Written By Sydney
May 17, 2020, 4:27 p.m.(4/22/1013 AR)
I will not soon forget the faces of those who proposed cutting through the dockyard riot as though clearing through a field of weeds. You disgust me, and should be ashamed to suggest such inhuman behavior with a straight face.
Not that I'm surprised to see it.
Not that I'm surprised to see it.
Written By Sydney
May 16, 2020, 3:52 p.m.(4/20/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Revell
On respect, I can speak only for myself:
When you are treated by default as though you are wretched, filthy, and will pick someone's pocket or slit their throat if given a dark alleyway by a large majority of those in the wards above, it is difficult to muster the energy for mutual respect. It breeds resentment and a brittle temper at best - and at worst? You start to believe the misconception for yourself.
Your father has the right of it.
Your commentary, on the other hand, is puzzling, and I'm still trying to grasp what you mean in your statement about being 'alike'. Of course everyone in the peerage is alike. But trying to paint over divides in wealth, class, and status with a sentiment that broad is idealistic at best.
If a nobleman insults a beggar from the Lowers, he may well lose some esteem among his peers. If a beggar from the Lowers insults a nobleman, they may well lose their life. 'Accidents' have a way of happening with far greater frequency around those with the greater means to cause them, and the reach of coin far outstretches the reach of a beggar's shiv.
I think you've misconstrued the intent of your father's words, or fumbled in your delivery of your point.
Respectfully.
When you are treated by default as though you are wretched, filthy, and will pick someone's pocket or slit their throat if given a dark alleyway by a large majority of those in the wards above, it is difficult to muster the energy for mutual respect. It breeds resentment and a brittle temper at best - and at worst? You start to believe the misconception for yourself.
Your father has the right of it.
Your commentary, on the other hand, is puzzling, and I'm still trying to grasp what you mean in your statement about being 'alike'. Of course everyone in the peerage is alike. But trying to paint over divides in wealth, class, and status with a sentiment that broad is idealistic at best.
If a nobleman insults a beggar from the Lowers, he may well lose some esteem among his peers. If a beggar from the Lowers insults a nobleman, they may well lose their life. 'Accidents' have a way of happening with far greater frequency around those with the greater means to cause them, and the reach of coin far outstretches the reach of a beggar's shiv.
I think you've misconstrued the intent of your father's words, or fumbled in your delivery of your point.
Respectfully.
Written By Sydney
May 16, 2020, 11:42 a.m.(4/20/1013 AR)
Since multiple people I know seem to be bringing up these what-if-scenarios of maternity:
In the fleeting, terrifying scenario in which I have children, I hope they'll already know enough about me from my own words not to be surprised by what they find rattling around in my journals. And if they stop to read the whole of it rather than bits and pieces, they will find my passing squabbles and base annoyances as nothing more than proof of my humanity, and I should think they would laugh on the matter.
I doubt the gods mind a whit if we're human.
I rather get the impression some of them might even have a laugh at these journals.
In the fleeting, terrifying scenario in which I have children, I hope they'll already know enough about me from my own words not to be surprised by what they find rattling around in my journals. And if they stop to read the whole of it rather than bits and pieces, they will find my passing squabbles and base annoyances as nothing more than proof of my humanity, and I should think they would laugh on the matter.
I doubt the gods mind a whit if we're human.
I rather get the impression some of them might even have a laugh at these journals.
Written By Sydney
May 14, 2020, 11:40 p.m.(4/17/1013 AR)
Don't get me wrong - now that I don't risk freezing to death in it, I enjoy the tranquility of winter, the way the snow forces everyone to slow down. But the soft spot in my heart is reserved for spring and autumn. Times of transition, of change.
We, too, are in a time of transition and change.
I hope we spring forth, rather than fall.
We, too, are in a time of transition and change.
I hope we spring forth, rather than fall.
Written By Sydney
May 13, 2020, 5:53 p.m.(4/14/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Drake
You've all the luck, haven't you? I'll look forward to watching your victory.
Written By Sydney
May 10, 2020, 4:15 p.m.(4/8/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Adalyn
The afterparty - what little I got the chance to participate in - for your wedding, was absolutely wonderful.
I hope the evening that followed was equally wonderful.
I hope the evening that followed was equally wonderful.
Written By Sydney
May 9, 2020, 3:18 p.m.(4/6/1013 AR)
Sometimes, it's difficult to remind myself that the only discourse available to me is often to do nothing at all. To conserve, to wait, and to make ready.
It's a pity that I can't will my mind (or often my body) to sit still on command.
Instead, I've busied myself with people-watching, as I'm told artists and authors tend to. I seat myself on a high crate at the docks and I watch the hustle and bustle as trade adjusts to the latest circumstances. A great deal of worry about the whirlpool, the freefall of military, economic, and social scrips, and no shortage of grumbling about ship design, to be sure.
More than that, though, there are the more human moments. A gruff and taciturn old sailor pausing to help a child who'd fallen flat on her face and was sporting a bloodied nose. A young woman who stares out at the edge of one of the piers every day I've been there for hours on end, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the vessels that's long overdue to return. Friends playing at cards, lovers having spats, guards on patrol. Guards lazing when they think their superiors aren't watching.
Sometimes the world feels crushingly small, if we don't expand outside of our little spheres of imagined influence, and it's a comfort to take the time to recognize that it's wider and far uglier and far more beautiful than we imagine it.
It's a pity that I can't will my mind (or often my body) to sit still on command.
Instead, I've busied myself with people-watching, as I'm told artists and authors tend to. I seat myself on a high crate at the docks and I watch the hustle and bustle as trade adjusts to the latest circumstances. A great deal of worry about the whirlpool, the freefall of military, economic, and social scrips, and no shortage of grumbling about ship design, to be sure.
More than that, though, there are the more human moments. A gruff and taciturn old sailor pausing to help a child who'd fallen flat on her face and was sporting a bloodied nose. A young woman who stares out at the edge of one of the piers every day I've been there for hours on end, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the vessels that's long overdue to return. Friends playing at cards, lovers having spats, guards on patrol. Guards lazing when they think their superiors aren't watching.
Sometimes the world feels crushingly small, if we don't expand outside of our little spheres of imagined influence, and it's a comfort to take the time to recognize that it's wider and far uglier and far more beautiful than we imagine it.
Written By Sydney
May 6, 2020, 1:24 a.m.(3/27/1013 AR)
Let the record show that on this day, I finally picked up all the clothing littering my room.
Silence. It is an accomplishment.
I have scrap leather and linen for days.
Silence. It is an accomplishment.
I have scrap leather and linen for days.
Written By Sydney
May 1, 2020, 10:49 p.m.(3/19/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Shard
Again, thank you.
Written By Sydney
April 30, 2020, 1:48 p.m.(3/16/1013 AR)
It's been too long since my last spar - I feel if I don't keep at it, my skills will go to rust.
I do wish that people would stop assuming that sparring me is some sort of exercise in stripping down to their Lycene smallclothes and beating one another senseless - I am more than happy to test myself against opponents who are armed and armored. When push comes to shove, I'm not aspiring to be a pit fighter. I am aspiring to be of use on the battlefield.
I hope I may find a worthwhile opponent in the days and weeks to come, with this in mind. I grow bored out of my skull beating on the same battered training dummies day in and day out.
I do wish that people would stop assuming that sparring me is some sort of exercise in stripping down to their Lycene smallclothes and beating one another senseless - I am more than happy to test myself against opponents who are armed and armored. When push comes to shove, I'm not aspiring to be a pit fighter. I am aspiring to be of use on the battlefield.
I hope I may find a worthwhile opponent in the days and weeks to come, with this in mind. I grow bored out of my skull beating on the same battered training dummies day in and day out.
Written By Sydney
April 27, 2020, 4:12 p.m.(3/10/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Evaristo
I have been horribly betrayed.
Why didn't we just leave you on the island? You looked like you were having such a good time.
If anyone has particularly inventive ways to hide the bodies of the close friends who betray you in VERSE, I am all ears. Lies, slander, and lying slander. Tomato-red? Am I suffering some manner of horrible infection? Anyone who has seen me knows that my complexion is quite pale. As far as lettuce, I will happily meet anyone in the ring who suggests that anything on me is crunchy and/or green or itchy.
Ras is the worst, and bards are a close second.
Why didn't we just leave you on the island? You looked like you were having such a good time.
If anyone has particularly inventive ways to hide the bodies of the close friends who betray you in VERSE, I am all ears. Lies, slander, and lying slander. Tomato-red? Am I suffering some manner of horrible infection? Anyone who has seen me knows that my complexion is quite pale. As far as lettuce, I will happily meet anyone in the ring who suggests that anything on me is crunchy and/or green or itchy.
Ras is the worst, and bards are a close second.
Written By Sydney
April 26, 2020, 2:44 p.m.(3/8/1013 AR)
I'd always assumed that wearing fine attire to a fine event would be a bit different than it was in practice. Perhaps it's more to do with how hopelessly outclassed I am in the art and etiquette of it all, but I felt quite keenly the discomfort of attempting to be something that I've put in no effort at being any good at.
I make for a terrible beginner, if I'm being entirely honest, journal.
I see every flaw in myself, compare it to every strength in others, and round and round my mind it goes, and it never truly stops until I've achieved mastery at something, or all but given up at it. I can't abide being 'passable' at a thing, and it frustrates me to no end when that is where the extent of my abilities lands me. My debts and failures throughout life have brought me some deal of knowledge as to the workings of the forces that drive the markets, to be sure. To look out for the fine print and details in agreements, but when I see someone masterfully talk down the cost of something down to a mere fraction of what it was originally priced at, for instance, I know I'm woefully outmatched, and shall make no further effort.
The urge is there to throw myself at something new. I just need to inspire myself to do it. If it's not making myself presentable to high society or cutting fantastic business deals - and let me be the first to say I laugh aloud at both of those notions as I am now, then it must be something.
I need first piece together what that something will be, or any effort will be halfhearted.
I make for a terrible beginner, if I'm being entirely honest, journal.
I see every flaw in myself, compare it to every strength in others, and round and round my mind it goes, and it never truly stops until I've achieved mastery at something, or all but given up at it. I can't abide being 'passable' at a thing, and it frustrates me to no end when that is where the extent of my abilities lands me. My debts and failures throughout life have brought me some deal of knowledge as to the workings of the forces that drive the markets, to be sure. To look out for the fine print and details in agreements, but when I see someone masterfully talk down the cost of something down to a mere fraction of what it was originally priced at, for instance, I know I'm woefully outmatched, and shall make no further effort.
The urge is there to throw myself at something new. I just need to inspire myself to do it. If it's not making myself presentable to high society or cutting fantastic business deals - and let me be the first to say I laugh aloud at both of those notions as I am now, then it must be something.
I need first piece together what that something will be, or any effort will be halfhearted.
Written By Sydney
April 26, 2020, 2:35 p.m.(3/8/1013 AR)
Relationship Note on Mirari
As much as it hurts my heart to read these accounts, I think it's a wonderful thing that you were able to love so fervently and so deeply - and that's a truly wonderful thing.
Hold on to it.
Hold on to it.
Written By Sydney
April 25, 2020, 12:36 a.m.(3/5/1013 AR)
Well, tonight is not at all how I imagined it would be! Snowball fights, and I was too dressed up to even participate.
If nothing else, I proved to myself that I'm capable of wearing a dress without much of anyone batting an eyelash.
... I suppose that will do.
If nothing else, I proved to myself that I'm capable of wearing a dress without much of anyone batting an eyelash.
... I suppose that will do.
Written By Sydney
April 19, 2020, 6:53 p.m.(2/22/1013 AR)
Markers of a successful party:
I got a ring, kissed by the bride, kissed the groom, did an obstacle course, got absolutely trashed, accused Korka of being a Shadow, then ran out to retch, and then came back in and drank more.
...I don't remember much else.
It was amazing.
I got a ring, kissed by the bride, kissed the groom, did an obstacle course, got absolutely trashed, accused Korka of being a Shadow, then ran out to retch, and then came back in and drank more.
...I don't remember much else.
It was amazing.
Written By Sydney
April 17, 2020, 11:48 a.m.(2/17/1013 AR)
Until yesterday, I had no idea that I had been so desperately craving cake.
I was torn away by an urgent matter, and I didn't even get to finish it. Stalking a certain aspiring baker until she relinquishes another cake or the recipe to it seems as though it's in my future. I wonder if I'm any good at baking. I'm a damned fine cook as long as the dish is simple, but hell if I know about anything that has to do with flour.
I was torn away by an urgent matter, and I didn't even get to finish it. Stalking a certain aspiring baker until she relinquishes another cake or the recipe to it seems as though it's in my future. I wonder if I'm any good at baking. I'm a damned fine cook as long as the dish is simple, but hell if I know about anything that has to do with flour.
Written By Sydney
April 15, 2020, 10:48 p.m.(2/14/1013 AR)
The peril of making sweeping declarations in these journals is that it hazards the chance at others actually holding me to them.
No, I have not yet ceased to drink alcohol. With all that's going on, I dare you to try it. It's enough that I've reduced the frequency of making an ass of myself in bars, is it not?
It is.
No, I have not yet ceased to drink alcohol. With all that's going on, I dare you to try it. It's enough that I've reduced the frequency of making an ass of myself in bars, is it not?
It is.
Written By Sydney
April 15, 2020, 12:32 a.m.(2/12/1013 AR)
It's always wonderful to hear from an old friend or two - honestly, I'm relieved to hear they had simply been abroad rather than unreachable.
Even I'm not immune to fearing a cold shoulder from a warm heart, so I'm glad it wasn't the case.
Even I'm not immune to fearing a cold shoulder from a warm heart, so I'm glad it wasn't the case.
Written By Sydney
April 10, 2020, 10:14 p.m.(2/4/1013 AR)
I don't claim to be much of a reviewer of song, so I shan't attempt it, but that was some amazing effects work. Absolutely loved it.
Written By Sydney
April 9, 2020, 1 a.m.(1/28/1013 AR)
Well, tonight was horrible.
I never want to hear a sound like that ever again in my life.
I never want to hear a sound like that ever again in my life.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.