Written By Dianna
March 1, 2020, 8:40 p.m.(11/8/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Dycard
I feel like I should write something of this man; and yet, I find myself utterly dumbstruck.
I shouldn't be surprised - and yet, I am:
Utterly and completely dumbfounded.
I think there's a drinking contest I'm supposed to judge.
I shouldn't be surprised - and yet, I am:
Utterly and completely dumbfounded.
I think there's a drinking contest I'm supposed to judge.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 28, 2020, 9:36 a.m.(11/3/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Adalyn
Finally and at last, two wishes were granted pertaining to Lady Adalyn Clement:
Firstly: I had the wonderful occasion to meet her father, Baron Norwood Clement, whom I find utterly genuine and kindhearted, caring and concerned about the welfare of his daughter and of his family. I have nothing but great respect and fondness for this man of whom I've heard so much; and I hope to know him better.
Secondly: At last, Adalyn and I met on the sands for a spar. Light and stars, that woman is /fierce/! And strong! Though I was able to best her with my speed and agility - for a time, in the end, her power simply overwhelmed my own.
I am encouraged by Admiral Domonico to /run/. Gods and stars, how I hate running. I will, instead, climb trees and walls in an attempt to improve my strength. ...After this horrid cold weather has passed, I think. For now, the libraries and bookshelves are so very much more tempting.
Swimming, perhaps more often, will do as well. So much better than /running/.
Firstly: I had the wonderful occasion to meet her father, Baron Norwood Clement, whom I find utterly genuine and kindhearted, caring and concerned about the welfare of his daughter and of his family. I have nothing but great respect and fondness for this man of whom I've heard so much; and I hope to know him better.
Secondly: At last, Adalyn and I met on the sands for a spar. Light and stars, that woman is /fierce/! And strong! Though I was able to best her with my speed and agility - for a time, in the end, her power simply overwhelmed my own.
I am encouraged by Admiral Domonico to /run/. Gods and stars, how I hate running. I will, instead, climb trees and walls in an attempt to improve my strength. ...After this horrid cold weather has passed, I think. For now, the libraries and bookshelves are so very much more tempting.
Swimming, perhaps more often, will do as well. So much better than /running/.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 27, 2020, 5:04 p.m.(11/2/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Revell
I am increasingly proud to have taken Revell as my protege - for, anyone can make mistakes (and we all do - sometimes, several times a day), but not everyone is brave enough to admit when they make them, nor strong enough to try to change.
This woman, though, is thoughtful - of herself, of others -- and of flowers.
First impressions aren't always correct; but, so far, I have not found mine to be wrong about Revell.
Perceptions are our own, we must remember, and not necessarily reflective of the truth. Seeking truth, however, is a constant meditation.
This woman, though, is thoughtful - of herself, of others -- and of flowers.
First impressions aren't always correct; but, so far, I have not found mine to be wrong about Revell.
Perceptions are our own, we must remember, and not necessarily reflective of the truth. Seeking truth, however, is a constant meditation.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 26, 2020, 7:44 p.m.(10/28/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Revell
I am very proud to write in my journals that I have taken my very first protege, Revell.
She is very honest, very open with her thoughts and very innocent in her mistakes, having not meant in the least to offend any with her forthrightness. She has also accepted my offer of patronage as part of her penitence, that I may better teach her what she lacks in understanding of the Faith.
I shall hope that those who read her journals may come to some understanding and compassion regarding someone who truly means no harm to any - particularly to the gods. And I shall work that those who yet do not understand her may come to have compassion upon her, as it is not rare for many to misunderstand the workings and ways of the gods. For some, like my protege, the understanding comes slowly; and yet, her desire to learn is as true and earnest as is her every word.
She is very honest, very open with her thoughts and very innocent in her mistakes, having not meant in the least to offend any with her forthrightness. She has also accepted my offer of patronage as part of her penitence, that I may better teach her what she lacks in understanding of the Faith.
I shall hope that those who read her journals may come to some understanding and compassion regarding someone who truly means no harm to any - particularly to the gods. And I shall work that those who yet do not understand her may come to have compassion upon her, as it is not rare for many to misunderstand the workings and ways of the gods. For some, like my protege, the understanding comes slowly; and yet, her desire to learn is as true and earnest as is her every word.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 23, 2020, 8:37 p.m.(10/22/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Revell
Gods know I wish I could be as honest and open as is this young maiden whom I met, who loves and professes to speak the language of flowers. It is very likely that she does, as well; with all I've known and seen, such a gift would hardly surprise me.
She's lovely company; so very refreshing to hear someone who thinks nothing of uttering her every thought, who keeps neither secrets from herself nor others.
We are all ourselves, though, as I keep reminding myself. Truths are truths; and concessions must be made.
White Journals, regrettably, cannot bear the weight of all things, of all events and thoughts and words - nor, truly, all feelings; and so, there are Black Journals, places where we hide ourselves, our truths - in some ineffable sense of protection for ourselves and those we love.
I hate them, though. I will write it here and now for all to know: I hate the necessity of writing in a Black Journal.
Perhaps it is a strange thing for a Third Reflection to feel, to write, to give freely; but I loathe the fact that I must keep secrets at all.
And yet, I keep them, will continue keeping them, guilt-ridden both in the keeping and in the desire to reveal.
I'm quite sure that there is nothing worse than being pulled in such a way by two sides of an argument. And yet, it is my task and my way - as Third Reflection to Tehom, a Mirrormask with eternity bouncing back-and-forth within my head.
At least, I can see and revel in the innocence and purity in her.
She's lovely company; so very refreshing to hear someone who thinks nothing of uttering her every thought, who keeps neither secrets from herself nor others.
We are all ourselves, though, as I keep reminding myself. Truths are truths; and concessions must be made.
White Journals, regrettably, cannot bear the weight of all things, of all events and thoughts and words - nor, truly, all feelings; and so, there are Black Journals, places where we hide ourselves, our truths - in some ineffable sense of protection for ourselves and those we love.
I hate them, though. I will write it here and now for all to know: I hate the necessity of writing in a Black Journal.
Perhaps it is a strange thing for a Third Reflection to feel, to write, to give freely; but I loathe the fact that I must keep secrets at all.
And yet, I keep them, will continue keeping them, guilt-ridden both in the keeping and in the desire to reveal.
I'm quite sure that there is nothing worse than being pulled in such a way by two sides of an argument. And yet, it is my task and my way - as Third Reflection to Tehom, a Mirrormask with eternity bouncing back-and-forth within my head.
At least, I can see and revel in the innocence and purity in her.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 22, 2020, 2:44 p.m.(10/20/1012 AR)
I seem to be inadvertently disturbing the repose of loved ones with my open revelations of thoughts and concerns.
It is always, to me, more disconcerting not to know the truths that surround me - unpleasant though they may be, truth is naught but revelatory. One cannot act properly if wandering at night through the forest without light and one runs into a tree - or worse, does not know of a predator watching, plotting and planning while one ambles ignorantly.
I would rather know a painful truth - that one I love does not feel the same for me, for instance; that a belief I hold to is held improperly; that a supposed friend is a foe, or oppositely - than not to know at all, to remain in the ignorance of my beliefs.
It seems not to be the same for most. To say it is disappointing to learn is quite an understatement, though it is, in itself, but another truth, unpleasant though it is.
I worry for the Compact, in this way, for the darkness is not afraid - not of themselves, nor of its opposite. And, with so many afraid to look into the darkness, to learn that we may have weaknesses, that we are not as strong as we might wish to be is to deny a reality that might be overcome, but cannot be by faith, alone.
The gods, for all their strengths, cannot do everything for us. We must respect The Great Balance. We must respect the ineffability, the unknown - and yet, seek to know. For, we are not gods. We are humans.
It is always, to me, more disconcerting not to know the truths that surround me - unpleasant though they may be, truth is naught but revelatory. One cannot act properly if wandering at night through the forest without light and one runs into a tree - or worse, does not know of a predator watching, plotting and planning while one ambles ignorantly.
I would rather know a painful truth - that one I love does not feel the same for me, for instance; that a belief I hold to is held improperly; that a supposed friend is a foe, or oppositely - than not to know at all, to remain in the ignorance of my beliefs.
It seems not to be the same for most. To say it is disappointing to learn is quite an understatement, though it is, in itself, but another truth, unpleasant though it is.
I worry for the Compact, in this way, for the darkness is not afraid - not of themselves, nor of its opposite. And, with so many afraid to look into the darkness, to learn that we may have weaknesses, that we are not as strong as we might wish to be is to deny a reality that might be overcome, but cannot be by faith, alone.
The gods, for all their strengths, cannot do everything for us. We must respect The Great Balance. We must respect the ineffability, the unknown - and yet, seek to know. For, we are not gods. We are humans.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 18, 2020, 8:25 p.m.(10.41580646494709/17.285162037037036/1012.7846505387456 AR)
Ever my best friend.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 18, 2020, 3:44 a.m.(10.366203703703704/14.507407407407406/1012.7805169753086 AR)
Relationship Note on Gaston
We are going to be friends.
I'm sure of it - for, anyone who will lead our queen and her heifer to the palace (as well as all else I've learned of this giant man) has sealed his place in my heart.
Yes, dear scholar; I'm a simple woman. My thanks for writing for me, this time.
I'm sure of it - for, anyone who will lead our queen and her heifer to the palace (as well as all else I've learned of this giant man) has sealed his place in my heart.
Yes, dear scholar; I'm a simple woman. My thanks for writing for me, this time.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 12, 2020, 10:59 p.m.(9.995170717592593/35.729560185185186/1012.7495975597994 AR)
So, what, exactly, does it take for it to matter that a godsworn goes missing?
Because, as I recall, I've gone after /three/.
And all, yet, were dead by the time we found them.
Perhaps this is why they're /dying/: Because no one cares enough to look until it's too damned late.
Because, as I recall, I've gone after /three/.
And all, yet, were dead by the time we found them.
Perhaps this is why they're /dying/: Because no one cares enough to look until it's too damned late.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 12, 2020, 10:18 p.m.(9.993119212962963/35.61467592592593/1012.7494266010802 AR)
Relationship Note on Tomwell
I'm not well with this.
I'm not well, and I won't pretend to be well.
Yes, maybe it's beautiful to some, maybe it's lovely and romantic and so many other things --
But it's devastating, to me.
And I'm jealous and possessive and I want him back, because I didn't know him well enough, but knew him well enough to know:
Tomwell was /incredible/.
I want him back.
I'm not well with this, at all.
I'm not well, and I won't pretend to be well.
Yes, maybe it's beautiful to some, maybe it's lovely and romantic and so many other things --
But it's devastating, to me.
And I'm jealous and possessive and I want him back, because I didn't know him well enough, but knew him well enough to know:
Tomwell was /incredible/.
I want him back.
I'm not well with this, at all.
Written By Dianna
Feb. 11, 2020, 5:13 p.m.(9.803031994047618/24.969791666666666/1012.7335859995039 AR)
Sometimes, I just want to write you little notes and tell you how much I [REDACTED] you.
Particularly as I very much [REDACTED] this - though it's somewhat nice, the idea of [REDACTED] you, seeing how well you actually understand my words, my meanings, my intent.
I wonder what you'd think if we started dribbling [REDACTED], if you'd find yourself stronger from the effort or so very much weaker.
Some still think they're safer in [REDACTED].
Particularly as I very much [REDACTED] this - though it's somewhat nice, the idea of [REDACTED] you, seeing how well you actually understand my words, my meanings, my intent.
I wonder what you'd think if we started dribbling [REDACTED], if you'd find yourself stronger from the effort or so very much weaker.
Some still think they're safer in [REDACTED].
Written By Dianna
Jan. 18, 2020, 8:40 a.m.(8/2/1012 AR)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On the Matter of Opposites and Reflection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It has been asked of me, before, to comment and explain the differences between 'opposites' and 'reflections'.
They are similar, of course; near enough to be easily confused as the same thing - but they are not the same.
It is easy enough to find examples of opposites:
Dark and Light.
A giving, charitable person; and one who takes and strips the world of what they wish, only for themselves. (We have a fine example of both, most recently.)
But true reflections are much harder to find, as they are both the same -and- opposite. Let me explain:
When I look into the mirror at myself, I am myself here, and myself in the reflection. And yet, the 'Dianna' in the mirror is -not- Dianna, though she moves identically to me, at precisely the same moment, with no hesitation whatsoever. She dresses as me; has identical features to my own - only opposite: Her right is my left; and my right is her left. Again: Same, but opposite. Same -and- opposite.
A reflection is the same - and herein lies the key difference to mere 'opposites':
Josephine Arcuri and Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar were opposites: The former made things of beauty, gave generously - of herself, always and in all things; whereas the latter made ugliness and harmful things, took all that he wanted for himself - and intended to continue.
A reflection, however, would be, quite possibly, both easier and more difficult to defeat, I believe. For, imagine that I, Sister Dianna Godsworn, faced my own reflection -not- restrained by glass, but here, in our world. All that I am, which I cultivate in the good, would be restrained in the version of my reflection. All that I am that is considered dark or evil, that I allow to exist in me, freely, that I restrain only by my body and my ability to direct it towards what good may come of it, cannot exist with such strength in my reflection - HOWEVER. The good that would exist, unrestrained in my reflection's body, would be directed to evil and darkness.
And this is why it is so dangerous:
One may see what evil within me that I hold - and may judge me as evil, despite the end result of good. And, if one may see my reflection and the good she holds, they may judge her as good, and not understand that her intent is evil.
To judge clearly, one must see all, know all, understand all - and we fail miserably in this task, we humans.
I hope this explanation and these words may provide at least some with understanding that may, one day, help, at least in this:
As you face your reflection, you become, increasingly, the stronger one, because, remember:
As you empower yourself in understanding all that exists in your reflection, they increasingly lose interest in knowing that truth of -you-.
- Written by my own hand,
Sister Dianna Godsworn
Mirrormask
On the Matter of Opposites and Reflection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It has been asked of me, before, to comment and explain the differences between 'opposites' and 'reflections'.
They are similar, of course; near enough to be easily confused as the same thing - but they are not the same.
It is easy enough to find examples of opposites:
Dark and Light.
A giving, charitable person; and one who takes and strips the world of what they wish, only for themselves. (We have a fine example of both, most recently.)
But true reflections are much harder to find, as they are both the same -and- opposite. Let me explain:
When I look into the mirror at myself, I am myself here, and myself in the reflection. And yet, the 'Dianna' in the mirror is -not- Dianna, though she moves identically to me, at precisely the same moment, with no hesitation whatsoever. She dresses as me; has identical features to my own - only opposite: Her right is my left; and my right is her left. Again: Same, but opposite. Same -and- opposite.
A reflection is the same - and herein lies the key difference to mere 'opposites':
Josephine Arcuri and Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar were opposites: The former made things of beauty, gave generously - of herself, always and in all things; whereas the latter made ugliness and harmful things, took all that he wanted for himself - and intended to continue.
A reflection, however, would be, quite possibly, both easier and more difficult to defeat, I believe. For, imagine that I, Sister Dianna Godsworn, faced my own reflection -not- restrained by glass, but here, in our world. All that I am, which I cultivate in the good, would be restrained in the version of my reflection. All that I am that is considered dark or evil, that I allow to exist in me, freely, that I restrain only by my body and my ability to direct it towards what good may come of it, cannot exist with such strength in my reflection - HOWEVER. The good that would exist, unrestrained in my reflection's body, would be directed to evil and darkness.
And this is why it is so dangerous:
One may see what evil within me that I hold - and may judge me as evil, despite the end result of good. And, if one may see my reflection and the good she holds, they may judge her as good, and not understand that her intent is evil.
To judge clearly, one must see all, know all, understand all - and we fail miserably in this task, we humans.
I hope this explanation and these words may provide at least some with understanding that may, one day, help, at least in this:
As you face your reflection, you become, increasingly, the stronger one, because, remember:
As you empower yourself in understanding all that exists in your reflection, they increasingly lose interest in knowing that truth of -you-.
- Written by my own hand,
Sister Dianna Godsworn
Mirrormask
Written By Dianna
Jan. 16, 2020, 11:56 p.m.(7/28/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Josephine
Though the journey has been long, and we are all exhausted, we owe our lives to Josephine Arcuri.
I wish I had known her better - but I know her jewelry, and am proud to own one of her most exquisite pieces, on account of her incredible generosity.
And, generous again was she, as she seemed to be, always, in giving her life that we might live.
All she asked of me was that I return the favor, that I pass along what I could to others.
And so, it shall be done, again and again and again - with my life, with my silver, always.
You are missed already, and loved boundlessly.
We thank you, Mother of Beginnings, Queen of Endings, for all that you have done -
As we thank and praise all of the gods, this day.
May you be blessed eternally, Josephine.
I wish I had known her better - but I know her jewelry, and am proud to own one of her most exquisite pieces, on account of her incredible generosity.
And, generous again was she, as she seemed to be, always, in giving her life that we might live.
All she asked of me was that I return the favor, that I pass along what I could to others.
And so, it shall be done, again and again and again - with my life, with my silver, always.
You are missed already, and loved boundlessly.
We thank you, Mother of Beginnings, Queen of Endings, for all that you have done -
As we thank and praise all of the gods, this day.
May you be blessed eternally, Josephine.
Written By Dianna
Jan. 15, 2020, 1:52 p.m.(7/25/1012 AR)
Though I attempt to steady myself, I find myself crying as I write this, today.
I have the luxury of writing it, myself, as a Godsworn priestess - which affords me to feel that I am truly writing in my own words, with my own hand, to spill upon this page the exact and precise ink which feels so much like my own blood and tears pouring out here, to any and all who may read it.
Some of my friends and family members - both in the Faith and of the land of my body's birth - know, already, that I have been in preparation for several weeks, readying myself mentally and physically for the exorcism of one Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar, known colloquially as 'The Butcher of Arx,' which Archscholar Sina and I will perform in but a short time hence.
To say that I fear is both dizzyingly inadequate and, simultaneously, incredulously incorrect, when the fact is this:
I do not want to leave you, my beloved friends, my cherished loves, my treasured family - both you who accept and who cannot accept my choices, both family of blood and flesh as well as family of my chosen life.
I do not wish to depart from you, yet - not when I love you so much; not when I have loved you so well, but not yet long enough for my heart's longing for you ALL.
Be you even of those who have wronged me terribly or be you of those who have been and continue to be the springs from whom I am nourished, heart and mind and bodily, who aide in that strength of my soul that is given to the gods: I love you.
Let it be known that I have written a Last Will and Testament within my Black Journals that is to be released, solely, upon my death - be it from this event or any other.
And let it be known forever that I hold no malice in my heart towards any who have wronged me, nor towards any who have wished to. Including Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar, regardless of the outcome.
Should I be returned to the Mother's embrace, be not hateful towards what remains of this member of the Peerage, for how could he but go mad, being severed from his own body? How could he not crave to find another - when he has so mistakenly disbanded from the true nature of his soul in the thought that his desire to be close to the gods, to be loved by them could not be fulfilled, were not being fulfilled ALREADY by his life?
Forgive him, should I be taken from you; and grieve only until it is done.
And, if you must return to finish what I and so many others have started, I beg you not to do so in anger and hatred for him, but in love, in sympathy, in compassion. He is mistaken in his envy - as I have seen others be; as I have known myself to be, even, at times.
We all have our dark reflections within ourselves; let this be proof of what can be when one lets the darkest within ourselves take over - and let it be proof, as well, that the gods CAN AND WILL accept us again, that we may be embraced again, if we but free ourselves to see what we are, to love what we are - both light and dark, without attempting to rule one or the other, but to know and master both - and to simply embrace the truth of all.
We are not perfect. May we never be. Because, even in my anger towards Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar, even in others' anger towards him, I have seen great acts of courage, of faith, of love. I have fought alongside family members beloved dearly by me - both those who return that love to me and those who, for whatever forgivable reasons, withhold it. And I have earned new friendships that I may never have known, had it not been for this wayward soul.
So, may I remind you all of this simple truth:
It is true that love will conquer all.
I have the luxury of writing it, myself, as a Godsworn priestess - which affords me to feel that I am truly writing in my own words, with my own hand, to spill upon this page the exact and precise ink which feels so much like my own blood and tears pouring out here, to any and all who may read it.
Some of my friends and family members - both in the Faith and of the land of my body's birth - know, already, that I have been in preparation for several weeks, readying myself mentally and physically for the exorcism of one Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar, known colloquially as 'The Butcher of Arx,' which Archscholar Sina and I will perform in but a short time hence.
To say that I fear is both dizzyingly inadequate and, simultaneously, incredulously incorrect, when the fact is this:
I do not want to leave you, my beloved friends, my cherished loves, my treasured family - both you who accept and who cannot accept my choices, both family of blood and flesh as well as family of my chosen life.
I do not wish to depart from you, yet - not when I love you so much; not when I have loved you so well, but not yet long enough for my heart's longing for you ALL.
Be you even of those who have wronged me terribly or be you of those who have been and continue to be the springs from whom I am nourished, heart and mind and bodily, who aide in that strength of my soul that is given to the gods: I love you.
Let it be known that I have written a Last Will and Testament within my Black Journals that is to be released, solely, upon my death - be it from this event or any other.
And let it be known forever that I hold no malice in my heart towards any who have wronged me, nor towards any who have wished to. Including Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar, regardless of the outcome.
Should I be returned to the Mother's embrace, be not hateful towards what remains of this member of the Peerage, for how could he but go mad, being severed from his own body? How could he not crave to find another - when he has so mistakenly disbanded from the true nature of his soul in the thought that his desire to be close to the gods, to be loved by them could not be fulfilled, were not being fulfilled ALREADY by his life?
Forgive him, should I be taken from you; and grieve only until it is done.
And, if you must return to finish what I and so many others have started, I beg you not to do so in anger and hatred for him, but in love, in sympathy, in compassion. He is mistaken in his envy - as I have seen others be; as I have known myself to be, even, at times.
We all have our dark reflections within ourselves; let this be proof of what can be when one lets the darkest within ourselves take over - and let it be proof, as well, that the gods CAN AND WILL accept us again, that we may be embraced again, if we but free ourselves to see what we are, to love what we are - both light and dark, without attempting to rule one or the other, but to know and master both - and to simply embrace the truth of all.
We are not perfect. May we never be. Because, even in my anger towards Baron Ruthas of Glenbriar, even in others' anger towards him, I have seen great acts of courage, of faith, of love. I have fought alongside family members beloved dearly by me - both those who return that love to me and those who, for whatever forgivable reasons, withhold it. And I have earned new friendships that I may never have known, had it not been for this wayward soul.
So, may I remind you all of this simple truth:
It is true that love will conquer all.
Written By Dianna
Jan. 7, 2020, 3:31 a.m.(7/8/1012 AR)
Not all that seems as it is, is.
Written By Dianna
Jan. 4, 2020, 9:39 p.m.(7/3/1012 AR)
It is interesting to me how knowledge can change a person so immensely; how removing the state of blissful ignorance digs trenches in the mind and heart and soul to a state that can never truly be repaired nor recovered.
It is very much like filling those trenches with gold and sparkling gemstones - even if knowledge is rejected by the ignorant, by those who know not the difference between fools' gold and the genuine article - but worse. It is as if, for those who are ignorant, gold has no meaning whatsoever, and is worth less than dirt.
To the simple, humble farmer, perhaps this is true, and soil is worth far more than gold.
To me, to Archscholar Sina, to many, having learned the meaning and value of gold - of knowledge, that is - it is not something I can, nor wish to forget.
But the weight is greater, surely; and this allegory holds: knowledge is surely the greater weight over ignorance; and it is, at times, burdensome. I wish to spend it, at times; to make it more and greater, lighter than it is - such as gold and silver may be spent on aeterna and umbra, stygian and mirrorsilver, diamondplate and alaricite - and lighter, by far, than the equivalent cost of all.
What is knowledge for, but to be spent on protection, on beauty?
What is life, itself, for - but the acquiring of knowledge to be spent on these, and shared with others, generously?
I worry, though, that - as I cannot leave behind what knowledge I have yet and may amass that I do not share, it will be lost; and yet, I can no easier spill my knowledge here, in the Whites, than I could drop my wealth upon the streets of Arx and expect it to bear fruit, to grow, to flourish - to protect, as I would have it do.
Such are the thoughts I have upon nearing the end of this dark mess that is one who would, for over three hundred years, spend knowledge on naught but his own glory, his own vanity - to /harm/ others, rather than to protect.
/This/ knowledge weighs upon me heavily, this eve. This knowledge; and I am wearied by it, more even than the prayers and focus they have demanded of me; more than the days spent on horseback; more than the stifling hours spent in torturous, stifling heat that nearly took yet another steed from me.
I want to drink and make this lighter, somehow; to forget, for a moment, or rest, blissfully, this knowledge on a sea of brandy.
I will go drink. I will likely need to bring my dear Fio with me to ensure I make it home again; but I will go drink.
It is yet a wonder to me that liquor is the only pillow for the weight of this 'gold'.
Love, perhaps, is another, and better - but my loves elude me, this eve.
So, I will drink.
Perhaps, in that time, I will be blessed with yet another to love, who will, in return, love me.
It is very much like filling those trenches with gold and sparkling gemstones - even if knowledge is rejected by the ignorant, by those who know not the difference between fools' gold and the genuine article - but worse. It is as if, for those who are ignorant, gold has no meaning whatsoever, and is worth less than dirt.
To the simple, humble farmer, perhaps this is true, and soil is worth far more than gold.
To me, to Archscholar Sina, to many, having learned the meaning and value of gold - of knowledge, that is - it is not something I can, nor wish to forget.
But the weight is greater, surely; and this allegory holds: knowledge is surely the greater weight over ignorance; and it is, at times, burdensome. I wish to spend it, at times; to make it more and greater, lighter than it is - such as gold and silver may be spent on aeterna and umbra, stygian and mirrorsilver, diamondplate and alaricite - and lighter, by far, than the equivalent cost of all.
What is knowledge for, but to be spent on protection, on beauty?
What is life, itself, for - but the acquiring of knowledge to be spent on these, and shared with others, generously?
I worry, though, that - as I cannot leave behind what knowledge I have yet and may amass that I do not share, it will be lost; and yet, I can no easier spill my knowledge here, in the Whites, than I could drop my wealth upon the streets of Arx and expect it to bear fruit, to grow, to flourish - to protect, as I would have it do.
Such are the thoughts I have upon nearing the end of this dark mess that is one who would, for over three hundred years, spend knowledge on naught but his own glory, his own vanity - to /harm/ others, rather than to protect.
/This/ knowledge weighs upon me heavily, this eve. This knowledge; and I am wearied by it, more even than the prayers and focus they have demanded of me; more than the days spent on horseback; more than the stifling hours spent in torturous, stifling heat that nearly took yet another steed from me.
I want to drink and make this lighter, somehow; to forget, for a moment, or rest, blissfully, this knowledge on a sea of brandy.
I will go drink. I will likely need to bring my dear Fio with me to ensure I make it home again; but I will go drink.
It is yet a wonder to me that liquor is the only pillow for the weight of this 'gold'.
Love, perhaps, is another, and better - but my loves elude me, this eve.
So, I will drink.
Perhaps, in that time, I will be blessed with yet another to love, who will, in return, love me.
Written By Dianna
Dec. 30, 2019, 4:07 a.m.(6/19/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Vanora
There will, undoubtedly, be those who ask why I have chosen as a patron one not beloved by all --
But I will return to them, to my dearest friends, even, should they question me in this:
Firstly: Is there anyone truly beloved by all? Do we not all have challenges, have disagreements with others, find those who do not respect us - and those who are not respected by us?
Secondly, and more importantly to me: What is gained by taking as a patron, or even a friend, one beloved by all but who can offer little in one's growth?
Does not the winter (much as I disdain it, yet, in Arx - to speak nothing of the climate farther north that I have not experienced) challenge growth, year upon year; and does not growth come, time and again, despite - and sometimes precisely because of the harshest of climes?
This is not to say that I find in any way Duchess Vanora Grimhall, my patron, to be harsh with me, personally, in any manner of speaking, nor do I find it difficult to embrace her as patron. (If I did, it would be beyond foolish to accept her patronage.) Rather, the difficulty, the harshness I expect to find may come from my friends, who have, perhaps, had their own difficulties with the Duchess - but those are their difficulties, their challenges, and not mine. Far be it for me to judge on circumstances of which I have little, if any, knowledge; and, regardless: as a Mirrormask, one ought to know that I am wont to question and question again reality and truths held by many, most or all.
For those of my friends, family, Brothers and Sisters of the Faith or any other reading this who may not know:
It is a Mirrormask's duty to defend those who are most defenseless. If I shirk this duty in any manner, particularly in this, what kind of Mirrormask am I? What servant to the Truth, to Tehom, to the gods - and to you? And what truths, in this, by this, would I deny?
Still, all of these reasons yet speak nothing of the truths that rest so easily before me for why I chose to accept Duchess Grimhalls' patronage:
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall was raised and educated to be what I am now: From the youngest of ages, she had intended to be a Godsworn Mirrormask, a Priestess to Tehom, the Thirteenth, and was to avow herself to serve all of the gods. Who better to give me an education in my duties, in what I have but begun to learn than the Second Reflection - a woman who would have been me? True: I learn yet from the Archlector to Tehom, Blessed Vayne; but I wish and aspire to learn all I may, and take on as many teachers are as willing to give their great or small amounts of knowledge to me.
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall is and has been, for some not small amount of time, of the most notable philanthropists within this great city and continues to give generously - not only to the Faith, not only to the Mirrormasks, not only to her family, friends and proteges, but to the entire city.
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall has weathered storms and difficulty since the time of her birth - and manages, yet, not only to survive, but to prosper, to grow her family and House Grimhall, to gain the respect of many throughout the Compact - if, also, their fear. (Fear, though, is a matter I shall leave to another journal, as I have so very many thoughts and feelings regarding an emotion drawn so much more often of one's own refusal to question, face and accept reality - and is more indicative, in truth, of one's own mind and strength of character than of the object one claims incites one's fear.) If there is one thing I or anyone might come to learn, it is in how best to weather storms of skepticism, disapproval and hatred by others so well and gracefully as she, my patron, while still finding the strength to grow, in oneself, and accomplish one's goals.
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall is of the Lyceum, thereby being one who is, by birth and heritage, one who is familiar with the customs to which I am accustomed - and yet, is married now and has been married to men from other Noble Houses so vastly different from her own heritage, has helped both in their successes - provides me with still more opportunity to learn how to set aside what is familiar to me, or to use what I have learned to help, to the best of my ability, not just the Faith and the various differences I already and inevitably find therein, but any who may seek aid and advice in any number of subjects.
I firmly believe we are not meant to exist only for the pleasure we might find in life - though, certainly, there are boundless joys to be found, particularly and most often when we are truest to ourselves and to the paths we take in honest self-reflective states.
Certainly and without shame do I admit that my patron blesses me with her favor, praise and assistance in gaining favor from the people of this good Compact. What better way to help, to reach out to the world than if one is in their favor? For one is trusted - and one hopes, as I strive, to be trusted for their good and honest works, for the quality of their heart and mind, and for the merit of their work. I strive for this every day, as I have striven for it every day since I was a child.
This is why I accept such patronage, such favor from Duchess Vanora Grimhall.
I find that I am blessed with enjoying her company, as well - having a commonality of purpose in growing the trust of the people in the Mirrormasks, in assisting others to reflect upon their weaknesses, their darkness, their fears and to overcome, become stronger with this knowledge, that we may, as a Compact, be strong together and well.
And I am blessed with the prospect of becoming her friend, and she mine. Friendships are strange, sometimes, and grow from differences as well as from similarities; and I find I have more questions than I have time to ask them all - but hope, through her patronage, to earn true and sincere trust, to give to her peace and love that she surely needs - as all need, most particularly those who are, for whatever reason, considered askance.
I give to her my trust, in return; and what favor my words may bring. And I hope and pray to the gods that my friends, my family will do me the honor of respecting - or at least of questioning - my choices.
It is the best we can give to one another, and the only true way to bind us all, despite fears, disagreements or lack of understanding.
I look forward to knowing you, Duchess. And thank you again for your patronage.
But I will return to them, to my dearest friends, even, should they question me in this:
Firstly: Is there anyone truly beloved by all? Do we not all have challenges, have disagreements with others, find those who do not respect us - and those who are not respected by us?
Secondly, and more importantly to me: What is gained by taking as a patron, or even a friend, one beloved by all but who can offer little in one's growth?
Does not the winter (much as I disdain it, yet, in Arx - to speak nothing of the climate farther north that I have not experienced) challenge growth, year upon year; and does not growth come, time and again, despite - and sometimes precisely because of the harshest of climes?
This is not to say that I find in any way Duchess Vanora Grimhall, my patron, to be harsh with me, personally, in any manner of speaking, nor do I find it difficult to embrace her as patron. (If I did, it would be beyond foolish to accept her patronage.) Rather, the difficulty, the harshness I expect to find may come from my friends, who have, perhaps, had their own difficulties with the Duchess - but those are their difficulties, their challenges, and not mine. Far be it for me to judge on circumstances of which I have little, if any, knowledge; and, regardless: as a Mirrormask, one ought to know that I am wont to question and question again reality and truths held by many, most or all.
For those of my friends, family, Brothers and Sisters of the Faith or any other reading this who may not know:
It is a Mirrormask's duty to defend those who are most defenseless. If I shirk this duty in any manner, particularly in this, what kind of Mirrormask am I? What servant to the Truth, to Tehom, to the gods - and to you? And what truths, in this, by this, would I deny?
Still, all of these reasons yet speak nothing of the truths that rest so easily before me for why I chose to accept Duchess Grimhalls' patronage:
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall was raised and educated to be what I am now: From the youngest of ages, she had intended to be a Godsworn Mirrormask, a Priestess to Tehom, the Thirteenth, and was to avow herself to serve all of the gods. Who better to give me an education in my duties, in what I have but begun to learn than the Second Reflection - a woman who would have been me? True: I learn yet from the Archlector to Tehom, Blessed Vayne; but I wish and aspire to learn all I may, and take on as many teachers are as willing to give their great or small amounts of knowledge to me.
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall is and has been, for some not small amount of time, of the most notable philanthropists within this great city and continues to give generously - not only to the Faith, not only to the Mirrormasks, not only to her family, friends and proteges, but to the entire city.
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall has weathered storms and difficulty since the time of her birth - and manages, yet, not only to survive, but to prosper, to grow her family and House Grimhall, to gain the respect of many throughout the Compact - if, also, their fear. (Fear, though, is a matter I shall leave to another journal, as I have so very many thoughts and feelings regarding an emotion drawn so much more often of one's own refusal to question, face and accept reality - and is more indicative, in truth, of one's own mind and strength of character than of the object one claims incites one's fear.) If there is one thing I or anyone might come to learn, it is in how best to weather storms of skepticism, disapproval and hatred by others so well and gracefully as she, my patron, while still finding the strength to grow, in oneself, and accomplish one's goals.
* That Duchess Vanora Grimhall is of the Lyceum, thereby being one who is, by birth and heritage, one who is familiar with the customs to which I am accustomed - and yet, is married now and has been married to men from other Noble Houses so vastly different from her own heritage, has helped both in their successes - provides me with still more opportunity to learn how to set aside what is familiar to me, or to use what I have learned to help, to the best of my ability, not just the Faith and the various differences I already and inevitably find therein, but any who may seek aid and advice in any number of subjects.
I firmly believe we are not meant to exist only for the pleasure we might find in life - though, certainly, there are boundless joys to be found, particularly and most often when we are truest to ourselves and to the paths we take in honest self-reflective states.
Certainly and without shame do I admit that my patron blesses me with her favor, praise and assistance in gaining favor from the people of this good Compact. What better way to help, to reach out to the world than if one is in their favor? For one is trusted - and one hopes, as I strive, to be trusted for their good and honest works, for the quality of their heart and mind, and for the merit of their work. I strive for this every day, as I have striven for it every day since I was a child.
This is why I accept such patronage, such favor from Duchess Vanora Grimhall.
I find that I am blessed with enjoying her company, as well - having a commonality of purpose in growing the trust of the people in the Mirrormasks, in assisting others to reflect upon their weaknesses, their darkness, their fears and to overcome, become stronger with this knowledge, that we may, as a Compact, be strong together and well.
And I am blessed with the prospect of becoming her friend, and she mine. Friendships are strange, sometimes, and grow from differences as well as from similarities; and I find I have more questions than I have time to ask them all - but hope, through her patronage, to earn true and sincere trust, to give to her peace and love that she surely needs - as all need, most particularly those who are, for whatever reason, considered askance.
I give to her my trust, in return; and what favor my words may bring. And I hope and pray to the gods that my friends, my family will do me the honor of respecting - or at least of questioning - my choices.
It is the best we can give to one another, and the only true way to bind us all, despite fears, disagreements or lack of understanding.
I look forward to knowing you, Duchess. And thank you again for your patronage.
Written By Dianna
Dec. 24, 2019, 4:53 p.m.(6/9/1012 AR)
“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
Written By Dianna
Dec. 18, 2019, 8:15 p.m.(5/25/1012 AR)
Relationship Note on Aerandir
I happened upon a goodly knight - and I am sure he is good and true, the more time I spend with him, the more I share him with family and friends.
He wonders at my kindness - and yet, accepts like a man thirsty for drink, having been lost in the desert sands or stuck adrift at sea, alone, with water everywhere and none to drink. Who knows which it is, for him, as I surely do not; I know only that he needs kindness, friendship - and that my position as Godsworn and as a former Mazetti with silver still my own to do with as I may affords me the ability to give generously - even if it may put but a touch of a damper on a lifestyle I have accustomed myself to.
Still, I am blessed with abundant love - from the gods, themselves; from nobles of all ranks; from commoners; from my Brothers and Sisters in the Faith - and I overflow with love. Sharing with such a knight in need of succor, in need of friendship, in need of introductions is so very easy for one such as I, with so very much love received. He is in at wonder at me for my sharing, and I am, in turn, in wonder that such sharing is not something he is accustomed to.
My dearest love has always been the Mazetti family: Mother and Father; my heart of hearts - my twin; and the joy I have shared (and pains suffered with, worked through) with cousins close to me. I was struck instantly at the knowledge that this knight, so recently returned to Arx, so obviously worn by life and violent battle, should return seeking the reason for his brother's end. My heart broke to see such a strong and resilient man, for I know, without a doubt, that, even with the gods' love, I should be shattered should I lose but one member of my family again. Uncle's death was hard enough, but I was away and so it is still a dream to me, an oddity I cannot rightly accept; and still, I expect him to appear at some point, wandering down the streets with a grin upon his lips and mirth in his eyes as he teases me. We were so close; we are all so close, the Mazetti - and more, so much more than in terms of oaths and fealty. We /love/, as I have seen never before in any other family or House - not that it is not there elsewhere, but I have never /seen/ it so. I am sure it is merely my perception - or lack thereof, more rightly.
Nonetheless, this Knight Errant touched my heart and I was drawn to help him how I may and might.
I will spend too much on clothing for him that he may appear to be the man I see him to be in my heart. I cannot take away his scars - but I will do as I may to help heal them, and any wounds he has, as well. Or to help him find those who /can/ heal them - including what wounds him regarding his brother's loss.
He seems to care little for my Lycene sensibilities; I thank the gods for his being Lycene and thus, accustomed to my habit of dress and preference of fashion. I thank the gods he is intelligent, with a sense of humor and of good spirits, for it would be so much more difficult were he any less than he is. Of course, that he is from Southport makes him closer to my heart; the only closer I could feel to him would be if he were Ostrian - in which case, I should send him directly to Duchess Cambria, though she would likely already know of him, considering his history on ships.
As it stands, I'm quite sure I shall introduce him to all I know, including the Mazetti family, and shall attempt to help him meet with whomever else he wishes to meet.
No, I do not know the fullness of my dedication to assisting him. I do as I must, as I feel is due him. He vows to protect me, when next I venture into dangerous lands, so how much easier is this exchange - that was never meant to be an exchange?
So much has changed, since I heard the gods' voices. So much, so much - and there is little doubt in me when I must act on their behalf.
This is the best part of my new life, truly: For clarity of purpose, of direction has never been so easy:
Love, and give reason to be loved.
Trust, and give reason to be trusted.
Have faith, and give reason for others to have faith - in me and in the gods.
Yes, my beloved friends and family (who may read this eventually, or not; it matters not), I believe most entirely in the gods - though 'belief' hardly states my confidence in my knowledge of them. I know that they exist, as surely as I know that I exist, that you exist, that the quill writing these words exists.
For, once one has spoken to gods and has interacted with them as I have, 'belief' becomes a ludicrously inept word.
I am grateful for a good many things, and leave these words to any who may read them. I am grateful for your eyes and for your mind and for your heart - as grateful as I am for mine.
May you be blessed, may you find truth, may you love and be loved. May you be brave and bold and humble and gentle. May you step into darkness with the knowledge that you will come out, again, unscathed - or with scars that make you whole in ways you never thought possible. But may you ever return to light, to love, to blessed peace.
Particularly you, my dear, new friend who so inspires me.
He wonders at my kindness - and yet, accepts like a man thirsty for drink, having been lost in the desert sands or stuck adrift at sea, alone, with water everywhere and none to drink. Who knows which it is, for him, as I surely do not; I know only that he needs kindness, friendship - and that my position as Godsworn and as a former Mazetti with silver still my own to do with as I may affords me the ability to give generously - even if it may put but a touch of a damper on a lifestyle I have accustomed myself to.
Still, I am blessed with abundant love - from the gods, themselves; from nobles of all ranks; from commoners; from my Brothers and Sisters in the Faith - and I overflow with love. Sharing with such a knight in need of succor, in need of friendship, in need of introductions is so very easy for one such as I, with so very much love received. He is in at wonder at me for my sharing, and I am, in turn, in wonder that such sharing is not something he is accustomed to.
My dearest love has always been the Mazetti family: Mother and Father; my heart of hearts - my twin; and the joy I have shared (and pains suffered with, worked through) with cousins close to me. I was struck instantly at the knowledge that this knight, so recently returned to Arx, so obviously worn by life and violent battle, should return seeking the reason for his brother's end. My heart broke to see such a strong and resilient man, for I know, without a doubt, that, even with the gods' love, I should be shattered should I lose but one member of my family again. Uncle's death was hard enough, but I was away and so it is still a dream to me, an oddity I cannot rightly accept; and still, I expect him to appear at some point, wandering down the streets with a grin upon his lips and mirth in his eyes as he teases me. We were so close; we are all so close, the Mazetti - and more, so much more than in terms of oaths and fealty. We /love/, as I have seen never before in any other family or House - not that it is not there elsewhere, but I have never /seen/ it so. I am sure it is merely my perception - or lack thereof, more rightly.
Nonetheless, this Knight Errant touched my heart and I was drawn to help him how I may and might.
I will spend too much on clothing for him that he may appear to be the man I see him to be in my heart. I cannot take away his scars - but I will do as I may to help heal them, and any wounds he has, as well. Or to help him find those who /can/ heal them - including what wounds him regarding his brother's loss.
He seems to care little for my Lycene sensibilities; I thank the gods for his being Lycene and thus, accustomed to my habit of dress and preference of fashion. I thank the gods he is intelligent, with a sense of humor and of good spirits, for it would be so much more difficult were he any less than he is. Of course, that he is from Southport makes him closer to my heart; the only closer I could feel to him would be if he were Ostrian - in which case, I should send him directly to Duchess Cambria, though she would likely already know of him, considering his history on ships.
As it stands, I'm quite sure I shall introduce him to all I know, including the Mazetti family, and shall attempt to help him meet with whomever else he wishes to meet.
No, I do not know the fullness of my dedication to assisting him. I do as I must, as I feel is due him. He vows to protect me, when next I venture into dangerous lands, so how much easier is this exchange - that was never meant to be an exchange?
So much has changed, since I heard the gods' voices. So much, so much - and there is little doubt in me when I must act on their behalf.
This is the best part of my new life, truly: For clarity of purpose, of direction has never been so easy:
Love, and give reason to be loved.
Trust, and give reason to be trusted.
Have faith, and give reason for others to have faith - in me and in the gods.
Yes, my beloved friends and family (who may read this eventually, or not; it matters not), I believe most entirely in the gods - though 'belief' hardly states my confidence in my knowledge of them. I know that they exist, as surely as I know that I exist, that you exist, that the quill writing these words exists.
For, once one has spoken to gods and has interacted with them as I have, 'belief' becomes a ludicrously inept word.
I am grateful for a good many things, and leave these words to any who may read them. I am grateful for your eyes and for your mind and for your heart - as grateful as I am for mine.
May you be blessed, may you find truth, may you love and be loved. May you be brave and bold and humble and gentle. May you step into darkness with the knowledge that you will come out, again, unscathed - or with scars that make you whole in ways you never thought possible. But may you ever return to light, to love, to blessed peace.
Particularly you, my dear, new friend who so inspires me.
Written By Dianna
Dec. 5, 2019, 10 p.m.(4/27/1012 AR)
Having a peek beyond what one might not know or understand, humility may slap you in the face, stab you in the gut so swiftly you will surely take a gasping breath, feel Death's embrace wrap around you with a sigh -
And release you, bleeding, back to life, where one must contend with the realities therein.
Such is the nature of Truth, dare one step beyond the shield of one's ignorant self-importance.
And release you, bleeding, back to life, where one must contend with the realities therein.
Such is the nature of Truth, dare one step beyond the shield of one's ignorant self-importance.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.