Written By Kenjay
Dec. 13, 2020, 6:51 p.m.(7/23/1014 AR)
It has been a little over a year, Scholar, since I came to Arx and to freedom. Spring was turning to summer when we landed, and spring now turns to summer again. And what a year it has been. I have regained my family, only to find those that I remembered lost to me. I grieve for them, but rejoice in their children, so many children. My niece, the daughter of my sister, a Highlord; my nephew, gone whence I came before I could meet him. The children of my cousins, Highlords and Princes and Princesses, and many other titles. I have no children of my own, so far as I am aware, but surrounded by the youngsters and their own youngsters I do not feel that lack. I just feel old, instead, when I find myself in a room surrounded by those half my age with twice the experience of a life well-lived.
I have come so far, but there is still more to be done, still further to go.
I have come so far, but there is still more to be done, still further to go.
Written By Kenjay
Dec. 13, 2020, 6:44 p.m.(7/23/1014 AR)
Another kinsman dead. I knew him, Scholar, though I would not say I knew him well.
Written By Kenjay
Oct. 18, 2020, 7:22 a.m.(3/21/1014 AR)
I have now met both my nieces - the ones that I am aware of, at least - and several more of the children of my cousins. One of the new crop is a Marquis, one a Lord, and those in addition to the Highlord, the Princesses and the Princes of which I knew. I must spend a little time in the Archives, and piece together just how prolific my cousins were.
I would wish to see my cousins themselves again, but it seems that is not to be. They are but memories - and yet they are memories I can share with the younger generation, many of whom barely knew them. I had not realised just how sparse my generation has become until I enquired after so many parents only to be told they were no longer numbered among the living. I had so many cousins, and so many of them were older than I, adult when I was a boy. And now? I have so many nephews and nieces at one remove, and I rejoice, for even if only half wish to meet their not-quite-uncle that will still be more kin than I ever dared hope for.
I would wish to see my cousins themselves again, but it seems that is not to be. They are but memories - and yet they are memories I can share with the younger generation, many of whom barely knew them. I had not realised just how sparse my generation has become until I enquired after so many parents only to be told they were no longer numbered among the living. I had so many cousins, and so many of them were older than I, adult when I was a boy. And now? I have so many nephews and nieces at one remove, and I rejoice, for even if only half wish to meet their not-quite-uncle that will still be more kin than I ever dared hope for.
Written By Kenjay
Oct. 4, 2020, 7:06 p.m.(2/22/1014 AR)
And so I find myself in the throes of an Arxian winter. It is both milder and harsher than the winters I remember in the north. Milder, for I remember how deep the snow fell and how much of it there was - and the chill of the wind from the Everwinter's heart, the lazy wind, the wind of knives, that cut straight through a boy rather than bother to go around. The winter is harsher than any I have ever known, though, for I was used to it as a boy, but this is the first snow I have seen as an adult, and in the same way that I had thought I would melt many times over until I became used to Skal'daja, I grow cold far more easily than I should now I have returned to Arvum. I am grateful, truly, that there is still warmth to be found within the Villa, and that this winter is still one I think of as mild. A proper Northern winter may take a year or two before I can live in it in anything other than pure misery.
I think I may join the children of the House for a snowball fight tomorrow. It will do me good to regain something of what I have lost, and aid me in acclimatising faster. I hope they will not mind my wearing gloves.
I think I may join the children of the House for a snowball fight tomorrow. It will do me good to regain something of what I have lost, and aid me in acclimatising faster. I hope they will not mind my wearing gloves.
Written By Kenjay
Aug. 23, 2020, 6:35 p.m.(11/22/1013 AR)
The Deepwood Festival was a most interesting event. It seems that I remember how to toss a caber. I am bigger than I was last time I tried, but so too was the caber.
Written By Kenjay
July 18, 2020, 7:05 p.m.(9/6/1013 AR)
Today I was informed that the Compact forces people to die or chain themselves to it, and that the Compact's was a false freedom. The one who said it can never have known true chains, or such a thing would never have been said. I now find myself wondering, Scholar, just how many more believe the same, among even those of rank and station? Such statements are forgiveable from those who have the freedom to go hungry while the tables of others groan with the weight of food, but to hear it from one with a title was a shock. That a noble would dismiss the Compact that grants them nobility so lightly - and do so by calling it slavery, in front of a man who was enslaved in truth - is something that preys on my mind even now. Was the cruelty deliberate, or accidental? If deliberate, what was it that I did to deserve such malice?
The doctrine of Skald tells us that those bindings entered into willingly and with open eyes have value, that fealty is a sacred bond. The greatest bond is that with duty born from both sides, and that which offers the freedom to withdraw. The chains there are ones taken willingly, and there is always the option for oaths to be dissolved and the freedoms willingly given up to be reclaimed. The consequences of that decision will linger, but it is a decision that can be made.
For my own part, Scholar, I exercised my freedom to withdraw from the conversation. She who has reminded me how to be free will be proud of me once more. And yet, though the conversation ended many hours ago, the words keep replaying in my mind and chilling my soul.
The doctrine of Skald tells us that those bindings entered into willingly and with open eyes have value, that fealty is a sacred bond. The greatest bond is that with duty born from both sides, and that which offers the freedom to withdraw. The chains there are ones taken willingly, and there is always the option for oaths to be dissolved and the freedoms willingly given up to be reclaimed. The consequences of that decision will linger, but it is a decision that can be made.
For my own part, Scholar, I exercised my freedom to withdraw from the conversation. She who has reminded me how to be free will be proud of me once more. And yet, though the conversation ended many hours ago, the words keep replaying in my mind and chilling my soul.
Written By Kenjay
July 12, 2020, 5:11 a.m.(8/21/1013 AR)
It seems that many more people than ever I had guessed chose to read the white journals of a common man who was in the employ of a Lady of Skal'daja. Very few I have spoken to since my re-elevation found it newsworthy, although there were some few who were not aware.
Will there be more who choose to read the words of a Prince? I suspect so. And yet the things I have to say will have no more merit than the things I said before I swore the oath of fealty that should have been sworn on my majority. The only difference is in the title and the power of he who says them.
I do not need to be made aware of the power a Prince may wield all unawares; I have known it in my own life. Gods grant me the ability to use such power wisely, for I am all too aware of the potential for a mis-step on my part becoming a catastrophe on the part of others.
Will there be more who choose to read the words of a Prince? I suspect so. And yet the things I have to say will have no more merit than the things I said before I swore the oath of fealty that should have been sworn on my majority. The only difference is in the title and the power of he who says them.
I do not need to be made aware of the power a Prince may wield all unawares; I have known it in my own life. Gods grant me the ability to use such power wisely, for I am all too aware of the potential for a mis-step on my part becoming a catastrophe on the part of others.
Written By Kenjay
July 5, 2020, 7:23 p.m.(8/8/1013 AR)
And so the world has turned full circle.
From a Prince to a nameless slave, to a champion, to a guard, to an aide, to a free man, and now restored to a Prince.
I sit here in the Shrine of Skald and I ponder. There are some who would hold that an oath of fealty is a chain that binds us, and at its worst it is - when a lord is cruel or unjust, or makes mock of the gods, an honourable person being sworn to such is a chain. And yet even at the worst of moments, such a chain can be broken. Not without consequences, but it can. When the people between whom such an oath is sworn are just and generous and think of the people before the self, then such a tie can make both parties greater than they were before.
This, I think, is a part of Skald's lessoning. There is such a thing as too much freedom, and life without some form of fealty - no shelter, no home, no recourse but what is given of the generosity of others, or earned by the sweat of the brow - is a freedom and yet a chain of its own.
From a Prince to a nameless slave, to a champion, to a guard, to an aide, to a free man, and now restored to a Prince.
I sit here in the Shrine of Skald and I ponder. There are some who would hold that an oath of fealty is a chain that binds us, and at its worst it is - when a lord is cruel or unjust, or makes mock of the gods, an honourable person being sworn to such is a chain. And yet even at the worst of moments, such a chain can be broken. Not without consequences, but it can. When the people between whom such an oath is sworn are just and generous and think of the people before the self, then such a tie can make both parties greater than they were before.
This, I think, is a part of Skald's lessoning. There is such a thing as too much freedom, and life without some form of fealty - no shelter, no home, no recourse but what is given of the generosity of others, or earned by the sweat of the brow - is a freedom and yet a chain of its own.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.