Written By Khanne
March 26, 2017, 11:39 p.m.(3/1/1006 AR)
I am stunned. I don't even know what to write at the moment. They came! The Spirits heard our call and came to help us fight! I am in happy shock for this, as much as I am thrilled to be alive. I truly thought I was going to die to my own arrow as the Bringer stabbed me with it... I felt my life seep out of me so quickly. I am eternally grateful that Sophie was there to help me. She is a truly blessed Mercy, and it surely thanks to her that I am alive.
I will write more when I can....
I will write more when I can....
Written By Khanne
March 26, 2017, 3:09 p.m.(2/28/1006 AR)
Sometimes, life gets away from us. We get caught up in our daily tasks, our duties to family, to fealty, to crown. We are in constant pursuit of answers, of succeeding, of protecting, defending, preparing, learning, knowing, understanding... that we lose sight of other things that are -just- as important. We take for granted moments with those we love and care about; family, friends, lovers. It is easy to do, and most of us aren't even aware we are doing it, and certainly did not intend to... but it happens.
We are in a flux at the moment. We have seen small victories, balanced by too many deaths. We have heard them knocking at our proverbial door. We know that there will likely be more victories, but we too know there will be more deaths. It is in these times of flux when we are not only reminded of our own mortality... but that of those we love. It is in these times many of us will stop and reflect on their lives, things we are proud of, things we miss, people close to us who have been gone for far too long, worry about who we may lose next.... worry about if it will be ourselves.
Someone very dear to me once told me it was important to have no regrets. I wonder, sometimes, if that is even a possibility. It is one thing to know where you are standing is where you are meant to be. But does that mean you got there with no regrets? Is anyone able to look at where they are and not think 'I wish I had...' or 'I wish I had not...'? Not even once? Or is living with no regrets simply accepting that what choices we made led us to where we are, and whether proud of them, or not, realizing they were made with reason. And, for whatever that reason, it was the right thing to do in that moment, or at least felt like it was. Is it accepting that we made mistakes in our lives, but knowing none of us, not a one, is infallible? All we can do is live each day trying to be a better person than we were the day before, and as long as we do that, learn from our mistakes, there is no regretting making them? We may stumble sometimes... but we are human. All we can do is stand up straight again, and try to be better the next day.
May we all be granted many next days.
We are in a flux at the moment. We have seen small victories, balanced by too many deaths. We have heard them knocking at our proverbial door. We know that there will likely be more victories, but we too know there will be more deaths. It is in these times of flux when we are not only reminded of our own mortality... but that of those we love. It is in these times many of us will stop and reflect on their lives, things we are proud of, things we miss, people close to us who have been gone for far too long, worry about who we may lose next.... worry about if it will be ourselves.
Someone very dear to me once told me it was important to have no regrets. I wonder, sometimes, if that is even a possibility. It is one thing to know where you are standing is where you are meant to be. But does that mean you got there with no regrets? Is anyone able to look at where they are and not think 'I wish I had...' or 'I wish I had not...'? Not even once? Or is living with no regrets simply accepting that what choices we made led us to where we are, and whether proud of them, or not, realizing they were made with reason. And, for whatever that reason, it was the right thing to do in that moment, or at least felt like it was. Is it accepting that we made mistakes in our lives, but knowing none of us, not a one, is infallible? All we can do is live each day trying to be a better person than we were the day before, and as long as we do that, learn from our mistakes, there is no regretting making them? We may stumble sometimes... but we are human. All we can do is stand up straight again, and try to be better the next day.
May we all be granted many next days.
Written By Khanne
March 19, 2017, 10:09 p.m.(2/14/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Edelma
Dame Edelma Pierce has arrived in Arx, and I had the fortune of meeting her recently. She is a delightful person, Sword of Giant's Reach, coming with the Sanna family who are vassals to the Halfshav. I have offered to help her as much I can. With so many of our families and houses busy with the siege, it is important to lend a hand to others when needed, especially those new to the city I know how different it feels here. I look forward to getting to know her better, and hope I am afforded the opportunity soon.
Written By Khanne
March 12, 2017, 11:27 p.m.(2/1/1006 AR)
Relationship Note on Niamh
Our lives often had us moving in different directions. Our interactions were limited to brief hellos and waving goodbyes, with but a random word spoken here and there. And now that I have had the opportunity to sit with her, to enjoy breakfast, to laugh, to speak of all things serious and frivolous, I have a few things I can say. One, the world might want to watch out when we two are together; I foresee much mischief in our futures. Two, she gives wonderful instructions on the care and feeding of wild beasts. Three, she is an easy woman to grow fond of and to want near. I am afraid she's stuck with me now.
Written By Khanne
March 12, 2017, 11:19 p.m.(1/28/1006 AR)
It amazes me at times just how much can happen in such a short span of time; good and bad. It has been an amazing bit of time. Blights are getting better. The shamans spread out over the lands have been reassured that we of The Compact care and are working to help heal the lands, to stop the blights. We have all worked hard to heal the Grove, even those of the Faith helped a lot. Drea and Rowan's trip to bring back soil and plants did wonders, Valery's work, the offerings and rituals we performed, the new stone pillar brought in... I am amazed it came so far so fast, and relieved. I bet Darren never thought he'd see that though. And then there is the matter of the amazing artwork of the totem delivered to the Rectory. I was surprised people thought it was some sort of.. trick. It is so gorgeous. At least I think so. The Dominus seemed pleased with it. I am not sure I will ever see such a massive wood carving again in my lifetime.
And in just a short bit of time, I have felt love, and hate, felt my heart and family grow, and the sting of tears and pain I cannot even begin to explain. I can practically feel the feet of the marching army on its way... I think of my hopes... I can't let go of them. I think of my fears... I must face them. I think of my happiness... I must cherish it. We don't know what will happen when they come. What I do know is that I refuse to hold onto one single bad thought about another for longer than a minute. With what we face, any one of us could be gone tomorrow. And should that happen, I do not want my last thoughts of anyone to be full of pain or sorrow. I will instead treasure every moment of joy, every smile that I experienced or saw and every ring of laughter in the air. I will hold dear ever tender touch, friendly hug, and loving kiss that I was blessed to enjoy. I am made stronger by the joys that lift me up. They will help me rise to the occasion and fight for us all.
And in just a short bit of time, I have felt love, and hate, felt my heart and family grow, and the sting of tears and pain I cannot even begin to explain. I can practically feel the feet of the marching army on its way... I think of my hopes... I can't let go of them. I think of my fears... I must face them. I think of my happiness... I must cherish it. We don't know what will happen when they come. What I do know is that I refuse to hold onto one single bad thought about another for longer than a minute. With what we face, any one of us could be gone tomorrow. And should that happen, I do not want my last thoughts of anyone to be full of pain or sorrow. I will instead treasure every moment of joy, every smile that I experienced or saw and every ring of laughter in the air. I will hold dear ever tender touch, friendly hug, and loving kiss that I was blessed to enjoy. I am made stronger by the joys that lift me up. They will help me rise to the occasion and fight for us all.
Written By Khanne
March 5, 2017, 4:18 p.m.(1/14/1006 AR)
There is an orchid that grows in a pot within my room. It rises tall, leaning on its friend, the stake, for support.
As I lean on my own stake.
It is not ashamed to rely on others to help it reach its heights and blossoms with pride.
Pride that reminds me of my shame.
It speaks poetry to me, silently...
(of a heart's lament)
...and smells like blue.
So utterly blue.
As I lean on my own stake.
It is not ashamed to rely on others to help it reach its heights and blossoms with pride.
Pride that reminds me of my shame.
It speaks poetry to me, silently...
(of a heart's lament)
...and smells like blue.
So utterly blue.
Written By Khanne
Feb. 26, 2017, 9:07 p.m.(12/28/1005 AR)
Secrets.
Everyone has them, their own, or others they have been keeping safe for others. I think about what it means, for things to be secret. It can be so dangerous.. volatile. One wrong move could easily shatter a person's life if the wrong person is told the wrong thing...
Yet, so often, we tell others our secrets. Is it that feeling that it is eating us alive that urges us to confide in others? Is it simply wanting someone to know, just in case something happens to ourselves and we can no longer speak of it? Is it just the human desire to have some connection with another that might... understand, support?
Whatever it might be, secrets can draw people together...
... or it can tear them apart.
Everyone has them, their own, or others they have been keeping safe for others. I think about what it means, for things to be secret. It can be so dangerous.. volatile. One wrong move could easily shatter a person's life if the wrong person is told the wrong thing...
Yet, so often, we tell others our secrets. Is it that feeling that it is eating us alive that urges us to confide in others? Is it simply wanting someone to know, just in case something happens to ourselves and we can no longer speak of it? Is it just the human desire to have some connection with another that might... understand, support?
Whatever it might be, secrets can draw people together...
... or it can tear them apart.
Written By Khanne
Feb. 19, 2017, 11:56 p.m.(12/15/1005 AR)
Wealth.
It comes in many forms;golds, jewels, commodities, silvers in the bank, luxuries in the armoire, diamondplate, exotic leathers, etcetera...
But there are less tangible things one can feel a sense of wealth in as well. Things such as family, friends, and those so fortunate, loves.
Since arriving in Arx, where I have been thrust into a highly populated world, so different from my solitude in the mountains, I have come to realize that the most prized thing any of us can possess....
...is time.
There never seems enough of it to tackle all the duties one might wish to complete in a day. There is never enough time to talk with all the people one might wish to talk to. There is never enough time to stop and simply be, all on your own. There is never enough time to embrace that which you most wish to embrace.
And all too often.... there is never enough time to see all your dreams turn to reality. Never enough time to inspire as many smiles as you hope to inspire. Never enough time to cause another's heart to pound in passion for you as often as you like.
And sadly, people are sometimes ripped from the fabric of our tapestries far too soon.... and we find there wasn't enough time spent with them before they were gone.
Do not save your time. Use it, all of it, wisely.
It comes in many forms;golds, jewels, commodities, silvers in the bank, luxuries in the armoire, diamondplate, exotic leathers, etcetera...
But there are less tangible things one can feel a sense of wealth in as well. Things such as family, friends, and those so fortunate, loves.
Since arriving in Arx, where I have been thrust into a highly populated world, so different from my solitude in the mountains, I have come to realize that the most prized thing any of us can possess....
...is time.
There never seems enough of it to tackle all the duties one might wish to complete in a day. There is never enough time to talk with all the people one might wish to talk to. There is never enough time to stop and simply be, all on your own. There is never enough time to embrace that which you most wish to embrace.
And all too often.... there is never enough time to see all your dreams turn to reality. Never enough time to inspire as many smiles as you hope to inspire. Never enough time to cause another's heart to pound in passion for you as often as you like.
And sadly, people are sometimes ripped from the fabric of our tapestries far too soon.... and we find there wasn't enough time spent with them before they were gone.
Do not save your time. Use it, all of it, wisely.
Written By Khanne
Feb. 19, 2017, 11:45 p.m.(12/15/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Darren
I am fairly certain the Highlord is allergic to me. Where is an apothecary when you need one?
Written By Khanne
Feb. 12, 2017, 11:02 p.m.(12/1/1005 AR)
And people think bear wrestling after dinner is weird?
I needed more drink before hand...
I needed more drink before hand...
Written By Khanne
Feb. 12, 2017, 6:12 p.m.(11/28/1005 AR)
Somewhere along my recent path, I have lost my balance. I cannot pinpoint one occurrence that set me off course. I speak of threads a lot. The threads of our lives, our fates, and how they are woven together. Others speak of them too, of the tapestries woven and unwoven.
My tapestry seems to have become frayed.
I still hold the threads, and I am trying to weave it together once more. Perhaps it will be slightly different, but, I will be whole again. I will find my balance once more...
I will.
My tapestry seems to have become frayed.
I still hold the threads, and I am trying to weave it together once more. Perhaps it will be slightly different, but, I will be whole again. I will find my balance once more...
I will.
Written By Khanne
Feb. 5, 2017, 10:55 p.m.(11/11/1005 AR)
There is an orchid that grows in a pot within my room. It rises tall, leaning on its friend, the stake, for support. It is not ashamed to rely on others to help it reach its heights and blossoms with pride. It speaks poetry to me, silently, and smells like blue.
Written By Khanne
Feb. 5, 2017, 10:34 p.m.(11/11/1005 AR)
I am tired, so tired. It seems I have been such often as of late. Work too hard perhaps, push myself too much. Yet I always feel like I should have done more, accomplished more, every single day.
It has been a whirlwind of a week. I met Valerius. I think we will continue to do so from time to time. He seems a different person when we speak than he does when I have seen him elsewhere. Such can be the case when people talk for business reasons instead of personal.
It was a week of discovery. Mostly... I discovered there is an endless number of things I need to look into, to research. Is it any wonder I am so tired?
Oh, I -finally- was able to find a leatherworker to craft my new set of leathers. Torian. I highly recommend his work. He worked with my requests amazingly well and truly managed to make them fit my personality.
It was also a week of tough questions. Some were followed by easy answers, others more difficult. Some are yet to have an inkling of an answer. I am determined. I will find the answers I seek.
It has been a whirlwind of a week. I met Valerius. I think we will continue to do so from time to time. He seems a different person when we speak than he does when I have seen him elsewhere. Such can be the case when people talk for business reasons instead of personal.
It was a week of discovery. Mostly... I discovered there is an endless number of things I need to look into, to research. Is it any wonder I am so tired?
Oh, I -finally- was able to find a leatherworker to craft my new set of leathers. Torian. I highly recommend his work. He worked with my requests amazingly well and truly managed to make them fit my personality.
It was also a week of tough questions. Some were followed by easy answers, others more difficult. Some are yet to have an inkling of an answer. I am determined. I will find the answers I seek.
Written By Khanne
Jan. 22, 2017, 10:18 p.m.(9/25/1005 AR)
Today, I see my best friend wed. I am so very happy for him, though selfishly, I will miss his presence in our ward, and his blade amongst our own. Whatever melancholy I might feel for not having him quite as close, I find comfort knowing that this is something that he longed for. We do not always get to see people marry for love, it is a beautiful thing to behold when it happens. And Belladonna herself is an astonishing and captivating woman. I do hope to get to know her better in the coming days.
Duke and Duchess Pravus, I wish to congratulate you both today. May your lives and love be long and serve as an example to others of what True love can be.
Duke and Duchess Pravus, I wish to congratulate you both today. May your lives and love be long and serve as an example to others of what True love can be.
Written By Khanne
Jan. 17, 2017, 4:04 p.m.(9/9/1005 AR)
Why does everything I touch that I hold dear shatter like the most fragile of ice?
Written By Khanne
Jan. 15, 2017, 7:59 p.m.(9/4/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Rowan
Where do you begin when someone swoops into your life, offering a hug and gifts you with smiles and laughter when you feel at your absolute lowest? When talking with that person seems as comfortable and familiar as if you have known them a lifetime? When you wonder, if perhaps, your souls were off mingling perhaps before you were born (causing mischief and trouble, no doubt)?
Where do you begin... but at the beginning and looking towards a hopefully long path ahead full of many things explored and experienced, survived and celebrated, and above all else watching the threads weave as they may.
But perhaps, the best place to begin is to simply say, thank you. Thank you, Rowan, when I was at my absolute lowest, you helped me rise up. When I needed someone the most, I found a stray. Thank you, Lord Stray, coholder of the title of finest strays in Arx, long may we reign.
Where do you begin... but at the beginning and looking towards a hopefully long path ahead full of many things explored and experienced, survived and celebrated, and above all else watching the threads weave as they may.
But perhaps, the best place to begin is to simply say, thank you. Thank you, Rowan, when I was at my absolute lowest, you helped me rise up. When I needed someone the most, I found a stray. Thank you, Lord Stray, coholder of the title of finest strays in Arx, long may we reign.
Written By Khanne
Jan. 15, 2017, 7:38 p.m.(9/3/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Damon
I should have taken the time to talk to you, to respond to your last missive. It was a busy week, a rough week... and now, you are gone.
Your last words to me were ones I can hold and smile... before the guilt sets in that in return, I gave you silence.
I am sorry.
Your last words to me were ones I can hold and smile... before the guilt sets in that in return, I gave you silence.
I am sorry.
Written By Khanne
Jan. 15, 2017, 7:20 p.m.(9/3/1005 AR)
Insanity.
That is what recent times have seemed to be. I sit here, trying to put my thoughts, my experiences to parchment, and my mind spins. All around me there is brightness, and there is darkness.
Darkness.
Disappointment in people. A lack of being able to trust another's word.
Heartbreak as I watched something I held so close to my heart, my souls, die.
Guilt that it was my fault.
Loss. This word deserves a long pause after it, as I have lost so much already in my short time here, so I will repeat it, emphasizing its impact.
Loss.
More guilt. Did I do enough? Should I have gone in? Should I have tried? What is worth sacrificing your own life? Is it worth it for the barest, slimmest chance of saving a stranger? Even if you are 99.99999999% sure they are beyond saving? Is it worth sacrificing your life if all you accomplish is killing one... two... three... beings of evil? What if you could live, and stop many more? How do you know what is right?
And yet... there is brightness.
Friends who sit and talk with all day, helping me keep my mind from worry.
Friends who also bring booze so good you could swear it was blessed.
Friends who hold you when you need an anchor.
Surprises in the form of birthday wishes and gifts from people... well, I would say, people I did not expect them from, but really, I expected them from no one. So many thoughtful gifts I will treasure.
Surprises... in the form of people who showed me sides of them I never imagined.
Surprises in the form of finding a fellow Stray that feels like I've known them my entire life.
Balance is integral to who I am, and in this, there is light and dark, good and bad, anger and elation and in the center of it all, is where I reside, riding the tides of chaos with arms outstretched so I do not fall over.
That is what recent times have seemed to be. I sit here, trying to put my thoughts, my experiences to parchment, and my mind spins. All around me there is brightness, and there is darkness.
Darkness.
Disappointment in people. A lack of being able to trust another's word.
Heartbreak as I watched something I held so close to my heart, my souls, die.
Guilt that it was my fault.
Loss. This word deserves a long pause after it, as I have lost so much already in my short time here, so I will repeat it, emphasizing its impact.
Loss.
More guilt. Did I do enough? Should I have gone in? Should I have tried? What is worth sacrificing your own life? Is it worth it for the barest, slimmest chance of saving a stranger? Even if you are 99.99999999% sure they are beyond saving? Is it worth sacrificing your life if all you accomplish is killing one... two... three... beings of evil? What if you could live, and stop many more? How do you know what is right?
And yet... there is brightness.
Friends who sit and talk with all day, helping me keep my mind from worry.
Friends who also bring booze so good you could swear it was blessed.
Friends who hold you when you need an anchor.
Surprises in the form of birthday wishes and gifts from people... well, I would say, people I did not expect them from, but really, I expected them from no one. So many thoughtful gifts I will treasure.
Surprises... in the form of people who showed me sides of them I never imagined.
Surprises in the form of finding a fellow Stray that feels like I've known them my entire life.
Balance is integral to who I am, and in this, there is light and dark, good and bad, anger and elation and in the center of it all, is where I reside, riding the tides of chaos with arms outstretched so I do not fall over.
Written By Khanne
Jan. 12, 2017, 12:39 a.m.(8/20/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Cassius
A man I trust with my life and the truest friend anyone could want.
Written By Khanne
Jan. 8, 2017, 11:58 p.m.(8/11/1005 AR)
The Alpha Strays are forming a plan. It involves brunch, and possibly rain.... not to mention maybe some digging in the dirt. This could get interesting....
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.