Written By Tanith
Sept. 12, 2021, 4:53 p.m.(3/11/1016 AR)
I'm not a stranger to the odd sobbing customer at the Murder. It's a job hazard, given my position. Sometimes the one serving the booze is the one that gets to listen. Sometimes it's typical, bad day at work, horrible weather, shitty luck, family spat, and so on.
But today? Today I had a first.
Relationship troubles are the most common theme, break-ups chasing more people into my bar about as often as the end of a work shift. There's money to be made from these heart-broken folk but I've a policy about only charging every other drink when the customer comes in sobbing.
This fellow was big, big as my man in height but as muscular as a bear. Fine clothes, too, but the air of a courtier and not a noble, and not quite the manner of most Whispers I've met. His face was wet, his square jaw clenched, and he quietly asked me for the 'drink that acts quickest but bought cheapest'. I obliged him, and soon enough, he told me his problem in a long ramble I only caught portions of between all the sobbing:
Apparently, he'd been working on a long-term seduction of a noble, a woman of good standing and old blood, with the intent of maybe one day marrying her. This story isn't unusual, especially not lately, but he remarked that he'd lost hope and in the last year he felt it renewed. Enobled commoners! Prodigals! -Anything- was possible! And he liked the lass, they got on and her affection was genuine, but he couldn't lay down his ambitions to one day be Count SnowTrousers*, and who can blame him? You hold on to a dream for so long, find it encouraged for years and then finally, when it seems like the final steps are bound to happen-
He told me something about a proclamation from House Pravus, how the support coming in for the cease of enoblements was 'waves and waves of approval!'.
I didn't know what to say, scholar. He ended their arrangement, even after she begged him to stay.
I patted him on the back as he wailed that he'd even shaved his beard for this woman, gave her the three best years of his life, even made himself like her pet marmot and cat and bird and fish and he 'absolutely hates forest creatures, ghastly messes they make, tedious upkeep-!'
Yeah. I'm ... not sure what to say about any of it, scholar.
And after he stumbled upstairs, there were three others sobbing in my bar not an hour later, with stories too similar to ignore.
I made a lot of money tonight, and I didn't even do it on purpose.
*Yes, scholar, I'm keeping it unclear and garbled on purpose. Poor sod.
But today? Today I had a first.
Relationship troubles are the most common theme, break-ups chasing more people into my bar about as often as the end of a work shift. There's money to be made from these heart-broken folk but I've a policy about only charging every other drink when the customer comes in sobbing.
This fellow was big, big as my man in height but as muscular as a bear. Fine clothes, too, but the air of a courtier and not a noble, and not quite the manner of most Whispers I've met. His face was wet, his square jaw clenched, and he quietly asked me for the 'drink that acts quickest but bought cheapest'. I obliged him, and soon enough, he told me his problem in a long ramble I only caught portions of between all the sobbing:
Apparently, he'd been working on a long-term seduction of a noble, a woman of good standing and old blood, with the intent of maybe one day marrying her. This story isn't unusual, especially not lately, but he remarked that he'd lost hope and in the last year he felt it renewed. Enobled commoners! Prodigals! -Anything- was possible! And he liked the lass, they got on and her affection was genuine, but he couldn't lay down his ambitions to one day be Count SnowTrousers*, and who can blame him? You hold on to a dream for so long, find it encouraged for years and then finally, when it seems like the final steps are bound to happen-
He told me something about a proclamation from House Pravus, how the support coming in for the cease of enoblements was 'waves and waves of approval!'.
I didn't know what to say, scholar. He ended their arrangement, even after she begged him to stay.
I patted him on the back as he wailed that he'd even shaved his beard for this woman, gave her the three best years of his life, even made himself like her pet marmot and cat and bird and fish and he 'absolutely hates forest creatures, ghastly messes they make, tedious upkeep-!'
Yeah. I'm ... not sure what to say about any of it, scholar.
And after he stumbled upstairs, there were three others sobbing in my bar not an hour later, with stories too similar to ignore.
I made a lot of money tonight, and I didn't even do it on purpose.
*Yes, scholar, I'm keeping it unclear and garbled on purpose. Poor sod.
Written By Tanith
Sept. 11, 2021, 12:36 p.m.(3/8/1016 AR)
There's the kind of busy where you choose to stay that way, where idle hands lead to idle thoughts and idle thoughts lead to worries made manifest. So I stay busy, I work, I bake, sometimes I write or draw the dog. That kind of busy keeps me from losing my mind wishing I knew how to knit or embroider, or has me carve little marks into the wall to count the hours. Waiting. Worrying.
The choices I make effect the ones I love, the choices they make can effect me. This is nothing new, certainly, but it's been driven home these last few weeks enough that I've had to meditate on it. It is humbling to know my thoughts and emotions, my mind, my heart, are all weighed and measured and valued by these people I love, and that there can be grief when their choices hurt me, choices that were necessary. It can be hard, too, to accept the vulnerability of loving so completely. I still struggle with it. I shouldn't, but I do all the same. It's a selfish demand though, isn't it? To beg those that carry your heart to be careful with their lives? I suppose it's my right to beg, as much as it's their right to follow their paths. They might be more cautious, perhaps more conscious of their decisions, but in the end I don't think I'd want them be anything else.
It's hard. It's so hard.
Mmm? Oh. Right. Forgive my ramble, scholar. Here, have a muffin.
The choices I make effect the ones I love, the choices they make can effect me. This is nothing new, certainly, but it's been driven home these last few weeks enough that I've had to meditate on it. It is humbling to know my thoughts and emotions, my mind, my heart, are all weighed and measured and valued by these people I love, and that there can be grief when their choices hurt me, choices that were necessary. It can be hard, too, to accept the vulnerability of loving so completely. I still struggle with it. I shouldn't, but I do all the same. It's a selfish demand though, isn't it? To beg those that carry your heart to be careful with their lives? I suppose it's my right to beg, as much as it's their right to follow their paths. They might be more cautious, perhaps more conscious of their decisions, but in the end I don't think I'd want them be anything else.
It's hard. It's so hard.
Mmm? Oh. Right. Forgive my ramble, scholar. Here, have a muffin.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 30, 2021, 1:56 p.m.(2/13/1016 AR)
Lots more white hairs this winter, scholar. Lots more.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 29, 2021, 1:47 p.m.(2/11/1016 AR)
Fought in a charity tournament and paid for the pleasure ... only to be given a prize. How. Awkward. I don't know what to do with this! Make pillows? A quilt?
Oh, say, that's not a bad idea but-
I'll ask my mother. She's the tailor.
Either way, it was fun! And then my arm kept moving after the last opponent fell and I whapped my partner. Thankfully, Bree Harthall is a kind, decent, forgiving woman and did not throw me across the training center.
An exciting day!
Oh, say, that's not a bad idea but-
I'll ask my mother. She's the tailor.
Either way, it was fun! And then my arm kept moving after the last opponent fell and I whapped my partner. Thankfully, Bree Harthall is a kind, decent, forgiving woman and did not throw me across the training center.
An exciting day!
Written By Tanith
Aug. 29, 2021, 9:59 a.m.(2/10/1016 AR)
I'm not above bribing half the Lowers to secure a romantic evening. A person will get drastic after a few months.
I'm not saying I did this.
But I would. Absolutely.
I'm not saying I did this.
But I would. Absolutely.
Written By Tanith
Aug. 24, 2021, 2:41 p.m.(2/1/1016 AR)
Up to my elbows in women and babies and it's satisfying work, but gods it does seem like spring couplings and babies in winter makes for some exciting births. Several times I've left the city on business of all kinds, to come back with another note and a favor being pulled. But good thing scholar: I am square with everyone this side of the Compact, it's about to flip to a batch of people owing -me- favors. I'm just happy my docket is cleared for the week, my poor husband's likely to freeze to death at this rate.
Written By Tanith
July 19, 2021, 4:32 p.m.(11/13/1015 AR)
Fashion is a different creature in the Lowers, or so I'm told. While messages can be stated in garb and ornament for those in the upper classes, the same can be said of those of us with more limited means. But while we might have less in the way of rich material, we can make do. With hard work and an eye for detail, I have seen my peers in the Commoners Courts and kin say everything from 'devoted to Death', 'ostentatious as fuck', and 'do not touch but definitely admire' with their clothing and decoration.
I am admiring my husband, his impossible sharpness and terrifying angles, a beauty of its own; his hair in tiny braids tipped in pearls carved as tiny skulls. He is armed and armored in shadow and violets, covered in Her mark and sigil again and again.
Breathtaking.
I am admiring my husband, his impossible sharpness and terrifying angles, a beauty of its own; his hair in tiny braids tipped in pearls carved as tiny skulls. He is armed and armored in shadow and violets, covered in Her mark and sigil again and again.
Breathtaking.
Written By Tanith
July 18, 2021, 6:21 p.m.(11/11/1015 AR)
My very large dog likes to wear my husband's new pet snake like a hat. Scarf is purple and quite striking visually, and as buttery as soft leather in my hands. I picked him from the lot of violet snakes for how he seemed to slither through my fingers. Raymesin's smiling like an idiot hours and hours later.
He'll do.
He'll do.
Written By Tanith
June 25, 2021, 11:08 p.m.(9/21/1015 AR)
Of my thirteen brothers, 10 of them are capable of writing letters (the other three are my oldest, who knows better, and the two youngest who are very innocent; Emara would never do this to me by letter, she'd show up in person) and all ten of them wrote throughout the day various versions of 'Awww how sweet', 'Gross, get married already', 'We don't get it', 'It's terrifying reading how much you love each other', and 'we will never let our kids read your Whites'. All said in jest and love, delivered with home-cooked food, a blanket, seven bottles of liquor, and three pairs of socks.
The weird Grayhopes. Why me, Queen? Why?
The weird Grayhopes. Why me, Queen? Why?
Written By Tanith
June 25, 2021, 5:05 p.m.(9/21/1015 AR)
Kissed my husband in the rain today. The sun was shining and hot, wet leather is not as delightful as it sounds but it was a nice break to a stressful day. Putting this in my Whites so my nieces and nephews are reminded of what's important: making time to ground yourself, however you have to.
Written By Tanith
June 25, 2021, 4:29 p.m.(9/21/1015 AR)
In my bakery, beating sense into the dough after a bit of news. Well done, I suppose, but to what end?
My cakes born of disgust taste just as sweet as the rest, at least.
My cakes born of disgust taste just as sweet as the rest, at least.
Written By Tanith
June 17, 2021, 8:40 p.m.(9/5/1015 AR)
Little Janice Tanner. I was fifteen when I shadowed my midwife-teacher and delivered her of her mother. The mid-wife was the biggest dock-worker you'd ever seen, with the softest hands. I think he was my favorite, he was so gentle, and I learned a lot from that grizzled beast. I still didn't understand why he didn't just commit to it full time, but he said it was good to space out your responsibilities. He taught me that three mothers to every due-month was the best way to keep myself open for emergencies and unexpected issues, and he was right. Little Janice came out sleeping, but hollered up a storm when he tipped her upside down.
Tonight, I delivered her of her own children; she's a young mother as some of them go, but she's experienced where it counts, with older siblings with kids of their own. Janice has a pair of twins, resting up with a Harlequin to tend her with the rest of her family. It's a strange feeling, it always is, to complete the circle like that; delivering a generation into another. It feels like an honor, something sacred, to witness it around and again. Sometimes, I hold these sweet, squalling bairns and wonder if they were someone I knew before. Maybe a cousin that died, or patron in my bar, or a grizzled ol' dockworker-midwife gone some seven years now. Not that we're meant to know, but as I swaddle them and give them to their mothers, I wonder about it. It's a miracle every time, and still I wonder.
Tonight, I delivered her of her own children; she's a young mother as some of them go, but she's experienced where it counts, with older siblings with kids of their own. Janice has a pair of twins, resting up with a Harlequin to tend her with the rest of her family. It's a strange feeling, it always is, to complete the circle like that; delivering a generation into another. It feels like an honor, something sacred, to witness it around and again. Sometimes, I hold these sweet, squalling bairns and wonder if they were someone I knew before. Maybe a cousin that died, or patron in my bar, or a grizzled ol' dockworker-midwife gone some seven years now. Not that we're meant to know, but as I swaddle them and give them to their mothers, I wonder about it. It's a miracle every time, and still I wonder.
Written By Tanith
June 17, 2021, 8:33 p.m.(9/5/1015 AR)
And another job added to my long list of careers. A physician to a family wasn't what I expected but I need to accept the fact that I'm just the kind of busybody Rukhnis always approved of when it came to the health of others. I underestimate the resources I have available until -need- the help, and then I remember it all. Emara is my secret weapon though, but don't tell anyone that, scholar, it would go straight to her head. The job itself is satisfying and pays well; I can't complain.
This weekend I'm getting a bit of a break and taking the husband with me fishing.
What? I like fishing and so does he. Raymesin's better at it than I am, you should have seen the floppers he'd get out of the harbor, and it's even better when you can share your catch. Maybe it isn't romantic to anyone else but us, but we haven't been able to do that before. I'm looking forward to it.
This weekend I'm getting a bit of a break and taking the husband with me fishing.
What? I like fishing and so does he. Raymesin's better at it than I am, you should have seen the floppers he'd get out of the harbor, and it's even better when you can share your catch. Maybe it isn't romantic to anyone else but us, but we haven't been able to do that before. I'm looking forward to it.
Written By Tanith
June 3, 2021, 8:56 a.m.(8/4/1015 AR)
New pastry coming up at my store: the Manipulative Tart. You bite into expecting blackberry but then, gasp! Lemon curd. A delicious bit of wonder, inspired by less tasteful events and revelations. Jayus has a bizarre sense of humor, but I'll take it. I can't keep Raymesin from eating them, and he's suggesting other flavors to hide the lemon curd under with his mouth -still full-. He's also complaining that he'll need panels put into his trousers, yet he's still as skinny as the day he came back from Lenosia. Ridiculous.
Written By Tanith
May 30, 2021, 5:52 p.m.(7/25/1015 AR)
Her name is Mooffin.
Written By Tanith
May 30, 2021, 5:38 p.m.(7/25/1015 AR)
We have a cow. It's a very beautiful, generous cow.
Thank you, and thank you for leaving the naming up to us.
...yes, scholar. -Udderly- generous.
Have you been speaking to my husband?
Thank you, and thank you for leaving the naming up to us.
...yes, scholar. -Udderly- generous.
Have you been speaking to my husband?
Written By Tanith
May 25, 2021, 2:15 p.m.(7/15/1015 AR)
My husband has a -terrible- sense of humor. Honestly. The -worst-.
Written By Tanith
May 23, 2021, 5:59 p.m.(7/11/1015 AR)
It might shock some to learn this, but I've never made a chocolate mousse pie.
I'm going to learn it. I'm going to learn it so hard and so good it'll bring all manner of people out of ... where they're hiding.
Ahem. What?
I'm going to learn it. I'm going to learn it so hard and so good it'll bring all manner of people out of ... where they're hiding.
Ahem. What?
Written By Tanith
May 23, 2021, 5:56 p.m.(7/11/1015 AR)
On occasion, I get called to relieve another midwife. The reasons are varied, sometimes it's just a matter of a long labor and someone needs to take over, other times the situation seems dire and I happen to be the one called in. It's never as bad as it seems, I'm happy to say; tangled cords or twisted babies or narrow hips, and if it's worse than that it sorts itself out by the end. It all turns out alright and everyone's smiling come the next day. Tired, but smiling. But it humbles me that I'm thought of, that when things get bad no one is afraid to knock on my door at all hours of the night, even now that I'm married to Raymesin. Not that I was worried about that.
The Harlequins' midwives are solid, well-rounded women and men of different ages and stages of life, eager to share stories and knowledge to better prepare each other for what may or may not happen at a birth. I hear stories about some countries, different traditions and ideas. It's all useful knowledge, and now that we've more immigrants in the city, better able to handle requests that might seem strange or different.
The Harlequins' midwives are solid, well-rounded women and men of different ages and stages of life, eager to share stories and knowledge to better prepare each other for what may or may not happen at a birth. I hear stories about some countries, different traditions and ideas. It's all useful knowledge, and now that we've more immigrants in the city, better able to handle requests that might seem strange or different.
Written By Tanith
May 23, 2021, 5:48 p.m.(7/11/1015 AR)
I only seem to get black-out drunk with Sydney, and I suspect it's because we mix our booze with the eating of cake and pie. We over indulge and love everything until the next morning, when we curse our life choices and each other. But only for a minute. Or ten. I regret nothing, though, and look forward to more such occurrences.
But I still can't find where I put my knife, dammit, and I've searched everywhere. Also ... I think I hid a waterskin of milk in Evaristo's store. Maybe in the rafters? Or the floorboards? Shit, I really need to remember-
Ev, if you read this, it wasn't my idea. It was Sydney's.
But I still can't find where I put my knife, dammit, and I've searched everywhere. Also ... I think I hid a waterskin of milk in Evaristo's store. Maybe in the rafters? Or the floorboards? Shit, I really need to remember-
Ev, if you read this, it wasn't my idea. It was Sydney's.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.