Written By Jan
July 16, 2023, 9:35 p.m.(3/7/1020 AR)
I am seeing evidence the training with my sword work is paying off but I know I still have much work to do on training on things that don't involve a sword in my hand but at least one cousin and another friend have pledged to assist so I am certain it's only a matter of time before I begin to hit those milestones too.
Written By Jan
July 9, 2023, 4:24 p.m.(2/21/1020 AR)
Pasquale seems to think delving into my dreams might be important but I think there is more to learn from history and continuing to study wars of the past and learning to be the best General I can be. I can't fathom anything practical gained from chasing mirages.
Written By Jan
July 3, 2023, 1:14 a.m.(2/8/1020 AR)
Turns out I am a coward so maybe this is just deserts. It's not like I can't guess what he would say even if I could get him to talk to me. I would rather sit on a red hot poker than this but if I am judged guilty then there is no choice but to bear the penalty as the only way this came about is because I was impulsive and gave injury. I can only hope at some point I find a way to deserve respite.
Written By Jan
July 2, 2023, 9:40 p.m.(2/8/1020 AR)
I may have a temper. I may have firm convictions but for all my flaws at least I have the courage to peer into uncomfortable truths.
Written By Jan
July 1, 2023, 5:42 p.m.(2/6/1020 AR)
All these damn books with advice on how to get a man to fall in love or to win a proposal how can there be not a SINGLE tome of advice for women trying to get a man to STOP proposing? I know who to ask. Thank gods for Brother in Laws.
Written By Jan
July 1, 2023, 5:21 p.m.(2/6/1020 AR)
I hate that the person who's insight I most wish to borrow is the one person I cannot speak to. I hate this.
Written By Jan
June 25, 2023, 9:23 p.m.(1/22/1020 AR)
I need to find a reason to leave the city. Surely there's something in all these dusty tomes with something worth exploring that won't get everyone who follows me killed
Written By Jan
June 25, 2023, 12:50 p.m.(1/21/1020 AR)
Well. First time playing hostess wasn't so bad. I surely didn't do it justice but I don't think I embarrassed anyone which I consider a resounding win. I'm not sure if Pasquale is disappointed with turnout or not.
Written By Jan
June 15, 2023, 10:40 a.m.(1/1/1020 AR)
What is it about temptation that makes us so willfully forgetful of pain or regret? Knowing something will hurt you and yet still being drawn in. Is it a human condition or do all sentients struggle with this nonsense. Maybe this time I will learn.
Written By Jan
June 13, 2023, 11:04 p.m.(12/26/1019 AR)
There was an easier way to make boundaries and loyalties clear. I wonder if I will decide things anything other than the hard way.
Written By Jan
June 11, 2023, 12:55 p.m.(12/21/1019 AR)
Fucking figures. Going all in crosses my mind and then it becomes clear it's a selfish choice. I have got to stop breaking own rules.
Written By Jan
June 4, 2023, 7:02 p.m.(12/8/1019 AR)
I agreed to co-host a Masquerade. At least Titania is excited about taking me shopping, may the gods be merciful, maybe it won't be so bad.
Written By Jan
June 4, 2023, 7:01 p.m.(12/8/1019 AR)
I am learning what I can of battles of old but there is a reference to an ancient sword from before the reckoning and I imagine it's destroyed along with most everything else from that era but I can't resist being curious. It isn't the sort of thing I ought to post in a classified so time to ask around and spend more time in the library.
Written By Jan
May 28, 2023, 9:27 p.m.(11/22/1019 AR)
I keep being told I am over protective. I am working on it but why am I home if not to protect my kin? Perhaps it is simply restlessness masquerading as good intentions.
Written By Jan
May 21, 2023, 5:57 p.m.(11/8/1019 AR)
Two social events of the season I missed out on, two times I missed the Queen being spectacular. I really must force myself to start attending social gatherings.
Written By Jan
May 12, 2023, 8:46 p.m.(10/18/1019 AR)
I have a concept in my mind, a thought that I take great comfort in. A sentiment I wish I could share with other but after deep reflection for a while I've decided there's no way to convey it that isn't patronizing. I suppose we each must rationalize our individual circumstances ourselves.
Written By Jan
May 7, 2023, 10:06 p.m.(10/8/1019 AR)
How is it that you can have such a clear, vibrant image in your mind and then words suddenly seem wholly inadequate. Like trying to dig a grave with a spoon of cut a tree with a butter knife. Mother was right. There has finally come a day that I find myself regretting skipping out on my lessons. Of all the shit she was wrong about how is this the thing that she was right about?
Written By Jan
May 5, 2023, 7:28 p.m.(10/4/1019 AR)
I wonder how many books I will have read before I finally stop feeling utterly lost or worse, like a fool during conversations about the threats to the compact.
Written By Jan
May 2, 2023, 7:20 p.m.(9/26/1019 AR)
You know that thing when you put conscious effort into one thing and manage to achieve the exact opposite? Hate it when that happens.
Written By Jan
April 22, 2023, 10:28 p.m.(9/6/1019 AR)
I have realized I am shit at being there for the people I care about. We have lessons, instructors, advisors, shipwrights, who the fuck do you go to in order to learn not to be an asshole?
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.