hands of its builders, because this could have been done differently. I do hope you sleep well at night, though I'm concerned if you do.
I also cannot help but notice that very few people who planned this road actually walk on them very often.
What could have been a great uniting force has started to splinter us. The pile of requests I have on my desk for how Whisper House can get ourselves involved or how I, personally, should get involved, seems to grow by the minute. Better late than never, I suppose. Our presence will be felt in the resolution here, and we will do our part in uniting the Compact once more and bringing peace. The way out of this situation is to look forward, not back, and it was out of something far worse than this that Whisper House was born.
But now this will all be far more expensive, bloody, and costly than it needed to be. Continue congratulations yourselves on that, if you wish, but I do have to say it's an awful look.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 8, 2019, 3:44 p.m.(4/27/1010 AR)
You absolute idiots.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 3, 2019, 5:55 p.m.(4/17/1010 AR)
There are a number of things to say. The emotions I am feeling right now are utterly indescribable. To strive for something for so long - to be told, again and again, that you should take the easy way instead of the right way, that you don't understand what you are doing, that you are a fool and doomed to failure, these things have their affect on all of us. Even on me.
There are times in our life where things can become very complicated and very complex. Where the challenges we face might seem insurmountable, or the difficulties onerous, or where even just survival is painful. We can push through these. It is up to each and every one of us to make the world a better place, to look at the choices we make and really think about both the reasons we do them and what the consequences will be. To understand what defines us as a people.
Why we deserve our freedom. That we aren't a failure.
I want to thank those who have stood by me every step of the way on this journey. I want to thank those who made me stop and really question what I was doing, who forced me to reconsider and rework, who helped me choose my words carefully. Those who stood up for me in public spheres; those who stood up for me in private ones. Those who called in favors. Who were willing to do what was right.
And I want to commend House Telmar. I feel no further animosity towards them. Duke Arn proved today that he is, in fact, a man of honor, something which I will loudly and proudly champion. He has proven that he will do the right thing even when it is hard, because it is the right thing to do. He has honored the gods in what he chose today.
A new chapter begins. The past has not left us, but one large rend has been mended. I am excited for the future; a future in which I will honor the legacy of which I am now a part.
There are times in our life where things can become very complicated and very complex. Where the challenges we face might seem insurmountable, or the difficulties onerous, or where even just survival is painful. We can push through these. It is up to each and every one of us to make the world a better place, to look at the choices we make and really think about both the reasons we do them and what the consequences will be. To understand what defines us as a people.
Why we deserve our freedom. That we aren't a failure.
I want to thank those who have stood by me every step of the way on this journey. I want to thank those who made me stop and really question what I was doing, who forced me to reconsider and rework, who helped me choose my words carefully. Those who stood up for me in public spheres; those who stood up for me in private ones. Those who called in favors. Who were willing to do what was right.
And I want to commend House Telmar. I feel no further animosity towards them. Duke Arn proved today that he is, in fact, a man of honor, something which I will loudly and proudly champion. He has proven that he will do the right thing even when it is hard, because it is the right thing to do. He has honored the gods in what he chose today.
A new chapter begins. The past has not left us, but one large rend has been mended. I am excited for the future; a future in which I will honor the legacy of which I am now a part.
Written By Bliss
Jan. 1, 2019, 7:18 a.m.(4/12/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Arik
I imagine House Telmar is going to ask you to stop helping them soon, Lord Halfshav, despite your alliance. While Aleksei Morgan responded to your main point rather well, let me just say that comparing my writings about what has happened to me to traitorous and criminal actions is not a particularly graceful move, either.
I wonder - do you think I don't deserve justice simply because I wasn't born of noble blood? Is your relationship with the Sentinel so poor? House Telmar is the custodian of its honor and the master of its own fate.
As for the distinction between my position as a Whisper and yours as a noble, it's simply this: my position is not my birthright. Any privilege I may have, I have earned. I do not owe anyone except very specific debts I might have made, personally. I could step down as a Whisper entirely tomorrow and it would not be a mark of dishonor against me simply for stepping down. Whisper is not my identity, Bliss is. Thus, it is entirely possible for me to speak as one and act as another.
Perhaps you haven't realized this, but the sword stopped being what it was supposed to be the second that Everard lost that duel. He shamed the legacy it was supposed to represent, he stained his family name, and then he tried to reclaim that honor through thuggery.
Their honor is represented by stolen property.
I want what I won so many years ago. I do hope you encourage House Telmar to do the right thing, as you have written you are now in support of.
I wonder - do you think I don't deserve justice simply because I wasn't born of noble blood? Is your relationship with the Sentinel so poor? House Telmar is the custodian of its honor and the master of its own fate.
As for the distinction between my position as a Whisper and yours as a noble, it's simply this: my position is not my birthright. Any privilege I may have, I have earned. I do not owe anyone except very specific debts I might have made, personally. I could step down as a Whisper entirely tomorrow and it would not be a mark of dishonor against me simply for stepping down. Whisper is not my identity, Bliss is. Thus, it is entirely possible for me to speak as one and act as another.
Perhaps you haven't realized this, but the sword stopped being what it was supposed to be the second that Everard lost that duel. He shamed the legacy it was supposed to represent, he stained his family name, and then he tried to reclaim that honor through thuggery.
Their honor is represented by stolen property.
I want what I won so many years ago. I do hope you encourage House Telmar to do the right thing, as you have written you are now in support of.
Written By Bliss
Dec. 30, 2018, 8:17 p.m.(4/9/1010 AR)
There is an awful lot to write about. It's been quite the last two weeks for me - trips outside of Arx, unbelievable buildings and stories to tell, tales that I will be writing and expanding on for hours, and most importantly, life well-lived. I've reaffirmed for myself that being out in the world doing things is where I'm meant to be, now that what I've been working so long to do is finally underway.
Not that it seems to make a lick of difference. It's amazing what people are willing to overlook, isn't it, once it becomes convenient for them to do so? Who cares that a House has decided that it's heirloom blade, the very symbol of its honor, should remain a sword that was stolen from a commoner by a traitor to the Compact? Despite that very same House's own vows to her?
No, despite my willingness to work with some members of House Telmar on some other things, I've still not forgotten that, nor have I set it to the side. I have been assured things are being worked upon. But I suspect they are trying to wait until I am dead, at which point their honor is totally irredeemable and they will never be able to make this right.
An interesting choice. And no, I'm not writing this as a Softest Whisper - that's an occupation, darlings, and not what I am by birth. No moreso than a smith writing their own opinions of a wrong they have suffered.
Still, I live the life I was meant to. I have seen wondrous things. We've been reminded there is a whole world out there; I'm quite certain I will see more, so long as some of you idiots don't fuck this up.
I suppose that wasn't very diplomatic.
Whoops.
Not that it seems to make a lick of difference. It's amazing what people are willing to overlook, isn't it, once it becomes convenient for them to do so? Who cares that a House has decided that it's heirloom blade, the very symbol of its honor, should remain a sword that was stolen from a commoner by a traitor to the Compact? Despite that very same House's own vows to her?
No, despite my willingness to work with some members of House Telmar on some other things, I've still not forgotten that, nor have I set it to the side. I have been assured things are being worked upon. But I suspect they are trying to wait until I am dead, at which point their honor is totally irredeemable and they will never be able to make this right.
An interesting choice. And no, I'm not writing this as a Softest Whisper - that's an occupation, darlings, and not what I am by birth. No moreso than a smith writing their own opinions of a wrong they have suffered.
Still, I live the life I was meant to. I have seen wondrous things. We've been reminded there is a whole world out there; I'm quite certain I will see more, so long as some of you idiots don't fuck this up.
I suppose that wasn't very diplomatic.
Whoops.
Written By Bliss
Dec. 28, 2018, 5:44 a.m.(4/4/1010 AR)
A breath, long held, finally released.
That wasn't as bad as I feared it might be.
That wasn't as bad as I feared it might be.
Written By Bliss
Dec. 26, 2018, 3:58 p.m.(4/1/1010 AR)
Relationship Note on Ysbail
Charlotte is fantastic and I won't have you saying a bad word about her.
Written By Bliss
Dec. 23, 2018, 8:37 p.m.(3/22/1010 AR)
Do not let grief turn into despair. Do not let mourning turn into spite.
You can bet that is what those who killed her want.
You can bet that is what those who killed her want.
Written By Bliss
Dec. 21, 2018, 3:29 p.m.(3/18/1010 AR)
Are you taking advantage of her last gift to us? Are you living?
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.